03x03 - Doors

[bunniefuu]

[door opens]

[footsteps echoing in distance]

[door opens]

She never let me be scared. Like, worried.

She kept things moving.

Always kept things running.

She did it by herself.

She was nice to everyone.

She was funny.

She let me watch R-rated stuff
when I was a kid.

Like--

Like, she let me watch RoboCop.

She was a good cook.

When I was a kid,
we ate dinner together a lot.

I liked just being in the kitchen.

Just kind of watching her make dinner.

She was really creative.

Like, she sewed a lot.

And she loved flowers.
Loved, loved flowers.

She was really smart.

And she loved everyone.

I think you can tell,
'cause there's so many people here.

I always felt loved.

It didn't matter what was going on,

or if I was in trouble or whatever.

I knew she was listening.

And she knew I was listening too.

She was sick.

And even though she couldn't speak,

it almost felt sometimes like
that communication was better.

Like, we really had to
pay attention to each other.

And look really closely at each other.

I don't know what it's like
to be a parent.

But I know what it's like to be a kid.

And having someone actually
really pay attention to you.

That was--

That was really special.

Thank you, everyone, for being here.

[breathes deeply]

- [Carmy] Chef.
- Mmm.

These, uh-- These look different.

Oh, yeah. I made the margins wider.

- Why?
- 'Cause you write in the margins.

Oh. It's--

It's really nice. Thank you.

Yeah.

Feel good?

We will see. You feel good?

Yeah, we're gonna see.

- Coke?
- Check.

- Tickets good?
- Yeah. Check.

- Sharpie?
- Check.

We're good. You good?

- Good.
- All right.

We're open.

You wanna call it?

- [Carmy] Your turn, Chef.
- [Richie] Look alive, lizards. We're open.

- Doors!
- [all] Doors!

Asparagus with duck egg and potato.
Ravioli with peas and parm mousse.

We have hamachi with grapefruit,
cauliflower and Swiss chard.

And tenderloin with
mushroom and cherry jus.

Is everybody good?

- [all] Chef.
- Great. Let's f*cking go. Thank you.

[Richie] All right. Look alive, bearitos.

- Happy Wednesday.
- [all] Happy Wednesday.

[Richie] Uh, we are slammed tonight, guys.
Totally packed.

A couple PONs.

We have a 47th birthday at 7:00 p.m.


celebrating an anniversary.

Uh, I want us to be sharp.

I want us to be clear.
I want us to have fun, okay?

Of note is the asparagus,
looks really awesome.

Uh, that's served with a quail egg
and a turnip puree.

- [whispers] Potato.
- And-- Oh, okay.

Uh, that's served with a potato
and turnip puree--

Egg and potato.

Asparagus is served with a quail egg
and a potato puree.

Chef Marcus, what's up with dessert?

Princess cake, coconut gelato,
caviar sundae.

[scoffs] f*ck yeah. Awesome.

- Everybody good?
- [all] Yeah.

- All right. Let's get to work. Service.
- [all] Chef.

- [Sydney] Doors.
- [all] Doors!

[Richie] Welcome in.

We prepared a beautiful menu
for you guys tonight.

But just in case, are there any allergies
or dietary restrictions

or things you just don't
really feel like eating?

P two. Shellfish allergy, gluten allergy.

[Sydney] Thank you.

Okay. Order in, two-top.
No shellfish, no gluten.

- [all] Chef.
- [Sydney] Fire two mirepoix.

[all] Chef.

[door opens]

[Richie] Chef.

- [Sydney] Order in, four-top.
- [all] Chef.

Fire four mirepoix.

[all] Chef.

Hands.

Good?

Oh, sh*t.

[grunts]

Ah, f*ck.

- [Sydney] Doors.
- [all] Doors!

- Fire two raviolo, please.
- [all] Chef.

- Hand me the hamachi.
- Hands.

Hey, Chef Syd, I need this Wagyu.

These guys are waiting,
like, half an hour.

- Right here, Jeff.
- [Carmy] Thank you, Chef Tina.

- [Tina] Thank you.
- No, T. Refire, please.

- Everybody, take your time.
- What the f*ck? No. T, do not refire.

- Plate that sh*t. Plate it.
- What's wrong with it?

- [Carmy] It's off.
- Are you f*cking kidding me? It's perfect.

[Carmy] The cook's off.

Refire.

- That's a f*cking as*h*le.
- [clanks]

- [Richie] I'm getting f*cked.
- Stop.

If it's not perfect,
it doesn't go out, okay?

[Richie] Why don't you be a man
and tell that to table 17?

- I'm getting f*cked.
- [Sydney] Richie.

- Richie.
- You guys are f*cking me. No, for real.

- Are they drinking?
- They're drinking.

[Sydney] Okay. Let's do a glass on us.

As many glasses, please.

- Marcus.
- Chef.

[Sydney] Can I get a pear
and Brie fast, like, yesterday?

[Marcus] Got you, Chef.

- I'm getting f*cked.
- I'm aware.

- You're f*cking me.
- So sorry, Jeff.

- Don't apologize, just keep going.
- [Sydney] Need that Wagyu, please.

- [Tina] Working, Jeff.
- [Sydney] Thank you.

Hands.

Hands.

Hands.

Hands.

Hands, please.

Thank you.

- f*ck.
- Welcome to Beef. Hold please.

f*ck.

[Cicero] I have a bill in my hands
for $11,268 for butter.

Buddy, what is it? The f*cking
rare Transylvanian five-titted goat?

We cannot f*cking keep this up.

- It's Orwellian.
- It's dystopian butter?

- What?
- What are you talking about?

- No, no. Orwell, Vermont.
- Orwell, Vermont.

- Yes.
- Of course.

I'm gonna send 'em 20 f*cking grand.

- It's the best.
- Oh, yeah. Suck me.

How the f*ck are we out of teaspoons?

- [Sydney] Doors.
- [all] Doors.

[all] Happy Monday.

- [Carmy] Excuse me.
- [Richie] Yeah, one second, please.

- Richie, move, please.
- Yeah, one second--

- Move, move, move, move.
- Oh, my God.

Where's the f*cking fire?

Just trying to write a list.

- What list?
- Nonnegotiables.

- No, Richie.
- Yeah.

- No. No. Richie, no.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We have a list. No.

I'm getting f*cking drilled out there.

I'm writing some f*cking nonnegotiables.

"A courtesy window for any menu changes.
Eight hours is okay.

- Ten hours is ideal. Trim nails."
- These are on the list.

"A willingness to accommodate
dietary restrictions."

That's not on the list. That's important.

"Joy." Just in general.

These are very actionable.
These are very easy.

- This is a waste of time.
- It's not.

- It is. This is a waste of my time.
- Not a waste of time.

- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.

"Open heart. Open mind."
That's an important one for you.

Give the list to Sugar.
She'll print it out.

-"Basic manners and decency."
- Please. Give it to Sugar.

"An environment that embraces
and encourages

razzle-dazzle and the dream weave."

Richie, enough.

- Please, back to work. Thank you.
- What'd I say?

- Thank you.
- The list goes on.

- All right. We'll type it up.
- Thank you.

- Very defensive. I see you. I see you.
- Thank you. Thank you.

[Richie] f*cking b*tch.

- [Sydney] Doors.
- [all] Doors.

[all] Happy Wednesday.

No, I hate this.

- For a surprise?
- No, f*ck surprises.

- Why?
- f*ck surprises.

- I love surprises. You?
- No. No.

- You'd love a surprise.
- Yes, f*cking surprise!

- Richie, no surprise. f*ck surprises.
- Yes, f*cking surprise.

Stay the f*ck out
of the dream weave, Carmen.

- Let's go.
- [Neil] Yes.

One, two, three.

[sings "Happy Birthday to You" in Spanish]

f*ck. [sighs]

[winces]

- [patrons exclaim]
- f*ck.

Uh...

Uh, be careful.
I'll be right back to clean this up.

[Tina sighs]

All right. Drop pasta in the pot.

Okay. Sauce in the pan.

[Tina clears throat]

[Sydney] Yeah. Yep.

- All right, now just reduce.
- [Carmy] Hands.

Yes, Chef.

Yeah, it's good.

Take your time, Chef.

Okay, Chef.

And right the first time.

Thank you, Chef.

[sighs]

- [Sydney] Doors.
- [all] Doors.

Hands. I need hands, please.

[Neil] I can take it.

- You sure?
- Chef.

- You know what to do?
- I believe so.

You're gonna take it to the table.

You're gonna pour the broth
into the bowls.

Give them each a bowl.
Say, "This is our mirepoix broth." Okay?

- You got it?
- Yes, Chef.

- Good. Go. Careful.
- Okay.

- Thank you, Chef.
- Thank you.

Hi, welcome.

Um, this is a broth
from Chef Carmen's mind.

Mirepoix and broth.

I pour it in front of you.

Enjoy.

- What are you doing?
- I poured it in front of them.

Why the f*ck is it back in here?

- Well--
- We're a restaurant, Fak.

- I saw it. I got it.
- We serve the food. What the f*ck is this?

- Come on.
- What are you thinking?

- Sorry.
- We have to be organized.

Says the guy who changes everything
every ten seconds.

Talk to your man and figure it out.

Keep my man out of your f*cking mouth.
You're not fully integrated.

Don't talk to me
until you're integrated, jack off.

You can't f*cking serve.
You can't handle that sh*t.

- What are you doing?
- You told me I got it good.

I know what I said.
And I know what I'm saying right now.

Never again. Never again.

- [Sydney] Doors!
- [all] Doors!

Okay. Let's fire cavatelli.

Let's fire cavatelli.
Fire cavatelli. Fire cavatelli.

Fire duck. Fire duck.

Waiting on two and three. Hold on four.

Hold on five.
And let's fire six please, chefs.

Fire agnolotti. Let's fire agnolotti.

Fire Wagyu. Fire Wagyu. Wagyu.

I need my ravioli. I need my rib cap,
guys. Where is my rib cap?

Guys, please. Chefs, I need communication.
Where we at?

- There you are.
- End of the day, honey.

- We just gotta get more f*cking people.
- I know, yeah.

Princess, why isn't there a big,
like, table right here?

- Big m*therf*cking 12-top?
- [sighs] There was, and now there's not.

Or we could do this.

We could put the name
of the f*cking restaurant outside

on the f*cking restaurant.

Oh, yeah? Okay. I'll think about it.

Darling, are you sure you do not
have to go again?

- It is a long ride. I'm just asking.
- I'm good, Unc!

[Ebraheim] Cameron. Cameron.

sh*t. I cannot read my own handwriting.

Gina! Pete! John H.!

Mike J.!

One minute. Hold on.

John H.!

John H.!

sh*t. [sighs] Uh.

Ted, I need a trash can!

Where the hell are you, John H.?

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

We need to add a turn.

- What's up?
- We need to add a turn.

- A turn is a full room?
- Yeah, a turn is a full room.

Right now, we have two.
One at 5:30, one at 7:45.

A two-top is two hours, 15 minutes.

Four-top is two hours, 45 minutes.
A six-top is--

- Three, fifteen. Yeah, I got it.
- Fifteen.

- Can we do half a turn?
- We're gonna have to.

We have 60 seats five nights a week,


At two and a half turns,
each seat is worth

- $113,750.
- Hundred and thirteen-- Fifty dollars.

- Yeah.
- We gotta understand this menu first.

- And it is f*cked every ten minutes.
- Okay.

Yeah, well, some of
the greatest restaurants in the world

change their menu every day. So--

What about the ones on Orleans and Huron?

They figure out how to add half a turn.

- Jeff, do we have to do this every night?
- [Carmy] Yes, Chef.

- [Sydney] Doors!
- [all] Doors!

Agnolotti. Still waiting on two.

Please, chefs.

T, how we doing?

- Chef?
- [stammers] Almost, Chef. Almost.

- f*ck this. I'm going in.
- [Sydney] No. Stop.

[Carmy] Fire two halibut!

- I'm sorry, Jeff. I'm just--
- Breathe. You're fine.

- [Carmy] Table two, waiting on scallops.
- Don't think. Just listen.

- We're going to refire. Okay?
- Yes, Chef.

How long halibut?

- [Sydney] Drop pasta.
- [Tina sighs]

- [Carmy] Waiting on spring onion!
- [Sydney] Sauce in the pan.

- Little bit of salt. Pasta into the sauce.
- [Carmy] Still waiting on bottarga.

Bit of cheese.

And plate.

[Sydney] Hey, hands, please.

Hey, hands.

- Two spring onion, chefs.
- [Tina] Chef.

[Richie] Okay, everybody, listen up.

All right. So starting tonight, guys,

we're gonna add a seating
for half of the room at 9:30.

- [all groaning]
- [Richie] Come on. I know. It's a push.

All we have to do is we have to turn
all the 7:30 two-tops

as fast as humanly possible.
We can do this.

All right. Thanks, guys. Back to work.

Yeah.

- You're good. You look great.
- Thanks.

- [Sydney] Doors!
- [all] Doors!

- Hi.
- It's 10:20?

Yeah, we gotta get this table out.

[breathes deeply] All right.
Okay, I got it.

Oh. Thank you so much for your patience.
Just bear with us one more minute.

Thanks.

Okay, how are we doing?

I hope you guys are
having an amazing night.

Um, you guys wanna see the kitchen?

- Of course! Hell yeah.
- [Richie] Yeah?

- All right, let's go.
- Hey.

All right. So this is something--

Actually, I don't think
we've ever done this.

But I was looking at this beautiful,
curious-looking table.

I was like, these guys, we're gonna
pull back the curtain for these guys.

So, in our kitchen,

we like to foster an environment
of what we call vibrant collaboration.

So think about that as
we come into the kitchen.

[Carmy] The problem is
we're having to refire--

I'm having to refire 15 times, Chef!

- [Sydney clears throat]
- Fifteen-- What?

This is the kitchen.
As you can see, a lot of energy.

Thank you, chefs.

Thank you.

[Carmy] Rib cap, red wine jus.

Wagyu bordelaise.

Lamb with yogurt.

Duck with apricot.

[Sydney] Duck with cherry.

Uh, rib cap with bordelaise.

Lamb au jus.

Uh, duck with orange.

So we got a duck
with apricot condiment-- sh*t, no.

Sorry. Cherry jus again with the red wine.

Really?

Okay, so, actually not a terrible idea.

Cell phones locked in lockers
for the duration of service.

Uh, happy Friday.

- [all] Happy Friday.
- [Sydney] Happy Friday.

- [Sydney] Doors!
- [all] Doors!

Guys, these bowls are wrong.

- No, they're not.
- Yes, they are.

- Hey, Suggie. My sweet darling.
- [Sugar] Yep. Mm-hmm.

- I'm getting angina over here.
- At least there's some money coming in.

And it flies right out the f*cking window.

I mean, restaurants? f*ck me thrice.

- What was I thinking? Making me crazy.
- Okay.

I think that's going around.

Three different sizes
for these bowls. f*ck me.

- Is it not packed out there?
- It's packed. Totally packed.

- My eyes don't deceive me, right? Packed?
- Your eyes do not deceive you.

Whole lot of f*cking people eating
a whole lot of food every f*cking night.

- Yep.
- Right?

- Right.
- So where's the f*cking money?

- It's not the same bowl.
- It's fine.

It's not fine, Richie. f*ck.

Our costs are so high.

- And I love you.
- Unc, I'm trying.

- I love you. I love you.
- I swear to f*cking God,

- I am trying for you.
- It's that menu.

- I know. I know.
- It's that f*cking menu!

- It's handmade earthenware.
- Look at this.

You can't see the difference in this?
Look at it!

What am I supposed to say to him?

It's a three-year-old
with too many f*cking crayons.

- Okay.
- Not your fault.

- Thank you.
- f*ck my t*ts.

Guys, I need this duck, like, yesterday,
please. Carm, where are we at?

And, T, can you please fire
that agnolotti or that cavatelli?

- Uh--
- I thought you were on that.

- I can't cook and do expo, same time.
- f*ck, no. I'll do it.

Chef Syd, fire that rib.

- P3, no mushroom.
- [Sydney] Okay. Yeah. Wait.

- Is that a modification or--
- Hands!

No. No, no, no, no, no.

- Customer requested no mushrooms.
- Is it a modification or an allergy?

- It doesn't matter.
- The guy says he doesn't like mushrooms.

It doesn't f*cking matter.

- He hates mushrooms.
- He doesn't have to eat mushrooms.

- Doesn't make sense without mushrooms.
- It's about the f*cking customer!

Syd. f*cking deal with him.

I'm not doing anything to this guy.
The guy hates f*cking mushrooms!

- Stop. I can't do this every night.
- [Richie] I'm not f*cking with your sh*t.

- f*ck you, Richie. Get out of here.
- No, you get the f*ck out of here.

Get the f*ck out of here, Richie.
I'm gonna send you the f*ck home!

[Richie] I'm gonna send you the f*ck home.

[Richie] Don't you f*cking touch me.

- f*cking baby.
- Pick it up.

- You f*cking pick it up.
- Pick it up! Pick it up, Richie!

- You f*cking pick it up.
- [Marcus] You're good. You're good.

Sorry. Sorry.

- [Sydney] Doors!
- [all] Doors!

[patrons chattering]

[Marcus] Oh, f*ck this. sh*t.

Have you been to New York City before?
Carmy's been there before.

Have you ever been to Copenhagen?

[Manny] f*ck!

f*ck.

f*cking glass. g*dd*mn it.

- [Sugar] The menu cost is out of control.
- Nat, figure it out.

[Sugar] Oh. Oh.

- Figure it out? Wow.
- Figure it out.

- Why don't you f*cking figure it out?
- I'm trying to use less sh*t.

Okay, well, whatever you're doing,
the R & D of that, it's f*cking us.

Well, we're using the best sh*t.

- Duh. Duh. Well, duh.
- Duh? Don't duh. No duh.

Don't buy f*cking crazy sh*t
and then use it once, Carm.

It's so wasteful.
Duh! Duh, duh. f*cking duh, bro.

[Cicero] Who the f*ck
bought Super Soakers?

Richie. Richie. Idiot. Idiot. Richie.

It's for a Tuesday surprise.

What the f*ck is a Tuesday surprise?

It's actually really fun.

So that's how you get
one of them stupid f*cking stars?

With a m*therf*cking squirt g*n?

- [Sydney] Doors!
- [all] Doors!

Fire ravioli.

Fire duck.

I need f*cking hands.

Where are hands?

Piece of f*cking--

Hands, please.

f*cking hands.

- f*ck.
- [Sydney] Hey.

I need you to calm down.

- They're going too f*cking slow!
- I am not asking.

You need to calm down.

I'm not your f*cking babysitter.

- Chef.
- Great. Thank you.

Can I get hands, please?

[both grunt]

- [Sydney] Doors!
- [all] Doors!

- [Carmy] Got it.
- f*ck.

- [Sydney] Doors!
- [all] Doors!

[Angel] f*ck!

- [Sydney] Doors!
- [all] Doors!