02x05 - Tastes Like Paper

[bunniefuu]

Wake up the masses!

Assume the crash position.

Hold on tight!

Take a deep breath...

For a new kind of cartoon show.

Wicket! Wicket! Wicket!

Iiiiit's...

Kablam!

Where cartoons and comics collide.

Now to take you inside and turn the pages,

Here are your hosts, henry and june.





Greetings, and welcome to kablam!

Notice anything different around here?

Well, you're about to,

Because the network has finally decided

It's time to make kablam! All that it can be.

According to our new director of research,

Kablam!is big, big, big!

However, a few--tweaks could put it over the top.

[Cash register sound- ka ching! Ka ching!]

Which brings us to tweak number one.

Henry?

[Fanfare music]

[Holding in laugh, then giggling]

What?

Nothing. [Holding in laugh]

Go ahead and laugh, june,

But research shows that people love colorful winged insects.

And what people are those.

[Bam! Bam! Bam!]

Hey!

[Fanfare music]

The same people who love fluffy, buck-toothed woodland creatures.

And speaking of creatures,

Here are those two fuzzy--

What the heck are they anyway?

Sniz and fondue!

♪ Oh--placin' shrimp, baby ♪

Yo, becky bakes-it-up,

What you shovin' in the oven?

I'm preparing upscale shrimp c*ck

Like in the more expensive restaurants.

Shrimp c*ck? Never heard of it.

Enough!

I can't stand to see you wasting your life on pre-packaged snacks.

There's so much more out there.

Please, do yourself a favor a-and sample.

[Sniff sniff]

It smells foody.

Yo! Whoa! Stop!

First you gotta dip the little troublemaker in this stuff.

De-licious!

Really?

May i?

Be my guest.

[Slurp slurp slurp!]

Wow! I can't believe it!

You've never liked any of my kitchen creations before.

Aw.

♪ Shapiro shapiro, warp speed ♪

Who's your favorite best friend?

You are!

Voila!

Oh, what's this?

Today's specialty, beluga caviar and house-cured gravlox

On a tower of balsawood thin toastlettes.

I would like shrimp c*ck.

You offensive little...

But your shrimp c*ck has touched my soul.

What?

Nobody does it like you.

I, uh--well, uh--

You are the numero uno cooker of my heart.

You little epicurean scamp.

Sniz: I'm ready for my shrimp c*ck now!

Don't forget the zest of lemon!

[Ding ding ding!]

[Ding ding ding!]

[Ding ding ding!]

Ice cream?

[Ding ding ding!]

Why do I have to ring times? Why?

Aahhh!

I would like shrimp c*ck.

This has gone far enough! Remove!

But fondue, you are the man that

Makes shrimp c*ck like no one else can.

You're the pungent yellow-lemon wedge.

Oh, no! Not this time, guyo!

I'm onto your game.

I'm not gonna be buttered up anymore!

Please, don't banish me now.

Go!selfish.

Hrrrrrh!

[Sound of traffic]

[Dog barking]

[Owl hooting]

[Low-voiced singing] ♪ night fever, night fever ♪

♪ You don't have to show it ♪

[Various animal sounds from the woods]

♪ To me ♪

Huh?

Ask if you don't see it here.

Sh-shrimp c*ck?

You're in luck! Just got this in the other day.

We don't take cash,

But your shoes will do nicely.

[Sound of ambulance]

[Funeral march plays]

Super-sappy!

But pullin' me in fierce!

Announcer: we will return to ferret valley place after these messages.

Permission to come aboard.

Fondue!

Oh, fondue!

I'm sorry I tried to make you my shrimp sl*ve!

Apology accepted, my scampy champy.

I'm sorry I cut you off from the crustaceans.

Forgiveness.

To make it up to you,

I've prepared a little surprise-ocopia.

Voila!

Beam your eyelids into the crazy world

Of battlestar shrimpero!

Warp speed to feeling better again.

All hands abandon ship! Volcanic activity in the immediate sector!

[Vomiting sounds]

Shellfish-themed entertainment.

Approved by the director of research.

Yeah. Just like these swell costumes.

Come on, june. The research people

Have been in the cartoon business a long time.

I think they know what they're doing.

Yeah, yeah. I guess you're right, henry.

Of course I am.

So, when the director of research

Says kablamneeds a live band,

We say sock it to me!

[Marching band music]

Ugh! Ahhh!

Ok. Well-- let's hear it for the band.

Haarrrrgh!

Announcer: dateline, workbench laboratory,

Where bill the lab guy unveils a top secret weapon

In the w*r against evil.

Hello, my name is gunther.

What's yours?

Amazing, bill the lab guy! Good work.

I want this bad boy operational a.s.a.p.!

You forgot to say the magic word.

All right!

Please!

And keep an eye out.

If this thing falls into the wrong hands

We'll all have our butts in a beehive!

Worry wart.

Everyone knows this lab is impregnable.

Ooh.

Hello. My name is hodgepodge.

What's yours?

Ha ha ha!

Starring...

He's super strong

And super naked.

She flies like thunder.

A former navy commando with an attitude

As bad as his odor.

And...

With the power to melt.

Today's episode...

We find our heroes at action league headquarters

Unleashing their most awesome power--

Self-pity.

You think the x-men have to swab the decks?

In a pig's eye!

[Phone rings]

Custodial league.

If you've got the grind, we got the time.

Knock it off, you melted moron! This is the chief!

I'll be out at a conference--

All day today.

So, why don't you guys take the day off?

You've earned it.

All right!yes!

Now that I've stolen that doll's stupid voice box,

I'm gonna give those jerks a permanent vacation.

Finally, a chance to start my own web page.

How does meltman.com sound?

[Phone rings]

All right! My first hit.

Hello.

Melty, it's thundergirl.

I just realized I have a crush on you.

Meet me out by the wood shed as soon as you can.

Sooner. And I'll bring my lips. Yes!

Jerks! This'll fix your wagon!

[Phone ringing]

Hello, thundergirl? This is meltman.

Announcer: meanwhile...

Oh, finally a chance to catch up on me soaps.

I can't believe amanda is going out with that good-for-nothing kyle.

[Phone rings]

Hello, flesh at your service.

Howdy, flesh. This is kenny rogers,

Inviting you and your smelly friend to join my new gym for free.

Goody!

And so, with his evil seeds sewn,

The vengeful hodgepodge prepares to reap a bitter harvest.

Ok, meltman, where are those

Free eclairs you promised?

Eclairs? Didn't you say something about a crush?

Ahh!ow!

Hmm. Think I'll start with the heavy bag.

Ah!

Ouchies!

Man, what a set gym.

This whirlpool is deluxe.

♪ London bridge is falling down ♪

Ah!

Chemical weapons!

Blimey! I'm blinded!

Announcer: later that day...

So, why don't you guys take the day off?

You've earned it.

Ha ha ha!

Hodgepodge, you fiend!

Sticks and stones may break my bones

And this garage door is gonna break yours!

Noooo!

Announcer: is this the final crushing curtain for our heroes?

Stay tuned for the action mushed confusion of...

Hey, kablamsters,

Keep your tushy on the cushy!

Still to come, prometheus and bob,

Life with loopy,

And when we return, more action league now

Right here on...

Announcer: our heroes crunched,

Crumpled,

Crushed.

With the door closing on any hope,

The league has one last card to play.

Thundergirl: no, please!

Don't hurt us!we'll be your best friend.

Announcer: the wuss card.

Hodgepodge: no way! You only like me 'cause I'm trying to crush you!

Hey! What the...

♪ I can dig it, you can dig it, we can dig it, baby ♪

♪ Can you dig it? ♪

Hey, get outta here! You're ruining it!

I've got crushing to do here!

Aaah-aah-ah!

We're saved! Hurray for us!

Goes to show ya. Big-mouthed jerks always get what they deserve.

Ow! Ow! That hurt!

Announcer: the end.

Welcome back.

Cool.

I'm cut like a rock.

That's right, june.

Thanks to the director of research.

As you can see, kablam!viewers want more pumped-up action.

And what better way to pump up the action

Than by pumping us up.

Let the pumped-up action begin!

Uh-oh.

As the new masters of kablam!

We command you to watch prometheus and bob.

Announcer: what you're about to see is top secret.

It is a videotape recorded , years ago

By an alien using a remote controlled camera.

It shows his attempts to educate a caveman.

They have been code-named the prometheus and bob tapes.

Tape number ...

Huh?

Hey!

Over here, bob.

Huh? Huh?

[Prometheus mumbling]

Go in. Go on, go in.

Unh-uh, unh-uh, unh-uh.

[Fearfully] eeeehhh.

Hey, hey, bob? You go there, ok?

Unh-uh, unh-uh.

Oh!

Hey, hey, hey!

[Monkey screeches]

Get, get!

Ow!

Oohh!

All right. Bob. Go.

[Thump!]

Hey!

[Monkey making noise]

Huh? Hey, hey, hey. Come here. Quick.

Come on.

Come here.

Help me push him out.

Hey!

[Monkey screeches]

[Bob laughing]

Hey. See me. Heh?

[Whack!]

Ow!

[Screech!]

Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Alarm goes off]

Bob: hey!

[Monkey screeches]

Welcome back to the new and improved kablam!

[Sighs] what now?

Arm wrestling.

Really?

How bad can that be?

[Grunting]

Hold it. That's enough!

Cut! Cut!

Come on, henry!

I've got a few choice words for our director of...

Aaahhhh!

The mayor?! The mayor?!

You were expecting maybe warren littlefield?

But why, mayor?

Why are you subjecting us to this t*rture?

Because I wanna turn the page!

Fine, you can turn the page.

Just leave us alone.

Hurray! Hurray! I'm the luckiest boy!

Ok, everybody, prepare yourselves

For the mixed up misadventures

Of that sassy lassie with a puppet chassis,

Loopy!

Heeeegh!

Oh!

Hi, there. Larry here.

You know, I wasn't always the perfect physical specimen you see today.

In fact, just last week, well...

Oohhh!

. In my book, that's a fever, young man.

Son, I'm sorry, but if you're no better by tomorrow,

Your little league game is out!

But I'm feeling better already.

I'm... [Coughing]

How come larry's so sick, mom?

There's a flu bug going around, loopy.

A flu bug?

Like with legs and big claws?

I wanted to tell loopy that influenza,

Otherwise known as the flu,

Was just a microscopic virus,

But all I could say was...

Achoo!

Don't worry, snot sausage,

Nurse loopy'll beat up that bug for you.

Ah-hah! My first clue!

Soggy wads of flu bug flotsam.

Gee, nice neighborhood.

Phew! You scared me, big fella.

I thought you were the...

Hey, you! Come back here!

[Heavy hoarse breathing]

Ah!

Aaahh!

Back off, booger breath!

I am the great and powerful flu bug!

Raaaahhh!

[Coughing]

Achoo!

What?

I said--

I am the great and powerful--aaaa-- choo!

Oh, who am I kidding?

[Weeping]

What's the matter, flu bug?

Nothin!

Boy, somebody's cranky.

I am not! [Cough!]

All right, I am.

But I don't feel good.

You poor thing.

Oh, what do you care?

Nobody likes havin' the flu.

Well, maybe not the vomit launch variety.

But sometimes it ain't so bad.

You don't have to go to school,

And your parents have to wait on you hand and foot.

Really?

[Blowing nose]

Know what I think?

You've been working too hard.

Why don't you get out of this chilly ol' town for awhile

And take a vacation?

Somewhere warm, tropical, healthy.

You know, that sounds like just what the doctor ordered.

Thanks, pal.

So that's the story, according to loopy.

But bug or no bug,

The very next morning my flu was gone.

It's a medical miracle.

Hop to it, son!

You're gonna be late for your game!

Excuse me, folks.

Package for nurse loopy.

Bug: hi, pal! I'm in beach bug heaven.

P.s., Enclosed is a token of my appreciation.

Might come in handy next time you want a day off school.

Ha ha ha ha!

Loopy: a-a-a-achoo!

That loopy is one zany youngster.

She really showed jerry that time.

Oy.

And now, a little happy feet!

Hit it, skitch!

Henry, we've gotta do something.

The mayor's wrecking our show.

I got an idea.

Aahhh!

Nice goin', henry.

Well, that's the show.

We'll see you next time

On the old and unimproved kablam!

Research free!

Later, kablamofiles.

Announcer: join us again next time.

Same kablam!time, same kablam!network!