09x21 - Elly, the Secretary

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to a story about a man

named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely kept

his family fed and then one day he was

sh**ting at some food and up through the

ground

or that is Black Gold Texas Tea

well the first thing you know old Jim's

a millionaire the folks said can't move

away from there said California is a

place you want to be so deluded up the

truck in the motor Beverly Hills that is

swimming pools movie stars a Beverly

hillbilly

foreign

[Music]

comes down to breakfast

eat them raw Challenge and all

hey look here granny somebody doesn't

send us a telegram

don't open it Jen it's bad news

well you know Kelly Grahams is always

bad news somebody's passed on I think we

gotta open it please don't Jed there's

been a death in the family I just know

it now you're jumping to conclusion

conclusion you mark my words it won't be

long until the Old Duke will commence to

howling and you know what that means any

howling around here will be done when

Jethro comes down finds out his

breakfast ain't ready how can he think

about food at a time like this when

there's a death in the family kilogram

don't have to mean that now I'm going to

open it I ain't gonna listen

it's from Luellen Aiden in Monroe

Louisiana

oh that's that little girl that Jethro

used to tow their books back home I

thought you wasn't gonna listen

can I help but if I

got she is coming to California in fact

she's flying in this morning what fur

well she says she's finally going to

take the big step and she can't wait to

see Jethro I wonder what she means by

the big step your dog find him

come on everybody where's the middle

I'll come in to fix some breakfast right

away thank you Granny

jethroat

you recollect little girl back home Nama

Lou Evan Hayden

Lou Ellen eight yeah she moved down to

Louisiana by the time we come out here

to California

Louella hey you just told her books to

school

oh yeah I used to call her cupcake

cupcake

sweetest thing I ever put my lips to who

Ellen was huh no the cupcake she used to

tote to school in her lunch box

[Music]

because I was done eating my lunch she'd

give me what was left of hers she liked

you huh yeah I was crazy about her too

first time I ever really fell in love

with Luellen no with her cupcakes

it was molasses cupcakes with

marshmallow icing well how do you feel

about Llewellyn I liked her fine why

well in her telegram here

she says she is coming to California

this morning

she can't wait to see you

and she is finally going to take the big

step

I wonder what she means by that that's

what your granny and me is trying to

figure out

you're proposed to her you mean marriage

yeah do you ever ask her to marry you

oh gosh I remember I give her a ring

engagement ring

well I don't know we was walking home

from school and I seen this here

horseshoe nail lying on the road so I

picked it up with my toes showing off

well anyways I bent it into a ring and I

slipped it on her finger

was it by any chance a third finger of

her left hand

yeah it was and then I kissed her

it did

yeah there was still some icing left on

her lips

and get through

think hard try to recollect everything

you said to her on the day you put the

ring on her finger

okay well let me think

did you ask her to wait for you yep yep

that's exactly what I said I said Lou

Ellen you wait for me you act like

anything else you said

well when we got to her house I said

sweetheart I says someday you and me is

going to share everything together yeah

true it looks to me like you was facing

a wedding I am

yeah we'll figure it out for yourself

you put a ring on her engagement's

finger you kissed her you asked her to

wait for you and you said someday you

and her was going to share everything

yeah well when I said share everything I

meant everything in her lunch box not

just the cupcakes

maybe that's what you meant but I don't

think that's the way she took it boy you

were just a handful of rice away from

being a married man

legit I can't marry no little hillbilly

girl like Lou Allen Maiden why not

because I'm a sophisticated Playboy a

member of the international Jetson why

if I was to walk into that Palace in

Monaco with that little oh hey seed why

Princess Grace and Prince reindeer and

throw me out

well don't go to see Princess Grace and

Prince reindeer who said ask me to give

a poem ask me to give up skiing in the

Alps but don't ask me to give up my

friends

you won't figure out what Llewellyn

meant by that telegram yeah granny

appears like she's coming out here to

marry Jethro she's got to find me first

Jen he left without eating no question

about it the boy panicked well let's sit

down and eat if we share Jethro's

breakfast we'll still have enough left

over for lunch and supper

[Music]

Lefty please I'm having enough trouble

trying to learn typewriting without you

grabbing for the keys

well Ally time to head for the bank and

your first day as a working girl

Jane I'm afraid I'll never learn to type

as good as you oh don't let that concern

you there are other things you can do

well I'll try the best to know how

you're very present Among Us will ensure

the rest of us girls decent treatment

from old grump grub

Mr Drysdale

y'all have to work

I mean uh that cat and that rooster

compatible oh no they get so long just

fine

good good

Jane Hathaway here oh hello Mr Clara but

Miss Jane I sure do hate to bother you

but there's a friend of ours arriving at

the airport directly and you're throwing

around a meter well uh suppose Ellie and

I meet her that'd be Dandy I'm sure

Elliot recognized that they were

youngins together uh Llewellyn Aiden

flight number five from Monroe Louisiana

9 30 A.M he'll be there

I sure do appreciate it I'll call Mr dry

ideal I'm telling you'll be late bye bye

[Music]

me an Old Duke has searched this place

from the front gate to The Root Cellar

no sign of jethroat gotta hide your hair

and the truck is gone too but he left

this note what'd you see it says he

ain't gonna marry no Freckle face

Barefoot hit and he ain't coming home

until she's gone

is going to be a might ocher to explain

to Llewellyn

you call her up and tell her not to come

too late for that now granny Miss Gene

and Ellie May is on the way to the

airport to meet her now

cheers maybe you can't hold a boy to an

engagement maid

when he was in the second grade

I wouldn't count on it granny Jethro was

14 at the time

[Music]

hello Ellen what do you think of the

club at home

I declare it's as big as the Capitol

building in Baton Rouge yes it's quite

imposing

[Music]

home little Llewellyn where is she I'm

Llewellyn no yes I'm granny this is her

well welcome to California Luanne thank

you sir let's say child what's happened

to your pigtails and your freckles it

looked dead she's wearing shoes there

she is Granny she's a grown-up girl now

I can't get over how she's changed I

kind of like it myself

well come on inside everybody I've got

some fresh coffee and Sassafras Tea of

brune oh thanks Grady but I I think

Ellie and I better get to the bank as

quickly as possible

good luck with your new job Ellie May oh

thank you no Ellen see you later

[Music]

I told you things upstairs

I really didn't intend to move in on you

like this but Ellie insisted you'd want

me to and she was right honey she was

for a fact we're proud to have you thank

you Mr Clampett would you like to come

out to the kitchen and have a cup of

coffee or some tea yes I'd like that is

Jethro here

I was afraid you was going to ask that

you better come over and sit down honey

I got some bad news for you has

something happened to Jethro oh no he's

the same as ever of course in a way I

guess that's bad news right now

well Ellen

we knows why you come to California oh

good I didn't explain too much in my

telegram you didn't have to we put two

and two together

Llewellyn we knows that you and Jethro

was quite close as yarn's back home

yes ma'am he used to carry my books to

school every day and he was quite sweet

on you too wasn't he yes ma'am he carved

a heart in the tree in front of my house

and inside the heart he carved Jethro

loves Cece

she she

cupcake that was his pet name for me

what are you girls talking about

I'm trying to tell her well on the bad

news about Jethro well I think the

easiest way is just to uh come right out

and say it

suppose you do it

all right

the woman yes Mr Clinton

I see you're still wearing that

horseshoe nail ring just will give you

only boy I've ever let put a ring on my

finger

Llewellyn yes Mr Clampett

did you have a nice trip out here for

Louisiana just wonderful did you hear

that Granny you had a wonderful trip out

from Louisiana get to the point Jen

Llewellyn yes Mr Clampett

you sh**t it they're not pretty

thank you sir

Jen all right granny all right I ain't

coming to it

Llewellyn yes Mr Clampett you recollect

the Dade Jethro put that ring on your

finger

yes I do you recollect him kissing you I

do you recollect him asking you to wait

for him I do you recollect him saying

that uh one day uh you would share

everything I do I don't know I wish

you'd stop saying I do you're making me

awful nervous

me too

what are you nervous about

you're willing yes Mr Clampett

how's your family

anymore of this now are you gonna tell

her that Jethro has children or am I

well anyway I think he just did but I'll

share the burden the willing yesterday

we don't want to marry you I'm glad to

hear that because I certainly don't want

to marry him

you don't want to marry Jethro no indeed

he's a nice boy but the girl who marries

him will spend the rest of her life in

the kitchen we're speaking of kitchen

why don't we all go out there and get us

something to eat

and in that telegram that you sent us

say that you was coming to California to

take the big step if it ain't marriage

what is it show business I hope to be an

actress

did you hear that chance

she don't want you so she wants to act

ain't that wonderful it is for a fact

Daniel Evan yes Mr Clampett if you're

smart about acting as you are about men

you got it made

[Music]

oh good morning Chief I'm sorry I'm a

little late a little late you are one

hour and 30 minutes late well did Mr

Clapper call you so what do you take a

phone call from Jed Clampett is going to

change the rules of this Bank do you

think the mention of his name is going

to get you off the hook well if that's

the way you think young lady

you are absolutely right I adore every

member of that clapping family they're

the most wonderful people in the world

apparently I didn't see you oh you look

so beautiful what brings you here well I

work here now Mr Drysdale this year's my

first day oh so it is so it is I forgot

we'll welcome aboard how are things

going oh just fine wonderful now you can

take the rest of the day off well I just

got here have you had breakfast oh no

sir we didn't have time well come with

me and I'll buy you the best breakfast

you have ever had oh thank you come on

Miss James no Ellie Dear Miss Hathaway

must stay and catch up on her work well

I'll stay and help her oh aren't you

hungry oh yes sir I sure am so is Miss

Jank

foreign

hello Mr clavid this is your friendly

Banker oh I'm so delighted to have your

beautiful daughter as an employee I'm

going to celebrate my good luck by

taking her and Miss Hathaway to

breakfast goodbye

ah Come lovely ladies this is on me

I can't tell you what a joy it is to

have you working here

I'll help with the dishes you'll do no

such thing you're here to get into the

show business and movie stars don't wash

this I'm a long way from being a

movie star granny seems to me you're on

the way Llewellyn you want a beauty

contest at that big television station

yeah station K in knoe TV in Monroe

Louisiana yeah yeah in order to get you

in pictures right there

I'm afraid it takes more than that to

open the doors to a movie studio

Jed I'll bet you Mr Drysdale could help

her good for a fact he's a banker Luella

and he does what you call the finances a

lot of pictures oh I'd love to meet him

we'll no sooner said than done I'll take

you right down there to introduce you oh

wonderful just let me change my dress

and put on a new face you can change

your dress honey

if I was you I'd keep that face yeah he

can't be done

hello good club speaking

oh hello jestro

yeah llewellyn's right here can I speak

to him hold on Llewellyn wants to talk

to you

hi Jethro

hello hello

he hung up really proud to think he's

still out here to marry him

down to the bank and you bring Ellie May

and Miss Jane and Mr Drysdale home for

supper we'll do it granny

[Music]

what do you think you are Arnold the pig

how can you eat so much and stay so

skinny oh I had were two poached eggs

you didn't post them I had to pay for

them

oh Chief really and did you have to

order him

don't you realize you violated a

religious law by eating ham

I am new to that place join it that

stuff's expensive

hold it Hathaway I'm not through with

you what no now you take that dumb

hillbilly blonde to the secretarial pool

and teach her how to type but you said

that wasn't important that's what I said

to her to you I'm saying if she doesn't

type by tonight her salary's coming out

of your salary and one other thing if

this maple syrup stain doesn't come out

of their suit you're gonna have to pay

the cleaning bill that wasn't my fault

you flew into a range when the waitress

gave you the check you could have

grabbed it I wish I had it would have

prevented an ugly thing

Miss Jane

anime

they must be out on what you call a

coffee break we go and talk to Mr dreidy

Mr Clampett do you really think he can

get me a job in movies a girl is sweet

and pretty as you to let five cents come

on

Mr drackett

he appears to be odd too you sit down

here and make yourself comfortable I'll

go see can I find him

foreign

[Music]

Monroe Louisiana are you Mr Drysdale so

what if I am I was told you could help

me get a job can you type no sir you

take dictation no sir know anything

about bookkeeping or accounting no sir

can you program a computer no sir yeah

the mortgage no sir can you get a maple

syrup stain out of my jacket yeah just

what I need another dumb hillbilly

blonde not a brain in your head a letter

to the bank of Louisiana throw yourself

in a bayou and feed yourself to the

alligators

go ahead cry pull your head off she

would have get you

you haven't done what happened how come

you to be crying like this

can you tell Mr Dragon you come out here

to be active

she didn't have to tell him as the

capital like the moment I saw her I knew

she was a born actress so immediately I

started to test her I did the famous

shouting scene from a Bride of

Frankenstein

catch the test with flying colors oh

look at those tears Garbo couldn't shed

them any better this girl is a natural

one of the most gifted actresses of our

time

I predict stardom for this lovely

talented young lady

[Music]

I told you Mr driver

okay I will dedicate myself to her

career

my dear who would you like to do your

screen test with Paul Newman Steve

McQueen

whoever you think is best Mr dry deal

what studio do you figure she ought to

work for let them compete for her

Services let them bid against one

another an actress like Llewellyn Aiden

comes along once

we leave everything you Mr Drysdale now

I think I best get this little girl home

she splum wore out from all the actions

she's been doing this day will go down

in Motion Picture history for today A

Star is Born the Academy Award is but

one performance away we survive to you

Mr dry do you and Llewellyn will thank

you proper quick as she pulls herself

together

I know what you're capable of Llewellyn

and mark my words one of these nights

you'll be taking that famous fellow

Oscar home with you which is right Dave

I've known Llewellyn all her life and

she ain't that kind of girl

barely willing looks like you're on your

way I don't know how to thank you Mr

Clan sure you mentioned right deal

take time for speaking Jethro

yeah she's still here let me tell him

the news hold on luella's got something

to tell you

Jethro I'm ready to take that big step

hello

hello

he hung up again

well you're back how did it go ready it

looks like we got ourselves a little

movie star here ain't that wonderful

well I haven't made my screen test yet

Mr Drago says he can get her a big star

like Steve McQueen oh I hope he does

he's my favorite

[Music]

you promised her a screen test right

we'll film it right here in the office

tomorrow morning oh you're joking oh no

you'll be here wearing wardrobe and full

makeup at nine o'clock me in wardrobe

and makeup right

and you better look like Steve McQueen

[Music]

well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed

and all his kin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in you're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heap and helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is set a spell take your

shoes off don't come back now here this

has been a film waste presentation