02x03 - Concerned Women of America

[bunniefuu]

- [SIREN WAILING]


- [GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[PANTING]

Good thing one of us is in shape, huh? You wanna do the honors, Chambers? Hey, lady, I have rights.

The only right you have now is to stay silent.

Remain silent! [MAN]

Cut! Okay, guys.

Let's reset.

Everybody back to one.

[CREW CHATTERING]


- [MAN]

Can we step in?
- [MAN 2]

Copy.

[WOMAN]

All right, we're going again.


- Did he like that one?
- You know, he's British.

So, it's hard to tell.


- The Concerned who?
- The Concerned Women of America.

They're a small, but powerful group.


- They feel GLOW is too sexual.


- [BASH SCOFFS]

Especially for children that might be watching.

You know, "and the senseless violence",
- explicit and tasteless sexuality,
- No.

and promotion of the occult, seen on GLOW can have a lasting and dangerous effect on the youth of this country.

" I don't know.


- Who's promoting the occult?
- Sheila.

The CWA lobbies for more wholesome content.

And if we don't, you know, listen in some regard, they boycott our sponsors.

So, you're saying if we don't bend over, no more Patio Town? [LAUGHS]

Not bend over.

Maybe hunch a little bit.

[LAUGHS]

An easy fix would be to throw in a positive message or two.

You know, show our characters promoting great American values for the general public.

You mean make a f*cking public service announcement.

That's great! [SIGHS]

I thought you were gonna say, "Change the whole show.

No more wrestling, everyone in turtlenecks.

"
- [GLEN LAUGHS]


- You know, I think Liberty Belle would be more than up to the task of setting an example for children.

Oh.


- Okay, Glen.

We'll get it done.


- I know you will.

[LAUGHS]


- Okay, Glen.

Time to go.


- All right.

[GLEN]

Great work, team.


- I am not wasting today on this.


- [BASH]

Okay, look.

All we need is one of our good girls delivering a clear, positive message with a kickass slogan, you know? "The thrill can k*ll.

" Or "Users are losers.

" Personally, I think it's a great opportunity.

Uhm, if KDTV likes the spot, they can run it during their other shows, and it's free press for us.

Okay.


- You're a producer now, write it up.


- Mm
-hmm.

Yep.

Then get it to me, and I'll come in and, you know, sh**t whatever preachy sh*t you wanna say for 60 seconds.

Okay.

Ah, do I have a budget? No.

But you can use my typewriter, though.

[GRUNTING]


- More wrestling.

Less pointing.


- What? Hey, how was your first week? Terrible! I f*cking hate high school.


- You're supposed to.


- You ready for your bio quiz? It's tomorrow.

I'll probably ditch.

I would get up and say hi, but I'm too constipated.

[GRUNTS]

Guys, do I What do I do here? Go clockwise or counterclockwise?
- What if I sing to it?
- Okay.

Hold on.

Okay.

[GRUNTS]

Poop baby, poop baby Come out in a flash Into the toilet And make a big splash Oh, Rhonda.

My grandma had a secret family remedy.

It worked every time.

But I want something in return.

What? That jacket.

f*ck, no.

This is my lucky jacket, Jenny.

Last time I wore it, Scott Baio hit on me, and I made out with his cousin.

Okay.

Okay, we're about to roll over here.

Can you shut up? And if you can't shut up, can you get the f*ck out of the gym? Oh.

Hey! How was school? What? At least I'm asking.


- Hi, there.


- Hey.

Are we sh**ting today? Or did you come for the free stale donuts?
- [LAUGHS]


- I'm here for you, to ask you out on a date again.

One you won't want to say no to.

There is a Ruth Gordon film festival tomorrow night.

God rest her insanely talented soul.

It's kind of a West Coast memorial.

I have two tickets and rumor has it Katharine Hepburn will be there.

No.

She never goes anywhere anymore.

But for Ruth Gordon's ghost? Wait! How did you know I love Katharine Hepburn? I've been paying attention to you for six weeks.

[LAUGHS]

I don't know.

Dating someone at work.

It's
- Messy.


- It can be.

But it can be neat and compartmentalized and discreet.

Think of it this way.

Ruth Gordon died so we could go on this date.

We should honor her ultimate sacrifice.

And conceive a satanic child?
- It's my way of saying "yes.

"
- Yes.


- Yes.


- Yes, yes.


- Okay, great.

Yeah.

All right.


- Great.

Great.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Camera guy.

Star whose name name I haven't learned.

Debbie.

Okay.

Ugh! That guy look like an extra from Taxi.

Oh, my God.

I keep forgetting to eat.

I'm apparently wearing all the hats today.

Actor, producer, I guess writer now.

Oh, wow! Writer? Well, Sam and Bash asked me to conceptualize a PSA just to appease some angry women.

So, you need any help? Sure, yeah, if you're free.

[BLOWS, CLEARS THROAT]

To get all the coke off.

Good thinking.

Oh, we could do a good touch, bad touch thing.

Like, good touch.

Bad touch.

Yeah! Well, how does that mitigate the idea that GLOW is too sexy? Hmm.

Or gonorrhea.

Or yeast infections if you don't pee right away? I got it.

Unwanted pregnancy.

Like, teen pregnancy.


- Yes! Perfect.

Yeah.


- Right? Yeah.

Okay, okay.

We need a story with a clear message.

What about a high school girl whose future is in jeopardy because she's pregnant.

And then we can show all the things that she'll never get to have because instead she has a baby.

And we should see her before she gets pregnant,
- Yes.


- when she still has a bright future ahead of her.

And then she is about to have sex with her boyfriend Totally.

And he's saying things like, "If you really loved me,
- "you'd be as close to me as possible.

"
- Yeah.

And, like, "How can something that feels so right be wrong?"
- [BOTH LAUGH]


- Yes.

Yes! Write all that.

 Type it.

 Type it all.

Uhm Do you know how to type? No, not at all.

And then, bam, no international travel.

And, bam, saggy t*ts.

And then, the big reveal.

She has a chance to save herself
- and say "no" to sex.


- And get that high school diploma! Got it.

All of it? Yep.

Keith.

Hey, over here.

[LAUGHS]

Is the emergency that you look like an even sexier Whitney Houston? Oh, sh*t! This set is nice.

Look at that.


- Hell, they got all those plants.


- Keith.

Keith.


- I can't get the lines.


- What? I learn them and then I get in front of the camera, and they're gone.

I'm freezing up.

It's okay.

Relax, you got this, girl.

Everybody's mad at me.

I can feel them rolling their eyes at me every time we cut.


- Who?
- Keith.

Can we just run it again? Yes, of course.

That's why I'm here.

Your own personal Stella Adler.


- All right, I'll start.


- All right.

Don't be hard on yourself, Chambers.

You was just a kid.


- Really?
- I have a very good memory.

They beat him so bad.

If it wasn't for the birthmark on his arm, my mother wouldn't have been able to identify the body.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Chambers.


- You were just a kid.


- Still, he was my brother.

The day of Michael's funeral was the day I vowed to be a cop.

The day I took an oath to fight wrong with right.

When I seen that perp today, It came all flooding back.

[MAN]

Cut! I got all lines this time.

Yes, you did.

You got all the words.

[LAUGHS]

We're doing it all again.

[LAUGHING]

Hey, hi.

Hey, guys.

Uhm So, we are gonna be starting a little earlier tomorrow, because we are making a PSA about teen pregnancy.


- [GASPING]


- Yay! Wait.

Oh, my God, perfect.

If I write you a note tomorrow, can you miss school?
- I don't need a note.


- Great.

Are teenagers really having so much sex that we need to make a PSA about it? Yeah.

Tons of stupid girls get pregnant.

Billy and I have sex all the time, but I'm on the pill.

So, it's fine.

You have sex all the time? Yeah.

Okay.

And by all the time, you mean like Like, most days.

Like, whenever I see Billy.

Why are you guys being so weird? 'Cause IÂ haven't f*cked anyone in weeks.


- Months for me.


- Yeah, me, too.

Yeah, whatever it is, it's contagious.

I haven't seen any bush since taking on this job.

Can you not be so graphic? Oh, okay.

I haven't gotten any p*ssy since joining your straight as f*ck all women's wrestling show.

Is that better? I haven't shagged since Sam.

I masturbate in the shower.

No! This is totally unacceptable.

We are on TV and none of us are getting any, except the teenager.

f*ck, no.


- f*ck, no!
- Not fair, right? What are we going to do about it?
- Get f*cked!
- Get f*cked! Who are you f*cking? We can do it!
- Hey, good morning.


- Good morning.

I love that it's chilly out.

I get to break out my ankle boots.


- Cute.


- Yeah.


- [KNOCK ON DOOR]


- New pages for you.

Thanks.

Whoa! Whoa! Where are my lines? Okay.

So it looks like you'll be in here for about an hour for the relaxer, and maybe two more for the styling.

What? Why? What's going on? Looks like the producers are making some changes to your look.

Unh
-unh.

No.

I need to speak to the director.

Someone needs to run this by me first before you put that toxic sh*t on my head.

I'm running it by you now.

Listen, honey, I just do hair, but I hear a lot.

And it seems to me like everyone around here is trying to fix your character.

If that includes straight hair, I wouldn't fight it.

That's just me.


- Good morning.


- Yeah.

Let me see what I'm sh**ting.

What the hell is a pre
-coital fantasy flashback? What is that? I told you to keep it simple.

It is simple.

I timed it.

Ten seconds over here, 20 seconds over there, 40 seconds in the ring.


- Done.


- Yeah, on the page.

It's gonna take a half a day to sh**t this.


- Who's playing the teenager?
- Justine.

Well, who the f*ck is gonna kiss her? Oh, no.

No.

Bash is not kissing her.

Don't worry, she's safe.

She's on the pill.


- I don't
- If you wanna waste another half day coming up with a new version, be my guest.

All right.


- Fine.

It's fine.


- Okay.

Oh, you're welcome.

Okay, listen.

Fellas, we're gonna sh**t this fast.

One size for each shot.

No fancy camera movements.

 Capisce? Copy, loud and clear.

You're the boss, not the ladies.

That's right.


- That's right.

All right.


- Absolutely.

Hi, boys.

PSA rap party in the Glowtel tonight's.

It's gonna be wild.

Sorry, I I have plans tonight.

Oh, well Okay.

Well, I wasn't actually talking to you anyway, But if you have any hot guy friends, send them over.

I'll be there.

[GROANING]

Teen sex might sound sexy.

But a baby you're not ready for Oh, that can really ruin your future.

All right, that's it.

Enough already.

Cut! Come on, moving on.

Great.

Moving on.

You see? Professional and discreet.

Sam? Hey.


- What's going on?
- Oh, man.

Cherry's in a bad place.

This pretentious as*h*le director doesn't understand her.

Now she's locked herself in the trailer, she's refusing to come to set.

It's not my problem anymore.

Okay.

Now look, man.

Anytime you need Cherry, she shows up for you.

She taught a bunch of actresses how to wrestle so you'd look like you knew what the f*ck you were doing.


- Oh, what? So I owe her?
- Yes! She's got a lead role.

And she's about to get fired.

And I don't know how to help her.

[SIGHS]

Hey, Debbie, do you think you can oversee the last 30 seconds of your masterpiece here? Totally.

Yeah, we got it covered.

[LAUGHING]

I'm sorry.

Cherry! Come on, baby, come out, Cherry! All right, all right.

Hey, Cherry, it's Sam.

You want to come out and talk? [CHERRY BANG]

I can't believe you brought him here!
- He wants to help.


- Well, I'm not coming out.

You don't have to, baby.

No pressure.

She needs to get the f*ck out of that trailer.

All right.

Listen, Cherry.

You don't have to come out.

But why don't you just let me in and we can talk? Talk about what? I have no lines! My scalp's on fire! They put all this sh*t in my hair! All right.

Well, can't you just wash it out? No, I can't wash it out! It's permanent.

I got this job.

So, I did something right.


- Right?
- Yeah.

But now no one would explain what the f*ck I'm doing wrong! Oh! [JUSTINE SIGHS]

Just when her laugh should be the most fun, the most carefree, Lisa's baby is destroying all the wonderful things her future might hold.

Here comes college.


- [SHOUTS]


- Poopy diapey! No! [GRUNTING]

[DEBBIE]

Perky bosom? Nice figure?
- No!
- Say goodbye.

[GRUNTING]

[DEBBIE]

Look! A fun party Lisa would love to go to.

Stop it!
- [SHOUTING]


- Yay! [DEBBIE]

Here we have international travel.


- [GRUNTS, SHOUTS]


- [SOBS]

[BLOWS RASPBERRIES, LAUGHS]


- Wow.

That is a terrifying baby.


- [LAUGHING]

No, Conrad! I'm not ready to have sex! A baby could destroy my future.

[LAUGHS]

I'm not gonna lie.

 I'm pretty proud.

Yup.

Me, too.

So, heading out.

You know what? I'd just love to redo my narration.

We can do that tomorrow, or anytime.

You take off.

And Ruth and IÂ can stay and finish.

Really? Don't you have to go home? No, I have a babysitter for tonight.

So, IÂ can keep working.

Oh.

Okay.

Don't let me keep you.

Hey, I hope your date likes the "if a devil managed a sizzler" look.

[GRUMBLES]

[RUTH]

Hey! Hey.

Hey! I'm sorry.

Don't be mad.

I'm not mad.

I'm other things.

This job is important to me.

Right, except the job ended.

Now, it's just make
-believe work created by a crazy lady who clearly doesn't want to go home.

She's getting divorced.

It's complicated.

Look, to me, it looks like you're a really nice person who's being taken advantage of by her friend.

No.

It's not.

Debbie and I are both highly ambitious people, and I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.

Right.

Thanks for that.

It's fine.

You know what? You keep working.

Later, Ruth.

[CHERRY BANG]

If it wasn't for the birthmark on his arm, my mother wouldn't have been able to identify the body.

[WOMAN]

Don't be so hard on yourself Chambers.

You were just a kid.

Still he was my brother.

The day of Michael's funeral was the day I vowed to be a cop.

You can stop it.

What do you see? Well, it's not your fault.

You were never trained as an actress.

You're a stunt woman.

And physically, probably the best I've ever worked with.

But when it comes to words and emotions, they're just, you know not connecting.

You know, they're just They're just separate pieces.

But who knows, you know? Maybe with a few years of coaching and classes.

I don't know.

But you're not there now.

You're not a lead, honey.

And that's why they're trying to change your hair and are cutting your lines.

They don't know how to fix it.

They're going to fire me, aren't they? Well God! I don't want to be fired.

I know it's a conflict of interest 'cause we're the same network, but screw it.

I want Cherry back 'cause honestly, I can't I can't make GLOW without her.

What about Chambers and Gold supposed to be a two
-hander? All right.

So, retool it.

You know? Make it about a police detective whose partner gets brutally m*rder*d in the first scene.

Uh, yeah, she has to continue on, and she pledges to avenge her partner's death.

Huh? Call it something like Good as Gold.

I can work with that.

Of course you can work with that.

I'm a f*cking genius.

Oh, God, this is such a nightmare.

Oh, God,! How am I gonna have sex tonight? I'm so filled with sh*t, there's no extra room for a d*ck.

Oh, man, I really thought adult baby was just going to knock it out of me.

Too bad you didn't take me up on my grandma's cure.

You could be having so much sex by now.

Fine, Jenny.

Tell me the ancient Chinese cure already.

Cambodian.

You gonna brew me some herbs? You gonna brew me some Sort of.

Oh, God.

That is not a f*cking secret cure Jenny! Enemas belong to the Jews.

Well, do you want it or not? Fine, do it.

What? But, no, I'm not doing it for you.

Well, I can't do it myself, okay? So, if you want that jacket, you are sticking that thing up my a*s and pulling the trigger.

[GRUNTS]

I'm such a sl*ve to fashion.

I'm gonna tell the world My one and only love I'm gonna shout it out My one and only love Oh, it's you.

But you're hot also.

This jacket rocks.

Go, go, go, go, go go, go! At night It's hard to see the shining sun What? Oh, this is f*cking bullshit.

That should've been me.

And finally, when all the joy has been sucked out of your life, there is but one thing left.

And finally, when all the joy has been sucked out of your life, there is but one thing left.

Okay, I think that'll do it.

Done? What time is it? I don't know.

Ten? Late? Who cares? Do you want to get some food? Celebrate our successful collaboration? It was a PSA.

Carmen wore a diaper.

Don't romanticize it.

We could go to Du
-Par's.


- They're open late.


- I have to get home.

Oh.

[LAUGHS]

What? I just thought maybe you didn't want to go home.

I have to let the babysitter go.

See, I'm losing money every minute I stand here talking to you.

Sorry you missed your date with Russell.