01x07 - Bob Gets Committed

[bunniefuu]

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thank you

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[Applause]

so anyway my Candy's got the measles I

got to keep an eye on him and Meg until

Donna gets home so you and Barry should

just probably go on without me tonight

Dad sorry I'm keeping you from going out

hey Andy there's no place I'd rather be

Bob I'm

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done

gentlemen let the debauchery begin this

place has all the things that make life

worth living be semi-nude women and

well that's it really

right here boys this is where I landed

when I got thrown out last time well

that's what happens when you stuff

Monopoly money in their g-strings hey it

was a 500. guys the semi-nude women

uh you do go on in I uh left my laser

pointer in the car

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Bob I've got an assignment for you now

oh come on that's Jasmine's intro if you

want Bob I'll take you to her house at

the end of the night you can watch

Jasmine cry in the shower she tries to

wash away the shame

shower

so she'd be naked right okay this is

obviously part of some larger

conversation that we need to have but

right now I've got an important job for

you let's take your car

somewhere along here Bob I want you to

put up a billboard with an important

message

something about the apocalypse

are you gonna finally reveal yourself to

the world no no I just bought the

billboard to say smile

smile

smile

the big guys really slipping huh a smile

billboard

pretty lame if you ask me don't be

stupid Smith okay God knows exactly what

he's doing

is giving Bob an assignment that only

appears innocuous in the hopes that it

will pass by Under My Radar we have

radar

please continue look this little

billboard project is going to pay major

dividends for him somewhere down the

line God's thinking four moves ahead so

I think five moves ahead it's like a

chess game I'll tell you it's fun

Stratego

you know if you didn't have such a

strong union

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okay Detroit get ready to smile

yeah

oh boy the highway patrol guardians of

America's roadways this is gonna be

sweet let's not leave anything to chance

smack bring me the homunculus the

humunculus

oh it just gets better

excuse me oh uh hi good evening officer

uh can I help you that's your billboard

in a way yes but in more of a way no

oh look at the little Feller you know

something's up

thought people could use a little morale

booster is all well that is a nice

thought

oh my God what'd I do are you okay

how about now

this is so cool why don't we do this

more often because it's cheese man we're

better than this

sorry sorry you must realize this is as

awkward for me as it is for you

hey Bob what's been going on oh my is

this the back of a policeman's Cruiser

Bob have you run a foul of the law

Lucifer I know you're the one who made

me beat up that Trooper when God finds

out that you

hello I uh no it probably seems like I'm

acting strangely see I'm a messenger of

God and

foreign

feel the despair I love this place

you're at the course of this this was

all you're doing you know Bob when you

point a finger at me you're pointing

three fingers back at yourself oh just

get me out of here my family doesn't

know where I am hmm that is a concern I

can help you with that what are you

talking about what are you talking about

not bad huh what are you doing don't

worry about your family Bob while you're

here I'm going to look after all their

needs specially donors she'd never fall

for that don't think so well check this

out honey we're at Old Milwaukee

oh my God you can't do this see you Bob

I'll give Donna a big sloppy kiss for

you

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foreign

I gotta get out of here what's wrong the

devil's in my house he's after my family

oh I've been there so anyway I was

thinking of taking the boat out this

weekend hey man can I borrow your phone

sure

uh you know what I can wait

okay I'm back you let me deal with the

Harbormaster

I need a phone I can see there's one out

in the hall but you can't go out there I

don't care my family's in danger Bob I'm

Dr Williams I've been studying you from

across the room it's clear you don't

belong here I'm authorizing your release

oh man thanks all right Fred come on

give me the clipboard and the coat

and the jello mold

he never saw his mother naked

he said

whoa

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come on pick up

mm-hmm

yeah that's my phone I just don't feel

like answering it come on come on

do you ever get tired of hearing the

sound of your own voice it's all just

blah blah blah blah blah pick up the

phone

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foreign

hey everybody daddy's home

he's drunk again hi there little Sprout

hey Dad

where's my little side dish

that wasn't dad

all right I guess it's time you knew

dad's a pod person what no way I saw him

laying his eggs in the closet

foreign

hello there where have you been look

let's forget about that shall we and get

to more important things

sexy nasty things Bob we're not having

sex tonight I have a big test in the

morning

is that Paco Rabon does it make your

heart flutter like a cornered rat what

just some pillow talk my little meat

slice Bob I told you we're not having

sex tonight but I'm your husband so so

so I'm your husband and I commend you to

have sex with me

really

please please please please please I

won't tell anybody

Bob the begging thing we've talked about

this

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hey guys hey guys hey uh God would you

sign my stomach why sure Bernie

so how's it going

um I'm still having those dreams but

it's a nice relief from The Waking hours

I

wow Fred I think the fact you're trying

makes all the difference look just hang

in there guys I have a feeling things

are gonna get better

you can play the Black seven on the red

eight thanks

oh howdy God hi Bob so these guys can

see you the innocence of the world

usually can

so how are you well I've discovered

something about myself me likey

Thorazine

to think all those years I wasted

drinking beer

hey God how you doing man Bob God God

God God God

well when you say it over and over like

that it starts not to make any sense I

mean like why isn't your name Jeff and

who named you oh wrap your mind around

that this is why I hated the 60s can we

focus here how's your assignment going

oh my assignment oh right my assignment

well that didn't go so good and I think

that's kind of why I ended up here

exactly you've got work to do Bob if

anybody needs their spirits lifted it's

these people in here yeah they should be

as happy as I am you're not happy you're

drugged yeah I'm not gonna quibble

I could get a court order to have sex

let's see how she forget it

foreign

how's it going what oh great great I've

worn the poor woman out actually sir I

know how it went you do me and some of

the fellas were watching on the monitor

in the break room oh my God

then you saw me crying in my pillar

I looked away

if I may Venture an opinion it seems to

me that you're pressing a bit sometimes

I wonder if I just didn't have it

anymore oh sir you're forgetting who you

are

let's look back shall we get the light

here's a small sampling of some of your

great moments

remember the nuns of ludun you certainly

turned their head sir yes the Salem

witch is quite a feather in your cap if

I do say

and who can forget the w*r in court

quite a weekend

lights so you see sir when you put your

heart into it no one can resist your

seductions you're right smek what woman

can say no to me I am the king Mack

Daddy how could I ever have doubted

myself I'm a force a presence I'm gonna

go back in there and rock our world oh

sir I don't want to be a worrying Wendy

but have you ever had the measles

oh no

brought you some soup

here we go how's my patient doing

hmm you still have a fever open wide

this is good what do you call this

ah chicken soup ah soup of the chicken

it's a miracle I'm going to tell my

minions about you you do that

you don't loathe me because of my

hideous disease Bob I pulled you in when

you were vomiting on our hedge after the

Super Bowl party I think I can handle

this

oh that woman

what's wrong Bob I gotta Escape somehow

I gotta save my family from the devil

that's too bad and you're gonna miss the

sack race mine's one three years in a

row oh easy Thunder save some for the

race

oh

my God

planted too early all right buddy you

had your fun come on down here nice city

oh gee I'm sorry I'm sorry

hello

thank you

I have a card for you

here's hoping that soon you'll be up in

well so you can get back to running hell

sign the g*ng in the pit of despair

she's wonderful smack she put a cold

cloth on my head

she made soup from the juice of a

chicken it was like nectar I can do soap

I'm great with soup you never asked

that's just it with her I don't have to

ask she anticipates my needs I can

anticipate your needs

come closer smack

now see I wanted you in pain and I had

to do it myself Donna would never let

that happen

why don't you just get it over with and

marry her

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hey Bob Bernie what are you guys doing

here we just thought that if you're

gonna fight the devil you might need

some help we've had some run-ins with

them ourselves there's only one way to

defeat him Tony Orlando and Dawn gee

thanks guys uh listen I gotta go maybe

you should make your way back to the

hospital we don't want to go back we

want to go with you you know the thing

is

gotta travel light oh

that's okay we understand so uh you guys

gonna be all right sure Bob right as

rain oh oh Bob

um where do we line up for breakfast

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you know

maybe I could use your help

okay follow me stay low

and try to be cool

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good guys that's what I meant

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all right now let's uh we'll just uh

I have no idea how to fly this thing

don't worry I know how to fly it

my sister was a balloon

laughs

hey I heard you were sick so I thought

I'd drop by and see how you're doing

this is new you never came when I had my

tonsils out well I'm here now

so does it itch are you kidding here I

brought you something to make you feel

better is that a ficus uh-huh oh

well that's nice

what's wrong with The Ficus nothing

they're delightful I guess a plumeria

would have been too much bother look

just get well get out of here and leave

these people alone

a ficus

Bob this outing has been very

therapeutic and I might add having us

fly over this miniature city was a

stroke of Genius hey there's Detroit

whoa we're losing altitude

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[Applause]

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we're alive we're alive we're alive

sorry about that Landing the tower let

me down you did fine Kurt you all did

fine hey hey

hey yourself

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hey wow that's pretty cool hi hello

everyone what the hell is

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okay I get it

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that's nice good work Bob

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now you're sure you can handle the Devil

by yourself Bob I think I'll be okay

well

just in case

Tony

thanks

so uh you guys are going back to the

hospital well I've always wanted to see

Vienna walk the same streets as Freud

but what can I do it's pudding night

thanks Bob I can't hold her much longer

bye

hmm those poor b*stards I hope they're

gonna be all right

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Lucifer Bob could you refill my glass I

think it's cram grape

get out of here I want you gone back in

hell can you keep it down I have a

splitting headache mom you okay uh yeah

honey I'm fixing you some hot tea the

tea is for me it's sleepy time I'm not

going anywhere Bob I'm in love

oh you're going all right

I'm taking your place Bob

no no yes oh yes my friend

[Laughter]

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what round the old oak tree stop that

it's been three long years do you still

want me stop that you stop that right

now I don't see a ribbon around the old

oak tree you don't care who you hurt wow

stay on the bus forget about us

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[Applause]

all right all right I'm going

you've won this round

Bob

you better be good to her man

oh

you're okay what what are you doing out

of bed I'm just so relieved that you

wait have I been spending a lot of time

in bed what refresh my memory these past

few days have we been having

earth-shattering sex no I gave up on

that years ago good hey that's an insult

I see illness hasn't dulled that mind of

yours at all I was sick honestly Bob

we're even here

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Andy what are you doing Dad is it you

wait how old am I

seven I'm six it really is you sorry Dad

I thought you were a pod person so I was

trying to melt you with a bucket of

water well actually I mixed in some

chemicals from the garage

hmm well I guess that would explain why

my Skin's on fire

thanks son

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foreign

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