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02x02 - I Am Deity

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "I Am Weasel". Aired: July 22, 1997 – 2000.*
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Series centers on I.M. Weasel, a smart, noble and successful weasel, I.R. Baboon, an unintelligent and rude Hamadryas baboon who is envious of Weasel and often acts as his frenemy, and the mischievous Red Guy, who often antagonizes the duo.

02x02 - I Am Deity

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, Lula Bell, let's do something

different today. Does this involve a

piggyback ride?

Today, Lula Bell, we will do what quantum

physicists do, concoct life. Oh,

weasel. Seeds o' life.

Just add DNA.

Care to make a donation, Lulabelle?

Into the Petri dish.

And voila! Ah,

hey, looky. Life.

Oh, I know a very special weasel who

deserves a piggyback ride for this. Very

well, if you insist. Giddy up!

Giddy up!

Why, weasel, always get the piggyback

ride. I'm not deserving to get piggyback

ride from Piggy Lady! I am Captain

Langton too!

Moving it, pusscat. I'll need Peter's

dish.

Seeds or life, just add...

bit. Stir.

Pour!

I'll have concocting life!

Beating weasel! I am concocting

knife! I am concocting knife!

Sea monkeys. Cute. Dad.

Get off my back, monkey! Baboon.

Congratulations, Mr. Baboon. You've

concocted life. You now have a tremendous

responsibility and must tend to your

people as they evolve. I are not

need for you telling me what to. You're

the concoctor. It would not be proper for

me to meddle in your affairs.

My little weasels are evolving quite

quickly. Let I see

how it's doing, tiny weeny baboons.

Blessing their hearts. They is

fine. How come stupid

puny weasels evolve faster than

tiny baboons?Well, let's

have a look-see.

They seem to have gotten sniffing down.

They having cars now?

See, but tiny baboons do, smarty

Alex Weasel. They discovering

something?Yes, knocking each other over

the head, they've created primitive

music. Is that crime?

Why not all your baboon's world

evolving?Good question, Mr.

Baboon. It is surprising your people

haven't figured out fire yet. Oh,

no! I are introducing

fire!

No!

Those micro baboons may be primitive, but

they are still human beings.

What's wrong with you?Say you

sorry, pig boy.

Oh, sorry, tiny baboons.

You thinking you so smart?My world

should be greatness! My world

only should be needing...

I don't know what baboon world needing. I

am introducing w*r!

Uh Tiny baboons shall be greatness now!

You embarrass eye! Uh,

weasel, look! Baboon world will destroy

an idiot weasel world! Then I am Baboon

Bee Queen!Time for destroying,

tiny baboons. Baboon, that weapon will

never fire outside the baboon litter box.

It will destroy them all. See my

computations. At the current angle of

trajectory, the projectile will crash

right back down on top of them. Ha!

You're just jealous. Let my world

destroy yours. Baboon will k*ll

Weazel world. My will k*ll your world,

Weazel. Listen to me. The baboons of

Baboon World are going to destroy

themselves. You must help them, for you

are Weasels! I am Weasels!

Watch we go!

I are sorry. Apology

accepted. Let this be a lesson to both of

us. Let's see

how our concoctions are doing today. I

believe they've cross-pollinated. Yes!

They've become waboons and babiesels.

This is so wrong. you

and I must never marry. You have a

deal. Just good friends.