01x05 - Fish Sleepover Party/Happy Birthfish, Jocktopus

[bunniefuu]

[BUBBLING]

-[SONG BEGINS]
-One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

[SONG ENDS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MR. BALDWIN: Well, you're in
for a real treat today class.

A lecture on the history of lectures.

-STUDENTS: Aw, man.
-Awesome!

In 1583, Heronimus Lectorium
gave the first lecture

at Mount Lecturinus.

Dude, look, I really wanna concentrate

on Mr. Baldwin's lesson, but I just can't.

Because it's so boring?

No. Because his nose looks like
a giant sea cucumber,

and now I'm hungry.

-It does not.
-[STOMACH ROARS]

Oh, man!

Maybe he'll put himself to sleep
and we can grab some grubs.

In 1987... [SNORING]

Friday night fun, here we come!

Let's get Bea and blow this pop stand.

Yes! Baldwin's asleep.

Now we can go over our checklist
for tonight's sleepover.

-Shellsea, you're bringing cupcakes.
-Check.

-Koi has the chick flicks.
-Wah.

And I've got the place.

-Let's meet up at, say, 7:00?
-Perfect.

That totally gives me time
for a disco nap.

Come on!

Oh, my gosh, you guys. This is gonna be
the best girls' night ever.

Girls' night! Whoo!

Oh, yeah!
Come on, Bea-Bea-g*n!

We gotta get down to the old Hokey Poke
before Baldwin wakes up.

-Ooh, hold up, Milo.
-Huh?

I'm, well, throwing a little party.

-Laaaa!
-I love parties.

Yeah, but see, it's...
it's a special kind of party.

Well, I'm a special kind of guy.

It's a girls' sleepover party.

So by definition, it's girls only.

We can hang out tomorrow, okay?

What? We're not invited?

Look, it is nothing personal, okay?

Sometimes we girls just need a night
to get together,

and, you know... have fun.

Please invite me to your party! Please!

I'm watching you...

with my fisheyes.

[GIRLS CHEERING]

Okay, Bea, then it's a date.
See you tomorrow.

I mean, not a "date" date,
because, you know, why would I want that?

[AWKWARD LAUGH] Hoo.

Oscar, this is serious.

Bea is throwing a party without us!

Yes, I know.

And what if she has
an amazing time at this party?

-It could happen.
-And completely forgets we exist?

She won't forget we exist, Milo.

Before you know it,
she's moved to Fish Austin, Texas,

-is married with eight kids...
-Milo, have you completely lost your...

Wait. Bea's married with eight kids?

And she sells real estate!

This can't happen.
This can't happen at all!

-We have to get Bea back!
-I'm sayin'!

-How do we do it?
-We...

[STOMACHS ROAR]

Can't think on an empty stomach.

-To the Hokey Poke.
-To the Hokey Poke. Hurrah!

ALL: Hey.

Hey.

-Girl.
-Girl.

-What?
-What?

-What?
-What?

-[LAUGHING]
-Girls' night!

Okay, girls, now that you're all here,

let's get down
to some serious girl business.

Who wants to paint my nails?

But, Clamantha, you don't have any nails.

[LAUGHS] Wait, none of us do.

-Wah?
-Oh, Koi.

-[LAUGHING]
-Nails.

MILO: We're hatching a plan
to get Bea back.

Plan hatching hath commencethed.

May the ideas flow upon us
like a river of honey.

Let the honey river flow.

-[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
-[MAN COUGHING]

-I got nothing.
-Me either.

-Here's the check, boys.
-Thanks, Bassy.

-Love the new hairstyle.
-It's not a new hairstyle.

It's a growth. [SOBBING]

Wow, women everywhere
seem to want to get away from us today.

It's like we're cursed
inside these male bodies or something.

Yeah, man. Being dudes
is completely ruining our lives.

-Oscar!
-Ahh, what?

-I have an idea!
-Yay! What is it?

Okay, okay, okay.

Well, Bea's ditching us
because we're guys, right?

-Right.
-So, what if we weren't guys?

-Wrong.
-You didn't even hear me out.

-Wrong, wrong, wrong.
-But, Oscar, it's so simple.

To show Bea we have feminine sides,
all we have to do...

-Wrong, wrong.
-...is dress like girls.

No, wrong! So wrong!

-We sneak into the party as the new girls.
-Get off me, Milo.

Become best friends with Bea.

Then dramatically reveal it's us,

at which point
Bea will ditch her girlfriends

and promise to never leave us again.

Not the plan. That's a bad plan.

It's the most original genius idea

ever thought of in the history of fish.

It's the oldest idea in the book.

It's perfect.

I am not dressing like a girl, Milo.

I can't believe
I'm dressed like a girl, Milo!

I'm going home before anyone sees me.

-No, you can't give up now.
-Yes, I can.

I mean, it looks like she's having
a perfectly good time,

laughing and carrying on
like a happy person or something.

Yeah, laughing at our expense.

-Listen.
-[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

I can't hear anything through the glass.

You have to read their lips.

-I can't read lips.
-I'll translate. Ahem.

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] "Who here thinks
Milo and Oscar are total lame-o's

“that we should never hang out with?"

-[GIGGLING]
-She did not just say that.

Oh, my gosh, you're right!

See, Shellsea?
I totally have dry fin on my elbows.

-Ew.
-Time to moisturize.

Okay, that was more than enough evidence
to convince me.

-We're goin' in.
-[DOORBELL RINGS]

-Bea, door.
-Really?

Huh, I thought everyone was here already.

Hello?

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Hellooo!

-Shellsea!
-Ew.

I am, uh, Milovia.

-And this is my friend...
-Oscar. Ow!

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
I mean, Oscarlene... abeth.

Oscarleneabeth.
Yeah, that's the ticket.

We are girls
and we are here for girls' night.

[BOTH GIGGLING]

-Excuse us.
-Girls coming through.

Do you think we fooled them?

Yes, ma'am. We are in like fins, baby.

[GIGGLING]

You totally know
that's Milo and Oscar, right?

Yeah. And it's ugly.

I am so irritated.

I spend every single day with them

and all I asked for
was one night with the girls.

Why do they feel the need
to crash my party?

The same reason any boys show up
to a girl's sleepover, Bea.

To spy.

-[BOTH GIGGLING]
-Yeah, girl power!

Know what?
I need to just tell them to leave.

Hold your fire, girl.

This could be fun.

They're trying to ruin our night,
so why don't we try to ruin theirs?

I don't know, Shellsea.

They're just being dorks.
They can't really help it.

Bea, it's wrong.

They think to be a girl
all you gotta do is put on a dress.

It is so much more than that!

I know, girl. Let's teach 'em a lesson.

-They have no idea what we go through.
-Word.

The pain, the stress,
the trials, the tribulations.

Girl.

We are complex, intelligent,
beautiful, successful,

amazing creations of the universe
and they need to respect that!

They must feel pain.

You're crazy.

I like it.

Come on!

Okay, all girls who aren't boys,
huddle up, please.

-Wah, wah, wah.
-Ooh, a group hug.

But she said only girls who aren't boys.

Oh, okay. More dip for us.

Ladies, I have disturbing news.

Girls' night has been infiltrated by boys.

-[GRUNTING]
-I know, Koi. I'm angry too.

But Milo and Oscar chose
the wrong girls' night to crash.

If they wanna be girls,
we're gonna make 'em earn it.

[GRUNTING]

-Helloooo!
-Hey.

Shellsea, you look angry.

I'm not angry. That's just my face.

This is my face.

My girl face.

So as girls,
you must love makeovers, right?

M-m-m-makeover? Ow!

We girls would love nothing more.

Perfect.

Wah, wah, wah, wah.

Every makeover should start
with an invigorating facial.

Facial!

-Fire up the bubbler, Finberley.
-Bubbler.

BOTH: My eyes!

We girls love mud masks.

SHELLSEA: Mud masks. Oh, no.

And, Clamantha,
how about you help the girls

with some bedazzlement?

Sparkle is my specialty.

-[HAWKING]
-Oh, no.

[BOTH COUGHING]

Okay. [CHUCKLES]

We feel totally refreshed
and beautiful now.

Yeah, so you can stop now, please.

-We're not done.
-[SONG BEGINS]

You say that you are girls

With your broke-down greasy curls

Well, if that's true, then prove it, boo

And show us what girls do

-Talk about your feelings
-BOTH: What?

-Tell Jocktopus he's cute
-BOTH: You're cute?

If he doesn't treat you right

Then give that boy the boot

But, hey, don't let that get you down

We've got a little tip

Comfort food will get you through

Eat dip, eat dip, eat dip

Eat dip, eat dip

Eat dip, eat dip, eat dip

Eat dip, eat dip

Eat dip, eat dip

-Eat dip.
-[SONG ENDS]

How much longer till we prove it to her?

-It could take years to win Bea back.
-Years?

Stop! Stop everything!

What on earth are you doing?

I'm tired of the lies, Milo.

If Bea is gonna hang around us,

she's gonna have to like us as we are.

As... as... the men we are.

Don't do it, Oscar. I beg of you.

You're throwing away our dreams,

our one and only chance at happiness

in this madcap crazy world.

-Come on!
-Okay, I guess you're right.

-Really?
-No! We're boys!

We're boys, we're boys, not girls.

We're boys. Look at us.

Look at us in all our dirty, lying glory.

And judge us, for we deserve to be judged

for not being honest fish... boys.

-[SOBBING]
-[GLASS SHATTERS]

Aren't you gonna react?

Like angry mob style or something?

Um, we, like, kind of already knew.

We did?

-What?
-What do you mean, you knew?

Come on, guys, we're not idiots.

We were messing with you
because you spied.

-BOTH: Spied?
-Yeah.

And hopefully, you learned
it's not so easy being a girl.

I never said it was easy being a girl.

We thought
we were gonna lose you forever

unless we showed you our feminine sides.

Yeah, and I can't lose you.

I mean... I mean, we.
[LAUGHS] We can't lose you.

-Whew.
-ALL: Aww!

You mean you guys went
to all that trouble for me?

Aw!

-Who knew boys could be so sweet?
-[GRUNTS]

ALL: Oh, Koi! [LAUGHING]

Wow, it's just so much love
in one room!

So, what's next, girls, huh?
Pillow fight?

-[MILO AND OSCAR GRUNT]
-Sorry, guys.

Girls' night is still just for girls.

Doesn't mean I don't like you.
See you tomorrow, bye!

Hey, man, we tried.

Boop.

What do you wanna do now?

Dude, the night's still young.

How about we have a boys' sleepover?

This is what you get
for kickin' me, Troutface.

I want to be a girl again!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

So, why are we at the mall again?

To buy Jocktopus a birthday present.

Wait, wait. Why are we buying Jocktopus
a birthday present?

Because if we don't, he's gonna pound us.

MILO: Oh, yeah.

I forgot that, too. Hey, where are we?

Do you pay attention to anything, Milo?

Huh?

Oh!

Level 87 archery braces.

Oh.

Wow, Oscar,
I never realized how cool you were

until you got those
level 87 archery braces.

Maybe we should go see
a movie together sometime.

All right, let's go do
some bully birthday buying.

[SIGHING]

Guys, I think I found
the perfect present for Jocktopus.

Extra-strength deodorant!

Or maybe a toothbrush.

Uh, guys,
I think we're running a huge risk

of buying a present
that makes Jocktopus angry.

-Well, what should we get him, Oscar?
-Two toothbrushes?

Uh, well, what's the gift you give someone
when you don't know what to buy them?

-[GASPS] A professional stylist.
-Hugs.

-Money.
-Money?

Wouldn't that be lame?

I'll tell you what's really lame.
The three of us getting our butts kicked.

Not little Sittzy!

And have you ever really
wanted to punch a guy

who gave you a fish dollar?

Huh, he's got a point.

Then fish money it is.

Ayeee!

PIRANHICA: Single line, fishies!

Don't be scared.
Jocktopus can smell fear.

Birthdays make me hungry
for ice cream and cake.

This is more like a prison.

Well, prison also makes me hungry
for ice cream and cake.

-Dearest Jocktopus...
-Jocktopus's birthday!

I have nothing else to give you

but all of my love and all of my monies.

[GRUNTS]

What the heck does it do?

Nothing, babe. It's totally worthless.

You bring worthless paper
on Jocktopus's birthday?

[SHOUTING] Here.

But that was all my monies for college!

The only thing that would make me angrier

than getting worthless paper once

would be getting worthless paper twice!

[ALL WHIMPERING]

[CRYING] I'm too young and talented
to be punched.

-This is all your fault, Oscar.
-Me?

Yeah,
Mr. "Money Is The Answer To Everything".

But I... I... I...

[GASPING]

Hey, guppies, where's Jocktopus's present?

Uh, well, Mr. Pus...

-Here.
-What?

Ow!

This I could use.

Jocktopus's birthday party is over!

Guys, I can't believe
you gave me up like this!

I thought we were
supposed to be friends!

All right, birthday present, get in.

Uh, how-- How am I supposed to fit?

Easy. Jocktopus!

Uh... uh... Oscar! [YELLS]

Huh?

Wow, this is a very nice gigantic room

inside a tiny locker you have here.

Jocktopus enjoys paradoxes!

Okay, birthday present,
I'm gonna practice my punching.

[LAUGHS] You ready?

[YELLS] No! No, no, no!
I'm not ready. I'm not ready.

I mean, I'm not really the punching type.

I'm more of a problem-solving
birthday present.

So got any problems? [LAUGHS]

Uh, well, yeah.

Sometimes I get mad
when I can't figure out who to beat up.

I mean, there's so many kids,
but just one Jocktopus.

Well, what if I make a program
that randomly selects your next client?

Oh, yeah!

Hey, I could give each kid
the attention they deserve.

Oh, yeah, sometimes I get mad

because my arm gets tired
when I'm punching someone.

Hmm. I know.

Just roll this die
to choose which arm to use

before you begin bullying.

That way, none of them
get overused or tired.

Yeah, and sometimes they get...

Oh, I have another problem.

Sometimes I get mad because I use
the same old lines when I beat kids up.

It's usually something like,

[YELLS] "Jocktopus is hitting you now!"
You know?

Well, how about I make up
some note cards for you to use

to add a little variety?

Yeah! Gee, birthday present.

If you keep working like this,
I won't have to break you

like all the other junk and stuff I break.

What?

Oh, Bea, I can't believe
we just gave away Oscar like that.

We have to get him back.

What if we used the many talents
of a certain fish

to distract Jocktopus
while you rescue Oscar?

All we need is wardrobe, makeup,
and a really good monologue.

Bea, you little genius.

Huh. Yep.

-[GRUNTS]
-[WHIMPERS]

Okay. "Though today ends dark and dreary,

“tomorrow brings a chance

“for clear waters and hope."

Wow, Jocktopus, that was beauti--

-[ALBERT GRUNTS]
-Jocktopus is hitting you now!

[LAUGHING]

-MR. BALDWIN: Jocktopus Ludwig Vandenbosh.
-Huh?

How many times do I have to tell you

you can't go through life
trying to punch all your troubles away?

-Aw.
-And, Albert,

how many times do I have to tell you,

if you stand in the hallways long enough,

someone's bound to punch you?

I'll see you in detention.

[SIGHS] They'll all thank you
someday, Baldwin.

JOCKTOPUS: Everything was going great
until Mr. Bald guy showed up.

-Aw, jeez, that's terrible.
-Yeah!

Between all my sports and Piranhica,

I have very little time
to be a good bully.

Now, I have stinkin' teachers
trying to stop me.

There's just so much jockto-pressure!

[GRUNTING]

Hey, hey, hey. There, there, there.
It's okay, big guy.

Birthday present can fix this.

I'll just monitor
the faculty's hallway patterns,

thus finding the perfect time
for you to bully in peace.

Oh, yeah! No more teachers for Jocktopus.

You're smart, birthday present.

I like you.

You... like me?

Uh, Jocktopus, there's a delivery guy here

who says he has a box for you.

[SCOFFS]
It's not a box. It's a parcel.

And I'm not a delivery guy.

[GASPS] I'm a delivery female.

-Bea?
-Whatever.

Just leave it.

Wait. You have to hear
my character's backstory.

Ever since I was a little girl,

I knew I was destined
to be the greatest delivery person

at my father's delivery factory.

-It was a dark and stormy night...
-[GASPS] Milo, what are you doing here?

Oscar, get into the parcel.

Bea and I bought three plane tickets
and three fake passports.

That way, Jocktopus
won't be able to find you.

Yeah, well, thanks, dude,
but I think I'm gonna stay here

with Jocktopus, my new best friend.

What?

But, Oscar, Jocktopus is the guy
who makes us eat pencil shavings.

Yeah? Well, Jocktopus is also the guy
who likes my ideas

and doesn't yell at me when I'm wrong.

And, oh, yeah, he didn't
give me away to Jocktopus.

But, bro...

Return to sender.

And he says,
"Great delivery, delivery guy."

-[SNORING]
-And I say, "No, Father.

"Delivery female."
End scene.

-[SNORING]
-Oh, the parcel's back.

I mean, oops.

This is addressed
to a different Jocktopus.

Sorry.

Milo, where's Oscar?

Oscar and Jocktopus are friends.

[SOBBING]

Then I did that amazing method acting
for nothing?

[CRYING]

Seventy-eight thousand six.

Oh, I feel amazing, birthday present!

Like I could do some major punching.

Put Jocktopus down for two clients today.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Milo and Bea.

[WHIMPERING]

Yeah! I'm gonna clobber these two.

Uh, wait, Jocktopus.

Do you think it's possible
you could skip clobbering these guys?

But why?

-Well, they're sort of friends of mine.
-So?

So, can't you do me this one favor?

You know, as a friend?

Friend? I'm not your friend.

You're just my birthday present,
birthday present.

I own you.

Now, get out of the way.

I got some punching to do. [LAUGHS]

-So... [SIGHS] What do you wanna do?
-I don't know.

Maybe we can start a blog
about how we're terrible friends.

-JOCKTOPUS: Hey, guppies.
-[GASPS]

MILO: It's Oscar's friend.

Guess who's on Jocktopus's
clobbering list.

Jocktopus, wait!

[GRUMBLES] What is it, birthday present?

You're k*lling the mood.

I just realized that I gave you
the wrong picture.

Here. Here's the right one.

Who is this dork?

Well...

[GASPS] It's Jocktopus?

No!

This is your fault, birthday present.

Hey, nice hat.

Oh! I was never supposed
to beat up Jocktopus.

[GRUNTING]

Aw, you're the worst
birthday present ever.

Pull, punch!

Get out of my life, birthday present!

Uh, I think we can go now, guys.

[GROANS] Not again!

You just love to embarrass me,
don't you, you big, dreamy hunk?

Piranhica, stay out of this. Oh!

So, Bea and I got together
and got something to say we're sorry.

[GASPS] Level 87 archery braces!

-Oh, thank you, guys!
-Anything for you, bro.

So, Bea, do these, uh... [CLEARS THROAT]
archery braces make you,

like, I don't know,
wanna go see a movie sometime?

-What?
-Nothing!

SNAKE: All this talk about parties
so makes me wanna have a party.

A party? We can't have a party in here.

This terrarium is like
eight inches by a foot and a half.

We don't even fit in here.

Oh, I kind of already invited everyone.

What do you mean "everyone"?

-[DOOR BUZZES]
-Door's open! Come on up.

-[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING]
-[DOGS BARKING]

[GRUNTS] We need a bigger terrarium.

[LAUGHING]