09x17 - The Teahouse of Jed Clampett

[bunniefuu]

the Beverly hillbilly

[Music]

morning Uncle

Jed what you doing cooking us up a pot

of mush for breakfast we don't have to

do that no more or nothing else that

Bonsai fell fetching over his Japanese

women folk yeah he's going to take care

of him but that don't mean he's going to

do for us oh yeah he told me he's going

to wait on us hand and foot and Japanese

men don't have no truck with that

women's lib is that a fact yeah all you

got to do is give them orders see I've

been learning Japanese so as I'll be

ready listen to this kamakazi Toyota

Sony zero what does that mean don't

Smack into my car radio with your

[Music]

airplane reckon you going to be saying

that a lot well not a lot but if I give

some order to ride off they'll respect

me see Japanese women is trained to

respect Japanese men but you ain't a

Japanese man with me speaking her

language so good how's it going know

true true oh got to learn to eat with

these Uncle yeah what is he this is what

you call Chopsticks the Japanese uses

them instead of knives or Forks or

spoons watch I'll show

you don't seem to hold a lot it's

probably for me like them carate chops

think that's why they call them

Chopsticks more than likely Welly I

can't wait to sink my teeth to them

chicken fried karate

chops is anything like pork chops oh

yeah quite a bit

yeah looks like we're going to be eating

high on a

karate good morning morning Mr drive

down oh sit down and have some breakfast

oh no thanks no thanks I'm on my way to

pick up the women of bonsai's household

and bring them over well how is Mr

Bonsai feeling this moment well he still

feels terribly humiliated that Granny

defeated him in hand toand combat I'm

sorry about that it was all I could do

to get him out of his

room well I'll be on my way oh by the

way have you heard from granny and Ellie

not a word I hope they's comfortable

staying in Miss Jan's apartment well I'd

hardly call it an apartment it's more

like a furnished

room this bed was right nice to sleep on

but it sure does take up a lot of room

well Miss Jane says after you take the

bed clothes off it folds up into a sofa

no that's what she

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said where ain't doing it doing what

folding

up granny I think we have to help it

let's

see well I'll be switched what do they

think of

next oh

FY you got your dress all dirty climbing

on that fire skap now let's see your

hands

I was afraid of that now let's go get

washed up we'll be having breakfast

quick Miss Jan get back

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I declare you could sleep six on this

thing

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Crossway granny La

May well good morning Bessie I hope my

landlord doesn't see you morning Miss J

oh good morning Ellie sorry it took so

long getting your breakfast your kitchen

sure must be a long ways from your

bedroom about three blocks where's

granny well she was here a minute ago

must have stepped out I didn't see her

in the

hall what you want Bessie she probably

hungry here's your breakfast

Bessie how about they like bananas they

do B is trying to tell us

something what is it

Bessie I think they's something inside

the couch well let's

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see it's

granny granny how in the world are you

all right of course I'm all right but

don't trust this bed I laid down on it

and it gobbled me up I am terribly sorry

it's never done that before I have some

coffee and he'll feel better by the way

Miss James where did you sleep last

night in the Murphy bed oh I'm sorry you

had to go and stay with friends no no no

no no it's in the Wall come on I'll show

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you see you sleep standing up no no it

comes all the way

down I declare I never did see so many

clever beds well we'll need them all

when the other girls

arrive oh it's the tell I told her to

come up the fire escape my rent here is

based upon occupancy by one person only

welcome Helen cheers everyone I'll need

some help with my luggage I'll give you

a hand me

too Bessie I ain't never seen anything

like these City beds they sure are space

savers I reckon Miss Jane and Helen will

share this one I sure hope it's as

comfortable as Ellie's in

mine ain't bad at

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all thanks awfully Ellie yeah thanks

Ellie you're welcome I thought granny

was here she was

granny she ain't

here Bessie is trying to tell us

something again I

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wonder it's Jane if it won't hurt your

feelings I think I'll sleep on the floor

tonight

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and here they are Mr the lovely

ladies of bonsai's households and her

flowers of the

Orient this is Mr CL hi

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lady Mr Bonsai your women folks is

here you speak English Amo does

we have great pleasure to be in anable

House of clampet

Son what you call me clet that's a

Japanese title of

courtesy they set great store by bound

don't they yes they're extremely polite

oh I almost forgot about their luggage

I'll give you your

hand hello radies me Jeffy

Uncle Jen big hayberry but me

International pray

boy you wear a karate suit sure I just

can't wait to have me a karate chop you

want a Kate chop I sure do and right

away please do not ask for Kate chop but

that's what I want and the sooner the

better

see you later Mr Dr

de so excited about you are not supposed

to do things for them from now on they

will do everything for you oh well take

them up there tell them take any room

any want we got plenty empty

ones what you matter boy you fall over

the rail oh asked them girls for a Kate

chop and one of them slugged

me welcome to women's live headquarters

girls thank

you come in granny Ellie May Susie and

Betty hi no you can hang your clothes in

the closet as soon as Helen's through

taking a shower in there she's taking a

shower in the closet well it's too small

to be called a bathroom we hang our

clothes in the bathroom well you could

also call at the Den the laundry room

the kitchen and the spare bedroom

bedroom yes we we're so crowded here I'm

afraid somebody will have to sleep in

the top

tonight miss way I can't take my shower

there is a furry animal splashing about

in the bathtub oh don't be alarmed it's

probably just Ellie's chimane now Bess

is outside must be Freda Freda she's my

P she just loves to play in the water I

didn't know Ellie brought a possum me

neither she must to head it inside her

coat they likes to sleep like that now

Freda you stay out of the bathtub when

folks want to take

showers yes fra

please miss hatway it's my landlord

quick everybody hide where where

else this half away

[Applause]

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coming Mr finny I'm glad you're here I

have a complaint so have I I heard a lot

of voices in here you most certainly did

it was the television set you haven't

got a television set well the the that

is my complaint that the walls here are

so thin that the set next door sounds as

so it's right in this

room I don't hear anything well of

course not I made them turn it off I

believe I'll take a look in there oh

good good I hope you brought your tools

there's at least half day work in there

what well yes the the the the f leaks

the the tub is stopped up the shower

doesn't work the the paint is peeling

and you have got to replace that worn

flooring it is dangerous well I'll tell

you what I'll do I'm doing Apartment 16

right now but I'll put you right at the

top of the

list oh oh Mr vny that is another thing

the the neighborhood children peer in at

me all the time go away you naughty

child go on go

on no I didn't get a very good look but

that that's got to be the ugliest kid I

ever saw well Mr pH the the situation is

becoming quite intolerable ugly children

FY Plumbing thin

walls what was

that I am glad you were here to see that

with your own eyes Mr finny H what was

it what did I see well unless prompt

action is taken I shall be forced to

call the Department of Health and

sanitation about the mice in this

building that was a

mouse what else I never saw a mouse look

like that perhaps it was something worse

I had better call the Board of Health no

that's okay it was a

mouse well uh Mr F what do you intend

doing about it well I've got a

cat no wouldn't stand a chance against a

thing like

that Goodbye Mr

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finny excuse me

is biddles almost

ready biddles yeah food you know as we

say in Japanese runch oh yes anything

special you would like well I ain't

going to ask for no more of them karate

chops know you get up tight about that

but there's something else I heard of

that I'd like to try what is it Judo

roll you want a judo roll I sure do you

see I'm an international prey boy and I

rock to experiment

please do not ask for Judah

Ro but that's what I want heck fire I

thought you folks were oblig you just

rosan Jud Ro is not for ordinary

person but but I'm not ordinary I want

to try everything now come on let me

have it

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[Applause]

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what happen you this time boy I'll tell

you something Uncle jet Japanese is real

polite he asked for some of them special

vles then they beat the tar out of

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you any more visits from the landlord

girls no you scared him away for a while

Helen what in the world are you doing

I'm getting some charcoal burning in

this BR here well that is purely a

decorative piece well granny wanted to

make us a hot meal and that's the only

thing we could find to cook on oh there

is no cooking in this apartment but

where is Granny she and Ellie went out

shopping for some viddles that's food

yes I I know let's try it Miss haway

this charcoal is smokeless and I'm

simply perishing for nice hot London

Grill well if I know Granny's vittles

they will in no way resemble a London

Grill we's back girls oh oh

the fast is over will you see what all

we got you're going to have a feast Fit

For A King for a queen granny remember

this is women's lib headquarters let us

not exalt the male image what did you

bring I'm starving listen to this and

let your mouth water salted down s belly

owl gizzards groundhog sausage pickle

catfish heads and tenderloin a badger

and goph for

gravy I don't believe it that ain't all

tell them what we got for dessert Ellie

Paul Paw's with srim syrup hedge apple

turnovers POG weed pudding and a nice

ripe goat cheese what kind of Market

sells things like that you can't get

those kind of Delicacies in no Market we

went by home and sneaked into the root

Celler yeah and we pee through the

window and we seen Jed and Jetro and

they were having a miserable time Jethro

done Fain from Hunger yeah he was laying

on the floor in his underwear and Jed

had to help him to stand up won be long

before they'll be yelling and screaming

for us to come back home but we're going

to let them keep suffering until they

knuckle under the women's

lib well I better get after the cooking

where's the stove well for

unfortunately unfortunately I don't have

a stove I started to fire him Miss haway

braier where right here in her brass

Brer Miss Jane I hope you don't put that

thing on hot

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Miss Mo I ain't never worn nothing like

this before it's mighty fancy for old

weed Bend like me no no clet son you

look very handsome very handsome please

well what if I was to spill vles on it

you have no worry you spell M Clean you

girl sure is obliging I PL you to Ser

man please to be seated is that a eating

table yes like somebody s legs off no no

it's Japanese table you said well uh and

I better wait for the Vish no no Crumpet

on head of

household please to be seated and have

sip of sake SI of what sake our native

wine made from

rice you

taste Japanese White Lightning

please to be seated ni going to 10 how

you

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wait H dog sure does smell good in here

how soon is

Middles oh well I reckon I can wait but

I'm awful thirsty hey you got a Sumo

Crush

you've heard of sumo Crush that's what

the wrestlers over to Japan drinks he's

always given one another Sumo Crush it's

probably like a orange crush or a or a

lemon Crush have you got

any it hey Mr Bonsai uh you ever do any

wrestling over to Japan oh yes could you

give me a Sumo Crush you want a Sumo

Crush I sure do please do not ask for

Sumo crush a come on please you insist

yes sir we step outside is better for

Sumo

Crush I sure do appreciate this I won't

forget it not soon I

guarantee well I've got granny cooking

on the roof I don't think the landlord

can smell it up there I hope she doesn't

set the building on fire no danger soon

as you're finished with your laundry

come up and have lunch we're eating on

the roof believe me Betty Granny's

cooking is best eaten out of doors

I'll get

it who are you who are you I'm the

landlord Helen guess who Miss Hathaway

has for a

landlord who Carrie

Grant oh Mr Grant you're even more

handsome off the screen than on doesn't

that gray hair make make him look

distinguished Divine and those eyes

those sexy eyes they simply melt woman's

heart oh Mr Grant you're my favorite

star my star of stars mine too might I

ask you to autograph my slip who do you

girls think you're kidding I beg pardon

I don't look anything like carry Grant

you know

it well Gregory peek yes

give this to miss hatway will you what

is it it's a trap for her

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Mouse excuse me girl that's your phone

oh no no cramp I get

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CL say speaking hello Jed this is Granny

are you suffering oh yeah yeah I sure

am are you ready to knuckle under and

give into the women's lib have you

learned your lesson well granny uh not

yet I think I ought to suffer a couple

more

days yeah yeah let's stay in touch don't

call me I'll call you bye

[Music]

well now it's time to say goodbye to

jeden all his kin they would like to

thank you folks for kindly dropping in

you're all invited back next week to

this locality to have a heaping helping

of their

Hospitality Hill Bly that is set a spell

take your shoes off all come back now

here this has been a film was

presentation