03x04 - They Reminisce Over You

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

As our Hood Legends tour continues,

what you're witnessing here is
what we here in Brooklyn call

a "shoe drop", okay?

This line right here could extend
all the way to Manhattan,

across the bridge,
depending on the hype.

Yo, shorty, what shoes you waitin' on?

The new Jordans.

You remind me of me, man.

I remember my first pair of Jordans.

- It's a magical day in the hood
- _

when a boy gets his first
pair of new Jordans.

It represents them not having to wear

duh-dunt-duh-dunt's no more...

you know, hand-me-downs,

knock-offs.

Adidas with seven stripes,

Chuck Taylors with the heels,

Pumas with domesticated
house cats on 'em.

It's the first time in your life

when you get to feel rich.

You feel like you're walking on air,

like one of those trolley
shots in a Spike Lee joint.

I was a superstar.

Guys wanted to be me,
girls wanted to see me,

but haters always gonna hate.

That's the day I met the hood legend

"Kangaroo Jack".

[g*n c*ck]

Run 'em. Put 'em in the pouch.

Kangaroo Jack was the "Michael Jordan

of stealing Jordans".

He got his name because
his getaway skills

was legendary.

Legend has it that, to this day,

Kangaroo Jack has never been caught

and still roams these Brooklyn streets.

♪ Stagnant nonsense,
for if you persist ♪

- ♪ You'll get your snotbox bust you press up on this ♪
- So, kids,

if you ever get a fresh
pair of new Jordans,

you better keep your eyes open,

or you'll get jacked...
by Kangaroo Jack.

♪ Peep the Dirty Rotten scamp
as his verbal weapons spit ♪

- ♪ Weapons spit, uh-oh! ♪
- ♪ Heads up 'cause we're droppin' some... ♪

[BARS CLINK]

Thank you all for joining me today.

Remember, there's a hood legend
in each and every one of y'all.

♪♪

You know what? Cronuts
is the only good thing

to come out of G*ntrification.

How we do?

The livestream of the tour went well.

You're averaging 50 more
viewers than last week.



and your engagement is up 3%.

How much dollars is that?

Zero.

But you can't put a price on Insta fame.

You know something?

I had the original release
of those back in the day.

You still had them
today in mint condition,

they'd be worth $25,000.

What?! $25,000?!

Man, you know what I could
do with that kind of money?

And I think might still have them.

Well, I hope they're hermetically sealed

in a temperature-controlled environment.

I gotta get to Shay, man.
She might know where they at.

- Come on, Miles. Let's go.
- Mnm.

I've hit my quota of social interaction.

- Need to recharge.
- No, no, no.

You said we were gonna
spend the day together.

Plus, I still need your car. Let's go!

Shay, I just want you to know
things are gonna change, okay?

I'm getting out the game.

Then me and you gonna focus on making

our dreams come true, I promise.

♪♪

[GASPS]

- Baby, are these all my sketches?
- Yes, it is.

This is what you want to do,
we gonna make it happen.

Oh, baby, this means so much to me.

And you mean so much to me.

Happy anniversary.

Mwah!

- I got something for you, too.
- Wh-What?

Shay, come on. What did you do.

Open it! Open it.

- Aw, man.
- Open it.

Aah!

I'm goin' all out.

A fresh pair of new Jordans

for our fresh new life together.

- Thank you.
- I hope you like them.

- I love 'em!
- Try 'em on.

- [CELLPHONE RINGS]
- Wait a minute. My phone is ringing.

[RINGING CONTINUES]

It's Wavy.

This is the last one. I gotta do this.

I'll be right back.

But, I never got to those Jordans.

- 'Cause the next night, I got locked up.
- [BANGING ON DOOR]

What is wrong with you,

banging on my door like
that and just coming in?

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- And who is this?

Shay, this is my neighbor, Miles.

I need to know if you have these shoes.

Miles, show her the picture.

Remember? You gave me those.

Of course, I remember.

But why do you care
about some old Jordans?

I just found out they're worth 25 grand.

- Come again?
- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's crazy how much
some of these retro shoes

can go for now.

"It's Gotta Be the Shoes!"

Um, I heard a story on NPR last week.

Do you know where they are?

Yeah, we, um... just got
cleaned out our locker

- and gave all your old stuff to your mom.
- Yes!

My moms is a straight hoarder, man.

It's like "Grey Gardens" up in there.

She'll have them. Come on, Miles.

We goin' back to the future.

[LOCK ENGAGES]

Why'd you lie to Tray?

We never cleaned out that locker.

Do you know what he
would do with $25,000?

- Uh, yeah.
- We're not gonna let that money go to waste.

Get the car. We goin'
to get some Jordans.

- Mm.
- Might get this booty redid.

♪♪

- Yo.
- [g*nf*re, SCREAMING ON TV]

- Where my mom?
- Roberta went to get a pedicure

because her man got a foot fetish.

Yo, don't talk about my mother's feet.

Most guys like the
baby toe or the big toe.

I like that middle toe...

you know, the "f[BLEEP] me" toe.

That turns me on.

What are you playing?

Playing a little "Call of Duty".

♪♪

TRAY: What this dude do to my room, man?

Aw!

♪♪

I don't want to know.

Ugh!

F[BLEEP] Carl.

Yo, where my Jordans?!

I have no idea.

Now, I do have your Pumas,

and I do have your Adidas,

but I have not seen any Jordans.

Where... are my...

Jordans?!

Thought it was in this... Nope. Come...

Look in this...

- [MAN GROANS ON TV]
- You hesitated before you shot.

That's why you perished.

Yo! I'm not playing with you!

Hey!

What the hell is going on here?

And who is this boy?

My neighbor, Miles.

Hello, Mrs. Barker.

Ma, where's all my old
stuff Shay gave you?

Shay didn't give me anything.

Shay said she gave you
all of my old stuff.

It's important. Please, try to remember.

Don't talk to me like that.

I'm not some old senile woman!

My memory is perfect.

A pair of Michael Jordans
are worth $25,000.

I can't find 'em.

You're gonna get murked if
you remain in prone position.

- Just...
- That's Gaming 101.

Did you tell Shay how
much they're worth?

- Why?
- [CHUCKLING] That girl is playing you.

She told you that she
gave me the Jordans

so she could go get them herself!

Aw, Shay wouldn't do me like that, Ma.

Oh, money makes people do stupid stuff.

I bet you those Jordans are
still i-in Shay's storage.

Mm-hmm. More-Storage, 3rd and Carroll.

- You know what?
- What?

Ever since you gave birth to me, Ma,

I knew I could count on you!

I hope I can count on
you to clean up this mess.

I promise you, I'll be back.

I promise, Ma.

Miles, come on!

Yeah. Sorry.

Hey, hey. How do you
throw a hand grenade?

Just push triangle.

- [expl*si*n]
- Put on some pants.

We're going to get those Jordans.

I gave Tray the wrong storage facility.

Mm, I love when you get shady.

♪♪

Wait a minute.

This is not the place
Shay brought me to.

The plot thickens.

These Jordans are
tearing my family apart!

They're also keeping
me from binge-watching

"Mr. Robot".

I'm notating continuity
errors for my Reddit thread.

You need to get out more.

- Let's go.
- Oh.

Let's go, Miles.

I'm feeling kind of torn

about selling the shoes for money.

Why the change of heart?

They have memories attached.

- ♪♪
- _

[RETCHES]

[TIMER DINGS]

[PANTING]

♪♪

[RETCHES]

See that right there. That's your baby.

[SOBBING SOFTLY]

Oh, honey. It'll be okay.

Wow. And you see this right here?

- Yeah?
- That's your other baby.

Wh... Why is there another baby

Because you're having
twins! Congratulations!

I didn't know what I
was gonna do with one,

but two?

- Is the father in the picture?
- Yeah.

But I didn't tell him yet
because I didn't know

how he was gonna react.

Do you love him?

Yes, I do.

And does he love you?

Yeah, and he would be a good dad

- if he would just get his sh*t together.
- Then don't worry.

You'll find your own way to tell him.

You seem like a strong, capable woman.

If you have to do this on your own,

you'll be just fine.

You'll have to take my word for it.

I'm the doctor.

♪♪

♪♪

Twins.

♪♪

For our anniversary this year,
you got me a waffle maker.

- What's that say?
- That I want you to start making breakfast.

You didn't update your
payment information,

so your locker's been sent to auction.

Why didn't you contact us?

We tried, but someone said,

"Stop calling my g*dd*mn
house from a private number".

Hmm.

Well, well, well. If it
isn't the Black Widow.

I knew you did Tray dirty.

What are you doing here, "Skillet"?

Tray told me about the Jordans.

And I know you lied to him.

Well, the fact that
you're here and he isn't

makes me think that you lied, too.

You know, I bought him those Jordans,

so, technically, the money is mine.

Besides, Tray owes me 15
years back child support.

Well, I gave birth to Tray,
so he owes me his life.

Plus six months' rent.

Hey, can't we just split it?

- Hell no!
- Hell no!

Listen, when my husband died,
he left me no insurance.

I had to take care
of Tray all by myself.

For 30 years, I got up every morning

and worked 14 hours a day
just to make ends meet, okay?

- Now I'm in the prime of my life...
- Mm-hmm.

... and you can be sure
I'mma get something for me.

Well, I did all that times two.

Well, neither of you
are getting any money

because this joker sent our
unit to the auction block.

♪♪

I-I can give you the address
of where they're auctioning it.

Oh, could you write it down, please?

And put it in my hand.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

If you know what's good
for you, you will do that.

Uh...

I hate conflict!

[BOTH GROANING]

Gimme that.

Come on.

Two black women yelling profanities?

Yep. That's them.

Can you tell us where they're headed?

Okay. Thanks.

They're headed to an
auction house in Flatbush.

We're closer. We'll
get there ahead of them.

Time to get "Fast and Furious".

In my car, you'll
have to settle for slow

and fuel-efficient.

Damn it, Miles! You
are cooking my grits!

♪♪



$1,400!

Do I hear 1,450?

[CROWD MURMURING]

Sold to this man and his wife!

- Hey!
- Oh!

Aw, that's got to hurt.

God don't like ugly.

Should be in smaller increments.

[HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM]

Oh, my God. I hate dolls.



God don't like stank either!

I'll check and see where your locker is.

But these dolls are yours now.

No. No, they're not.

Well, well, well.

What a surprise. My own mother.

Don't look at me like that.

And you, the mother of my children.

I always knew it would be you, Fredo.

You broke my heart.

Looks like it was bought

by St. Mary's Church this morning

and sent to their shelter in Queens.

- [CELLPHONE CLICKING]
- Got it.

Every man for himself!

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

ROBERTA: What are you
doing in my purse?!

ROBERTA: I don't know!

- I had 'em.
- We got to open it.

Hey. Y'all looking for these?

You pick-pocketed your own mother?

What's that taste in your mouth?

Sweet revenge?

Ha ha!

- Josh, call an Uber.
- Carl, call a Lyft.

♪♪

- Are you the manager?
- Um, yes, but I'm sorry.

We've filled up. We have
no more beds tonight.

We're not homeless.
Do... Do we look homeless?

I'm not homeless.
Have you seen these shoes?

Well, we received a
donation shipment today,

but it's already been
distributed amongst the needy.

- Well, do you know who has them?
- We don't keep a record.

They could be anywhere on the premises.

♪♪

Come on, Carl.

♪♪

Sorry, bathrooms for homeless only.

♪♪

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

♪♪

Psst, honey, come here.

Are those them?

Can't tell. We got to get closer.

♪♪

If you two want a look...
you don't gotta be shy.

Uh...

- [CHUCKLES]
- Ohh.

- Not Jordans and not...
- Not bad.

♪♪

I don't know. It seemed like a...

Roberta?

Is that you? [LAUGHS]

It's me, Monty!

Monty Stevens!

[CHUCKLES] Monty!

Oh, I don't believe it! I
haven't seen you in years!

I haven't seen you since the prom!

And you were the most
beautiful girl there.

Still are.

And who's this handsome
young man you're with?

- Your son?
- No. I'm her Daddy.

- Right, Roberta?
- Yes.

You back up there, silver Fox.

You might've had her
first, but I got her last.

- [CHUCKLING]
- Oh.

You sexy when you get jealous.

Hey, move your feet, lose your seat.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Stop, you crazy.

♪♪

Tray, look.

Oh!

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

- Who are you?!
- Oh!

- What do you want?!
- Those shoes in your cart are mine.

I'd like to get them back.

And I'd like to marry Jeff Goldblum

in a small and intimate
ceremony in Napa.

Please, they mean a lot to me.

Really? How much?

I'll give you whatever you want.

How 'bout a kiss?

- How 'bout you kiss him first?
- What?

No, I want you to kiss me on the lips.

[SIGHS]

Alright. Okay. Okay.

♪♪

Hey!

Okay.

Okay!

- Mwah!
- Aah!

Oh, there he is. Tray.

Hand over the shoes.
Don't make Mama get mad.

No, give 'em to me, Tray.

You know you're just
gonna blow that money

on foolishness.

Is that what y'all think?

Y'all think I don't
appreciate y'all's sacrifice?

This was my opportunity to spoil y'all.

Ma, I was gonna get you
that gold necklace...

and I'm not talking about the
one that turn your neck green...

and some roses and everything,
because you said

nobody ever gave you none.

And two tickets to Sinbad's
Funk Festival in Aruba.

[GASPS] Ohh.

And, Shay...

I was gonna get you
a Malaysian lace front

with the gold hoop earrings,

with that hot-pink
"Bootylicious" Beyoncé outfit

to go on your dream vacation to Paris.

And, Josh, I was gonna
get you those golf clubs.

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Hey. Hey. What about me?

No, I didn't forget about you, Carl.

I was gonna get two hard,

pipe-wieldin' dudes from Brooklyn

to go Medieval on your a*s.

- Okay.
- I am so sorry, Tray.

I didn't realize how... how
good your intentions were.

Yeah, Shay's right.

We got a little blinded by our greed.

It's okay.

We all behaved badly.

Ma, come on in here.

Let's say a prayer.
You lead us in prayer.

Ohh! Okay.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, Lord, forgive us,
for we have sinned.

Please bring peace to our hearts

and make us more like my son, Tray.

Generous. Loving.

Kind.

- [SIGHS]
- Amen.

Amen.

♪♪

That little mother...

♪♪

Aah! Yes!



♪♪

_

♪♪

[g*n c*ck]

You got to be kidding me.

Been a long time, Tray. How you doing?

Not as good as you.

Is that a Louis Vuitton bag?

That it is. You know the drill.

Run 'em. Throw 'em in the pouch.

♪ You wanna front, what?
Jump up and get bucked ♪

♪ If you're feelin' lucky
duck then press your luck ♪

♪ I snatch fake-gangster emcees
and make 'em... flambé ♪

♪ Your nine spray, my mind spray ♪

Tray Leviticus Barker, you invoked

the name of the Lord
in your deviousness.

Hand over those shoes!

I got jacked. Shay.

I'm sorry I didn't see this.

Things would've been
different if I would've just

tried those shoes on.

There's no way to really know,

but it would've been nice
to see those shoes again.

Okay, well, let's go home.

My dogs are barking.

I'mma treat them dogs like a chew toy.

- Yi-yi-yi!
- [CHUCKLES] Stop it.

Miles, let me get you home
so you can finish your Reddit.

No way... This is better

than any WorldStar video I've ever seen.

If you want to get your Jordans back,

there's only one place
you can get them verified.

Let's go get your Jordans.

Let's go.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Yo! Wait a minute!
Those shoes belong to us!

Yeah? [CHUCKLES]

Prove it.

May I?

"Amira.

Shahzad".

Those are the names that
I picked out for our kids.

CLERK: You wrote in them?

I'm sorry, but they gotta
be in mint condition

to be considered collector's items.

Man, take your worthless sh*t.

They worthless to you.

They priceless to me.

Let's go.

♪♪

- [g*n c*ck]
- [MUSIC DISTORTS]

Run it.

- Sorry about your Jordans, Tray.
- You know what?

Sometime, I feel like an
old pair of Jordans myself.

I used to be the guy
that make you proud,

but these streets,

they scuffed me up pretty bad, Shay.

Tray, you are rough around the edges

and hard-headed at times...

but your heart is priceless.

- Thank you.
- They are just a pair of shoes.

Eventually, they will
fade and fall apart.

You're right.

♪♪

Excuse me, Shay.

♪♪

My man.

Here you go.

For you.

My dear.

[CHUCKLES] My dear.

Aw, this n*gga wrote in 'em.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

[GARBAGE CRUNCHES]