02x19 - The Bestest Dad

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

did you get your beers Lee Badgett no

I'm thousand-point short

no sweat though all you got to do is

rescue somebody from flood by Saturday

sorry I always get you in a twin brother

mixed up it's easy to tell us apart my

brother's the heavy one

alright now it's not just meeting

Trailblazers pledge I promise to be

strong and brave and always nice to be

home to this I swear I'd like to

congratulate you all on last weekend

successful camping trip oh and you'll be

happy to know it's but reported they may

have found Bobby

doesn't mean that I'm not in the color

guard anymore I'm excited to announce a

very special project before you leave

you'll be given a number of assorted

regular household items things like cans

popsicle sticks thread etc etc can

anyone guess why in time to a cat's tail

I really don't want that grizzly badge

do you ducky

now only using these materials you can

build anything you want as long as you

build it with your father

how am I gonna do that my dad comes home

from work goes to the bathroom reads the

paper eats goes back into the bathroom

but the time is done I'm in bed don't

worry don't worry Earl I'm sure your

father can make time perhaps the two of

you can build a medicine chest and the

winning team wins this official

Trailblazer compass is that the kind you

can throw in the water jump up or down

on can ride your bike over and it'll

still work that's right

sounds a lot better than your old one

yeah don't win that well you can if you

and your dad build the best project now

the project is due a week from today so

before you leave I want you to come up

here and take a bag full of materials

all but me and my dad are gonna win that

compass for sure no way your dad

couldn't start a barbecue with a

blowtorch last month my dad hung up a

towel rack in my grandma's bathroom it

only came down once this is good as moly

my dad's an electrical engineer

at least my dad had hair

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hi babe

well you ready to go to the computer

show I can't leave yet mr. Fukuda

supposed to call it five o'clock I hope

he didn't mean Japan time is that deal

still alive

yeah even after that crack lumpy made do

you know that if I get this account I

can expand my clientele broaden my

financial base I could even start buying

stamps by the roll hello hello hello

hello mister / Kudo you have well that's

wonderful sir

yes I'm sure we'll make a fine team I'll

look forward to meeting you right a

sayonara to you too I did it I did it

why why I got the account I got I really

did why

just don't get me do you do that for

your job oh hi I just got some great

news I have you Judas my junior

Trailblazer project a monster a plane it

doesn't matter just as long as we'd be

duffy in his dad isn't he an electrical

engineer my dad can do anything better

than anybody else dead right you bet you

saw that towel rack didn't you oh yeah

yeah it was just great you could do

chin-ups on it Hey look I would go into

the computer show or not oh I've got too

much work to do okay no wha say hi to

miss floppy disk for you let's go home

and start building something oh well uh

I can't work on your project right now

I've got so many important things to do

oh look I work on your project will

later tonight when tonight uh when I get

home from work when are you getting home

from work

ah look we'll work on your project right

after dinner do you mean when I'm done

eating when you guys are finished

drinking coffee and gabbing

I'm so proud of the beaver all these

hard-working perseverance it's really

paid off for him yeah I'm really happy

for him too well I guess now you have

two successful sons today Kelly asked

her father one of them Mayfield's

prominent attorneys if he'd talked to

her class at career day oh that's

wonderful

I remember when your father went to your

career day yeah you know I was thinking

of telling the same joke that he told I

just changed Peggy Lee to Madonna

thanks for the compliment you know I

always knew you'd do well when you were

eight years old you used to dress up in

a suit you'd go around telling people

that you were running for president hey

I haven't entirely ruled that out

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guess what mom Fukuda workout I heard

all about it

congratulations this means I may get to

go to Japan maybe three or four times a

year just don't bow too often you know

how your back feels every time you come

home from bowling I gotta go back to the

ten pound ball I'm starving

we gotta need those muscle man fish

stick dinners left no but I'll fix you

something that tastes like food you know

there was somebody who was really

looking forward to seeing you tonight

oh gee thanks mom I missed you too

not me a little boy came home and he

said he and his dad were gonna make

something extra spectacular

Oliver's project I forgot completely

about it well don't bother now dear he's

in bed

he waited out front dil he fell asleep

he'd still be there if the paperboy

hadn't been late I hope he wasn't too

upset no paper just grazed him

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[Applause]

so Olli how'd your Trailblazer project

coming along it's going okay what are

you guys building well we haven't

exactly decided yet but it's gonna be

great

you guys better hurry up oh my god a few

days left well my dad has been real busy

with that guy who eats fish without

cooking in look five bucks is all I'm

asking what's it for

doesn't matter Freddy I am NOT lending

you any money and to tell me what it's

for

it's for your birthday you're happy now

gee I'm sorry Freddy I'll take it but it

won't be the same

Ollie looking all over for you dad

called he said he's gotta work late

tonight that's the last three days I

guess I'm kind of lucky my dad's making

all kinds of time to speak career day

sure your dad's a lawyer he does two

cases a half-hour and goes home I've

seen people's court

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oh hey Queenie her how are you and your

dad doing on the project great

we're almost done almost done dad me

finished days ago no my dad's an

electrical engineer I can see you want

one of his better ideas why are you

going down on the zoo and take another

stab at finding your real parents damn

in the compass I'll invite you over when

I put it in the microwave I'm noxious

young lad how can anyone be that way

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who wants to win demo encompass anyway

but if you do might I remind you the

Haskell name is synonymous with quality

construction my dad could whip you up

something thanks anyways ready but my

dad will come through yeah you should

see the job he did on that towel rack

[Laughter]

dad

I kept I haven't got time to play ball

right now dad wait I have to talk to you

how much do you need no it's not that I

have to talk to you about Oliver if it's

about his Trailblazer project say no

more I came home early today just for

that reason that's a relief I don't

think he'd buy that flat tire story a

fourth time you're a good big brother

and there's no place I'd rather be than

here with you guys yeah I feel the same

way dad but see you later I'm gonna go

catch a movie with Tracy

Holly we're home so early

is it a Japanese holiday or something

yeah I just had the wildest urge to

build something with my youngest son you

mean it sure I was thinking maybe a

bridge or an airplane maybe even a robot

sister stuff okay let's see well I guess

that could be the body put this on like

that

maybe that for a head or something you

know I think we're gonna have to cut

these tin cans yeah okay I'll get the

toolbox and some band-A*DS okay ready

for dinner oh maybe later we have a

robot to build better be a good one

Debbie's father's an electrical engineer

cleaver resident why mr. Furr kudo use

down still close oh my that is close yes

sir I'll be right down

Oh

where are you going that was mr. Fukuda

he came in a day early I have to meet

him at the airport right now what about

Holly oh I'll bring him back something

from the duty-free shop I have to go to

the airport it's an emergency

I'm sorry champ dad you promised me mr.

Fukuda just flew in all the way from

Japan tell you what you start and we'll

finish as soon as I get home he won't be

gone long he'll be back before you know

it

[Music]

and my uncle Wally's real busy too

so I'm real stuck even though my dad

said never ask a high school for a favor

cuz I'll never let you forget it could

you please help me build something

Thorin Braves

these guys never cover you gotta help me

build something please what do I look

like the Wailing Wall hey about this sad

sack look I've had a lifetime cruise

aboard the parental neglect boat myself

I'll help you out

thanks mr. Haskell now I'm glad I didn't

help Duffy Guthrie toilet paper your

house so that was Duffy

it took good a good two hours to roll

that stuff back up hey don't look at me

like that it was for the guest bathroom

you know do you want me to build you

something good or do you want it to look

like your father helped you something

real good you know Duffy's dad's an

electrical engineer right he got his

degree from the same matchbook cover I

got my contractor's license

hey I'll build you something that'll

blow your freckles off when do you need

it three days here's a list of the stuff

you gotta use those sweat you'll have it

by Saturday thanks mr. Haskell you know

this is about the bestest thing

anybody's ever done for me my pleasure

twenty-five bucks should cover it $25 no

money no Mickey mr. Haskell I don't have

anything like that kind of money to

that's a start yeah I know you got a

birthday coming up yeah I'm gonna be

cares

Aunt Martha you're she's still good for

25 big ones well no one she remembers to

sign the check

I'll take the chance deal deal

hey but if the old bat gets her toe tag

before then you better find the key to

your grandma's jewelry box

I was career day one of the most

embarrassing experiences of my life

I bombed oh honey come on don't be

ridiculous I'm sure you're exaggerating

yeah dad it's not your fault that legal

stuff is so boring it is gonna boring

without laws society as we know it would

collapse a code of conduct is what

distinguishes man from lower animals you

should have seen it mom

Megan's dad's an exterminator and he

brought in a whole jar of roaches one

squirt and they were all legs up

sensationalism well maybe you'll do

better when Kevin gets to school oh sure

if I bring in a convict in an electric

chair help me give your brother a bath

and let your father mope okay don't

worry dad I thought you were the most

prepared nicest-looking and told the

best joke it's not your fault that Billy

Graham shouted out the punch line that

boy is not coming to your birthday party

hey Wally I heard about career day

exterminator when you really need one

don't you know anything about the w*r

Between the States that's a famous

Confederate ironclad frigate the

Merrimack boy that's really a neat

replica where'd you buy it buy it you

offend my artisan sensibilities I built

this little baby myself

1:24 scale look in the fridge see the

little captain in there oh you really

did a nice job on this you should put

the same care in detail into the houses

you build hey that's pretty strong talk

for a guy who's just been humiliated by

a bug k*ller

good luck there's nobody home next door

so give this to your carrot top nephew

huh what are you giving a Dalibor for

that has something to do with some

project he was supposed to do with your

brother but seems to be is too busy

gnawing trees to help so I filled in he

came to you yeah he appreciates

old-world craftsmanship you know if I'd

been born in biblical days Noah's Ark

could still be around as a tourist

attraction I gotta admit it Eddie this

was really nice of you I couldn't let

the little guy down Oh wha tell me miss

first first payments due on Saturday

you made him pay oh yeah isn't he good

for it hi babe Wally I haven't got time

to play ball right now I'm not here to

play ball are you still upset about

career day no I'm not upset I am I

wanted to talk to you about something

it's sad

this isn't gonna be easy do you want to

go in the den no we can't go in the

house

Jude Mom have a fight no I wanted to

talk to you about this wow the monitor

that's the mirror Mac no it's the

monitor I know my iron okay it's a

monitor

Oliver hired Eddie Haskell to build it

because you wouldn't

[Music]

mr. Haskell please be there good

afternoon mr. Haskell I'm so glad you

fell for it

you thought I was home people message at

the sound of the tone

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grandma have you seen mr. Haskell today

I do my best to avoid mr. Haskell he's

not trying to take you to the track

again easy

heck no grandma I don't like that place

all the horses are named into square

words

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need a hand no thanks I guess not

you already got all the help you need it

for mr. Haskell you mean he made it for

me where is it

I gave it back to him here's your dollar

back I gave him two I did my best

are you mad at me no if anybody has a

right to be angry at you well I taught

the whole world what a neat thing me and

my dad were gonna build now I gotta

catch some fatal disease before Saturday

just try to look bad I don't think

that'll be necessary so much well do you

know how sometimes in school you study

real hard for a test and then you get an

A and you feel like you really

accomplished something no I got caught

up in this business deal because I want

to provide better things for my family

dad but you know it doesn't matter if

you have the neatest junk in the whole

world it doesn't mean a thing if you

don't share it with the people you love

gee dad I never heard a grown-up admit

it when they goofed up before I guess

that's a compliment

I'm sure glad we can talk like this yeah

the only time Harold's I mean Earl's dad

talks to him is when he's talking about

the bathroom

[Music]

fathers have produced some outstanding

projects you should be proud of yourself

it's extremely difficult but I finally

came to a decision winner of this year's

father-son competition is Duffy Guthrie

[Applause]

see I told you I thought my dad's an

electrical engineer so I'm gonna have to

do a thing maybe I didn't win but at

least me my dad fine building something

together that's better than a caucus any

old a serious son

good afternoon sir yeah right back at

you son and what pray tell do you have

in store the remainder of the day well I

thought I did install that automatic

garage door opener you wanted the card

game hex on that can wait what do you

say your father takes you out for an ice

cream

you mean just you and me alone together

yeah sure

you honestly want to do that no be

either

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tonight at 8:05 Eastern Elvis Presley

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and a group of Confederate rebels made

one last stand for the South in Red

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