03x10 - Garfield Gets Canned/Boris the Snowman

[bunniefuu]

-[Garfield snoring]
-[alarm rings]

[upbeat theme song playing]

-[Garfield] Hee!
-[remote clicks]

[dramatic music playing]

[news show music playing]

[newswoman]
We're only moments from
the launch of the Concordia space shuttle.

[groans] News. There must be something
more important on.

Something involving people
getting dressed up as large chickens.

[whining]

All right. All right. We'll watch this.

Garfield, Odie, I need you
to keep an eye on this ferret for me.

Ferret? Aren't two mouths enough to feed?
Especially since one of them is mine?

Liz is completely booked up
at the vet clinic,

so I agreed to watch
one of her patients here for a few days.

She'd better not be contagious.
Or too hungry.

Depends. What's in it for me?

I just baked an extra-large
four-cheese lasagna to make up for it.

It's cooling off in the kitchen.

Four-cheese lasagna?

[sniffing]

Trust but verify.

Congratulations. You have successfully
bribed me into ferret-sitting.

I sell out so cheap.

Oh, I'd better get going.
I'll be back before dinner!

[cheerful music playing]

[newswoman]
The two astronauts should be
boarding the space shuttle any minute now.

Hey, guys!
I need to stretch my legs out for a bit.

Zip it. We're trying to watch TV here.

Just let me out for a bit.

I'm a ferret, and ferrets need to exercise

or else they go crazy!

[shrieking]

[howls]

[sighs]

All right.
All right, but don't maul any furniture.

That's my job.

[excitedly giggling]

[phone ringing]

[Jon's voice]
Hi, this is Jon Arbuckle.

Please leave me a message
at the sound of the beep.

-[beep]
-[Jon]
Garfield, it's me.

I forgot to mention.

Don't let Mrs. Ferret out of her cage
under any conditions.

Liz put her on a strict diet,
and she'll eat anything.

Now he tells us.

Can you imagine how horrible it would be
to be around an animal

that will eat anything? Don't say it.

The four-cheese lasagna!

Maybe we can stop her before she eats
all four cheeses!

[groaning]

You! You ate all our lasagna.
What do you have to say for yourself?

[hiccupping]

Yeah, that's what I usually say.

Oh well. When Jon gets home,
he'll make us another one.

And another one and another one.

-[growling]
-[phone ringing]

[Jon's voice]
Hi, this in Jon Arbuckle.

Please leave me a message
at the sound of the beep.

-[beep]
-Hey, guys. Bad news.

Oh!

My car broke down.
I'm afraid I have to stay over

at a motel for the night.
Aren't you glad I baked you the lasagna?

Just imagine if you had been left alone,
starving for an entire day!

-[screaming]
-[alarm sounding]

Quick! The refrigerator!
Let's see what's in there.

[action music playing]

[screaming]

You ate everything in the refrigerator

except the ice cube tray
and the light bulb.

Uh-huh.

Saving those for dessert.
So, what are you two going to eat?

Oh, I'll find something
in Jon's cookbook here.

Roast ferret, ferret stew.

Hey, Odie,
you in the mood for Chinese food?

Here's a recipe for ferret chow mein.

Ah! Uh-oh.

If you'll excuse me,
I have to go lock myself in the cage!

There's gotta be something edible
in this house.

[lively music playing]

[sniffing]

[Garfield grunting]

[sheep bleating]

[giggles]

[Garfield gasps]

Canned cat food!

Jon always keeps one can around
in case of an emergency.

-Quick. Where's the can opener?
-[whines]

Aha. [clears throat]

[grunting]

[whining]

-[grunting]
-[laughing]

-You wanna give it a try?
-Yeah.

[giggling]

Odie, you're too dumb to open this can.
Just watch and learn.

[jackhammer sound]

-[grunting]
-[laughing]

Fine. I'll just have to use
the electric can opener.

-Huh?
-[yipping]

No, you can't try now.

[whirring]

[clanking]

It'll take more than a stupid piece
of metal to stop me

from eating the food
that's inside this can.

[whines]

[ominous music playing]

-[dramatic music playing]
-[teeth chattering]

[whining]

No, Odie, for the one thousandth time,

I do not need your help.

[grunts]

Just… open… up…

you… pesky… piece… of… metal!

-[thudding]
-[Odie yowling]

[screaming]

[grunts]

[thud]

[whining]

No, you cannot help!

Let's run through this one last time.

Ready?

One, two, three!

[grunting]

[groaning]

Ouch! Double ouch! Triple ouch.

[groans]

[giggling]

[Garfield grunting]

Odie, I don't know about you,

but I'm getting
really, really, really hungry.

[whining]

This is all your fault.

Hey, Odie, have you ever noticed
how much a ferret looks like a hot dog?

[whining]

What are you looking at me like that for?
What is it?

Why do you have that mustard and relish
look in your eyes?

[slurping]

I have to warn you.
Ferrets taste terrible.

We all taste like asparagus.

I like asparagus.

Did I say asparagus?

I meant tofu! Stale, dry tofu!

I like tofu.

[man on TV]
…the launch has been postponed
for a few hours

because of an incoming storm.

But this should pass,
and we will launch later this afternoon.

Odie, I think I have a new idea.

Once a lightning bolt strikes,

it will not only open the can,
but it will also heat up the food.

That is pure genius.

[whining]

You think you're gonna win, don't you?

-[screaming]
-[electrical crackling]

[screaming]

But you won't. You will never defeat me.

-[screaming]
-[electrical crackling]

I really hate canned food.

[dramatic music playing]

-[thud]
-[rumbling]

[screaming]

[crashing]

-[groaning]
-[cuckoo sound]

[crying]

[Odie whining]

How about some TV to cheer you up?

My cat always comes purring

whenever he hears me open a can
of his favorite delicious cat food!

-[Nermal giggling]
-[screaming]

Oops. You don't wanna watch that.

[newswoman]
The storm seems to be passing.

Yes, it looks like we should be able
to launch the space shuttle

in approximately minutes.

Come on. I know how to get this can open.

[Odie whimpering]

[ominous music playing]

[expl*si*n]

-[groaning]
-[engine roaring]

[rhythmic music playing]

[man ] See, I told you we didn't
have time to go to the restroom.

[man ] Wait. If we're down here,
then who's up there?

[dramatic music playing]

[Garfield] Good thing
we kept those spacesuits.

[Odie whimpering]

[ominous music playing]

[Garfield] Okay, can. You thought you were
indestructible, didn't you?

Well, let's see how you'll survive
a fall straight down to Earth.

[Garfield cackling]

[Garfield snickers]

[whistle sound]

-[thud]
-Ow!

[Garfield] Oh no!

My new hybrid flying saucer!

[suspenseful music playing]

Take this, you wretched space garbage.

[laser zapping]

[Garfield] Hey!
Go pick on someone else's can of food!

[dramatic music playing]

[laser zapping]

[dramatic music continues]

By the Seven Rings of Arcturus,
this mysterious object is resisting

my disintegrating
anti-molecular magma beam!

[laser zapping]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[all screaming]

[all screaming]

[man]
This is Mission Control.
We have a problem.

[Garfield]
This doesn't look too wonderful, Odie.

[man]
…will begin in three seconds.

[man]
Three, two, one.

[whimsical music playing]

[screaming]

[crashing]

[Garfield] Look! Phew! That was hairy.

-[Odie barks]
-Huh?

Huh?

[both screaming]

[cheerful music playing]

[Garfield sighing]

Defeated by a can of cat food.

Oh, the shame. Oh, the humiliation.

[Odie yipping]

All right. All right. After all that,
you wanna see if you can open it?

-Yeah.
-Well, be my guest.

[whimpering]

Ta-da!

[sighing] Meow!

[laughing]

Odie, before I say or do something
I'm gonna regret,

I'm gonna do something drastic.

Huh?

I'm gonna end this cartoon.

[whining]

[whimsical music playing]

[cheerful music playing]

I wanna be home! I wanna be home!
I wanna be home! I wanna be home!

[cheerful music continues]

Ah! Free at last!

Isn't it great
to be far away from civilization?

No cars, no phones.
It's just us and Mother Nature.

Mother Nature has a cruel sense of humor.

I'm cold, I'm tired, I'm starving.
I haven't eaten for…

Oh, well,
it seems like more than ten minutes.

Only seven more miles to go,
and we'll be at my Cousin Bill's cabin.

You'll be fine.

I'll be extinct.

[Odie barking]

[groans] Thanks for the pep talk, Odie,
but I'm just an ordinary cat

whose big exercise is working
the remote control on the DVD player.

We're almost there, Odie.

Bill's cabin is only three miles away,
right at the bottom of this slope.

Aye, aye, aye. Three miles.

[Garfield panting]

Can't we get there any faster?

[gasps, screaming]

I just changed my mind
about wanting to get there faster.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[grunting, screaming]

[screaming]

I wanna go home.

[screaming]

This never happened to Santa Claus,
and he's fatter than I am.

Fantastic! Just like the old days.

No electricity, no appliances, nothing.
We'll have to rough it.

What? You mean no fridge,
no microwave, no TV?

We're gonna have to live like... animals!

Okay, guys!
Let's go outdoors and have fun.

[Odie yipping]

I'm not going anywhere.
And close the door, for crying out loud.

I'm freezing.

[rumbling]

-I guess Garfield isn't coming with us.
-[whining]

Hmm. Nice. Time for a well-deserved…
[sighs] …nap.

[narrator]
And so it was,
that while Jon and Odie were outdoors

having a jolly good time,

Garfield remained in the cabin
to rest his--

Who said that?

[narrator]
I said that. I'm your narrator.

-I've just been included in the story.
-
Why?

Don't ask me, ask the writers.
You can go back to sleep.

Okay, but keep your voice down.
Good night.

-My deep apologies.
-[snoring]

Where was I? Oh yes!

While Garfield was resting
his weary bones,

Jon and Odie had a jolly good time.

Yippee!

[grunts]

♪ Do the anti-grumpy song ♪

♪ You only have to move around ♪

♪ Jump and dance if you're feeling down ♪

♪ Feeling grumpy, sleepy or sad? ♪

♪ Sing this song if you feel bad ♪

♪ Stand up and sing along ♪

♪ Do the anti-grumpy song ♪

♪ Shake your belly, bust a move ♪

♪ Get your body into the groove ♪

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ Go and hit the dance floor ♪

♪ Step up and sing along ♪

♪ Do the anti-grumpy song ♪

Why is it so cold in here?

[narrator]
Because you didn't keep
the fire going, numbskull.

Hey, I don't have to take this abuse
from a second-rate narrator.

Don't blame me.
I didn't write this dialogue.

Anyway, this story is
about to have its first twist.

So brace yourself. Au revoir.

A twist? Au revoir?

[straining]

Oh no!

Paddy? Paddy the Leprechaun?

Oh, that's a nice twist.
I didn't see it coming.

[in Irish accent] Hi, Garfield.
Sorry to be barging in on you.

I was on me way to Hawaii,

but I guess I took one
of those wrong turns at Albuquerque.

Hawaii? Oh, man, I wish I was in Hawaii.

[Paddy grunting]

Yeah, I see what you mean.

[shivering]

You want to come
to Hawaii with me, laddie?

You betcha.

Uh, thanks, but no thanks, Paddy.

If I go, Jon is gonna be worried sick,
and it'll completely ruin his holiday.

I can't do that to him.

Okay. As you wish.

Bye-bye, laddie.

[sighs]

If you change your mind,

open this door
and call me name three times.

[cheerful music playing]

[Odie whining]

Hey, Garfield,
how do you like our snowman?

I named him Boris.

I'm hungry.

Oh, don't worry.

Odie and I went ice fishing,
and we won't starve.

We actually caught something.

[distant howling]

You caught canned spinach?

Ah!

Bon appétit. [chuckles]

-Hmm.
-[Odie slurping]

[whining]

Do you have any real food?

Let's see if we can get
the local weather report.

[radio static]

[narrator]
Hi. This is your narrator again.

Tonight, Mars, Jupiter,
and Venus will align with Earth.

This will have a direct effect
on this story

and make for another quirky plot twist.

Another twist?

Gee, I hope it's a good one.

[gasping]

Ow!

Yech.

[sighs]

[distant howling]

[Jon] Look. Mars, Venus, and Jupiter.

Perfectly aligned. What a glorious sight!

I'm still waiting for that plot twist.

I hope it involves dinner.

[distant howling]

[whimsical music playing]

[snoring, sighing]

[snoring]

[yipping]

Go away, Odie. Bad dog.
Bad, bad, badder than bad dog!

[frantic barking]

[yawns] Leave me alone.

I don't wanna go outside.
That's where most of the cold is.

[gasps]

[shivering]

[whimpering]

What? What is it?

[whimpering]

Boris the Snowman is gone?

Wow. This must be the second plot twist
the narrator was talking about.

[narrator]
That's exactly right.
Quite unexpected, huh?

The writers have really
outdone themselves.

You're only saying that
so they give you more lines.

Now leave this story.
We'll take it from here.

You're quite the diva, aren't you?

Fine. Narrator out.

Ooh. Touchy.

[barking]

[sighs] Okay, Odie,
let's follow that trail.

[barks]

[cheerful music playing]

[snowman] Hey, Olaf, how can you tell
when a snowman is sad?

[Olaf] I don't know, Boris. How?

When you see him cry ice cubes.

[both laughing]

Am I seeing things, or was that
Boris the Snowman telling a joke

to another snowman named Olaf?

Are you guys for real?

Sure we're for real.

Last night there was an alignment
of three planets and--

Let me guess, and then you were hit
by a ray of light and bingo, you're alive.

Precisely! Eh, how did you know?

It's the laziest screenwriting trick
in the book.

A pumpkin or a toaster gets hit
by an energy beam and poof,

lo and behold, it's alive. It's pathetic.

Well, like it or not,
I'm thrilled to be alive.

And so am I.

There is nothing more boring
than being an ordinary snowman.

You just stand there all day doing nothing
with no one to talk to,

slowly melting away.

Yes, Olaf. The life of an ordinary
snowman is no picnic.

And that's why we're telling jokes.

[Garfield] Hey, I got one for you.
What do snowmen call snowballs?

Children.

[laughing]

Children… That's a good one.

Hey, speaking of snowballs, here's one.

I hope a rabbit eats your nose.

[laughing] Gotcha!

[joyful music playing]

[laughing]

Bull's-eye! [grunts]

Ta-da!

Whoa!

[laughter]

Wow! What a day. This has been fun.

Yeah, but I'm starved.
I could use an iceburger.

[all laughing]

Hey! See you guys tomorrow!

Good night, sleep warm.

Good night, sleep cold.

[all laughing]

[narrator]
Well, winter is over, folks,
and temperatures are rising quickly.

Time to pack your skis and go home.

And that's exactly what we're going to do.

Garfield, Odie, we're leaving.

Okay.

But first, we need to say goodbye
to Boris and Olaf.

[Odie barking]

[Garfield panting]

[Garfield] Guys, we're leaving.

It's been a pleasure knowing you.
You're both so cool.

Not anymore. We're melting.

By the end of the day,
we'll just be two puddles of water.

Boy, this is so sad.

We can't have a sad ending
to this story, now can we?

Okay, chill, guys.

I'll be right back.

Odie, Garfield, let's go!

Don't wait for me. I'll catch up.

Paddy! Paddy! Paddy!

Oh! Hello, laddie! Changed your mind, eh?

Want me to take you to Hawaii?

Not exactly.

Say, your underground tunnels
out of Ireland,

they cover the entire planet, right?

Oh, of course they do.

Through them, we leprechauns
can go anywhere in the world.

See… [whispering]

Whoa, laddie. You're asking a lot.
But okay, I'll do it.

For old time's sake.

Hop in!

Aah!

This old engine runs on leprechaun magic.

I'll have you at your destination
in a wee instant.

-Thanks for everything, Garfield.
-Bye-bye, now! Bye-bye!

Hey, don't forget to write.

[laughing]

Whoa!

[laughter]

[Garfield] Hey, Odie, it's a postcard
from Boris and Olaf.

It says, "Dear Odie and Garfield…"

"It's freezing here at the North Pole.
We love it!

Come up and see us sometime,
and we'll give you a chilly reception!"

[laughing]

"Yours coolly, Boris and Olaf."

Oh, don't you love stories that end well?

[yipping]

I feel so happy,
I may even forgive that narrator.

[narrator]
Oh, thank you so very much.

Well, I… I did say "may."

[upbeat theme music playing]