02x01 - Won't Stick To Most Dental Work

[bunniefuu]

- MALE: Big up masses.

- KABLAM NARRATOR: Assume the crash position.

Hold on tight.

- [abseiler screaming]

- NARRATOR: Take a deep breath for a new kind of cartoon show.

- ♪

- NARRATOR: It's..."KaBlam",

where cartoons and comics collide.

Now to take you inside and turn the pages,

here are your hosts: Henry and June.

- ♪

- Greetings. And thanks for choosing "KaBlam".

I'm Henry.

- "I'm Henry".

- And this would be June.

- "And this would be June".

- That's cute, June.

- "That's cute, June".

- I smell.

- You smell. [laughing]

Oh, come on, Hanksy. Can't you take a joke?

- Can I take a joke?

That's all I do is take your jokes.

- Oh, pish-posh. You're imagining things.

- Am I, June? Am I?

- [footsteps receding]

- [wheels creaking]

- [projector humming]

- Aargh!

- ♪

- Grr-Argh!

- ♪

- Aah!

- ♪

- [huffs] Henry, the camera doesn't lie.

It won't happen again. I promise.

- Great. I feel much better now.

- Me too.

- So let's get on with the show.

- "So let's get on with the show".

[laughing] - That's it. I quit.

- [microphone buzzing]

- Boy.

Somebody got up on the wrong side of the page today.

I'm sure he'll cool off after a little Sniz & Fondue.

- ♪

- FONDUE: I've waited all my life for this.

- Ooh! You got it all.

Cassette, CD. Buttons all over the place.

And speakers!

- And a leather listening recliner.

- Ooh! Kinder on the hinder.

- May I take your order please?

- I'll have the house special.

- Excellent choice.

- [music plays with static]

- [laughing] Fooled my wafer-thin heinus.

Now how about some state-of-the-art sound?

- [music plays with static]

- I couldn't afford it. I spent it all on the hardware.

- MALE TV REPORTER: There will be more television

after these messages.

- TV ANNOUNCER: If you like music,

get a pencil right now

and we'll tell you where to get CDs for only a buck!

- Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

- TV ANNOUNCER: And then you'll only have to buy

more discs at prices we decide.

So just mail that dollar to this address on the screen

and begin a normal life filled with music.

- Fondue is gonna be riding the psyche truck

into Victoryville.

- ♪

- Hey, man. Are you Sniz Bronkowitz?

- Bronkowski, babe! Like the motorcycle.

- Okay. Make signy-signy here,

here, and initial here.

Okay. Rock steady.

- ♪

- What? What's going on?

- What's going on is... I got you CDs!

- But why? What?

I mean...it's not even close to my birthday.

- Look, Fonzer! The pop, the techno!

- You're the best, pal. The best!

- ♪ Disco , dance in the future ♪

♪ Disco , the future's exciting ♪

- Yonas! How about some nasty boogaloo?

- You know it, DJ Squeak.

- Dig that indestructible digital technology.

- ♪

- Champy! I'd like sliced nan in my cereal too.

- Bro, I'll set you up proper.

- Hey, wow. My chair doesn't wobble anymore.

- BOTH: [excited squealing]

- ♪

- [door knocking]

- Today is the day for more CDs.

- You got the wrong house, dude-o.

I got mine already.

- I got the right house dude-a. You in the club.

- FONDUE: "Something, something,

"I herby agree to purchase another discs

at the super discount price of..." $!

- Oh, si.

- What's that?

- Imbecile!

Do you have any idea what you've done?

- But I was...uh...

- These clubs are scam operations.

You wind up owing them money for the rest of your life.

- Excuse me.

I think that what I'm hearing is that you no can make payment.

Well, I don't usually do this,

but...since you dress interestingly with sabores,

I'm willing to take all CDs back

and take you out of the club.

Provided, of course, they're in mint condition.

- Um, sport nut, I mean, champ...sir.

Uh, can we talk about our other options?

[nervous laugh]

- [sighs]

This is the only part of my job that I don't like.

Which one of you is Sniz?

- It's him! Him!

- Jerome!

- ♪

- [doors slamming]

- Enjoy your CDs.

- W-w-w--wait!

- Bye now. Thanks for stopping by.

- Okay, mans. Join again soon.

- ♪

- See, Fondue?

We can still enjoy your CDs without a fancy stereo.

- Just go.

- ♪

- Ooh! Whoa!

Ooh.

Ah, made you smile.

- No you didn't.

- Yes, I did.

- No-h*, you didn't.

- Yes I did.

- ♪

- Whoo! Whoa!

Ee! Whoop!

Ooh!

- Sniz and Fondue:

Now, that's a comedy team that can take a joke.

Unlike Henry who's still AWOL.

- [loud pounding]

- Ah, here's a letter from him now.

- Thanks, Mr. Foot.

He's probably apologizing for running out on the show.

- HENRY: Dear June,

splitting up with you is

the smartest thing I've ever done.

- ♪

- Ooh.

- HENRY: I've opened my own restaurant.

Your lawyers wouldn't let me use the KaBlam name,

but that's okay.

I've moved on.

Fresh pepper, sir?

The Prometheus burgers and Sniz shakes

are selling like hot cakes.

And, best of all, I can eat all the action fries I want.

By the way,

we tried putting a chunky style June pudding on the menu,

but the customers found it a bit...

- Urgh! [spitting]

- ♪

- Fine! Who needs him?

I hope he chokes on his action fries.

And speaking of action,

here's another spleen-tingling adventure

from Action League Now.

- ACTION LEAGUE NARRATOR: Dateline,

living room amusement park where his dishonor, the mayor,

reaps the profits from a sordid side show.

- And now, prepare you eyes

for a horrible testimony to nature's cruelty...

- Gee, Uncle Stinky,

isn't it wrong to gawk at unfortunate creatures?

- No, it's great. Woohoo!

Bring on the freak!

- I give you, big baby!

- [crowd oohs]

- [baby crying]

- Aww...it's a witsy, bitsy baby.

- Blimey!

It's a grotesque parody of human life.

- Dance for the people. Dance!

- [baby crying]

- Uh-oh. Here's trouble.

- [baby crying]

- [screams]

- [baby crying]

- [crowd screaming]

- Come on! You want a piece of me?

You'll have to catch me first. Gangway!

- [screaming] Help!

- ACTION LEAGUE NARRATOR: Action League...Now!

Starring The Flesh:

he's super strong and super naked.

Thunder Girl: she flies like thunder.

Stinky Diver: a former navy commando

with an attitude as bad as his odor.

And Meltman: with the power to...

melt.

Today's episode...

We find our heroes at a mobile command post

devising a careful strategy

to deal with a delicate situation.

- Smash it! Crash it!

Destroy it!

- No.

Big Baby is a rare creature to be studied, not destroyed.

Let us use reason, not violence.

- Say, Bill, there's something we've been meaning to tell you.

- Uh, yeah, Big Baby, sorta grabbed your daughter, Corky,

and ran off with her.

- That thing has my daughter?

Ah! Smash it! Crash it! Destroy it!

Ow.

- ACTION LEAGUE NARRATOR: Meanwhile...

- [baby crying]

- More wholesome milk, dear?

- Mom, you know I'm lactose intolerant.

- [door banging]

- Help me! Help!

- Hey! That girl goes to my school.

- [roof smashing]

- [baby crying]

- Aah! It's Big Baby! Help! Help!

- Hiya, Big Baby mutant. Time to learn your first words.

Bye-bye!

- Good one, Stinky. But I think you got him mad.

- My precious Corky. My little lab assistant.

She was all I had. And she worked for free.

- Don't worry, old friend. I've got my best people on it.

- Aah!

- [car crashing]

- MALE: Help please.

- Help! Somebody help me, please!

- Hang on, Corky.

- Help! Help.

- Does the little baby want his passie-wassie?

- Aah.

- ♪

- Ouchies.

- ACTION LEAGUE NARRATOR: Is the Action League

in deep doo-doo?

Can they quell the crying monster

before Corky meets a diaper doom?

Stayed tuned for the action-swaddled conclusion

of Action League Now.

- KABLAM NARRATOR: Hey KaBlamsters.

Keep your tushy on the cushy.

Still to come: Prometheus and Bob,

Life with Loopy.

And when we return,

more Action League Now, right here on "KaBlam!"

- ACTION LEAGUE NARRATOR: Big Baby, big trouble.

Little girl, little hope.

As the terrible toddler climbs to dizzying heights,

the Action League clamors for answers.

- Daddy help! Do something.

- I'm a scientist.

Mustn't let feelings get in the way.

Think.

- Who can think with that stench?

- Really? Who wafted one?

- Stench? Waft? That's it.

Come on, people. We've got work to do.

- [dog barks]

- ♪

- NARRATOR: And so, with time running out,

the Action League gets to the bottom of the problem.

- Pee-ew! I've heard of doing one's duty,

but this is revolting.

- MAYOR: Here's more trouble.

- Ramming speed.

- Waah!

- H-h-h-help!

- Gotcha.

- Ah! - Oops.

- Jumping jack rabbit.

Amazing what a difference a clean diaper can make.

- Boy, I'll say.

- Daddy.

- Corky, you're all right.

- Thanks to the Action League.

- Hey, Stinky. I thought you hated babies.

- I thought so too.

But this one's a cutie-wootie-woozer.

- [spitting]

- ALL: [laughing]

- NARRATOR: The end.

- Mmm. Action. Yes, indeed.

Now it's time for something a little more intimate.

With what's-his-name off the show

I finally have a chance to... spread my wings.

Mr. Foot?

- [piano playing]

- ♪ When old Amelia Earheart

♪ Brought her plane around

♪ They said: "Hey, kid, you're dreaming" ♪

♪ "You'll never leave the ground" ♪

♪ But she climbed into that c*ck and took off anyway ♪

♪ Looking in the sky that day you could almost hear her say ♪

♪

♪ "I'm flying, lighter than air" ♪

♪ "Look at me now, without a care" ♪

♪ "I'm..." Oof!

- [piano keys clanking]

- MALE: Uh, June? You okay?

- ♪

- NARRATOR: What you are about to see is top secret.

It is a videotape recorded , years ago

by an alien using a remote-controlled camera.

It shows his attempt to educate a caveman.

They have been code-named the Prometheus and Bob tapes.

Tape . Pottery.

- [turntable grinding]

- Pot.

- [caveman grunting]

- What are you doing?

- [caveman vomiting]

- [chimp chattering]

- [caveman laughing]

- [chimp screaming]

- [thud]

- Watch me.

[unintelligible]

- Shoo! Shoo!

- Aargh! Aah!

- [caveman grunting]

- Turn. Turn.

Kick it. Kick it.

- Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

- Hey! What happened?

- [chimp shrieking]

- [expl*si*n blasts]

- Huh?

- Oh, oh, oh.

- [caveman laughing]

- [splat] - [chimp shrieks]

- NARRATOR: "End".

- Welcome back.

It seems the network decided I work better as part of a team.

So please give a warm KaBlam welcome

to my new co-host, Hector.

- [crowd cheering]

- So how does it feel to be part of the KaBlam family?

- I am Hector.

- [crowd cheering]

- Uh...of course you are.

Say, Hector, wasn't that last cartoon KaBlam-a-riffic?

- Super strong and super naked.

- [crowd cheering]

- This might be a good time for a commercial.

Commercial! Now!

- Ah, Mom! Mutton chops again?

- HENRY: Tired of the same old mutton?

Then come on down to Henry's House of KaBoom.

Now in all states and Puerto Rico.

- Action fries now.

[munching]

- ♪

- Hi, Larry here.

Yeah. I know I look ridiculous.

But, looks aren't everything.

And, last week, Loopy found that out the hard way.

It all started when Mom and Dad

were making us watch one of those nature shows.

- Butterflies are the most beautiful and glamorous

of all winged creatures.

- Mom, when am I gonna start looking beautiful and glamorous?

- When everyone else starts looking really ugly.

- MOM: Don't listen to Larry, dear.

We think you are beautiful and glamorous

- I mean, like you, mom.

- Pumpkin, your mother's got the kind of beauty and glamour

that takes years to achieve.

- Years? I can't wait that long.

- TV PRESENTER: Once in the cocoon,

the caterpillar metamorphisizes into a beautiful butterfly

in only seven days.

- Seven days? Now that's more like it.

- ♪

- [rooster crowing]

- LARRY: What happened next came as quite a shock.

- [banging]

- Hey, squirt. What's the small idea?

- [banging]

- Making a cocoon. It's my shortcut to stylishness.

Smell you in a week booger-breath.

- Well, without Loopy around life just seemed to fly by.

And before I knew it, the week was up.

- Loopy, honey, are you okay in there?

- ♪

- Wings?

Wow! This worked even better than I thought.

- ♪

- [gasp] My baby is a butterfly. What are we going to do?

- I'll get the camcorder.

- LARRY: Well, I gotta admit, even though my sister was a bug,

she did look pretty glamorous.

Trouble was, we weren't the only ones who thought so.

- I don't believe it. The Palace Poraglorus.

If I were to capture such a rare specimen

those fools would have to take me back into the academy.

- LARRY: Back at the house, Dad had seen enough.

- Dinnertime.

Larry, get your sister back in the house.

- Hey, Loopy.

Get your behind down on the ground.

It's time for dinner.

- Dinner's for land lovers. I'm Loopy, queen of the breeze.

Look at me!

I'm the most beautiful butterfly of all.

Hey! What the?

- Hold still, my beauty.

- Nix the net, mister. I'm a delicate creature.

- Wait! Stop! Come back.

- LARRY: Meanwhile, I figured if Loopy wasn't gonna come down...

then I was just gonna have to fly up and get her.

- Where are you, my little Lopalus?

I know you're around here somewhere.

- Boy, this glamour thing is a pain in the thorax.

I'm going home.

- Loopy. - Larry?

- Careful. The bug zapper.

- Ha! Got you!

- So that's the story.

Loopy finally figured out that looks really aren't everything.

And, as for me,

well, I guess I'm the one leading the glamorous life now.

- [cameras clicking] - [crowd oohs and ahs]

- [saxophone playing]

- Hi, fellow KaBlammers.

Due to circumstances beyond his control,

Hector won't be here to say goodbye.

- ♪

- [police siren wailing]

- But, it's just as well, 'cause I guess I've realized

that no one can replace

my friend Henry.

- [nostalgic music playing]

- ♪

- Hey, you're wrecking my action fries.

- [sniffling]

- [applause]

- Henry!

- June!

- [bird cheeping]

- [romantic music playing]

- Let's not get gross here.

- Right.

- [romantic music playing]

- Henry, I know I hurt you. I'm so sorry.

Please say you're back for good.

- Okay, okay. I'm back.

- So would you like to do the honors?

- With pleasure.

Well, KaBlamoids, that's all the time we have for today.

We'll see you next time. Bye!

- Bye!

What? I was only saying goodbye.

Like I always do.

- ♪

- NARRATOR: Join us again next time,

same KaBlam time, same KaBlam networks.

- ♪

♪

♪