01x08 - Lonely at the Top

[bunniefuu]

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thank you

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oh thank God what are you up to uh my

neighbor's damn tree looms over my yard

blocking the sun dropping leaves all

over the place and poor little Andy has

to rake him up I see so so to solve this

problem you're nailing his garage door

shut exactly you know Bob here it comes

you're gonna try and twist this around

somehow to make it wrong the poison yeah

yeah yeah I'm sure one of the seven

Commandments covers this it's easy to

make those rules up in the clouds with

your little wings and your fancy Harps

but I'm down here in the real world

punching the time clock scratching out a

living try having your wife counting

your beers people coming after you for

your ill*gal cable box then you got your

son Andy with 103 degree temperature

outbreaking leaves because of this jerk

you don't know what it's like being

human you know what you're right Bob I

am hey what's going on out there oh sh

I'm out of here

Mike with softball season starting next

week I was checking the stats from last

year and your batting average was a

hundred points lower in afternoon games

than night games yeah well the sun gets

in my eyes I know that's why today at

lunch I'd like you to grab a bath go

outside and stare at the Sun get your

eyes acclimated I'm not gonna blind

myself with this team okay

doesn't and part of how's it going Bob

how's it going God

oh God what are you doing here what oh

I'm here to work I'm Arthur from the

Ypsilanti planet we have an ipsilanti

plant no I just like the sound of it

Arthur from Ypsilanti say it with me Bob

Arthur from ipsilanti no why why do you

want to be an auto worker I got the

thinking about what you said the other

night I thought it'd be good to come

down here and experience life as a human

being look I was just trying to get rid

of you no no no you were onto something

I want to know what it's like to be you

Bob without the blinding hangovers

hey what does this do

it releases the windshield what is going

on here who's this

um Arthur from the Ypsilanti plan I

didn't always bring Grandpa to work day

look I run a tight shift Geezer around

here it's my way or the byway I think

that's Highway shut up

I've got my eye on you

okay now God big guy before you go and

get all Old Testament on us that was

great I got my a*s chewed out oh my ears

are hot do your ears get hot when you

get yelled at

look why don't you just lay low for a

while you know sort of soak up the

atmosphere surely in the background oh

that's real sweet of you Bob but I don't

expect any extra consideration just

because I'm God I'm here to build a

quality mid-sized sedan at an affordable

price

what is he up to now

would you stop that you're screwing up

my reception sorry

the man's lost his mind he's an overall

that's what God say switch you can't

rule these people when you're amongst

these people you compromise your

Authority and you'll never get it back

I'll tell you that ow that's my hoof

don't blame me it's those Doc Martens

you're always wearing sure they look

cool but you pay a price

to this lands here

you know if I may be so bold sir it

seems like we have an opportunity here

what are you talking about if God's so

busy on Earth doing all this human stuff

no one's minding the store smack your

right I can do anything I want don't

make it puffy in the back I know how to

do your hair okay without him around

everything is possible the sky is the

limit I'm soiling myself with

anticipation sir what's your first move

my first move

Hmm this is my big chance so it has to

be perfect how about a plague I've done

that it has to be something so

diabolical so dastardly so appalling it

will disgust even me Tony Danza on

Broadway yes something on that level

this is my opportunity to finally take

control At Last I can commit the

ultimate Act of evil upon the entire

universe

[Laughter]

I've got nothing

foreign

I was breaking in this new guy

I'll get it Bob you've got something

right here

other side

got it

God it's Arthur I did the work thing now

I want to do the home thing oh gee God I

I don't know if that's such a great who

is it Bob

oh hi I'm Arthur from the Ypsilanti

plant Bob invited me over to meet the

family

hey is that Meatloaf

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lose 14 spaces for swiping a cookie

fashion ladders is a cruel game Arthur

oh clumsy me that's the third time

well I guess we'll just have to start

over again

Bob Donna wants to talk to you huh

oh

Bob I don't want to be rude to your

friend but he's been here for four hours

he ate three helpings of meatloaf and

made us sing camp songs at the table and

then there was that bizarre explanation

of how you make a goldfish I mean what

was that about well what am I supposed

to do tell Arthur to leave I can why not

look Donna the truth is Arthur is

adopted and he still lives with his

parents it's not a good situation a lot

of verbal abuse they thought they were

getting a five-year-old I think that's

why they're so angry

what's he got on you pretty much

everything fine I'll do it

listen Arthur it's been a lovely evening

but it's getting late and I was thinking

maybe you would like to stay and have

another piece of that delicious Beach

pie I would like to stay and have

another piece of that delicious peach

pie well I shouldn't but okay

Brittany is always talking behind

people's backs don't tell her I said

this but I think she is really phony

oh really

she invited you

no no go ahead like I care

everybody hates me

there you happy Megan I'll go talk to

her what better let Arthur handle this

do you mind I want to be alone it's cool

your friends bugging you Brittany is not

my friend oh she's just acting all

conceited and stuff because she's

jealous of you hanging with Jennifer

knew it I knew it

Junior High girls are so immature

totally especially Brittany

thanks no biggie Megan honey are you I'm

fine

well listen it's getting really late so

why don't you just spend the night so

why don't you just spend the night

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thanks for the T-shirt Bob

yeah it's a classic isn't it oh when I

was pulling out the bed I seem to have

stumbled onto something called jugs

monthly uh yes it's a trade journal for

uh vessels used in the storage of

my God is that a naked woman well this

is going into the trash immediately

so this has been great let's see you've

done the work thing and now the home

thing and I guess in the morning you'll

be doing the leaving thing I mean it's

great to have you here but we sort of

have our routine we don't get a lot of

midweek guests anyway I guess what I'm

saying is

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foreign

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not too bad Kegel

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nuns kicking none at it doesn't get any

better than this some of your best work

sir you're really firing on all

cylinders yes I am I really am

so why do I feel so empty come on we've

had a good week we got gambling into

Salt Lake City the designated hitter

into the national league and installed

another 700 toddler-sized wells in

Oklahoma

fish in a barrel smack without the Holy

One around what's the point of all this

I just don't know who I am anymore I'm

lost I feel like that guy and Wham after

George Michael went solo what g*y

exactly

he with black and white and red all over

dear Bob and Donna thanks for your

hospitality if you're ever in Ypsilanti

look me up ha ha he has an odd sense of

humor yeah tell it to job who

uh Ralph Jobe a guy I work with he

installs dome lights has a limp German

accent you met him has the lazy eye

after talking to Jennifer last night I

discovered something painful about

myself all the clothes you guys bought

me suck mommy you have to take me

shopping are you kidding Megan if you

think for one second we'll go this

weekend and make a day of it what Donna

could we go into the kitchen and fight

about this we are not going to buy her

all new clothes look this is the first

time in two years that she's asked me to

do anything with her I've been waiting a

long time for some interaction with

Megan that doesn't end up with both of

us in tears I'm fine with tears tears we

can afford

Bob you got to do something about your

friend Arthur what he's here again yeah

and he's making us look bad

he's like a blur he's been doing that

all morning b*stard an autoplay it's an

unsafe Place accidents happen be a real

shame if a was to fall on your

friend's head

whoa guys we don't need that calm down

let me see what I can do

you said you were going back to

Ypsilanti don't do air quotes Bob it

just annoys everyone

look I know what challenged you on the

human thing but the truth is I say a lot

of stupid things no one listens to me

ninety percent of the time I'm an idiot

and the other 30 I'm drunk do you

realize you people don't have a company

saw I've been working on one though I

was thinking about bouncing it off some

of the g*ng no don't come on

Bob you've got to do something what now

you're here God's lost it we've got to

help him you've got to help him tell him

you don't want him in your life renounce

God it's for his own good you know

everyone thinks I don't care but that's

not me I care I care too much whether I

care about the right things or not

reasonable men can differ but no one can

say I don't care

you think I want him here

maybe we should stage an intervention

aren't those supposed to be a surprise

right he's got that omniscient thing

going I know that why am I so rattled

okay okay

the whole time we're planning this we

have to think of something else for the

next two weeks think about nothing but

portobello mushrooms okay we have a plan

hello everybody Arthur here thought this

might lift your spirits

we are the men of associated Motors we

build cars and occasionally light trucks

sure we were slow to catch on to the

minivan who knew America would want to

spend the Bucks everyone we are the men

of associated Motors

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okay boys let's see if we still remember

how to play this game

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come on Charlie pick it up nice throw

make the turn Pete take it out big

double play oh I love these guys we

might actually stand a chance this year

hey Bob

no no no no

I did the work thing and the whole thing

and now I want to do the play thing God

look baseball is very important to me I

mean

you know how religion is to you are you

worried I can't cut it well no well yeah

well let me set your mind at ease

foreign

oops there it goes

I thought I had that one

I got some leather on it

that was a blast what a hoot yeah so for

the game on Saturday I was thinking I'd

like to play Third Base what you know

the old Hot Corner uh well we've already

got somebody to play Third Base

I really really would like to play Third

Base well that's great to know and if it

were up to me it is up to you Bob I

guess what I'm saying is that the lineup

is set we've got a third baseman and

it's Charlie

foreign

was that Charlie yep he'll be okay in a

couple of weeks did you Bob how can you

even ask that

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this is Rock Bottom Smith the creator of

the universe is adjusting his cup

what is that it's a dog see leash collar

dog I am I'm a dog

Mommy Mommy okay let's play ball

[Applause]

wow that guy's got some Wheels

[Applause]

I got it I got it I got it

wait a minute where'd that thing go

[Applause]

oh that one's cute that's what you said

about the other one well I like them

both we're finding such great outfits

this is really turning in okay stop it

just stop it will you what's the matter

you're trying to ruin this on purpose

how

doing this you're liking everything I

like I'm sorry I can't work this way

you're my Gage if you hate it then I

know it's cool but if you keep liking

everything

then I'm completely lost

you know now that I really look at it

this is hideous you were just saying

that in fact I won't be seen with you in

that now that is really lame attempt to

get on my good side

but I know you're not capable of doing

any better so fine we'll take it oh

honey

Papa take your base

today we're back in the game people it's

alley time you're hearing footsteps

Saturn okay so who's up who do you think

oh no

so take your time down here because I

don't need you I've got to be honest I

had my doubts but then it hit me I can

do evil and good Good's easy see I made

my first flower

too late

games on the line you can't let that guy

bat the bull feels an unsafe Place

accidents happen be a shame if the

was to fall on your friend's head

all right all right

[Applause]

that's a little harsh are they allowed

to do that

take one for the team what that's

cheating Bob look this team means

everything to me I don't care about my

job I'm not any good at my family this

is the only thing I care about that I'm

good at I'm begging you to let yourself

get hit by a pitch Bob I might just

surprise you and get a hit I've got a

special feeling about this

what

oh

a special feeling I gotcha say no more

no

no it's okay he's gonna get a hit don't

worry he's got a feeling

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come on come on give me the high cheese

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wow I was wrong I didn't even come close

to getting a hit I've never made a

mistake before

it's wonderful

you okay Bob you seem t*ts you're

ruining my life what you want to

experience being a human being fine come

to my work break a few windshields come

to my home cheated Shoots and Ladders

but why did you have to screw with my

softball team well because

well

I just wanted to be one of the guys I

thought if I played on the team took a

little chin music maybe snuck in a cheap

shot during a brawl the guys might

accept me but you're God what do you

care why do you think I created man to

have some company I used to come down

here all the time in the old days but

sooner or later issues would come up I'd

get angry destroy a city and suddenly

everyone's walking on eggshells

but what about the angels and all those

souls in heaven you know they're lovely

people singing my Praises for all

eternity but you really wouldn't want to

have a beer with any of them yeah you

know the expression it's Lonely at the

Top that's when you're talking about

presidents or Streisand imagine what

it's like for me so you get lonely huh

wow maybe you know more about being a

human than I thought

yeah

but luckily I'm not a real mopey guy so

that makes it easier tell you what if I

try softball again I'll spend a little

time in the cage with Ruth and DiMaggio

I really should take more advantage of

my resources well it couldn't hurt I

guess I should go yeah

would you look at that the lights are

coming on kids are getting called into

dinner dogs are barking got

okay I'm going

those damn flowers are out of control I

told you to take an easy and a Miracle

Grow Dad they found us

my own Creations are turning on me we

can discuss the irony event later sir

but right now I'm scared it's going to

require teamwork

you distract the daffodils I'll make a

run for it okay look ethant

it's my job sir everybody

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