03x14 - Tome of Terror

[bunniefuu]

- [Sam] Get ready for a "Game Changer."

Tonight's guests, a
silhouette standing ominously

in the doorway, it's Katie Marovitch.

A haunting scream coming
from under the floorboards,

it's Jess Ross.
[screaming]

And wolf-like hair growing
in places it never before,

it's Raphael Chestang!
- Peekaboo!

- And your host, me, I've been
here the whole time! [laughs]

This is "Game Changer," the only game show

where the game changes every show.

I am your host, Sam Reich.

I am joined today by these
three lovely contestants.

Now, you all understand
how the game works.

- No.
- No.

- No.
- How do we know?

- You didn't tell us, you didn't tell us!

- That's right, our players have no idea

what game it is they're about to play.

The only way to learn is by playing.

The only way to win is by learning,

and the only way to begin is by beginning.

So without further ado, let's begin.

- Ooh!
[laughing]

- Players, I think we can all agree

that scary stories don't pack
the same punch they used to.

"The Monkey's Paw."
- Yes.

- "Body Snatchers," we've
heard them all before.

What's wrong I think is that
they're not relatable anymore.

We need modern scary stories.
- Ooh.

- Katie, in a moment I'm going to ask you

to tell a scary story, the
type that you might hear

huddled around a campfire.

- [Players] Ooh!

- There is only one rule.

Your story must end with
the sentence I give you.

- Ooh.

- The sentence that
must end your story is,

I'll have a venti human blood.

[gasping]

- I know where this is going.
[laughing]

- On a cold winter's morning.
- [laughs] Oh, in the morning.

- Michelle Marovitch.
- Ooh.

- She's not related to me, by the way.

I should specify.

So she got up and something wasn't right.

She wasn't feeling so good.

She had that kind of
sensation that something bad

was going to happen, an
ominous kind of a feeling.

But still she said,
"Mm, I think I'd better

take my subway to work.
- [laughs] My subway?

- 'Cause I've got a job, it's 2020.

The gig economy, you know what I mean?

I can't be sitting at home.
- Wait, what?

- So anyway, she put on her boots

'cause it was a cold morning.
[laughing]

And she thought, maybe I
should wear a bulletproof vest.

[laughing]

Because she said, "I had
that ominous little thought

and I want to make sure that I don't die."

- Michelle sure sounds a lot like you.

[laughing]

- Especially for there to be no relation.

- Now, here's the thing.

She got on the subway and she noticed

nobody wanted to sit by her.
- Oh my God.

- And so she thinks, what is going on?

Is it because I'm stinky?

It is 'cause I forgot my deodorant?

She's thinking, okay, it's
just, I'm a little bit stinky

so that's why no one's sitting next to me.

She goes to work where she works
as a regional bank manager.

- Whoa, I gotta say, the gig economy.

- It's one of her seven jobs
she has to work that day.

- Oh my God, the economy really is-

- She goes in and she
says, "Wow, how strange.

Nobody's coming to my little desk.

Is it because I'm stinky?"
[laughing]

And none of them are addressing her.

She says, "Hi, Matthew."

Matthew doesn't seem to even notice.

[gasps]

"Hi, Patrice."

Patrice doesn't seem to even notice.

And she goes, "Something really weird

and ominous is happening here,

and I don't think it's
just because I'm stinky."

Anyway, she says, "You know what?

Maybe I should look in the mirror."

- I could be ugly as well as stinky.

[laughing]
- Yes.

So she looks in the mirror
and she sees, [gasps]

I can't see my own reflection!
[dramatic instrumental music]

So here I am, stinky and see-through.

A man comes in with a g*n.
- [laughs] Oh my God!

- This is what I wore the vest for.

This is why I wore the vest.
- Right.

- Here's the thing, he doesn't see her

so he doesn't sh**t her.
- Whoa.

- So the vest was pointless.

Anyway, everyone else dies.
- That's a problem.

- Holy sh*t!
[laughing]

- So she goes, "You know what?

I'm having a pretty bad day.
[laughs]

I could go for a treat.

I've had like, a very stressful day.

People thought I was stinky.

Like, I'm not really sure if
people could see me or not.

My favorite place is
Starbucks for a good treat."

- This is a branded scary story.

[laughing]

- It's making me want a Starbucks.

- And she waits in line.

People are bumping into her a lot.

She's like, okay, this is
weird, they still can't see me.

She gets to the front of
the line and she says,

"Wow, what am I feeling like?"

It's like, what do I want?

I'm just gonna say it what I really want

without even thinking.

I'm gonna say what I really want to order.

And so she goes to the
cashier and she says,

"I'll have a venti human blood."

- Wow, Katie.
[screaming]

- Katie, too scary.
- Yes.

- Well done, way to get there.
- Yes.

- Perhaps a little roundabout.
- No.

- [laughs] The role of
the bulletproof vest.

- Sam, you just didn't get it, it was-

- Yeah, you know, art is so subjective.

What are we even doing here grading it?

I will call your scary story
stinky and see-through,

and I will give you two out
of a possible three points.

[bell rings]
[gasps]

- Wow, Katie, congratulations.

- I did really well, thank you.

- [laughs] Jess.
- Oh my God, I'm nervous.

- Please end your scary story with,

there hasn't been an
Airbnb here for 100 years.

[gasps]
- Okay.

- Oof.
- Whoa.

- I know where this is headed.
[laughing]

- That's the point.
- Okay.

Two lesbians named Jen and Karen

lived in a tiny, little
apartment in Los Angeles

with their little Chihuahua.
- Wait, Jess, this is you.

- The l*sbian's apartment was so small

they were driving one another insane.

[Katie gasps]
[laughing]

Dishes in the sink, towels on the floor,

laundry piling up.
[gasps]

They knew they had to
escape their little box

or they would k*ll one another.

[dramatic instrumental music]
[laughing]

So they went online and
looked for an Airbnb.

[shouts]

They found one in the desert, Joshua Tree.

- Joshua Tree, that's right near here.

- It had a beautiful pool
and mid-century furniture.

Pots and pans that were clean.
[laughing]

- Ooh!
- And they thought,

surely, if we go here, we won't go mad

and m*rder one another.
[laughing]

They didn't say this out loud.

They each thought it separately.

- Yeah.
- They kind of looked

at one another like, I might m*rder you,

but we'll go here and
not m*rder one another.

So they get in the car and they pack

their little Chihuahua, Poppy.

- Poppy, did you just say, Poppy?

- Poppy has the same name.
- Same name.

- Her name is Choppy.
- Choppy, okay, good.

That's totally different.

- It's Choppy, Jen, and Karen.
- Yeah, okay, perfect.

- And they're in a car
listening to a podcast,

and they're enjoying the open road.

And as they get further
and further from the city

they're feeling more relaxed
and more like themselves again.

And then they get to the
desert and they pull up,

but there's nothing in the
spot that they thought.

You know how the desert is.

GPS can be weird.
- Oh, totally.

- That's true, yes, that is true.

- That's very true.

- They opened up the car
door and let Choppy run out

into where the place was supposed to be

as they were looking for reception.

And as Choppy went to where
the Airbnb was supposed to be

she fell into the desert sand.

Jen and Karen screamed
and screamed at the person

that they were calling,
the host was on the phone.

And they said, "Our
dog fell into the sand.

Our Airbnb isn't here."

And the person on the phone said,

"There hasn't been an
Airbnb here for 100 years."

[thunder crashing]
[screaming]

- Wow, you quite literally

sacrificed your own dog for the story.

Yeah, Poppy died, Choppy died.

- Thoroughly creepy when
that dog fell into the sand.

I think I speak for all
dog owners when I say

that's my ultimate, ultimate fear.

- Yes.

- I will give you two out
of three points as well.

Raph, sorry, but Invisalign
doesn't do fangs.

- Ooh!
- Ooh, that's cool.

- Another branded scary story.
[laughing]

- All right, Raphael Chestang, 1990.

- [gasps] Whoa!
[laughing]

- 1990?
- Oh my God.

- Wait, is this autobiographical?

- This is a story from my life.

- Wow.
- Whoa!

- On the screen, based on true events.

- Yeah, please insert that.
[Raph laughing]

A classic scary story tool to make it,

the story of this happened to me

or this happened to a friend of mine.

Early credit, Raph, please go on.

- All right.
[laughing]

Wait, hold on, no, 1997.
- Oh, okay.

- I'm 11 years old, I'm at my parents'.

They have to go on a church retreat.

[Jess gasps]

What'll we do with the kids?

We got three of 'em.

A family friend, they
offer to take the kids

for the weekend so they
pack us into the van.

Pack us in, pack us in.
- Ow!

- And it starts to rain
and it's pouring down

and the rain turns into
hail and it starts hailing.

And one of the hail stones,
just as I'm about to get

in the car smacked me in the
mouth and loosens up a tooth.

[contestant gasping]
I say, "Hey guys,

I think I might be bleeding in my mouth."

"Shut up, get in the back seat!"

- Oh my God!
[laughing]

- Six hours later, many,
many miles north of Chicago

it's mostly cornfields and farm houses.

- So scary. [laughs]

- He goes into the home.

He takes some cough syrup, knocked out.

- What?

- Wake up in the middle
of the night and my tooth

is very loose and I yank it out, ow!

- Ow!
- And the owners of the house,

they come in and they're like,

"What happened, what happened?"

"Uh, my tooth, it was loose
and now it just fell out."

"Put it under your pillow."

I wake up in the morning
and the tooth is gone!

It's gone and there's a dollar there!

So I say, "Oh my goodness, oh my goodness,

oh my goodness, I gotta call my mom."

So I call my mom and she's
like, "What happened?"

I said, "I lost a tooth and
the Tooth Fairy left me $1."

And she said, "Raphael, you are too old

to still be believing in the tooth fairy."

- Yeah.
- And then I said,

"You told me the Tooth Fairy
was real, what the f*ck?"

[laughing]
- What the f*ck, Mom?

- And then I said, "Well,
can we make it a fang?"

And then my mom said,

"Sorry, but Invisalign doesn't do fangs."

[thunder crashing]
- Oh my God!

And then you said, it's


- Yes.

- What was actually scary about that story

was your parents being a*usive.

Thank you, Raph, for that
absolutely elaborate, fine story

but I'm gonna say only one point

[laughing]
for that nonsense.

It's time for the mini game.

The scores heading into our
mini game are Katie with two,

Jess, with two, Raph with one.

Players, are you at all familiar

with the work of Edward Gorey?

As in, A is for Amy who
fell down the stairs.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- We worked with
illustrator Maura O'Connor

to modernize these classic morbid rhymes.

I will set you up.

You buzz in and knock them down.

Each of these is gonna
be worth half a point.

We'll do a quick practice one.

You'll get it very quickly.

A is for Aspen who, like a real chump,

got COVID-19 at a rally for, Jess.

- What is Trump?
[bell rings]

- [Sam] That is correct.

- [Jess] Oh, that is incredible.

- Ready to play for real?
- Yes.

- B is for Bailey, who's
just now a skeleton

after they spun it too hard on their...

[buzzer blaring]
Katie!

- Peloton.

- Peloton is correct, Katie.
[bell rings]

- Yay.
- Well done.

- [Raph] That is so cool.

- These are truly fantastic.

- Katie, that is half a point.
- Cool.

- C is for Cameron, who
died with an "oh no"

trying to film a sick trick on their...

[buzzer blaring]
Jess.

- GoPro?
- GoPro is correct.

[bell rings]
[contestants cheering]

D is for Dave who, like
so many lonely stans,

ran out of money subscribing
to, that's Katie.

- OnlyFans.
- OnlyFans is correct.

[contestants laughing]
- Oh, that is so cute.

I love these.

- E is for Elon, who couldn't be stupider.

He died in space, on a joyride to...

[buzzer blaring]
That's Raphael.

- Jupiter.
- Jupiter is correct.

[contestants cheering]
Well done.

Here we go, F is for Finley,
who set up a tripod, said,

"It's the challenge," and then ate a...

[buzzer blaring]
That's Jess first.

- What is a Tide Pod?
- Hey!

- [Sam] Tide Pod is correct.

- Aw, I do wish that was
a little drawing of Zac.

[laughing]

- G is for Greyson who, dumb as we are,

dove out a window, immersed in...

[buzzer blaring]
Raphael.

- Wait, oh, sorry, I
shouldn't have did this, tar?

- [laughs] No.
[buzzer blares]

Sorry, Raph, Jess.
- What is VR?

- VR is correct.
[contestants cheering]

Very well done.
- Woah.

- That's it for the mini game.

The points as we head
into round two are Raphael

with one and 1/2 points, Katie with three,

Jess with three and 1/2.

Katie, in a moment I'm gonna ask you

to give us another modern scary story.

This time be warned, I might
interrupt you at some point

in the middle of it.
- Please don't.

[laughing]

- I'd prefer if you didn't.
- Sam, come on.

- I love that you think this
is some kind of negotiation.

[laughing]

The line that must end your story is,

I didn't ghost you, I died.
[gasping]

[gasps]
- Amber Lynn

was having kind of a
rough spot in her life.

You see, she was already 30 years old.

- Oh my God!
[laughing]

- And she didn't even have a boyfriend.

- Oh, my God.
- Katie, stop, stop.

[laughing]

- Too scary?
- Katie, too scary!

- So at 30 years old, Amber Lynn said,

"I guess I'll try Tinder."
[Jess gasps]

So she posts pictures.

She does a whole little fashion sh**t

and she gets seven men interested.

They comment, "Hey hottie,
what are you doing tonight?

Wanna go on a date?

You're beautiful."
[laughing]

And then one person said,

"I want to c*m all over your face."

- Oh my God.
- Nice.

- So anyway, she says,
"It's a Friday night.

I can only choose one of
these men to date tonight."

- She's 30, how could she
possibly do more than one thing?

- She says, "That guy that
said, 'you're beautiful,'

now that message really spoke to me.

I think I'll go on a date with him."

They make plans.

They're gonna go to the-
- And I'm sorry, Katie,

I'm going to interrupt you for a moment.

They're going to go where?

Katie, you must take
either Raph's suggestion

or Jess's suggestion, it's up to you.

- Okay.
- Where is the date, Raphael?

- They're going on a date to a mausoleum.

- Jess, where are they going for a date?

- They're going on a
date to the Olive Garden

in the Americana!
[laughing]

- That's it, that's it.
- Okay.

- So this man, now his name is Bradley.

And Bradley says, "Hey, beautiful.

Why don't we meet at the Olive Garden

at the Americana!"

And Amber Lynn says, "I was
gonna recommend the same thing."

- Whoa!
- And she says,

"This is ominous."

She forgets to put on deodorant.

- Okay, okay.
- Oh my God, stop it!

- She goes to the Olive
Garden at the Americana.

Bradley is there, she
notices that he's sitting

kind of far away and she says,
"Is it because I'm stinky?"

But nonetheless she thinks
this date has gone pretty well.

Classic made for the movies
kind of falling in love.

At the end of the night,
before they part ways he says,

"100% I'm going to call you tomorrow

and we are going to have a second date.


this will absolutely happen.

I am not gonna ghost you."

- That's a normal thing to say.

- So the next day happens and she's like,

um, hello, Bradley hasn't texted yet.

- Oh...
- The next day happens.

The next, next day happens
and Bradley hasn't texted yet.

The next, next, next day happens

and wouldn't you know it,
Bradley hasn't texted.

- But he said 100% that he would.

- That's right.
- Oh my God.

- So anyways, she's
crying herself to sleep.

She falls asleep and
she feels [smacks lips]

and she realizes, [gasps] Bradley's here.

She puts on a light and it's
Bradley but he's a ghost!

[contestants laughing]
- Oh my God.

- She says, "Bradley, what happened?

I thought we were gonna
have a date four nights ago.

I got so sad."

And so he says, "I wanted
to, babe, believe me,

but I got in a car accident.

I didn't ghost you, I died!"
[thunder crashes]

- Oh my God, chills up my spine.

- Brilliantly performed, Katie.

Brilliantly performed, great execution.

Your destination was in mind
from the very beginning-

- Yes.

- I will award you all three points.

[Jess gasps]

Jess.
- Yes.

- Scary story must end
with, it's antichrist twins.

[dramatic instrumental music]
- Two lesbians.

[contestants laughing]

lost their beloved chihuahua
in a weird desert accident.

Their lives were empty and sad.

No little barks at the door.

No little stealing socks
out of the laundry.

They were so forlorn and they thought,

we have to fill our lives with something.

So they decided that
they were in a good place

to have a child.

They looked at adoption and
they looked at in vitro,

but they didn't have
the money or the means

and they thought, we need to steal babies.

[gasps]
- Whoa, oh, h*, h*, h*.

- Jess, are you really doing this?

[laughing]
- Jen and Karen.

- Oh, sorry.
[laughing]

- That's the only way.

They looked in their bank accounts

and they turned out all
of the pants pockets

and only little lint and
paper clips came out.

They thought, we can't afford
it, but we have to have it.

So they went to the Americana.
[gasps]

[laughing]

- Did they see the Olive Garden?

- And they saw the Olive Garden.

Two parents went inside to
get one of those buzzers

because it was very busy, but
they left a little stroller

with two little baby seats in it.

The lesbians thought-
- Oh, sorry, Jess,

I have to interrupt you.

Katie, what did the lesbians think?

- Time for us to steal a baby.

- Raph, what did the lesbians think?

- They thought, ooh, that
baby looks delicious.

[gasping]
- Hmm.

I'll go with the delicious one.

- Sure, do it.
- So they look at the baby.

They go, mm, those babies look delicious.

Wait a minute, are we evil witches?

Oh, I think we're demented, evil witches.

Let's just follow this though.

I guess this is Satan inside of us.

We're gonna follow this feeling.

- Yes.
- So they go

and they take the babies
and they drive back

to their apartment and
they preheat the oven

[gasps]
to cook their new babies.

And they get out olive oil

and four different kinds of spices.

- It's an Epicurious
recipe, it's really good.

- Yes, they looked it up on Epicurious.

They switched out the
turkey for the babies,

but other than that, it's the same.

- That makes sense, but it is
a longer cooking time so...

- It is, it is.

- And they adjusted the
preheating time and all that.

- Okay, good.
- And then as they

were about to take the babies
and put them in the oven,

they noticed that the babies
had weird smiles on their faces

and then the whole house started to shake

and all of the pots and pans
started to fall off the wall.

And then knives came out of the drawers

and started to fling across the room

and they flung and hit them
both so that they were stuck

on the wall like Addams Family style.

And they went, "Oh no!"

And then the babies went,

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, we're
the antichrist, both of us!"

[laughing]

The two lesbians looked
at each other and went,

"It's antichrist twins!"
[thunder cracking]

That's it.
- Wow.

That was wild, Jess.
- Incredible.

- I do like how you went with
the flow of Raph's suggestion.

I do like how you
reincorporated characters

from story number one.

I'm going to say two points.
- Okay.

- Raph-
- I hope Raph

gets zero points this time.
[laughing]

- Are you ready?
- Oh, I'm ready.

- Your story must end with,

all that was left was a single like.

- Whoa.
- Oh my God.

- Jeff Bezos in the year 2020.
- Oh.

- He wakes up on an
overcast Tuesday morning.

Beautifully bald shaven head. [laughs]

[laughing]
- Oh, God.

- It was overcast but the
shine from his beautiful,

silky, flawless, just the most
bald head that's ever been.

- The shine is blinding everything.

And so he says, "Oh, I gotta
take a picture of this."

[gasps]
So he walks outside,

but he can't get the
right background or angle.

- It's hard.

- And absolutely nothing behind me

to obscure my beautiful egg-like potato-

- What is this story?
- Oh my God.

When you said Jeff Bezos
I think we all thought

we'd be talking about his
bald head for 20 minutes.

[laughing]

- So he's walking around.

He's looking for the perfect background.

He's like, I'm not gonna be
able to get it on the ground.

I gotta go up.
- Gotta go in the air.

- So he goes, he starts climbing.

- Climbing what?
- On the side of the facade

of the building of his compound.

- Like Spider-Man?
- Yeah, how's he doing it?

It's just the power from his head.

- Ooh!
- And he's getting up there.

And he gets at the top and
then he takes a picture

and in an instant it gets
like a million likes.

He passes out from excitement.
[laughing]

But then, then...
[laughing]

- Wait what?

- Then when when he wakes up-
- What?

- He hears screaming and howling

and people in agony and pain.

And there's smoke coming
up from the ground.

And he sees that a plane had crashed.

[gasps] Could it be that
the glow from Jeff Bezos'

beautiful bald head-
- Oh my God!

- Distracted the pilot
and caused... [laughs]

- No!

- And Jeff Bezos is so
distraught, he's like, "What?"

- Oh, sorry, what is he like?

What does Jeff Bezos say at
this particular moment, Katie?

- It's my anniversary.
[laughing]

- Jess, what does Jeff Bezos
say at this particular moment?

- I'm gonna have to wear a wig.

[laughing]
- Up to you, Raph.

- I'm just gonna use the old improv rule.

I'll just take the first suggestion.

Oh, he thought, oh, it's my anniversary.

And to absolutely no one he says,

"You know, the anniversary
of this first day

I ever shaved my head."
- Oh!

- That's really fun.
- That was great.

- So and he's like, "I
documented that, right?"

He goes back into Instagram
and he searches though.

And he's like, yeah, I documented it,

but all that was left was a, wait,

because he's been canceled now,

because news has gotten across the world

and so when he goes back to the picture

that used to have a million
likes, all that was left

was a single like.
[thunder crashes]

[gasps]
- Who liked it?

- Himself. [laughs]
- Whoa.

- That was so much more
cohesive than your first story.

I give you tremendous
points for most improved.

- Yeah, that was good.

- Not to mention the way

in which you took Katie's suggestion

and you just flipped
it right back to your-

- That was really good.
- Yes, brilliant.

- I will give you the full three points.

- What? [laughs]
- Yeah.

That brings us to the end of our game.

The scores are Raph
with 4.5, Jess with 5.5,

Katie with six, Katie, that
means you are the winner of the-

[contestants cheering]
[contestants clapping]

- Yay!

- If you could please pick
something off of the winner menu.

- Ooh!
- Whoa.

- I do love Russ & Daughters
lox so I have go Goldbelly.

- Goldbelly is what every
contestant has chosen so far.

- Really?
- Wild.

- Jess, would you do me the honor

of picking something off the loser menu.

- Oh, yes.

I'll take a sincere complement.

- Jess, you are one of the
genuinely kindest people I know.

- Aw.

- I never have to worry that
you're thinking of others

in the highest possible esteem.

You stick up for your friends,
you stick up for what's right

and you do it while remaining
extraordinarily gracious

and classy.
- Aw.

- We're all slightly better
people thanks to Jess Ross.

- Aw.
- Yeah!

- Aw.
- You guys,

that's very nice to hear,
that was really nice.

- [Sam] Raph, if you could pick
something off of this menu.

- Yeah, let's do the virtual hug.

- I love that.
- Get real close.

Gonna see some hands, oh.

- Give you a little kiss, kiss.

- Yeah!
[smacking lips]

[laughing]

- You got a little extra.
- That made me really happy.

[laughing]

- That does it for us
here at "Game Changer."

I am Sam Reich reminding you that ghosts

are just a mix between people
and Heaven, good night!

- Good night.
- Good night.

[warm instrumental music]
[audience clapping]