01x11 - Built for Speed

[bunniefuu]

Wake up the masses!

Assume the crash position.

Hold on tight!

Take a deep breath!

For a new kind of cartoon show.



It's...

Where cartoons and comics collide.

Now to take you inside and turn the pages,

Here are your hosts: henry and june.

[Jazz music playing]

Greetings, kablamoids,

And welcome to another kablamelicious episode of...

Ka-crud. Not again.

Do not adjust your set.

Let me. [Giggles]

Sometimes you just kind of have to jiggle it a little bit.

June, a tv set is a delicately calibrated, high-tech electronic device.

Use the knob.

There's knobs?

Oh, no! Henry, we're mutating.

Our cells multiplying at an alarming rate.

Ooh.

You'll have to excuse june.

We'll get to the cartoons right after i--

June, I'm gonna strangle you!

Henry, a tv set is a delicately calibrated, high-tech electronic device.

Perfect for watching those masters of disaster: sniz & fondue.

Here she is:

One and a half pounds of sheer, unopened star cruiser.

I'll bet she's one sassy lassie.

Bank on it. I snagged the last one in existence from the local hobby emporium.

Let's build the hefty mama right here.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

This baby's staying mint, in the box.

Its collector's value could skyrocket in years or so.

But, fondue, she's the last of the shapiros, for goodness sake.

Let's build her and put her in a plexiglas display case.

Hmm.

She would be looking fine all built up and under lucite.

Hmm--no, no, no, no.

Stop messing with my head!

♪ You are bored ♪

♪ You want to build a model ♪

No! It's my investment.

Mine. Mine!

He's loosening up.

Tv: ♪ shapiro, shapiro, warp speed ♪

Aw, fruits, there goes the end theme.

This program is too short, I tell ya.

Well, then...

What say we assemble the kitty-kit to prolong the wild shapiroexperience.

Hi-yah! Ouchie!

And don't let me catch you even thinking about the shapiro.

Oh...

♪ Sh-sh-shapiro, shapiro ♪

♪ Warp speed ♪

Sniz: can't think about the shapiro.

Don't think about the shapiro.

Can't think about the shapiro.

Won't think about the shapiro.

Ssh...

Sh-sh-shapiro.

Captain sniz to base. Sniz to base, over.

Oh, it's no use, admiral fondue.

The communicator is down and so are the laser cannons.

You picked a really rotten time to tell me that, captain.

We've got company.

We're hit bad!

We can only do one thing now!

Both: warp speed !

Must build shapiro!

[Gasps]

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

[Snores]

Whew.

Duder!

You're never gonna believe this. I had the coolest dream.

You were in it, too, pal.

I dreamt we were aboard the actual shapiro!

We were space heroes. Oh, man, this is deep!

Now we've gotta build the kit.

What, are you crazy?

No. No.the shapiro is your investment.

It's gonna be worth a fortune.

Roots on that. This dream made me see the light!

Look, I had the same dream, but you don't see me going mental!

Now let's be sensible and stash her in the closet for about a hundred years.

Let go my shapiro!

If you wanna be helpful, then go snag us some modeling cement.

♪ Sh-sh-shapiro♪

♪ Sh-sh-shapiro♪

♪ Warp speed... ♪

!

As sniz and fondue will attest,

An important part of kablam is great stunt work...

But how do we do it?

Let's take a look behind the scenes and find out, shall we?

Difficult stunt scenes like the one that opens our show

Are shot in several different pieces.

First, we do our part.

[Jazz playing]

[Music stops]

Director: that's a cut. Ok, bring in nick and larry.

Henry: then professional stunt men are brought in.

Henry: it's dangerous work.

June: that's why we don't do it.

[Crash]

When it's all spliced together...

It's grade-a, made in the u.s.a. Kablamination.

Just like the stunt-fest that is our next cartoon.

Here's action league, now!

Guys?

Narrator: dateline: danger mountain.

Down, down, down...

Towards a perilous precipice,

A fatal fall awaits the cutest thing in the world.

Thundergirl to the rescue.

Thundergirl: hang on, victim.

I got an idea.

I'll use my superstrength.

Oh!

I forgot. I don't have superstrength.

What the-- hey, where'd it go?

Meltman:thundergirl, you should have seen it.

Lightning lady saved the stupid stuffed animal.

Stinky: yeah, and she has a cape.

Hello. And you are?

[Grrr]

Hey, come join the action league, lightning lady.

We need you.

Ok.

Yeah, come on. That's a great idea.

Yeah. Great idea.

Narrator: starring:

He's superstrong and supernaked.

She flies like thunder.

A former navy commando with an attitude as bad as his odor.

With the power to, um, melt!

Today's episode:

Narrator: we find our heroes at action headquarters,

Inducting a new member with the sacred oath.

You pledge to do a good job, blah, blah, blah--whatever.

I do.

All right!congratulations!

Hey, lightning lady.

How about I take you to lunch,

Tell you all about my superpowers?

That ought to be a short conversation.

I'd love to, melty, but I can't.

I'm, uh, putting in a patio today in my backyard.

I could help.me, too.

Yeah, please.yes, please.

Swell, we'll make a party of it.

You can come, too-- uh, what was your name?

Thundergirl, and I'm not going.

Somebody's gotta stay here and defend the world against evil.

Flesh: great. Meltman: see ya.

Both: have fun.

Jerks. What's she got that I don't?

Narrator: how about a bottomless shrimp bowl,

c*ck wienies, and an action league hungry to impress?

Hey, lightning lady...

Hmm.

I used to be a bricklayer.

I used to be on the drill team.

Meltman: I used to be a--aah!

Aah!

Ugh!

Careful, flesh. Remember, safety first.

Right. Safety first.

Oof!

Oh, blimey!

Stinky, look what you made me do.

Oops!

What's that sound?

Ouchies.

Narrator: moments later...

Blimey, I'm broken up.

Me, too.

I didn't get one shrimp.

Hey, melty.

[Sniffs] what's cooking?

Guys, I don't think lightning lady likes the job we're doing.

What do you say we cement our friendship, gentlemen?

[Laughs]

Flesh: no, that's ok.meltman: no, thanks.

Stinky: no, thanks.help.

Meltman: help!

Narrator: what's this?

Lightning lady-- a rude hostess?

Or could she be evil?

Find out in the action-glop conclusion of...

Announcer: hey, kablamoids!

Keep your derriere in your chair-iere.

Still to come, the louie and louie show.

And more action league now!

Right here on kablam!

Narrator: we last left our heroes hardening in a deadly ditch of doom.

Their only hope:

The tried,

The true,

The thunder.

Her and her stupid party.

I hope they all get food poisoning and barf up their spleens.

Thundergirl! This is thunderdad.

You disappoint me, daughter.

I know, daddy. I'm shallow and petty...

[Cries] but she has a cape.

Ha! I'm talking about your due as a superhero.

How can you bear the name thunder

And pass up a bottomless shrimp bowl?

You're right! I love free shrimp.

Thanks, thunderdad.

Away!

Ooh! [Grunts]

♪ Thundergirl wanted the shrimp bowl ♪

Ok, where's the shrimp?

Up here.

Oh, look. This one has your name on it: thunder-thighs.

Well, what do you know? She's a comedian, too.

Hand over that shrimp.

Ok.

Aah!

[Diabolical laughter]

I'll take that.

Ugh, let go. It's mine!

Mine, I tell you.

You want it that badly?

You can have it...

With c*ck sauce.

Aah!

[Chews]

Thundergirl, we should never have made you feel unwanted.

Yeah. You're good, and we're bad.

Now can we have some shrimp?

Oh, yeah, but I want to show you something first.

Ow!

Stinky: it's the mayor!

Why'd you do it, mayor?

Why do you think? Because I'm evil!

Well, I'll tell you one thing. He may be evil, but he sure can cook.

[All laugh]

h* h* h* h* h*!

h* h* h* h* h*!

Narrator: the end.

Whoa! That action league now! Was--was kablamy.

Right you are, fellow co-host.

That's because every cartoon on our show

Has earnedthe kablam seal of approval,

Guaranteeing you the kablamiest cartoons on basic cable tv.

I did not know that.

It's our promise to you that on kablam,

You'll never see lame-o cartoon crud like:

Yep, it's definitely gout.

Henry: or...

I'm sad...

Boo hoo, very sad.

No, sirree, not kablamy.

But our next cartoon is.

In fact, it's so kablamy, they named it twice.

Here's the louie n' louie show!

[Snoring]

Well, good morning, champ!

[Ruff]

Kids, wake up! It's time to play with the dog.

Doggie, doggie, doggie!

Look at him: the precious family favorite.

Wh-what's a chameleon gotta do to get some attention around here, huh?

Hey, louie!

Yes, louie?

Come here. Check this out.

Look at this. Do you believe it?

Catch, boy!

[Bones crack]

[Ruff]

Mom: oh, how darling.

Oh, come on, louie. Buck up, buckaroo.

You got all the talent.

Can the dog shed his skin, change colors,

Look ways at once?

No way!

You know...

♪ Something tells me ♪

♪ Today is gonna be different ♪

♪ Today is gonna be different ♪

Today they're gonna look over here at the cage and notice us.

Aw, you say that every day.

[Fly buzzes]

Hey, they noticed us.

Aah.

They're coming over.

Oh, quick, louie, do your chameleon trick.

Change color!

What'll I wear? What'll I wear?

Aqua blue?

Naw.

Sienna.

No.

Paisley.

Don't be silly.

Purple, purple with dots.

No way.

Oh, I know. How about green?

Yeah.

Ooh, oh, red!

Everybody loves red.

Both: ♪ ta-da! ♪

[Grrr]

Ooh, ooh, "everybody loves red."

Huh!

[Whimpers]

Chameleon: oh, boy. I'm glad this day of neglect is over.

Hey, this sauna is a great idea, louie.

Relaxation at last.

[Steam hisses]

Hey, you know who wouldn't fit in here?

The dog?

The dog.

Oh, oh, and who has to go outside to use the bathroom?

The dog.

Yeah, and who gets his belly rubbed and gets pampered everyday?

The dog! The dog! The dog!

D-o-g, dog, got it?

How's a dog get all that attention?

What's his big secret?

Well, let's see now...

Dog wakes up, jumps on bed,

Licks face, wakes human, gets hugged.

Wait, back up!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Louie, that's it!

I could lick that face.

I could lick that face good, real good!

Then I'd get the family affection.

I'd get the family respect!

Yeah.

I'd get, I'd get--

Love.

Love!

[Snorts]

What are you looking at?

Hey! Look out, face! I'm getting some!

Come, louie!

Hmm.

Chameleon: ♪ look out face, I'm getting me some ♪

Louie, come on!

[Bugs laugh]

Announcer: will louie lick that face real good?

Keep watching...

Let's get right back to the cartoons and the conclusion of...

Well, louie, this is it.

When I get to the other side, I'll be the family favorite.

[Whimpers]

Wish me luck.

Luck.

Looking good, louie!

La dessein, s'il vous plait.

I-i-it's so beautiful.

Well...

Good morning...

Champ?

Aah!

Aah!

Both: aah!

Aah!

Both: aah!

Aah!

Nobody panic!

Stay calm. Steady now.

Nobody panic.

[Muffled yell]

Think. Think.

I'm a pet! I'm a pet!

I'm a pet! I'm a pet!

[Garbled] hey, that's my friend.

Yeow!

Aah!

They're eating me alive!

Aah! Aah!

[Crash]

Aah!aah!

It's just the children's pets.

Louie, you know, everybody gets their seconds of fame, buddy,

And I licked him good.

[Garbled] well, louie, you really did it this time. You really licked that face.

You bet I did, buddy...

And you're a witness.

A toast!

[Unintelligible speech]

You thaid it, pal.

That's the show, and there ain't no more.

Thanks for watching a little something we call:

Kablam!

Bye.

See ya. Bye.

Where's the music and the credits?

We're dying out here.

What's going on?

You want us to make taffy?

Oh, no. He wants us to stretch.

There's still seconds left in the show.

What'll we do?

[Hums] [whistles]

♪ La la la la ♪♪ doo doo doo ♪

[Whistles] [hums]

Adios, kablamigos.

See you next time.

June: I thought we handled that quite well.

Henry: we're gonna get fired.

Announcer: join us again next time.

Same kablam!time, same kablam!network!