04x03 - Beyond the Sandbox

[bunniefuu]

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hello and how thoughtful of you to bring

them in the house there's only one bug

in there Bubba k*ll degrees poking holes

in the wood it had green wine that's

nice dude what happened to your other

shoe your mother will be here in a

minute to pick you up

we buried the bug in it Kelly would you

help the boys find Bubba's other shoe

the bug is dead mom can't we let it rest

in peace okay guys let's get this

straight I want you did I marry oh yeah

I always look thinner in vertical

stripes sorry I'm late

hi honey we'll get going oh no no we're

going to the kindergarten orientation

tonight tonight Kevin doesn't start

school until the fall but the

application process for the Center for

progressive education begins tonight you

said you'd go well well the other day

when you were in the shower and I asked

you if you wanted to when you kind of

coughed

Mary Ellen coughing hardly constitutes a

yes it does of my house

gotta hide the credit cards every time

my bronchitis flares up

and besides I don't want Kevin going to

a private school anyway why not

I've never known one kid from a private

school who didn't throw like a girl

oh you're being ridiculous and we owe it

to Kevin to check it out you're right

you go fill me in later but if the

mother goes alone it looks like the

father doesn't care bingo I'll be right

with you um excuse us lumpy why Mary

Ellen what's wrong with Grant Avenue

school anyway

it's a cleaver tradition you know I get

I get chills every time I walk down the

hall that's because the boiler was

donated by the class of 22 hey I gotta

go with the missus on this one boy oh

I've heard about that Sam if you get

your kid in there you know you've

arrived whose side are you on anyway

yours look counselor what do all those

brats that go to that Center have rich

parents and what a rich people have

legal problem you did ever occur to you

that we might be doing this for the good

of our child

now listen Mary Ellen we're going you

promised

that's it

well I let her have the little ones that

way I win the big one

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Wow chairs don't they bring back

memories

no Grant Avenue school brings back

memories little shared

Oh what do stock Brazil and his wife

ladies and gentlemen welcome please all

take your seat please thank you we'll

get started right away I'd hate you have

to put any names on the board welcome

and thank you all for coming I am dr.

LSP Stoneham director of the Center for

progressive education and before we

begin here I do have an announcement to

make there is a car park in the fire

lane it's a black Mercedes convertible

with personalized plates edge doc

neurologist a psychiatrist oh no I

always like to start these sessions off

with the question when do they learn

computers well I ask the question and

the question is why are we here tonight

listen why are we here tonight to

provide your child with the with the

educational advantage that he or she

couldn't possibly get in the public

school when you entrust your child with

us rest assured that the center staff

will work diligently to to mold that

child into a highly motivated successful

citizen and hopefully a generous alumnus

now then are there any questions at this

time yes sir

when do they learn computers well we

don't like to rush the children into

computers we feel the kindergarten is

soon enough

you pay the entire tuition upfront or

can you pay in installments

that's wonderful we just humor yes woman

yeah I can pay cash upfront but I was

wondering about physical education I

don't want my kids throwing like a girl

motor lab as we like the thought is run

by Heinz Schultz former gymnastics coach

for the East German Olympic team yes the

casually dressed man

yeah how do I know that sending my son

to the center here is really what's best

boy that is the kind of question we like

to hear see the world is a different

place today than it was for you and me

well competitive more challenging

how have we responded to that challenge

97% of our students graduate from

college 61 are their master's degrees

and 24% are PhD

in short we move the child beyond the

sandbox it is a world of unlimited

opportunity and isn't that what we all

wanted Terrence excuse me

when did you say they learn computers

there you go bleep medical history of

the cleaver family step 4 umka Billy's

narcolepsy for the Princeton admissions

committee doesn't need to know about

that thanks a lot that about her

father's for about $13,000 a year in

tuition think you can graduate in two

years no let me hear ya say okay how

would you use your Princeton education I

would use my Princeton education to help

bring prosperity and peace to people not

only in the United States but throughout

the world

yep you're applying to college not

running for Miss America I think it

needs a little work

oh I'd like to get my hands on the guy

who invented computers good idea grandma

that guy is probably worth billions

it's that compact this club I joined

that computers are messed up hi my name

is June creep it's 3tv 25 202 6kl 56 for

1/7 and you know what I joined your club

I ordered the best of Broadway I do not

want to be in your heavy metal Club

I received ten of those horrible things

are the last two weeks no I do not want

my free bonus disc I hello

no congratulations mom usually takes a

year to qualify for the bonus disc you

get the latest by ritual sacrifice to

tie varlet I told you we're not keeping

this track grandma you know a very wise

person once told me how do you know you

don't like something unless you try it I

was talking about founding grandma rich

more sacrifice is so much more

interesting than those boring show tunes

and it's definitely good just don't I

don't want to be stoked you know I've

done very well all these years without

being stoked

no you wouldn't believe some of the

questions on Kevin's application yeah

what am I supposed to push for this why

don't you ask the expert French in the

garden what have you got

how would you like to see your child's

education best utilize have that same

question would you put why it still

needs a little more work man Thomas what

I have so far

hmm I would use my Princeton education

to help bring prosperity and peace to

people not only in the United States but

throughout the world

hey that's pretty good it again for me

will ya floor this time

I would use my whole away I would

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you saw will clean up thanks mom for

letting us use your place for Kevin's

interview I don't understand why Eddie

keeps all of that lumber in your living

room

I don't mind dad what really bothers me

is that it's not for our house come on

beep is that what you're gonna wear this

is important

Oh Wally chill out fever please put a

jacket on this means a lot to your

brother

I didn't wear a jacket for the Princeton

recruiter there she is hello and I'm

Wallace Cleaver won't you come in and

this is my mother Councilwoman cleaver

how do you do miss Benson sorry I'm late

I couldn't read the numbers on the curb

for me we'll have some coffee please

famous around the apartment Wally Wally

I got a no-no do you want new toilet

seat to use twice maybe not now hmm it's

a babe with the gams that private school

I was telling you about and you have to

go body with brains what a waste

when she asked about me nowhere I'm

married

drives him crazy but he can't have a

fight those are mine Mary Ellen and

Kevin miss water for Benson hello very

nice to meet you Sophia

hello Kevin I've really been looking

forward to meeting JEP escape for lunch

so so so might I add that miss Benson

that's a lovely dress you're wearing

thank you Kevin how about you and I go

someplace and have a nice little chat no

thanks I'm not allowed to go anywhere

strangers oh well maybe we can make an

exception to that rule just this one

time

would you like to use the den please

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thank God don't want anything is no like

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then man would have nothing to do I'll

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Kevin right now they're gonna play a few

games and draw some pictures it's going

to be a lot of fun okay nothing I'm not

finding these clothes no Kevin

how many crayons do you think I have in

my hand

don't you know yes I do

why are you asking because I want to

know how many you think there are just

look on the box it says a what if one

was missing

you just have to take it back to the

store and get your money back

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here Kevin why don't we just draw a

picture of your family

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wait probably number three is at 91 and

3/8 that's six

I better check the batteries on my

calculator I'll call you back later

hi no no when you listen to my new

ritual sacrifice TV at home my dad

thinks every song is about drugs and

Satan well aren't they

beats me I can't understand a word

they're saying you can use my headphones

just don't sing along really get this

stupid thing on sure how old interview

kind of dumb

lady kept on telling me to talk to her

puppet did you have to go through all

this junk for kindergarten - no dad just

held my hand on the way to school

walking into the classroom and started

to cry I hope he doesn't cry brother

brother actually I don't think 25 are

going to the same school how come

because you're a kid you see if

grown-ups are kind of goofy it's like

before you're five when you cry you get

ice cream but after your fight if you

cry you get sent to your room in other

words there's no reason you just got to

do what they say until they buy you a

car school bell anyways Hugo I

don't know Grand Avenue has been fine

for me but then again neither is there

too

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yeah

electrician show up yet no see ya hold

it right there

I'd like to know when something around

here is going to happen well if you've

dressed a little better put on some

makeup maybe something will I was

referring to the remodeling honey well

the Armstrongs were rejected but the

Dunning's kid got in then hyperactive

little butterball got in why do you want

to send what's-his-name to private

school you ever see those kids they're

nothing but a bunch of paddy waste

parents anyone Wow look who's here

fetus elephantitis all right have your

fun you can say that again

who's Chester D's sorry to hear

about your sister I always knew that guy

she married with a b*mb hey mr. and mrs.

cleaver thank you for your interest in

the center for progressive education

unfortunately we regret to believe it oh

this is gonna break his heart you're not

gonna take this lying down

are you do you remember what I did were

my dad threw me out of the family

business yeah you begged and cried after

that you mean when you went on your 13

hour hunger strike look what would you

do if you got an unjust verdict in court

I'd appeal exactly what do you mean

well it's like if you want some more

butter or restaurant and the waitress

doesn't bring it back to you right away

you've gotta let them know how hungry

you are talking about schools coffee

shop go back to that Center and sell

yourself sure what I've asked that you'd

be to their program but that doesn't

work you make a donation to their

building fund no well isn't that ill*gal

not really isn't it immoral well exactly

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and after reviewing all the factors

weighing an adequate interview against

the rather pedestrian application we

simply feel that attending the center at

this time would just not be in Calvin's

best interest that's Kevin

sorry but perhaps you should think about

reapplying next year though and you know

I don't think you realize how excited we

are about your program and how willing

we are to contribute you know I'm an

attorney I could volunteer my legal

services I helped draft the

pooper-scooper initiative you can

imagine what I could do here at the

center and I'm a professional journalist

I could help with the school newsletter

and my zucchini bread is always a big

hit at bake sale yes well I'm sure it's

all delicious but you know we do have

plans for the new building beautiful

yeah yes yes and hopefully with an

expanded facility we'll have fewer

meetings such as these and you know

there may be an additional factor here

that we may not be taking into

consideration

oh how much of an additional factor oh

my that and that is an additional factor

well I see that we do have an opening

for little Calvin yes sorry I knew that

congratulations mr. mrs. cleaver and

welcome welcome to the centerfolds

is is there a problem here

power

yeah and just five minutes ago Kevin

wasn't ready for your center well he was

on the borderline

no I think their first answer was the

right I don't think this is the right

school Kevin

and you don't know what you're missing

without lies who can

you always make him do all the work

yeah sweetie look what we brought you

are you going to weigh yourself and know

why last time you got me a coloring book

you went away on vacation without me oh

no um tiger remember that special school

that mommy and daddy have been talking

to you about I don't think you're gonna

go there now honey I know that you're

disappointed

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- yeah

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and when the

Hayley Mills in her Academy Award

winning performance as the little orphan

girl who found everyone's heart Disney's

Pollyanna Friday on 7 has fame gone the

Sam's head that you've been aimed after

a*s a yellow supers fruit and all of a

sudden you're in show because Betty

snapped hey Dad

tonight dad

dad you've got your money laughing

writing was just to attain so I'm gonna

send them a tape hey good idea be

creative you're gonna love this

I wanna do the

I must matriculate a please accept this

application

so what do you think I think I just

saved 13 grand Oliver why are you

dressed like that I'm going to the

ritual sacrifice concert at state I've

already told you there's no way you're

going to a rock concert alone well I'm

not going alone

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I know what you're thinking but once

Holly turned me on to those guys I

really got to do

coming up next and grows cartoon

connection then mr. ed don't forget

there's a double dose of laughter

tonight from 7:30 with hey Dad followed

by home improvements midweek giggles

tonight on 7

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