02x02 - Versa Day

[bunniefuu]

Pim, you've been in there
for over an hour.

Now it's time to face facts.
That thing in the mirror is you.

Get over it and open the door.

Go nuts!

Pim!

Hey, are you two still fighting?

Well, she deliberately
takes forever in there

just to light my burners.

Phil, honey,
you have to understand.

Pim is a girl.

All right, for the sake of argument,
let's pretend you're right.

Honey, she's trying
to find her own look.

[sawing]

She's experimenting with makeup.

[drilling]

Even a blemish
can be a big deal.

- [boom]
- Oh.

At her age, appearance
is a priority.

Oh, mother, I just drank
a gallon of orange juice.

I have my own priorities.

A tip for the lame:

Achieving this level
of coolness takes time.

Mom! Phil used all the milk!

That's because you
used up all the ugly.

- [grunting]
- Curtis!
You cannot eat all those.

Curtis accept challenge. Hah!

[slurps]

[belches]

Ah heh! Mm.

OK, OK, that does it.

Curtis, if you're gonna continue living
with us and off us,

you're gonna have to start
pulling your own weight.

And I think that you've evolved enough now
that, even with your small brain,

you can function in polite
society without giving us all away.

So what I'm saying is, it's time for you
to start holding down a job.

Mm. If Curtis hold down buffalo,

how hard to hold down job?

Hmm? Heh heh.

You ate all the toast.

It seemed only right.
I ate all the cereal.

Both of you, cool your jets.

Oh, no. I upset shorty.

Oh, that is it!

Why don't you say that
standing up, huh?

Mom!

- [nothing]
- [whistles]

Thank you.

No problem, Big Brain.

You two have been
fighting all week.

You know what I think
it's time for?

- [Pim] Oh, no.
- Anything but that.

Lloyd, are you sure?

It's time for a versa day.

You'll both learn
a little tolerance

after you spend a few hours
in each other's shoes.

Which one Phil? Which one Pim?

How hard is it
to figure out, hairball?

Oh, that Pim for sure.

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine,
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

- ♪ So now it's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ But something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

- ♪ So now he's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

- ♪ Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

[Phil's voice] How am
I supposed to walk in Pim's shoes?

I can barely walk in her boots.

Look at that. She's already
gotten into my locker.

Pim, dad locked us
into these morphs,

and there's nothing
we can do about it,

so let's just get
through this, OK?

Then at the end of the day,

we can tell mom and dad
we learned a valuable lesson,

tolerance is good, yak yak yak.

Then can we go back
to hating each other?

Absolutely.

Hey, Phil.
Oh, don't forget. Movies tonight.

Not if you're going
in that getup.

What did you do... throw yourself
on an exploding clown?

[Pim's voice] I'm going to have lots
of fun in Phil's body.

OK, Curtis, here we go.
Job interview number one.

- Heh heh heh.
- Stand erect!

No grunting. Most important,
have a breath mint.

Ooh.

Ah.

Ahhhhh.

[grunts, pants]

Oh. Oh. Oh!

[grunting]

[Phil's voice] Maybe this is where
Pim goes to science.

Is this Mr. Angst's science?

Very funny, Pimple.

And who said you
could talk to me?

Those must be the fashion zombies
Pim's always whining about.

[bell rings]

"Pimple." not bad.

Welcome to another exciting
day of biology.

I'm sure you're all
thrilled to be here.

I know I am.

Can anyone define annelid?
Ms. Lanky?

It's what you put eye shadow on.

That would be an eyelid.

But at least you showed up today.

Anyone else?

I see you, Mr. Snooger.

Anyone else besides the captain
of the science squad?

Candida?

An annelid is
a small, slimy life form,

which reminds me of another
small, slimy life form,

which is also gross.

[giggles]

Rib-tickling.

Can anyone elaborate
on this? Ms. Diffy?

Yeah, tell us about your family.

[Phil's voice]
Oh, h* h* h*. It's on.

[Giggles]

Annelids. Any member of a phylum
of invertebrate animals

characterized by a body
divided into segments

by transverse rings
or annulations.

Ms. Diffy, that's correct!

In other words...

The common worm.

Oh!

Actually, Mr. Angst,

there's nothing common about them.

Different species have
a wide variety of diets...

Including active
and passive hunters,

scavengers,
filter-feeders, and...

Bloodsuckers.

Hey, guys, look at this!

This job was made for you.

Now go out and act
like a 4-year-old.

Be yourself!

[laughs, grunts]

Raaaarrh!

Choo tooga!

[kids scream]

Ah ha ha ha ha! Choo tooga!

Hunh! Hunh! Choo tooga!

[muttering]

[Pim's voice] It's awesome
to have biceps.

I could do some real damage
with these pythons.

Quatrain:
A poetic stanza of 4 lines.

If you need help
remembering this,

you might use a little ditty
I came up with.

♪ Choo choo choo choo ♪

♪ Here comes the qua-train ♪

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ah, ha ha ha ha ha!

[laugh dies off] Hmm.

Would anyone care
to give us an example of a quatrain?

- Uh, Mr. Diffy?
- Say what?

Would you care to entertain us
with a quatrain?

[Pim's voice] What a chance
to humiliate Phil.

I'm a lucky girl.

Oh, Miss Feinstein,

Miss Feinstein,

The wind... whu-huh-huh-huh...

Calls Hermione.

With you as my teacher,

life is divine-y.

Oh, Hermione,

you are the alpha gal
in my heart's alphabet.

Call others by their given name.

Call Phil Diffy... [sniffs]

Teacher's pet.

Ohh!

Weep-inducing, Mr. Diffy.

Simply weep-inducing.

And now for the dance portion.

Oh.

[Stravinsky's Rites Of Spring]

And these are speedy little guys

thanks to a lubricating
mucus they ooze from their pores,

a process that will be
copied and utilized

in commercial
transportation in 2058.

At least that's what I would do.

Oh, h* h*! Miss Pim!

You have given me
reason to live.

And I think we found our new junior
science squad captain.

- [giggles]
- [giggles]

If it goes to anyone,

it should go to you, my love.

[All giggle]

I mean Pim!

Let's give a rousing ovation
for Captain Pim.

[coughs] Dweeb!

Dweeb!

Miss Keegel, you sound
a little congested.

Why don't you take
2 hours of detention

and call me in the morning?

[Phil's voice] Oh, Pim
owes me big time for this.

Hiya, chumps.

Phil Diffy, I demand an apology

for your behavior this morning.

Sorry, Princess,

but the only demand
you should be making

is for a refund
for that haircut.

Oh!

So, was it something you said?

Keely! That's not me... I mean...

I mean, I'm not...
I'm not her! I mean...

Why would you do that, Pim?

Well, I decided
to have some fun.

Plus, I'm your little sister.
It's my job.

And there I was making you look so good
in science class.

So good, in fact, that
you're the new captain

of the junior science squad.

What?!

I... I can't believe...

Why don't you just make me
the grand marshal

of the dweebedy do-dah parade?

At least I was trying to do something
nice for you.

You got Keely mad at me on purpose.

Oh, that's the least
of your worries, big brother.

That's it!

This ends now, Pimple!

Bring it on, dancy-pants.

[kids shouting]

[spaghetti-western style music plays]

So...

You think you've embarrassed me?

Watch this.

I'm Pim Diffy,
and I still sleep with a ba-ba.

Oh, please.
Is that all you've got?

[all] Eww!

[gasps] My hair!

My beautiful flaxen hair!

I'll do it! I swear I'll do it!

Do it, and you'll be sorry.

[belches]

[all] Eww!

Miss Diffy,
what's going on here?

She started it!

He started it!

Well, this is no way for the junior
science squad captain to behave.

That's right!

That's me, Pim Diffy,

captain of the junior
science squad!

I even have a hat that says so!

All right, everyone.

Hallway's for walking,
not for gawking.

[spaghetti-western style music plays]

[girls scream]

Come on!

Curtis no get job at copy store.

Curtis no get job
as party clown.

Curtis no get job...
Dental hygienist.

Well, you can't give up.

Look, let's say there's
a big woolly mammoth over there.

[grunts]

No, I'm speaking hypothetically.

[grunts]

I'm hunting the woolly mammoth.

My first spear misses.

My second spear misses.

My third spear misses.
What do I do?

Run. Lloyd lousy hunter.

No. No, I try, try again.

I throw my fourth spear.

Fourth spear?

Lloyd made of money?

My point is I have
a good feeling about this hardware store.

Now get in there. Come on.

Wait over there.

I'm gonna go talk to the boss.

Ah! Seen-tunga!

Whatever.

Excuse me, are you the owner?

Well, does a septic tank
require yearly dredging?

Ha ha! Henrietta Mandis
at your service.

Oh, by the way,

you can let a septic tank go
longer than a year

if you use a couple of
chlorine tablets.

On sale, aisle 2.

My friend and I saw
the "help wanted" sign.

Oh, I'm sorry, but
the position's been...

Sweet barrel of pickled possums!

Curtis!

I've never seen such
natural handymanery.

He's hired!

Whoa!

[Candida] Do you believe
the pimple today.

[Fiona] Somebody should pop her!

Today? What about
every day of her life?

What a dweebian.

Limp blouse, winky pink.

Ladies, the pimple and I
have a score to settle,

and I know just the way
to teach her a lesson.

Whiplash.

We snatch the worms
from science class,

we sneak 'em into
Pim's sandwich,

and then we get to see
Pim Diffy eat worms.

[all laugh]

I'M calling it operation W.

[all] Why?

W is for worms?

[all] Oh!

- Candida, you're so cool!
- I know!

Keely, there's something I have to
tell you about Phil.

Forget it.
I will never forgive Phil.

- I'm Phil.
- Oh, sure. Nice skirt, Phil.

When you were 10, you accidentally let
your pet hamster loose,

but you told your mom
the hamster liberation front

broke in and set it free.

I can't believe
Phil told you that!

You told me that.

I'm Phil.

- Phil?
- [pounding on door]

Candida and the fashion zombies

are planning to t*rture Pim at lunch.

I have to stop them.

After all the horrible
stuff she's done to you,

why would you help her?

Pim can be a little mean,
some would say evil,

but after switching
places with her,

I realize how tough she has it.

So, what are you gonna do?

Well, I have a plan,
but I need help.

How fast can you
spread the word?

Speed of light.

Well, that's a little slow,
but it'll do.

You got it, Phil.

Phil, this is the girls room.

Get the heck out of here!

Curtis, I could use
half this stuff

to fix the time engine.

Look, this could work
just like a temporal thrust equalizer.

I gotta get a job here.

Less suspicious that way.

Henrietta no hire you.

Please, I'm a positronic engineer.

She hired a caveman.

Rrrr.

Henrietta, I'd like
to become a member

of the Mantis Hardware team.

Well, you got any experience?

Well, I am a fully certified
positronic ion...

My wife says I'm handy
with the whack-weeder.

Sorry, son, if there's any whack-weeding
to be done around here,

I use a can of weed scram.

On sale. Aisle one.

So... how job interview go?

OK, Curtis, look, I was
a little mean to you a minute ago,

but I need your help.

Can you put in a good word for me
with your boss?

Maybe Curtis find one good word

in his little brain.

[mumbling]

Um... grab an apron.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Thank you!

Thank you, too, Curtis!

You're lucky.

Not many trainees
get a boss as good as Curtis.

Train... trainee?

Boss?

Grab a mop, big brain.

Hey, Pim. Nice boots.

Thanks. Really?

Coming from someone
as styling as you,

that means a lot
to a slob like me.

Being so uncool makes me hungry.

Hello, ladies.

[gasp] Keely Teslow?

What brings you
to the eighth grade section?

Lanky, move!

I just wanted
to get a good seat.

Word's out on operation W.

Eat the sandwich!

Excuse me?

I mean, you're a growing girl.

Got that right.

This is delicious.

Hey, Snooger,
do you want a bite?

You bet.

Who says there's no such thing
as a free lunch?

Two geeks with one sandwich?

This is a blog moment.

[Pim] I made it myself.

Some Mayo, a little celery salt.

- Excuse me?
- Worms!

That is a worm sandwich

meant for Pim Diffy.

These are worms?

No wonder it's so good.
Thanks, Candida.

Wait a minute.
These are candy worms.

No, that's impossible.
They were real worms

when I put 'em
in pimple's sandwich.

Big deal. Anybody
can eat candy worms.

These are not candy worms!

[everyone laughs]

[beeping]

Come on!

[beeping faster]

That was close.

Hope nobody saw us.

What? When did I get a tattoo?

Don't worry. It's henna.

If you flex, he winks at you.

To think I ate worms for you.

Yeah, why?

Hey, you're my little sister.

If anyone's going to t*rture you,

it's going to be me.

Good point.

Thanks.

Phil Diffy, you're the best.

Whoa! Get off me, blondie.

Your squeeze toy's over there.

Really?

Yep. I'm me again.

This is one girl who's glad to be back
in her own body.

Catch you later, bro.

Well, you still get your hug.

Just hold that thought.

[girls scream]

[Henrietta]
Hope to see you again.

[Pim] Oh, you will.

Pim, what is all this stuff for?

Oh, nothing. Just
a little project I'm working on.

The fashion zombies
will never know what hit them.