Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.

Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?

Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register

08x22 - Annul That Marriage

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Beverly Hillbillies". Aired: September 1962 to March 1971.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


The Clampetts move to Beverly Hills after striking oil in the Ozarks,

08x22 - Annul That Marriage

Post by bunniefuu »

come and listen to the story about a man

named Jed to pour a mountaineer barely

kept his family head and then one day he

was sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground from a bubbling crude oil that is

black gold Texas Tea well the first

thing you know old Jeb's a millionaire

the Kim folks said Jed move away from

there said California is the place you

ought to be so the load and took the

truck in the mood to Beverly Hills that

is swimming pools movie stars The

Beverly Hillbillies

[Music]

thank you

shorty shorty

what you all good

you know you were supposed to Marielle

Verna here

yeah and why'd you let the judge marry

the Gloria

two reasons yet

she's one she's the other

I was too late the judge had already

left the building

don't worry I'll call his office we'll

get this marriage and all

right find time for the wedding she just

missed it oh there there bride you can

cry a bride should be happy she is

that's why I'm crying

she killings excuse me did you marry

Gloria yes Mom come on Chloe hold on

where do you think you're going to get

into my crowded in here for a honeymoon

you ain't going on no honeymoon you're

gonna have this wedding to know

okay Jed come on Louie where do you

think you're going now we're going one

of them nice and ultimate places like

how are you

ain't going no place with this woman

can't help myself jit he's handcuffed to

one another it's Hathaway unlocked those

stupid handcuffs

he's all yours Mrs Bradshaw all right

shorty kellums let's go home

you ain't gonna lock me in the cage

again are you I am and you're gonna stay

there until we become Mr and Mrs Alberta

Bradshaw

doing you a favor unlocking these

actually I should handcuff you to your

typewriter until the anonymous now back

to your desk Miss buckles the name is

Mrs kellums and what makes you think I

want an annulment

who cares what you want I'm your boss

and I'm Shorty's wife

and I think maybe I like it do you

realize I could fire you

go ahead I have a husband to support me

now

do you know what you need young lady you

need a good old-fashioned paddling and

you're going to get it right now you're

kidding oh no I'm not Mr Clampett give

her a good old-fashioned family

I'll be washing up and if he yells or

screams don't let her bother you this

washroom is soundproof

oh my Mr dry deal he gets the mat worked

up

so you think he'd like to stay married

to Shorty would you well let's face it

it's one way out of this detention home

for underprivileged secretaries well I

can't blame you for wanting to be

married a fine looking young woman like

you ought to have a husband well thank

you those are the first kind words I've

heard in this Bank

sit down

ever been back in the Hills no

ever been on a farm no I've been a city

girl all my life

well you know what Shorty's Place back

in the Hills is uh sort of out in the

country that sounds groovy I've always

wanted a Country Place well you might

just got into it wouldn't you like to

see what a farm is like before you pull

up steaks and move back there could I

yeah we got a lot of land around our

place we put you up a small farmhouse

and you can have a first-hand sample

you'd go to all that trouble just for me

ain't no trouble at all glad to do it

gee and you're so nice I don't know what

to say oh need to say nothing at all

just come along

and I don't go to crying

I can't help it you're the first man

besides shorty who's ever been kind to

me

well good cry I'll make you feel better

go on get it out of your system I'll be

waiting

and let that be a lesson to you

[Music]

yes sir I understand

I'll tell him right away

yes sir bye something wrong Ellie no

ma'am Paul wants us to commit putting up

the little old cabin out back the little

old cabin what fur Paul says he's

snatching home a girl to live in it

damn Shake he's gone and got himself

married

of course I seen it happen before

marriage is kitchen he was standing

there watching shorty Mario burner and

the fever struck him come on Diggity

doggone's gonna have me a mom

I wonder who we marry well it must be a

concert girl because he wants Jethro to

get him some chickens and Hogs and a cow

right away

honeymoon couples coming up the driveway

which one a shorty in Alberta oh here's

Ram rice everybody

[Music]

thank you

that's it what's the matter Alvin you

got married didn't just

he did I didn't

there's no such thing as being half

married you gotta be husband and wife

you can't be husband and friend don't be

too sure granny this year's Hollywood

I'll explain later granny right now I

gotta lock this little twerp up in his

cage come along you miserable little

weasel Yes dear come in dear

they sure talk like husband and wife

Miss Jane can you clear up this mystery

I better let Mrs Bradshaw do that I have

to hurry back to the bank

[Music]

I just some don't understand that

marriage at all like I said granny this

is Hollywood

oh here comes Paul with his bride is

Uncle Jed married that's right boy have

some real sudden good thing we got

plenty of rice left let's get ready to

pout them

[Music]

[Applause]

congratulations I really mean it you

sure got the best part of this deal

y'all are making a mistake what do you

mean you two got married didn't you

she did I did

another Hollywood

[Music]

how this is gonna discourage Miss Gloria

from wanting to live back in the hills

look granny you gotta remember she's a

city girl she ain't never been around

chickens and figs and goats and such

there you are she's gonna fall in love

with it and don't forget she's also

going to be digging in the dirt milking

the cow slapping the Hogs and washing

her clothes with homemade Lysol okay

he was painting a picture of paradise

was Paradise to you might not be in his

glory

hi Ellie hi Gloria well look who's here

hello welcome to a back in the woods

farmhouse Shorty's house like this oh no

with the two you can fix it up till it's

pretty near this night you're joking

it's like a lot of work but Farm women

get used to that

[Music]

oh look at the funny looking dog you're

a Miss Gloria that Critter is what you

call a hall

yeah that's where you get ham and bacon

and sausage really I get mine at the

supermarket

oh Jen we've got our work cut out first

yeah I think maybe first off uh Miss

Glory had best change into some work

clothes oh I wear this dress to work

what you want when you live on the farm

Ellie May take her and get her into some

back home work done yes come along Miss

Lori see you later

shorty Mr Drysdale and I have set the

wheels in motion for the annulment oh

that's good news

let me out we'll celebrate

I trust you

apply the way the time

horse breeding exactly after we're

married we're going to get rid of those

mothy mules on your farm and start

raising Thoroughbred racehorses

well

I'll enjoy that

but what I'd really enjoy some smoking

let me out so I can give you a big old

hug

oh we can do that through the bars well

come here baby

[Music]

fill me with ecstasy now how about

feeling me some of them delicious video

to yours I'll go stick something in the

oven

make it to your head

what was that oh I said it's great to be

thin

boy shorty the way you swapped that key

was really slick

it's my key hey Lisa you didn't know it

didn't have it

well put it here right it'll be out of

the reach of pickpocket

music

thanks a lot Jethro well you deserve to

be afraid that was real slick

hey hey what's that magazine huh

never mind you're too young to see this

one of those huh

oh come on shorty let me see it oh never

mind Jess roll I wouldn't dare let a

magazine like this out of the cage well

then I'll come in and see oh no it ain't

for the eyes of a boy like you well this

picture drive you crazy prettiest Philly

I ever seen

look at them beautiful labels coming in

oh yeah she built and not a stitch on it

oh she sure looks like a fast one

let me see let me see

I dropped it I'll get it

this is a picture of a wall

yep

come on you shorty did you outsmart me

again I don't care bro you outsmarted me

are you sure

you wound up the magazine didn't you

yeah that's right I did wrong everyone

[Music]

are you sure this is what a farm wife

wears it is back in the Hills yes ma'am

but why well first off it's nice and

warm you see one wife gets up at four

o'clock oh wonderful I love to sleep

late

[Music]

Jordy Alberta's cooked you up a

guest room all right

okay let's shorty out oh no sir he let

me in

appreciate it if you'd unlock the cage

I think maybe that's the best place for

you if you're in there you can't let

nobody out if you let me out I'll help

you find Shorty I don't think Shorty's

gonna stray far we've got the queen bee

in the cabin

now what boy

if you unlock the cake and step inside

I'll show you a racy magazine

will you see the picture

sweet prettiest Philly you've ever seen

and boy is she built not a stitch arm

I've never heard of a horse wearing

clothes

how did a big dumb over here Billy we

Bend It Like Him get the best of the

giant brain like I got sitting up young

hey Casa Bessie come here I want to talk

to you

now listen

up there on the limb of that tree is the

key

you get that key and unlock the cage let

me out I'll give you a banana

hey I got a banana here and you can have

it you just get the key

go get it get it that's it

come on put the key in the lock and turn

it

remember you're gonna get a banana big

old yellow Rascal just ride free

that's it that's it

it's a lock out and open the door good

good

and you're so smart take this

you sit up here and eat your banana

go on cousin Bessie

hey don't get up tight baby that's life

the smart takes away from the dumb

anyway you just a little old lady you

done run up against a monster human

brain

excuse me for laughing bestie but you

sure fell for that banana trick

[Music]

oh good you fished around the cot yep

quick as Miss Glory tries her hand at

Milton I'm gonna hit you up the donkey

and let her have a go with flower she's

a big strong girl Jed most likely do

fine here's Miss Glory let us convince

learning their chores

fine and dandy will take Milken first

what's this for well that's to catch the

milk now come on over to Old bossy the

cow and we'll get started okay

hi bossy nice cow

Miss Gloria this here is a donkey they

don't give milk oh what do they give

mostly trouble

this is a cow now Gloria you sat on this

door and you put your bucket under there

that's where the milk comes out

hey look at that four faucets

that's right you can get milk from all

of them

okay bossy I'll have a court of

h*m*

you're right granny we got our work cut

out first

gather me I'm busy

who let you out of the cage nobody I

smarted my way out with the sixth grade

educated brain

good good job smart Ellie's eight

I tricked him into thinking it was a

banana in the cage and when he come in

to get it I slipped out and locked him

inside

smartnet ape is a real step forward for

you thank you it made me awful hungry

though it takes a lot to feed a giant

brain like mine

afraid the only videos is uh whatever

and it's cooking in the kitchen

oh well well then I'll Scamper back to

the house I'm starving

what do you see what I fixed for your

big spare ribs and grits and and some

fresh fruit for

what happened

tell me shorty tricked you into opening

this cage

locked you inside and taken the key oh

you poor little deer it isn't your fault

here's a banana of course

where do I get my hands on that slippery

little eel

[Music]

there really was a banana in there hey

you give me that that's mine

well I'm not coming in there and get it

that's mine and I'm starving

[Music]

Look Who's laughing I got the banana

[Applause]

[Music]

ready your curtains is up oh fine Jed

well how's Miss Glory doing with a chore

oh she's strong and willing chip she

milked the cows she slaps the Hogs she

fed the goat she cleaned the chicken

pins and now she's out there plowing in

fertilizing

that girl has got Grit last time I seen

her she was covered with it

kid

Ney

where is my big beautiful dog you mean

alverna or Glory

I said beautiful Jed that narrows it

down to glory

to do farm chores oh ain't that

wonderful

what a wife she's gonna be I done found

me the perfect woman

she's hard working and she loves me

[Music]

that's your big beautiful doll

been learning chores huh yeah

good now you know what you can do with

the farm

I know what you can do with it

would you like to soak in the knife

would I well

here's the tub all you have to do is

heat the water and throw a cake of ice

open it isn't there a bathroom

oh sure right through that door Yonder

this leads outside

where it is

that does it shorty I'm sorry

I belong behind a desk not a plow

oh there you are shorty Mr Drysdale just

called and he said since the license is

made out to you and me your marriage to

Gloria is invalid Hallelujah

who is that

yes I got a Mormon in the oven let's go

oh bye Gloria

it was nice being married to you

[Music]

hey Jordy

I put myself in kid

why

you know Vernon was commissioned to look

good to me

see you later shorty

[Music]

boots black belt bad news for the bad

guys Walker Texas Ranger weeknights at

six on the Hallmark Channel you're here

about Maggie May I'm her daughter

daughter a family she never knew what if

this woman really is my sister a liar

she never imagined you've turned into a

real country girl a Hallmark Channel

original movie Melissa Gilbert Lindsay

Wagner bigger than water premieres

tonight at nine on the Hallmark Channel

welcome back now here

[Music]