01x17 - The Tale of the Haunted Firehouse

[bunniefuu]

Oh, hello there.

I didn't see you come in.
I was just reading a story.

Or should I say "gory"?

Would you like to hear it?
Of course, you would!

[laughing]

So, now I bring you
The Tale of the Haunted Firehouse.

Who are you talking to?

-No one.
-Is that my jacket?

-If this was your jacket, could I do this?
-[rips]

You're telling Stella.

[Stella]
Did I just hear Joe's jacket rip?

Ahh...

Ooh!
Enjoy the show.

-[thumps]
-Ow!

-[theme music playing]
-♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ I was sitting at home ♪

♪ Watching TV all alone ♪

♪ So tired of routines ♪

♪ The day goes on and on ♪

♪ So I pick up the phone ♪

♪ Call everyone I know ♪

♪ I say there's gonna be a party ♪

♪ Hit the music, here we go, yeah ♪

♪ You gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Tell the DJ to play our song ♪

♪ Are you ready to rock and roll? ♪

♪ Gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Live to ♪

♪ Party! ♪

[buzzing]

-Dude, what's all this stuff?
-Ghost-tracking equipment,

so I can finally prove to you guys
that we have a ghost.

Ghosts? Please tell me
you kept the receipts.

Nick, I'm trying to tell you
we have a ghost.

It's all right here in this book:

Ghosts, Ghouls, and Cleanest
Hot-dog Stands of New Jersey.

It's kept track of
every paranormal event,

plus, all the greatest schnitzel
in the Garden State.

Seriously, the receipts, hand 'em over.

According to this,
our firehouse is haunted

by the ghost of William Smith,
a volunteer fireman...

[buzzing]

Who died unexpectedly at the age of 103.

Kevin, ghosts don't exist.
Joe, please talk some sense into him.

Dude, you look sick in night vision.

Kevin, where'd you get these?
I'm never taking them off.

Actually, at the Ghost Outlet.
Check out the ghost cam.

If there's a ghost in this room,
this camera will detect it.

Dude, that's just a regular video camera.

[Kevin] No way! It cost three times
what a regular video camera costs.

Plus, it has a little ghost sticker.

I can see your underwear.

Those aren't x-ray goggles.

No, your pants are riding a little low,
my brother.

[Kevin] Volunteer Fireman William Smith,
you can haunt but you can't hide.

Look!

-[Joe] What?
-[Kevin] Five minutes ago

my glass of juice was full.
Who drank it?

A thirsty ghost perhaps?

Dude, this is my juice.
That's yours over there.

-[Kevin] Oh.
-[Dad] Hey, guys.

[Nick] Dad, would you please tell Kevin
that this firehouse isn't haunted?

What? What happened?
Did you see the ghost?

What do you mean, the ghost?

Uh, Frankie, why don't you go online
and get us our movie tickets?

Sure, Dad.
Boo!

OK, look, when we bought this firehouse,

there was this legend
of some ghost that haunted the place.

[Kevin]
I knew it!

Dad, why didn't you ever tell us?

Well, there's...
there's no such thing as ghosts.

Right? Plus, I was afraid he would
condemn our souls for eternity

if I told on him.

[Kevin] Dad, it's OK to be frightened.
Look at me.

I'm scared speechless.

But I'm still going to prove
that this place is haunted

with the help of the mighty ghost cam.

Isn't that just a regular video camera?

Apparently, it's got some type
of ghost sticker on it.

-Please tell me you kept the receipts.
-He didn't.

[Kevin] The guy in the van
said I didn't need one.

OK.

[rock music playing]

Ghost tracker Kevin here,

reporting live on the dead
from inside my bed.

Ghost cam shows no signs of ghosts,
thus making my bed a ghost-free safe zone.

Let's keep looking.

We'll do a detailed analysis
of Nick's desk

and check for ghost droppings.

-Get out of my face, please.
-[Kevin] All clear.

There must be a ghost here.

There's no way Joe could lift
all that weight by himself.

-Very funny.
-[knock at door]

[Kevin] The ghost must be downstairs
knocking on the front door.

What kind of lame ghost would knock?

Maybe he was raised right...
when he was alive.

[knocking continues]

Hey, guys. Hey, have you heard
of this awesome new thing

that when someone, like,
knocks on the door, you answer it?

Sorry. We're hunting for ghosts.

Oh, I know. Kevin called me
and told me all about

the ghost of Volunteer Fireman
William Smith.

So, I decided to do a little research,

and you're never gonna guess
what I found out.

There's no such thing as ghosts.

Au contraire.
According to this book...

[Kevin]
That's the same book I've got!

-Ghost Book Warehouse?
-[Kevin] Lifetime member.

OK. Anyway, it says

that the ghost of Fireman Smith
will return to this firehouse

on the 50th anniversary of his death,
which is tonight.

[slurps]

And I suppose it told you
what time he'd show up, too.

Yes, 9:15ish.

[Kevin]
What... what time is it now?


[floorboard creaks]

[screaming]

[Kevin]
Maybe the ghost is rocking a baby ghost.

The wind blew the rocking chair
when we opened the door for Stella.

Nick, we don't have a rocking chair.

[Kevin] Don't scream!
You'll wake up the baby ghost.

[rustling]

[Stella]
Who stacked those chairs?

-[Kevin] Go ahead.
-[screaming]

All right, let's not do anything foolish.

All right.
I say we run upstairs and hide.

[rock music plays]

[Kevin] Quick, grab
the electromagnetic field meter.

Got it.

Wait, isn't that
just like a portable GPS?

A GPS for ghosts.
See, it's got the ghost sticker on.

Oh, so now you believe
in the ghost stickers?

All right, let's just find this thing
and get it on video, OK?

-[device humming]
-It's tracking something.

It's calculating a route to the ghosts.

[device beeps]
In eight feet, head due east.

East, it's that way.

I think we should go this way.

[device]
Head due east.

Dudes, it wants us to go east.

[Joe sighs]
I don't think it's right.

[device]
Do you want to find your ghost or not?

Stella, was there any other
information on this ghost?

Yeah, let me see, let me see.

OK, it says that he loved chili
and plaid socks,

had a dog named Chili Socks,

and that he's coming back to take over
somebody's body at midnight.

[Kevin]
Nick, take the camera.

What do you mean, sister friend girl?

Take over someone's body at midnight?

No, look, it says it right here.

It says he's going to trap
the victim in his locker

where he will take over his body,

so he can once again
voluntarily fight fires.

Oh, and he wore a belt and suspenders.
Like, that's crazy.

Then we're OK.
We're OK.

There's no lockers in the firehouse.
We're safe.

[Nice] Well, if you see a ghost
wearing a belt and suspenders,

make sure you run for your life.

[device beeping]
Proceed ten feet straight ahead.

[Kevin]
It's the recording booth.

Um, I don't think I want to go in there.

[wolf howling]

[Nick] Yeah, I don't think that was
Mrs. Keck's chihuahua.

Run!

Get in, get in!

Did you guys just feel that?

It just got really cold in here.

The temperature just dropped

You know what that means?

The temperature just went
from kind of normal... to paranormal!

Do you guys remember
when we built this recording studio?

[all]
Yeah.

Do you remember what we had
to rip out of the recording studio?

[Nick]
Yeah, lockers!

[all]
Lockers!

[device]
You have reached your "ghost-ination."

Uh, it's OK, guys.
Just stay calm.

If we... if we all stick together,
we'll be fine.

Here, give me the camera.

Good idea.
Right, Nick?

Nick? Nick?

Nick? He's gone.

-[doors swing closed]
-What? No.

I can't get it open.

The ghost of William Smith
locked us in and then it stole Nick.

[Stella yells]

[Kevin] Sorry, Stella,
my temperature gauge is a little pointy.

Get us out of here!

[British accent]
What will become of Nick?

Will he find the ghost?
And will I ever stop talking like this?

Stay tuned!

Oh, hello there.

Well, it looks like our friends
have found themselves

in some grave danger.

Will they escape from
the recording boo... th?

Let's "creep" watching.

[laughs]

[rock song playing]

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

[no dialogue]

[all]
Help!

[all yelling]

We have to get out
of here and rescue Nick

or else it's the end of the band.

[Kevin] Nick's been ghost-napped
and all you can think about is the band?

That's a little selfish, don't you think?

Wait, doesn't your friend Steve
write songs?

Wait, you don't think Volunteer
Fireman Smith will try to inhabit my body?

Because, I mean, I'm a girl.
It doesn't work that way, does it?

Does it work that way?

You can't have any of us,
Volunteer Fireman Smith.

By the powers of the world of the living,
I command you to set us free!

[groans]
Nothing.

-Pretty please.
-[door unlocks]

I guess he was raised right.

[Kevin]
Quick, to the ghost-free safe zone!

-[gasping]
-[Stella screaming]

Isn't this scary?

I can hardly watch.

Ghost-tracker v-log.
Nick's been ghost-napped.

I don't know if the others
made it back to the safe zone.

I haven't heard anything,
so I must assume that they're dead.

Our of respect for Joe,
I won't start selling his stuff

-until tomorrow.
-[Joe] I can hear you.

Joe's alive!
Out of respect for Stella,

I won't start
selling her stuff until tom--

[Stella]
I'm here...

And so is your leftover pizza.

-[growls]
-[Stella screams]

[yells]

Oh, sorry, guys.
I just found this awesome werewolf mask

and I had to put it on.

And you felt compelled to put it on now?

I wanted to cut the tension.

Plus, my face was kind of cold.

I told you, didn't I?
I told you this firehouse was haunted.

Now Nick's gone and I'm scared.

[whimpering]
Terribly, horribly scared.

Dude, you're freaking us out.

[Kevin]
I'm freaking you out?

Ha! Which one of us
just put a werewolf mask on?

Tension cutter.

You guys, you guys, the book says
if we don't find Nick by midnight,

-he's gonna be gone forever.
-What?

OK, I distinctly remember
mentioning that part,

so don't get all,
"Oh, why didn't you tell us?" On me.

OK, so what can we do to lure the ghost
of Fireman Smith

out into the open?
Any ideas?

-I mean, what do you lure a ghost with?
-Breadcrumbs.

[Kevin] Those are for pigeons!

-Ooh, milk and cookies?
-[Kevin] Those are for Santa.

Oh, the book said
he loved chili and plaid socks!

Where does your mom keep all the chili?
What's this?

I don't know.
What time is it?

-[Kevin] It's two minutes past 12.
-Two minutes past 12? Nick!

[Kevin]
Oh, wait, I set my watch 11 minutes fast

-so I wouldn't be late for school.
-Kevin!

OK, so it's 11:51.
We're running out of time.

Where's all the chili?

[device beeps]
The chili is in the closet behind you.

-[Kevin] Joe, come here, take the camera.
-OK.

-You go check the closet.
-[Kevin] OK.

Ha, thank you.

Oh, that... that... that was...

[panting]

[screams]

That's what I was trying to say.

-[Joe] What is it?
-We have a skeleton in our closet!

[Joe] Well, all families have things
they'd rather keep private.

No.

[Joe] It's the volunteer skeleton
of Fireman Smith!

[both scream]

-[roaring]
-[screaming]

-Wait, wait, wait.
-What? What?

Mom said no running on the stairs.

[Joe]
You're worried about that now?

Who are you more afraid of?
The ghost or Mom?

-It's a good point.
-Yeah.

Run!

Shut the door behind you!

-[yells]
-[Joe] Open it!

-We can't get out!
-Oh, no!

We can't get out.

Oh, oh!

[Joe]
What do you think that giant shadow was?

It was a ghost monster.

That wasn't from research.

I just think that was from
my gut instinct.

Well, do you think he
can get us in here?

I don't know. I think we
might have to live here forever.

I choose that corner.

Whoa, I'm not living in here.
Joe's deodorant is already wearing off.

[Joe] It was designed to keep me
as fresh as a tropical lagoon

while being chased by girls,
not by ghosts.

OK. Well, one of us has to go out there
and see if the coast is clear.

-Not it!
-[Joe] Not it!

Not it.
I guess I'm going.

OK. Well, wait.

First, I don't want the ghost
to get your mortal body,

so tie this around your waist
and if you need help, just pull on it.

We'll reel you back in.
Good? Good?

Are you sure we can't play
another game of "Not It"?

-Not it.
-[Joe] Not it!

There's got to be a trick to that game.

-Here we go.
-Good luck.

[door creaks]

I need slack.

Stella.

-Everything seems to be--
-[growling]

[yells]
Oh! Reel me in! Reel me in!

-That's not the signal we agreed on.
-Reel me in, Stella!

What are you watching me for?

The scary stuff's over there.

Oh, my gosh.
That was so scary.

I didn't think I was going to make it.

[yells]

I was having a flashback.
I'm sorry.

-[growling]
-[yells]

[screams]

[rock music playing]

Run!

Whoa!

[both screaming]

[both scream]

[both scream]

Run, run, run, run!

[both scream]

OK, that is the fastest-moving skeleton
I have ever seen in my life.

Let's go to the safe zone.
Safe zone!

OK, I made it back.

Because it's too dangerous
to go downstairs,

I'm going to assume I'm the only survivor.

-[Kevin] I made it!
-Good, you're alive.

-Yeah.
-OK, did the girl make it?

Yes.
And I'm alive.

-Did you bring the chili?
-Check.

-What time is it?
-We're too late.

For school or Nick's soul?

Oh, it's five to 12.
We still have some time.

-Good, good.
-Yeah.

OK, so one of us has to
lure the ghost out with the chili.

-Not it.
-Not it.

Oh, man.
I guess I'm it.

[rock music playing]

Volunteer Fireman William Smith,
if you're here, give us a sign.

-[blenders whirring]
-[yells]

[Kevin]
He's making spooky smoothies!

It's two minutes until midnight.
Somebody has to ask him where Nick is.

-Not it.
-[Joe] Not it.

Oh, come on.
[sighs]

-[low voice] Stop.
-[screams]

[voice] Stop screaming!

Now put your guitar down.

[whispering]
I don't have a guitar.

[voice] Kevin, put your guitar down.

What do you want from me?

Hurry up. I have a body to inhabit.

I, uh...
I want my brother back!

[voice] You dare make demands
of a spirit without assuming

the proper position of respect?

-What position?
-[voice] Raise your right arm.

Now extend your left hand.

Lift your right foot behind you.

Now this part is crucial:

spin your mortal body
seven times while hopping.

You know,
that voice kind of sounds like...

Nick.
[yells]

[low voice]
There is no more Nick.

There is only Volunteer Fireman Smith.

[Stella]
We're too late!

The ghost took over Nick's body!

And now Nick is gone forever!

That's right, Nick is mine now.

And I will...
[snorts]

I'm sorry, I can't help but laugh.

Nick, is that you?
And will somebody please give me a bucket?

[laughing]

Heh... Hmm.

Of course, it's me.
And would you please stop that?

-[groans]
-I'm over here.

Oh.
[groans]

We got so tired of hearing about
the firehouse being haunted,

we decided to teach you a lesson.

There's no such thing as ghosts.

That's exactly what a ghost would say.

I know. If I can put my hand
through you, you're a ghost.

Ow.

I can't believe you would do this to me.

Yeah. Are you kidding?
This was all some big joke?

I can't believe you guys
would put us through that.

-Nice try, Stella.
-She was in on it too, Kevin.

I was the screamer.
I was pretty good, huh?

I don't know what to say, except...

That was awesome!

I can't believe it!
You did all that just to scare me?

Aw, guys, thank you.
That means you really care.

-OK.
-All right, we'll take it.

[low maniacal laughter]

Ha! That's OK, guys.
You can cut it out now.

-That wasn't me.
-Wasn't me.

Well, I'm the terrified screamer,
not the menacing laugher.

If it wasn't you and it wasn't you
and it wasn't you,

and it wasn't me, then who?

[loud maniacal laughter]

[all scream]

[distorted laughter]

[all screaming]

You're right, Franks, this was
a lot more fun than going to the movies.

Thanks for the props, Pops.

[rock music plays]

Welcome back, boils and ghouls.

We hope our little story
didn't put you into intensive "scare"!

[laughing maniacally]

-Dude, that's my thing.
-Says who?

You don't even do
the scary laugh right.

Yeah, I do.
[laughing maniacally]

No, it's like this...
[laughing maniacally]

No, Kevin, it's not.
It's... [laughing maniacally]

No.
[laughing maniacally]

[both continue laughing]

[loud maniacal laughter]

[both scream]

[exhales]
Those guys are so easy.

We know there's no such thing as ghosts.

Good night and be safe.

[loud maniacal laughter]

[man]
Ooh, chili.

[slurping]

No, this book has all the...
Oh, sorry.

[buzzing]

All the...
If anything ever...

-I can't even concentrate. Oh, my gosh.
-[crew laughing]

[man]
Action.

Oh, no!
I think I wet myself.

[crew laughing]

[laughs]
I just did that... [mumbles]

Here's one:
"What's a mummy's favorite type of music?"

"Wrap!"
[laughs]

[sighs]
I know.

Oh, thank you for my tea...

Frankie-stein!
[laughs]

He's good.
Or should I say bad?

I'm just getting worse and worse,
aren't I?

[crew laughing]

[laughs]

[man]
Action.

[crew laughing]

[man] All right...
[indistinct]