10x03 - Growing Pains

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- To start from
scratch and make a rod,

the raft, the fishnet to
get food out of the water

is such a satisfactory feeling.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Oh, holy [bleep], it's huge.

[laughs] Yes!

Oh, my God, look
at all this roe.

Do have to eat that roe tonight.

[coughs] [gags]

- Oh, my gosh.

Moose poop... it's really fresh.

If I could go get a
moose, then I'd be set.

- Just saw a black bear
in the grass there.

There it is, right there.

♪ ♪

[bleep]. Can't
believe I missed.

You can't hit a shot
you don't take though.

- No, no, no, no, no.

My quiver came off my bow.

I just... [bleep].

That's all my arrows.

It's the biggest
mistake of my life,

and it ain't OK to give up.

- Now there's just
a wave of nausea

rushed over me.

Oh, what the [bleep]?

Oh, God. [breathing deeply]

[retches] Oh, I can't do this.

♪ ♪

- I'm gonna do this, man.

I'm gonna do this.

I'm gonna fight this thing
out till the last breath.

♪ ♪

OK, game on.

[bear grunts]

♪ ♪

- I got him.

Narrator: In "Alone's"
most remote location yet...

- Yeah!

Narrator: Ten
participants set out

to survive at all costs...

- God!
- My goal is to stay alive.

♪ ♪

- [inhales sharply] Ugh!

Narrator: Battling
extreme isolation...

- There is no camera crews.

You are really alone.

- It'll eat at you, tear you up.

- God, why?
- It's a battle.

Nobody ever comes out the same.

- Oh, man.
- It'd be impossible to.

Narrator: And
fierce predators.

- It's a big bear.

It was right outside my shelter.

- Predators like that
damn sure gonna k*ll you.

- Please don't rip my face off.

[marten growling]

He beat the hell out of me.

Narrator: They'll
endure merciless wind...

- Been over 60 hours,
and it has not let up.

- I can hear the trees
falling down around me.

Narrator: And bitter cold.

- This whole place just
turned into a frozen hill.

Narrator: Last one standing...

- It's a moose, wow!

- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- No, no!

Narrator: Wins.

♪ ♪

- [chuckles]

Oh, God.

[retches] [grunts]

Feeling a bit
better this morning.

My back's still stiff,

but I'm not extremely nauseated.

It's day 10.

Today is my birthday.

Happy birthday.

I was dreaming of my
son, and it woke me up.

It was a good dream.
It wasn't a nightmare.

It was a good dream.

I had a dream he had
made achievements

that he hasn't made yet...

♪ ♪

And I was happy
I got to see him.

I got to hear his little
voice, hold his little hand.

♪ ♪

I guess I've done
enough procrastinating.

Get some pants on, get out
from this sleeping bag.

♪ ♪

Instead of spending my days
actively looking for meat,

I'll actively forage
and just have my bow.

♪ ♪

I'm just glad I'm not sick.

I was dry heaving, and
bile was coming up.

Man, that had me scared.

I was thinking, my
God, I ate this bird.

It made me sick. Now
I'm done, you know?

I don't know what it was,
but I made it through that.

Feeling pretty good.

I'd really like to
know what the moose

are grazing on right now.

♪ ♪

It's the first birthday
I've been alone

since I met my wife.

She always has a way of making
my birthday special for me,

whether it's just a card
or a special dinner.

It doesn't have to be some
big, immaculate gift...

Not for me. I'm a
simple person, really.

Maybe she'll conjure
something up for me.

There's a grouse over there.

I just heard it.

♪ ♪

[beep]. I missed.

♪ ♪

I hit it.

I hit it, but it flew off.

[bleep].

♪ ♪

I'm gonna see about
maybe tracking him down.

♪ ♪

I don't know if
it's wounded or not.

♪ ♪

Wow, there it is. Awesome.

♪ ♪

Hell, yeah. Happy
birthday, Mikey.

I got a bird, but
I'm down an arrow.

I think Hazel sent this bird.

I told you she'd take care
of me for my birthday.

♪ ♪

- Mm, it's like

there's a party
going on in my mouth,

and everyone's invited.

No, not really.

♪ ♪

The danger of not eating
for periods of time

is your stomach
loses its ability

to digest food properly,

so I'm trying to make
sure I eat something

every day, like, whether
it's a handful of berries

or a little bit of fungus,

just something for
my gut to work on.

I just don't want to take
any chances of getting sick

over something stupid.

But I'm grateful for it.

♪ ♪

I haven't caught a
fish in six days,

but yesterday, I
set up some snares.

It's a passive way
of getting food.

It's working 24 hours a day.

So right now, my plan is
working on my shelter.

♪ ♪

I only have moss
about up to here

so the smoke can go out the top.

Small, simple, cozy, and warm.

That's the plan, anyways.

♪ ♪

My overall survival philosophy

is to keep things as
simple as possible,

disrupt the land as
little as possible,

and become in tune with the land

as much as you can,
and what's been nice

about this shelter is
everything I've needed

has been within 10
yards of this spot.

I'm gonna tie off
a piece like this,

and then I'll just
stack sticks from there

to here on the outside

and give it a bit more
structural support.

I was inspired to
make tipi by speaking

with some of the
Woodland Cree elders

that we met at orientation.

You guys know what time it is?

It's moss time.

I've seen too many
times in the past shows

people who spend too much
time on complex shelters,

blowing themselves out
early with calories.

I'm just gonna tarp the section

I'm sleeping under 'cause
I bet you this thing

is pretty much waterproof.

♪ ♪

Tipis are simple and
effective structures

because you need very
little to make them,

and once they're constructed,
they're rock solid.

So yeah, that's it.

Permanent shelter completed.

Boom.

♪ ♪

This is probably my biggest
caloric expenditure,

so now I need

to procure food

and do a little
small game hunting.

I'm a big person,
and I need to eat,

or my time here
is gonna be brief.

Whoa! Holy [bleep].

There's a pine
marten in my snare,

and he's growling at me.

[marten growling]

I thought it was a rabbit.

Yeah, he's pissed.

♪ ♪

We're not allowed
to keep marten,

so I'm gonna do my best
to try to release him.

I mean, I don't know
what's gonna happen,

but I'm gonna throw my
winter jacket over him

and just try to cut
the snare off the tree.

He's defending his life,
man. Like, he will bite.

They're vicious little [bleep].

Let me get a look at
where this snare is.

[bleep]. Mercy.

[marten growling]

Where is the snare?
Okay, I see it.

Let me cut it.
You're almost free.

You're almost free.
[marten growling]

OK, stay there, stay there.

Stay right there, my friend.

Please don't rip my
face off. Holy [bleep].

♪ ♪

[marten growling]

- I'm gonna try to come
and help you, my friend.

Please don't rip my face off.

[dramatic music]

Where is the snare?
OK, I see it.

Let me cut it.
You're almost free.

You're almost free.

Stay right there, my
friend. [marten growling]

You're free. You're free.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Oh, awesome.

♪ ♪

That poor little guy, man.

He just wanted to get
the heck out of dodge.

He's still got the
noose around his neck,

but there's nothing...
There's nothing holding it,

so he's gonna be fine.

[sighs]

That feels good.

♪ ♪

When you're using
these types of traps,

you always have to
remember that you can catch

other animals you may
not be able to keep,

so you'd have to release them.

I'm gonna take
down all my snares.

I haven't seen any rabbits.

I haven't seen any rabbit sign.

I don't want to catch him again,

and I'm just gonna
cut 'em all down

because they're just
so indiscriminate.

♪ ♪

Harvesting animals
ethically, for me,

is very important
because I've always had

a great respect for animals.

♪ ♪

Being an ethical hunter
means making choices

that are in the
animal's best interests.

So I feel good letting him go,

and I'm happy to
wait until the snow,

if I'm here that long, to see

where the rabbits
really are moving,

and I can set snares
up accordingly.

But until then, I'm
gonna focus on fish

as my primary source of food.

I did not like that, man.

I did not like that poor
thing suffering in that snare.

[sighs] OK.

♪ ♪

- I got grouse, but
I lost an arrow.

So I'm gonna try to make
an arrow out of this alder.

Don't judge too harshly.

This is the first time
I've ever done this,

and I don't even know if I'm
doing what I'm supposed to.

So I did find a
cool, little rock

with a little divot
in it right here.

May make peeling
the bark off of 'em

a little bit easier. Oh, yeah.

Look at that.

♪ ♪

I miss my family.

I miss Hazel and the kids.

I miss my son, Nikolai.

♪ ♪

I'm really thankful for
that dream with my son.

In my dream, he was
overcoming challenges

that he faces...

And he spoke to me,

and it wasn't, you know,

"Oh, Daddy, you can do
this," or anything like that.

He just spoke.

♪ ♪

People, when you tell
your kids to be quiet,

go on somewhere, or
something like that...

♪ ♪

Just think that somewhere

there's a kid that can't speak.

♪ ♪

I want nothing more than to have

a stupid little conversation

with my son that's
just meaningless.

♪ ♪

My wife, who shows
that boy so much love,

never gets to hear,
"I love you, Mama."

♪ ♪

I'm struggling out here,
and I have a tap-out button.

♪ ♪

There's not a single
day of his life

he doesn't struggle.

♪ ♪

There are these kids...

And, you know, some of
them are even adults...

That drive around in
these jacked up trucks

or these lowrider cars
and everything else,

and they're super loud...

♪ ♪

And they really think
that they're cool,

but they're not,

and my son and the
millions of people

with autism out there,

they can't handle that.

Please just be respectful
about the people around you.

♪ ♪

I had no idea what autism
was until he was diagnosed,

and it still took years
to understand what it was.

♪ ♪

A good friend of
mine told me one time

that there's a difference

between ignorance and stupidity.

Ignorance can be fixed.

Stupidity can't be fixed.

Before I found out my son
had autism, I was ignorant.

♪ ♪

I'm not ignorant anymore.

♪ ♪

That's what I'm trying to
do while I'm out here...

Have a greater respect
for my surroundings.

♪ ♪

I love you all,
and I miss you all,

and I just wanted you guys
to get the full effect

of what I'm seeing here.

Look at that sky.

That's something off a painting.

Good night, Nikolai.

I love you, and I
miss you, buddy.

I miss you with all my heart.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, holy cow, look at that.

I never even
noticed that before.

Old wasp nest.

That's pretty dang cool.

Man, you talk about
grade A fire starter.

Should I save that?
That'd be good.

♪ ♪

Today, I'm gonna get to
work making some arrows.

That's number one.

My snares have not been working,

and so I have not collected
any small game at all

since the loss of my
arrows. I'm here to hunt.

And if I can't win
this thing hunting,

then I just won't
win this thing.

♪ ♪

I was so heartbroken
when I lost those arrows,

and I still am, but
at the end of the day,

I'm gonna fight this thing out
to the last [bleep] breath.

♪ ♪

As a hunter, finding
myself in a situation

where my greatest asset is now

all but gone is frustrating.

I figure it's about
time I use this bucket

maybe for the buckets
most intended purpose,

as a chair.

♪ ♪

So I'm gonna do something
that I've never done,

and, God, I hope it
works. I hope I can do it.

I put some snare wire

on my grouse-k*lling broadhead.

I put a little notch
in the front there

so it would want to stick.

Getting that weight
up front does a lot,

number one, for penetration.

Number two, it makes it fly
a lot straighter, I think.

Need to thin it down a
little more down here,

but for the most part,
it's a pretty good arrow.

♪ ♪

OK, I got these grouse feathers

and fishing line,

and I rubbed some charcoal
on there just for looks.

♪ ♪

Feathers on, a little
charcoal decoration.

I dig it. I dig it.

♪ ♪

OK, I'm down but not out.

I'm gonna set up a target.

♪ ♪

I'm surviving off of
my pure determination

because I refuse to quit.

♪ ♪

There's Mr. Grouse in
the tree, that log.

♪ ♪

And I've got my first
homemade arrow here.

And the homemade blunt deal
I got figured out there.

♪ ♪

Pretty realistic range.

♪ ♪

[laughs]

Oh, I [bleep] did it. Oh!

That's gonna work.
That's gonna work.

[sighs] Yes!

I'm still in the game.

♪ ♪

- OK, let's do laundry.

Let's rub it all
on the rock there.

Whoever said that wool long
underwear doesn't stink

is wrong because this stinks.

Good enough.

♪ ♪

Today, I'm not gonna work
on my shelter very much.

I'm going to go out and
try to procure food.

♪ ♪

Being outside, it's almost
like a church for me.

That's when I feel the best
is when I'm out in the woods.

♪ ♪

[sighs] [bleep].

♪ ♪

This is a beautiful place,
but it's a harsh environment.

It's been a real struggle
for me to find food.

There is a grouse up that way,

so I'm just gonna
try and get him.

Wish me luck.

I need to get some
fuel in me right now.

It's gonna turn. My
luck is gonna turn

I got him! Oh, my God.

It's the death throes.

Oh, my God, oh, my
God, oh, my God.

It's like I won the lottery.

Oh, I never even signed up

for the lottery once in my life.

Oh, well, let's go home
and cook some grouse.

♪ ♪

It feels like my
luck has just turned.

This is it.

Like, my story is
gonna change now.

You know, it seems like I've
just been slogging along

and nothing has been happening,

and now I got this grouse.

We used to go with my
dad grouse hunting.

This experience has got me
thinking about my mother.

She died recently.

I miss her.

There's a little
bit of fat on there.

Oh, it just rips like
you won't believe.

It's the thinnest skin.

I was always
striving, as a child,

to do the best I possibly could,

but she didn't give
me much feedback.

I think part of what
my mom said later

was that they didn't
want to push us,

so, like, if I came
home and said, "oh, Mom,

I just won the 10K
race," she's like, "Oh?"

And then she turns back
and looks at the TV.

She didn't really
want to say, "Oh,

you need to go out
and beat so-and-so."

But I felt like I wasn't
getting any attention,

so I was always
trying to do the best,

and I still wasn't
getting any attention.

Look at that meat. Oh.

I'm gonna cook this until
it falls off the bones.

I need every bit of
mineral I can get.

All she wanted me to do is
finish my college degree,

which I never did.

I think she thought of
farmers as kind of low life,

but my whole life,

I've really been a
farmer and a gatherer.

The outdoors is all
there is to me, you know?

I wonder if she ever thought
I made her expectations

or whatever it was that
she was looking for.

♪ ♪

Liver, healthy as can be.

I think, with my mother passing,

I feel like my
life is passing by,

and I feel like I haven't done
anything of any significance.

But being out here seems
like a great opportunity

to see what I've got,
see what I can do.

OK.

[moose grunting]

Holy [bleep].

♪ ♪

[bleep] something.

A [bleep] moose. It's a moose.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Holy [bleep].

[moose grunting]

[bleep] something.

A [bleep] moose. It's a moose.

♪ ♪

Look at that big guy.

Holy crap.

See him?

Look at him.

Look at him go.

Unbelievable.

Wow. [chuckles]

It's like things have
started happening now.

♪ ♪

There was no
potential for a shot.

It was too far.

Let's cook some grouse.

But I think that moose
could be lured back

with moose calls.

♪ ♪

For long-term staying power,

a moose would be
the way to do it.

I'm back in business.

I'm gonna win half a million.

♪ ♪

If I actually won, I
would try to use the money

to help our farm come
up with some staff

so that we could do a
better job of farming

and keep farming until
the money runs out.

♪ ♪

All right.

♪ ♪

Here goes.

Wow, good.

Ah. [laughs]

It seriously is so good.

What a gift.

♪ ♪

- Well, this is what the
purple soup looks like...

Birch and berries.

We'll drink some.

[slurps]

It tastes kind of bitter.

I don't know how much energy
I can get off berries,

but I'll find out

because it's all I've got.

I ate about half of it.

I'm gonna let it sit
and eat it later.

Now, I got to check my net

and then work on the
permanent shelter.

♪ ♪

You know, I thought I'd
be getting more fish,

but it's harder than I thought.

I've been eating berries.
I'm not holding back.

I'm eating all
the berries I got,

but I don't think
that's good enough.

OK, see what's
happening with my net.

♪ ♪

Well, ain't that something.

Put that net out, and it
never catches a thing.

♪ ♪

I'm trying everything,

but I'm just not
getting any fish.

But fish or not,
I need a shelter.

All right, get the
big trees here...

A couple of big ones.

♪ ♪

The log cabin I'm going to make

is gonna be the same type of
log cabin that my dad made

and that I grew up in.

I've got to put all the big ends

of the logs on the forward side

and the small ends in the back.

That will give me
a sloping roof.

And I'm gonna go about


I'm not gonna get fancy...

Just old, trapper-style cabin.

♪ ♪

Decided not to bring
all my logs over at once

because, if I do that,

I'm just gonna get real tired.

So I've been doing a
little bit every day.

♪ ♪

We're gonna be here into winter.

I know that.

And I need a warm place to
be, a substantial place,

but it takes a while
to make a cabin...

[sighs]

So this has to be done right.

I have to put the effort in.

♪ ♪

Ooh.

♪ ♪

I don't know if I
can do that all day.

Might not be able to.

The older I get, the more
time I spend out in the woods,

the more I understand my dad.

My dad was a real
woodsman, you know?

They called him Blondie

because he had long, curly,
blond hair as a young man.

He was a mountain man.

He just wandered all
around Alaska by himself.

♪ ♪

So just being in the woods,

I feel I'm following
in his footsteps.

It didn't take long for
me to start getting tired.

Man, I need some water.

OK, got to get you some water.

♪ ♪

- Time to make some more arrows.

I'm just gonna be limited
to how far I can sh**t,

and then to the learning curve

of my own handmade
wooden arrows.

Sometimes, you know,
maybe I like to think

maybe we're handed adversity
like this for a reason,

to force us into growth.

Nothing in my life has
ever been easy, so...

♪ ♪

And at the end of the
day, I'm supposed to be

representing my back
country hunting community,

as well as my family.

I'm not gonna disrespect
them by moping around.

This is the opportunity
of a lifetime,

and I can't blow it.

I got so many people
counting on me at home.

I just heard a grouse.

♪ ♪

This other arrow I've got,

I haven't test fired it yet,

so I don't know how it sh**t.

There he is.

♪ ♪

I got him.

All right, awesome, man.

One very beautiful grouse.

♪ ♪

To take that
frustration from my loss

and redirect all of that energy

into something that provides,

it's empowering.

OK, next camp chore of the day.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna go build a better
cooking area fire pit.

When I finish, I'm gonna
have a little food there.

[sighs]

I like this spot.

♪ ♪

Take the moss off of this rock.

♪ ♪

Got this wasp nest fire starter.

♪ ♪

And I think that'll work
just fine for my fire pit.

Talk about a morale booster.

I woke up hungry.

I wanted to fix it.

I went out, and I fixed it.

Whoa, that is so good.

OK, get me a drink of water.

♪ ♪

For several years
of my childhood,

things were hard.

I grew up in Central Texas,
in a very rural area.

We didn't have running water.

We were poor.

And so, for me, as a young boy,

to k*ll was to provide.

I understood that things
were different for us,

and I grew up a lot
quicker than my peers.

And out here, I'm
directly reminded of that.

And it's not upsetting
because it's life.

♪ ♪

I'm very thankful for
that grouse today.

Feeling a little better.

I think I'm gonna make
myself a cup of tea

and start prospecting
on some straight...

♪ ♪

I see smoke. Oh, [bleep].

My fire pit.
[bleep], no, no, no.

[dramatic music]

- Oh, [bleep]. My fire pit.

♪ ♪

Oh, oh, no.

♪ ♪

The roots must
have caught on fire

underneath my rock pile
there, and I just about

started one hell
of a forest fire.

Holy cow.

I got to get some water.

♪ ♪

I'm burning so many calories.

This hurts me in so
many ways right now.

♪ ♪

A lot of smoldering
going on still.

A couple of hours

and a couple hundred
gallons of water in.

♪ ♪

I'll stay here all day.

♪ ♪

Every time I think I'm
getting close to having

this thing whooped,

I see a little more
smoke peeking up.

I don't think I'm
getting close, so...

Lord, I hope I am.

♪ ♪

What an ordeal. [sighs]

I pretty well got the fire out.

♪ ♪

As you can see, I
got another fire pit.

This is a much better
fire pit, anyways.

I should have just done
this in the first place,

but could've, should've,
would've, right?

♪ ♪

- Guys, you got to see
this new winter cottage

I just picked up, and I
got it for dirt cheap.

Number one, it's a lakefront,


Amazing.

♪ ♪

So it's got a walkaround yard,
which is super hard to find

in Cottage Country these days.

Now, for the exterior,
it's got moss

with spruce overlay.

It's got what's
called a living floor.

Apparently, it's all
the rage in New York.

Comes with a built-in
fire pit, and my fave?

Skylight.

The only thing that
sucks about this place?

They wouldn't give
me fire insurance.

Why? [scoffs]

♪ ♪

After building the shelter,
I'm feeling pretty hungry.

♪ ♪

I don't know what
happened to the fishing.

I really can't figure it out.

Like, literally, I
fish for minutes,

three nights in a row,
and I had big fish.

I'm like, "Wow, this
is gonna be awesome."

♪ ♪

I don't know, man.
Got to figure it out.

♪ ♪

I'm not feeling very positive
about catching fish there

right now, but I'm
definitely not gonna catch

a pike sitting by the fire.

♪ ♪

Gotta get some food.
Gotta catch a fish.

♪ ♪

It's all about food.

Everything else is fine.

Oh, there's a big
pike right there.

Come on, take it. [bleep].

He won't bite it.

I love it out here, but
I know that my time here

will be limited if I
don't acquire some food.

Come on. I need a fish so bad.

I need some luck to
go my way right now.

I think one of the
biggest assets that I have

is I'm a stubborn b*stard.

When I fail or I'm frustrated,

that actually makes me
work harder to correct it

and create another opportunity.

My persistence and
my mental drive

can help me in this experience.

Oh.

♪ ♪

Come on. Come on.

Move.

Come on.

♪ ♪

Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yes!

Whoo!

♪ ♪

I am so happy.

♪ ♪

I needed something to
turn things around.

I honestly haven't
eaten in five days...

Just, like, scraps of vegetation

and whatnot. Look at this guy.

He is a beast.

Oh, what an exciting
night for me.

This fish means so much.

♪ ♪

Man, I never thought I'd get
emotional catching a fish.

[clears throat]
Nice voice crack.

Anyhoo, super pumped.

A fillet tomorrow, a
fillet the next day,

and then fish head soup
with the skeleton boiled up.

Almost as good as a fillet.

So I got three days I got food.

Man, so exciting.

[sighs]

Whoo!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Hell, yeah

♪ ♪

My belly is nice and
full, and I cooked down

a bunch of blueberries.

Cooking all the moisture
out of that can,

and then I'm spreading
them out into cakes

on my gaiters.

I custom made my gaiters
out of two layers

of marine vinyl so that I can
dry my berries in the sun.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Since I have that super
cold North wind hitting me,

I would love to
have two shelters.

♪ ♪

I'm super fed on fish.

I've got plenty of
energy, so I've found

a spot for my winter shelter.

So it's further
away from the beach

where the wind isn't blowing.

♪ ♪

Here it is.

I'm digging a hole into
the side of this hill.

Not too small of a hole.

Want to be able to
kick it in there.

I feel like an earthen shelter

is gonna be the best
for retaining heat

and being truly protected
from the elements.

I made a new shovel
handle last night...

Nice and cool for digging.

There's definitely
big game trails

that I've found in
my exploration here.

That's a big part of
what I'm counting on

for my strategy. So my
overwintering shelter...

It really is a bear den.

This is gonna be
quite the hoist.

It'll increase my chances
of big game encounters.

♪ ♪

That's as big a log as
I want to move here.

♪ ♪

Theresa and Karie
Lee both dug in,

but you're like, "I'm
taking it to a new level."

My bear den shelter is
a really small version

of a 1,000-square foot
house that me and my family

built over a 40-year process.

♪ ♪

I want to go with a
fully primitive shelter

to just, like, honor everything

that my dad has taught me
about living in the wild,

trying my hardest and
representing myself,

and my dad's definitely
been a huge part

of what's on my mind.

It was really
difficult to watch him

go through dementia
and being stuck in bed

because he is such an
adventurous person.

I got myself to where I am

largely because
of his influence,

and this is my
inheritance from my dad...

A gift that he's given me.

I could sh**t a
moose from up here.

♪ ♪

- Here goes.

Wish me luck.

There you go. That's better.

I didn't like it right
along the reef there.

♪ ♪

It's hard to see my
lure in this wind.

♪ ♪

There's a little trout there.

♪ ♪

Come on.

This hook is just too
big for it, I think.

♪ ♪

Sure feels like
something is grabbing it,

and that's just the bottom.

♪ ♪

There are no fish biting.

I think I'm about
ready to call it.

♪ ♪

While working on the shelter,
I haven't had much food.

♪ ♪

I'm only going to the
fishing hole once a day

for my energy conservation.

And every day, I
hope I get a fish

that will allow me to
eat another two days.

♪ ♪

How long can I stay out
here only eating vegetation

like a moose? Am I
going to get more fish?

That's what it's down to.

OK, she's ready for moss.

♪ ♪

I really want to
complete this cabin now

for two reasons.

One, that will allow me

to just concentrate on fishing.

Between the tarp, these logs,
and this pretty thin layer

of moss, I think there will be

some insulative
property to this.

And two, my father raised
a family doing this,

and he was hungry.

He did it starving
because we starved.

I remember. I
was a little kid.

He could handle starvation.

He had just gotten used
to it over the years

of being hungry, I guess.

I appreciate the level that
he had to push himself.

He gave everything he
had to try to feed us.

But dad being the
straight-arrow, honest guy

he was, nope, he's not
gonna take free food.

OK, getting down
to the wire here.

When I was five years
old and I was hungry,

I don't know how
far down I went.

We were starving out camp...

The deep snow, way out there.

Children are more resilient

and bounce back
easier than adults.

If I was gonna do this again,

I would definitely consider,
when I was logging,

the size of my tarp because
I'm pretty sure my tarp

is smaller than the roof.

I don't fault him
for his shortcomings,

but I could not hide my disdain.

But the way I look at it is

I am responsible for my success.

♪ ♪

He was strong, and the
challenges he had...

I have learned from those

with part of my personal growth.

I am not gonna
change other people,

but I can certainly
change myself,

be a better person.

Moment of truth.
See how it fits.

There you go.

I'm ready to move in.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- It's a little
after 2:00 a.m.

I can't sleep.

More lack of food.

I hear, like, a
ringing in my ears.

My eyes were twitching.

I hear, like, a pounding
or ringing in my ears,

like a "reer, reer,
reer," like a tinnitus

or whatever they call it.

My body's just telling
me that it's hungry.

Hard to sleep on an
empty stomach, I guess.

♪ ♪

I can't do the starvation thing
because I just don't have...

I didn't start
with much reserve.

♪ ♪

I've worked as hard as I've
ever worked on no food,

and my body is just... I
don't have the reserves.

Messed up on that one.

All right, I'll try to sleep.

♪ ♪

The fish are not pouring in.

There's no sign of moose.

There's not much
else other than fish,

and I'm not doing
very well at it.

All right.

Pull my net and
see what's going.

I'm disappointed, but
what can I do about it?

That's the hand I've been dealt.

I was more optimistic earlier,
but nothing I can do about it.

Nope.

I'm running low on energy.

I'm not gonna be able to hunt

because I don't feel as
strong as I would like.

♪ ♪

There's very low likelihood

I'm going to be able to
stay out here very long

given the lack of
fish I'm bringing in.

Well, I spent too much
time on that cabin.

I used too much energy.

I'm not gonna subject my
body to more lack of food.

♪ ♪

Yeah.

♪ ♪

[phone beeping]

♪ ♪

Good morning, it's Lee DeWilde.

I am officially tapping out.

♪ ♪

Hey, guys.

Thanks for coming
out in this weather.

♪ ♪

Ah, I just couldn't get no fish.

I'm hungry.

I'm working 12, 14 hour
days on hardly any food,

and then the last
couple of days, no food.

♪ ♪

I learned a lot about,

you know, physically,
emotionally, mentally,

what it's like getting hungry.

You know, it made me think
a lot more of my father,

you know.

♪ ♪

I don't think I ever...

You know, I don't even know

if I ever cried for him, but...

♪ ♪

[sighs]

I don't know.

It's just... I guess
I appreciate him,

what he went through, you know?

That's about it.

♪ ♪

This process of following
in my father's footsteps

has given me insight
into my own challenges

and my shortcomings.

I'm 59 years old,
but I'm never too old

to learn or to change

or to try to be a better person.

I never was a very
good team player,

and I held that as a badge
of honor of my independence,

my uniqueness, and
I no longer see that

as something to be proud
of or to hang on to.

♪ ♪

My father was there
in front of me

walking a trail,

and the fact that there's
a trail in front of me

to also follow and see
the good and the bad

is appreciated
because I know now

where to step off the side
and walk a different path.

Someone else is
going to walk away

with the half million dollars.

It's not meant for me
for whatever reason.

I don't question it.

This experience has
taught me so much,

and I feel I still
have more work to do.

♪ ♪

- I brought this sweater
in honor of my mom.

This sweater...

is one of hundreds like this...

Complicated ones.

She could look at
other people's knitting

and say, "Oh."

And she would see
all the mistakes.

So, like, all of her sweaters
that she made were perfect.

I think my trying
to go for excellence

is because my mom.

She was really talented.

I miss her a lot.

I'm not gonna go any further
because I'm not crying on TV.

♪ ♪

Since that grouse, I've been
burning a lot of calories.

♪ ♪

It's almost like
I didn't eat it.

I need to keep eating, you know?

I need to have meals.

So I'm gonna try another hunt.

Gonna give her a shot,
try to call in a moose.

♪ ♪

The only way I can stay
here is to get a moose

because I'm not
getting any fish...

Ah!

Sound doesn't travel too well,

but you never know.

They have better
ears than we do.

♪ ♪

Ah!

♪ ♪

Oh, I don't feel good.

♪ ♪

I'm hungry, super hungry.

♪ ♪

I guess I thought I had
more energy than I did.

I'm just not operating.

♪ ♪

I'm dizzy, and I
think I'm having

a heart attack or something.

♪ ♪

Well, I might have to move
this operation to the ground

because I'm not feeling too hot.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Oh, there. A backrest.

[sighs]

I think I'm just
rapidly deteriorating.

♪ ♪

Let's say I actually
took a shot at a moose,

and I actually
got it. Then what?

♪ ♪

I'd be probably too weak
to even get a moose.

I'm no spring chicken.

I feel extreme dizziness.

My heart rate is skyrocketing.

♪ ♪

Yeah, I'm really worried.

♪ ♪

This situation reminds
me of my daughter

who told me, when she was three,

you can't rewind your life.

♪ ♪

I think my mom had a
heart attack at my age.

♪ ♪

I don't need to
have a heart attack.

♪ ♪

I really don't feel good.

I think I got to get
back to the shelter.

♪ ♪

Well...

I feel sick to my stomach.

♪ ♪

I don't know what's
going on with my body,

but I've never felt like
this, ever in my life.

It seems like I
can't do anything.

It's kind of disturbing.

I really don't know what to do.

♪ ♪

I wish I felt better.

♪ ♪

Ugh.

♪ ♪

My mind is good.
It's still here.

My body, though,
is not following.

♪ ♪

I still don't know
what the deal is.

Is it just bad luck?

♪ ♪

Bad management of time?

♪ ♪

I wanted to be here 30, 40,


♪ ♪

Oh, Christ, it's not
what I want to do,

but here goes nothing.

♪ ♪

[phone beeping]

♪ ♪

This is Ann.

I'm officially tapping out.

Oh.

I did it.

[sighs]

♪ ♪

Feel like this is my home.

I don't want to leave.

♪ ♪

Just don't have any
energy. I just...

Heart racing.

I think it's just lack of food.

♪ ♪

There's nothing I
can do right now.

I mean, I could try
and get a moose,

but I can hardly move.

It would take me
five days to skin it.

♪ ♪

It's a very hard decision,

and it feels like
it's too early.

♪ ♪

I don't want to go. I
really like it here.

♪ ♪

But I think it's a
huge accomplishment,

even just to be where
I'm at, you know?

I can't believe I'm
here. It's a gift.

It really is.

♪ ♪

It's very frustrating.

This is not what I
planned for at all,

and I sometimes wish you
could get a do-over card.

♪ ♪

I was thinking about how this
experience has changed me.

Even though I didn't do as
well as I had projected,

I did as well as I could,
and I'm satisfied with that.

♪ ♪

It feels like my whole life,

I've always been
trying to live up

to some expectation
that's not there

or be somebody who I'm not,

but I don't need that
validation anymore.

♪ ♪

I'm letting it
all go after this.

The apprehension
and the anxiety?

I'm done with it.

I like myself, I've decided.

It's taken me this
many years to say,

"I like myself."

It seems like a
better way to be.

♪ ♪

- I got to get my shelter done.

Then I can go to
fishing and hunting.

Oh, it's heavier than heck.

I'm earning every
bit of that $500,000

building this cabin.
- [laughs]

Rah, rah, rah.

I had two nice fish.

Yes!

I put them in a safe
reservoir for the night.

That is a mistake that
won't be made again.

♪ ♪

- There's a bear
right over there.

If this goes down, I could
be winning this thing.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

[soft, tense music]

♪ ♪

- It sure is nice
to have a cabin.

That's one thing I
really wanted to do.

But I'm just hungry,

and I don't have no fat left.

I feel a little dizzy.

♪ ♪

I'm ready to go.

♪ ♪

I don't know what's going
on. I did everything

that I think was right.

I had a wonderful rod
and a reel, lures.

Got some right off and
then they just quit.

My little fat
reserve burned off,

and I'm probably burning
muscle now and whatever else.

And that's just...
That's too much for me.

So finished my cabin,
slept in it last night,

and this is all
hand-built, you know,

with a saw and axe,
and that's on...

That's on very little food,

and the last two
days, zero food.

I just knew that I wasn't
gonna be able to compete

with the people who, uh...

Who are out there,

got a lot more reserves than me.

I don't wanna...

I don't wanna get any
older than I already am.

[sighs] Holy [bleep].

What is that?

- Oh! Well, thank you.

♪ ♪

Oh, wonderful.

♪ ♪

Thank you. I'll take more.

Keep... yeah.

♪ ♪

[inspiring music]

I think I'm mostly a craftsman.

You know, I was an engineer.
I was in the corporate world,

and now I'm a
pilot and mechanic.

So yeah, I'm proud
of the things I made.

And you know, I built the cabin

the way my old man did,

without a chainsaw and
just materials on hand.

Because I always
thought, you know,

"I wanna go out there.

"I wanna, you know, get back

to where I came from."

I wanna get home, 'cause
there's some remote places

up in Alaska that I would
like to have a cabin at.

♪ ♪

I'm 59 years old.

"Alone" show has given
me the opportunity

to go out there and do this,

and I'm proud of that, you know?

♪ ♪

- Feel free to just take
a seat right over here.

You're welcome in.

- When I was laying down,

my heart was beating fast,

you know, faster than normal.

I usually have a
pretty low heart rate.

And I noticed it
was thumpin' away.

- Mm-kay.
- And after about four days,

I didn't feel like
I was really there.

- Basically just gonna check
your blood sugar levels.

And after we get the
assessment in today,

we'll be sending that
through to our doctor

and our dietician.

Just part of getting a baseline.

Over the next few days,

we'll be reintegrating food
into your diet, obviously,

and we just wanna make
sure that you're not having

any adverse reactions to that.

- Oh, well, anything's better
than what I've had before.

[laughs] Ain't gonna complain.

[soft music]

- And take a deep
breath in for me.

- I really thought I
could do it, you know?

- And deep breath.

- I'll just be happy to
get back and, you know,

eat more.

I wanna be a healthier person.

[laughs]

Yeah, I gave it my best shot.

♪ ♪

You know, we're all
on a path, I think,

on the same trail,
just a different time.

My dad was a real woodsman,

so this experience brings
me back to my roots,

and it brings me closer to him.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- I haven't slept at all.
My stomach hurts really bad.

♪ ♪

So much for winning the
half a million, huh?

Now look at me.
Washed up, no energy.

I don't want to leave.

♪ ♪

Okay, here goes nothing.

♪ ♪

It's the hardest thing,
I think, I've ever done.

[phone beeping]

♪ ♪

Hi, I'm officially tapping out.

I... I just don't feel good,
and I don't want to tap out

'cause I want to
stay here, and...

♪ ♪

Ugh, I'm just 100% spent.

♪ ♪

I don't want to go
back to reality.

Feel like this is my home.

I don't want to leave.

I'll always remember what
this place looks like

in my mind, I
think. It's so raw.

It's so primitive.

♪ ♪

It's a beautiful,
beautiful place.

♪ ♪

If I can't get food,

how am I gonna keep
living out here?

I just... My health
is going down.

I just can hardly...
hardly move.

I realized that there's
nothing I can do right now.

I thought I'd win
the half a million.

- Some tea for you.
- Oh, my gosh.

It's something in a thermos.
- Here.

Something in a thermos.

♪ ♪

Mmm.

[sighs]

♪ ♪

Oh, that almost fills me up.

It's like a full meal.

♪ ♪

It's a very hard decision,

and it feels like
it's too early.

♪ ♪

- This is my cabin/the clinic.

We'll just be going inside and
doing a quick, little exam.

♪ ♪

Your signs were giving us
a little bit of concern

out there, specifically related

to the amount of water
you were drinking.

The tentative plan is that
we'll be flying you back

to the hospital just
for a quick evaluation.

- Can't I just, like,
have some food here

and stay here?

- Unfortunately, not
with the symptoms

that you've been giving.

- It seems like too
extreme to go from, like,

beautiful wilderness
to a hospital.

- You have mild
symptoms of starvation

since you haven't
had too much food.

We want to confirm
those through lab tests,

so obviously we can't
really do lab tests here.

Making sure that
whatever we do do

doesn't harm further
and that you're also

in a state that you can
recover well and healthily

- Right.
- Make sense?

- Yep.
- Perfect.

♪ ♪

- I wish that my story
would've been different.

Wish it would've been
more spectacular,

but I guess I just did
what I could, you know?

♪ ♪