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02x26 - The Bruise Brothers

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The New Leave It to Beaver". Aired: March 19, 1983 – June 4, 1989.*
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Series focuses on Wally Cleaver and his younger brother, Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver as adults and with families of their own.

02x26 - The Bruise Brothers

Post by bunniefuu »

[Music]

[Applause]

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[Applause]

[Music]

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[Music]

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[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

nice move ollie Three Stooges they do

that whenever they're being chased by

somebody's husband more and my dad says

doing nothing for you why do you always

beat me up probably because your little

veneers well maybe it's your face

when you get that dopey look I want to

slug you myself dopey look this one yeah

cute page that to think it's all clear

one of us him good come on

my mom makes brownies on Mondays and if

we hurry we can like do both

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hi boys come on game oh it was a great

game it was all over the field blocking

kicks passing even scored two goals yeah

the other team scored 11 well that

wasn't very nice of them beaver we just

sign this please whose birthday at

Martha's she's gotta be 94 we really

ought to take away our driver's license

well I hope it's better than the one you

got it last year remember the cat on the

chin-up bar that just said hang in there

mom

Kip Bieber I just want to say one thing

it's not as bad as it looks

what isn't Oh actually in this light

it's worse Oliver what happened Oh Ally

you look like one of those guys in the

driver's ed movies think about it he

buddy just let me alone I better go with

him thanks skip

want to make sure he bleeds on his own

side of the road what happened you got

me all I know is when I drove up some

kid named Billy was using Oliver for a

trampoline that Benton kid again

Oliver's not gonna be pushed around by

him anymore I'm gonna teach him how to

defend himself now look I don't think

that's a very good idea

well my kids gotta be able to take care

of himself I don't believe this you two

are part of the sixties when you even

had a van with peace signs on it I

couldn't afford to have a repainted Hill

violence only creates more violence

we just want Holly to be able to protect

himself fighting is never the answer

not Beaver I want you to promise me

you're not gonna teach him how to fight

but mom please Beaver all right I

promise I won't teach Oliver how to

fight

[Music]

look you gotta learn to defend yourself

and if you get a few good punches in

well so much the better

uncle Wally these things are heavy the

one horn don't you not really

can we move Belfort has nice schools and

a fine transportation system come on

Wally he's too stiff get him up on his

toes did you not come on ollie quit

moving your mouth and start moving your

feet now look when you throw a punch do

it from your shoulder like that put your

whole body behind it kinda like when

you're throwing a baseball hi let's see

you throw a couple come on ollie your

Aunt Martha can hit harder than that

let's see what you're made of come on

ollie when you throw a punch you want

the other guy didn't always been hit now

let's see a really plant one yeah what

is it honey was coming here hi grandma

uncle Wally was just showing me how to

stop biting my nails

beaver you promised me oh I wasn't

teaching him out of fight Wally was kids

I'd like to talk to your fathers alone

whatever you say grandma you can hear

everything through the heating vent

upstairs I'm sorry mom but I just had to

do something look boys I don't want to

see Oliver hurt either but do you really

want to see him hurt someone else yeah

no you're right mom I'm gonna do what I

should have done in the first place I'm

gonna go talk to this kids parents now

that's more like it

thanks anyway Wally yeah what wait a

minute beep what am I supposed to do

with these gloves I bought Mary Ellen

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hello my name is beaver beaver cleaver

judy judy insular judy Hensler Benton

wife of dr. Benton or as he was known in

st. Louis mr. proctology then I'm sure

you make a perfect couple but I'm here

to talk about your son Billy he's a

wonderful boy well yesterday afternoon

for the third time your wonderful boy

beat up on my son you're still the same

beaver always trying to make trouble

looks like you still like to eat - your

son is the troublemaker and it looks to

me like you haven't bought a dress in

the petite section for a long time let's

get this over with

William will you come here please by the

way beef nice job on your marriage you

buy another vacuum cleaner mom this is

mr. cleaver did you beat up his ugly kid

yesterday afternoon no mother

yesterday afternoon I was at the senior

citizen center reading to the elderly

case closed

beaver now why don't you go hover over a

stadium or something

you better have a talk with your son

sure beats talking to you beaver now why

don't you get off my front porch before

people think we're having an affair I

could stand here for the next 10 years

and people would still know I'm not that

desperate

put that guy back into my classic 60t

we've been driving off Connie might have

punched his life now alright don't worry

about me hi I'm just a little upset

Julie foster gave you for your wedding

guys get mad off you think about it

giving each other oh well sometimes you

just lose your temper and you can't

control yourself the girls don't hate

each other

hmm you've never been to a January white

sale yet I just tell Maxie everything JJ

told me not to tell anybody

well I guess that guy settled their

differences differently I'm poor all

he's gonna get beat up the rest of his

life and don't worry about Holly honey

it'll be just fine as a matter of fact

sometimes when two guys fight they end

up being best friends you know it

wouldn't surprise me if Holly and that

kid weren't down at the soda shop right

now having an ice cream together

[Music]

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[Applause]

yeah and here's Victor his work on this

puddle it will be top firm and you'll be

helping poor people hi champ any

problems with Billy today I know I

haven't seen him at all in the last week

you mr. Billy said the right things when

you talked to his mom well I did lay

down the law I can be pretty persuasive

yeah I'll bet you could even tell vacuum

cleaners well I'm glad everything worked

out good night you hi I'm Kip I've been

giving it a lot of thought and you can

forget about bleaching your hair oh come

on dad all the guys are bleaching their

hair no how about just the street no

wonder how you feel about an earring no

Kip can I talk to you about something I

can't talk to dad about uh girls no not

does I forget it ollie

it's Billy Benton bothering you again I

can't get bothered by someone I can't

see you what are you talking about every

day after school I've been hiding in the

trash dumpster when Billy is tired of

waiting he leaves and I go home

holy how long are you planning on

keeping this up I mean you can't do that

forever

I know tomorrow's collection day it

seems like it's all been downhill since

kindergarten

I started out being one of the biggest

kids in my class now I'm shorter than

everybody then I got the freckles and

then the brace is and now Billy Benton

what's next acne well golly you can't

let this guy run your life what am I

supposed to do last week cram my face

into a gopher hole good thing no one was

home

now that doesn't tomorrow I'm going down

to that school

if he doesn't cut this out I'm gonna

bash his head in thanks but then they'll

just say I'm a baby who hides behind my

big brother

[Music]

maybe we'll have to find another way to

solve your problems with Billy

ah yes Frederick you won't understand it

till you have a boy of your own but

there's something unique about a

father-son bond warmth continuity a

spiritual kinship don't forget to trim

my nose hairs man hey mr. Haskell ready

if you're here for a shave you're about

five years too early

Freddie if you can't say something

really insulting don't say anything at

all

Freddie can I talk to you alone for a

second sir my counseling expertise is

required by this traumatized youth

perhaps you can excuse us while we

repair to the bar all right but make it

snappy

this is not happy hour and keep your

paws off the beer nuts

you look trouble let me guess

you got a hot date you want to borrow my

personality knock it off Freddie

I need the 52 bucks you owe me yep

what's happened to us the only time I

ever see was when you come around

bugging me about that $32 I owe you

52 if it was for me I would let it slide

I need the money so I could take karate

lessons rowdy

scored is trouble fighting a cold that's

why needs the lessons that jerk Billy

Benton keeps kicking him around like

it's his job or something that's tough I

know all about that routine though I was

always at the giving end tell you what

forget the 22 bucks I owe you I'll take

care of that junior glue myself I got

this cattle prod oh thanks baby we'll

take the lessons you're taking them too

yeah the more people who sign up the

cheaper it is look if you can keep a

secret you can come with us hmm got out

there

given my natural charm undeniable good

looks and superior intelligence I can

rule the world hey will you hurry it up

I want to look good when Inga gets here

for my massage

[Music]

kip are you sure this is a good idea

come on you'll be fine it's exactly what

you need I don't need these ridiculous

outfits

these are stupidest things I've ever sir

I was just commenting to my classmates

what a lovely ensemble you're wearing

good afternoon I am your instructor mr.

Herrara please be seated in Taekwondo

karate you will learn many things the

most important thing is this you must

control yourself before you can control

others does anyone know what take bundle

is something you order with moo shu pork

too much

take cuando los teacher peace strength

power do any of you have experience in

martial arts please come forward

where did you study Oh every Saturday

afternoon i watch oriental death theatre

show me what you know no wonder he's

been getting beat up did you all watch

carefully

that is not martial-arts sit with the

others martial arts is not screaming

just discipline and confidence it's not

body it's brains maybe you could get a

refund

oh I hope I wasn't that aligned with

that moo shu pork remark ran at me well

I would but I twisted my ankle saving a

helpless child from a speeding train me

see control now everyone stand and pair

off with a partner your partner yes you

do

somebody else might hurt you learning

take one dose should be interesting

don't you think I don't care if it's

interesting just as long as I learn how

to hurt men like they've heard me and we

will roll hey everyone

I'm not like the other guys hurt you

I'll try not to laugh forget a Kip I

can't do this I'm going back to the

dumpster

[Music]

you must not stop before you have begun

you cannot be the master of your own

destiny if you've never faced it

[Music]

hey drama all home yet

no yeah and I wish she were then maybe

he could explain this h* great she got

that job as a busboy in that new

Japanese restaurant nice try but I

happen to have seen oriental death

theater and you haven't been taking all

over to the library every day have you

no grandma he's been taking karate

lessons and I knew he'd be against it

but you just gotta let him do it hip you

know perfectly well how I feel about

fighting grandma it's a lot better than

I'm getting beaten up every day now

isn't it it's grandma did you know that

just three weeks ago he was hiding in a

trash dumpster every afternoon well that

explains the coffee grounds in his socks

see now he's got confidence he can walk

down the street without being afraid he

believes in himself now I know that

meant doing something you didn't want us

to do but grandma I just couldn't let

the little guy get beat up anymore I

don't want my own room that badly

give a paying for these karate lessons

well yeah Freddie owed me some money and

I really didn't have anything else I

wanted to spend it on

[Music]

I guess I better iron this so he looked

nice for class

relax Earl filiol show up that's why I

can't relax I hope you're not going to

fight him just to impress me

you're already impressed me that times

your orange soda through your nose

Hey look they showed up we won't even

have to chase him

you can't chase a guy who ain't running

away maybe you want to see your prayers

maybe you want to use some mouthwash

it's not funny Olli

let's get the show on the road the

brains are gonna be security creep what

are you gonna do chop some onions and

make me cry

you're getting meat cleaver Billy hi

Chris bat-ball it looked to me like you

were gonna hit him me I wouldn't break

my promise to you

well that's good because if you do you

know what will happen you'll never see

me again and you'll tell my mom what

really happened to her cat oh you did it

well I was a little scared but I know I

could do it I'm just gonna keep yourself

into control oh come on admit it you got

lucky Billy's girlfriend had come and

broken it up he would've k*lled you oh

yeah mom puts a foot down no make no

hang-glider

so Blake tries Plan B it is such a great

idea I do not know I didn't think of it

before

he wants it to be a surprise Randy's a

dr*fter afraid you might run off with me

listen and it's time to move on

there is no way he'll be back Mars

presents over the way tonight show me a

beat oh that's nice goodbye

[Music]

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[Music]

in Louisville this week Jesse star of

full house join me for the 1992 TV week

Logie Awards exclusive to 7:00 Friday

that's it

[Music]

this can wait until Kevin grows oh come

on this is fun I really don't wanna I'll

give you a dollar

hey come on show me what you're made

let's go what are you a girl or a mouse

to the line yeah that's better yeah

that's here

[Music]

that'll be all for today

[Music]

coming up next on 7 a gross cartoon

connection Friday night is asteroid in

televisions night of nights the

long-awaited 34th annual TV week Logie

Awards join in the glamour and

excitement as the country's television

stars gather for a glittering ceremony

here in Melbourne who will win this

year's coveted TV Week Gold Logie for

straightest most popular TV personality

the 1992 Logie Awards 8:30 Friday and

exclusive to 7

[Music]