07x25 - The Jogging Clampetts

[bunniefuu]

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all that is black gold Texas Tea well

the first thing you know old Jeb's a

millionaire the Kim folks said Jed move

away from there said California is a

place you ought to be solder loaded up

the truck in the motors

that is swimming pools movie stars a

Beverly Hillbillies

foreign

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[Applause]

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I'm going to qualify for the Beverly

Hills jogging club before you do this

time I'm really going to beat you

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no one's gone mad

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you sound like a Scarlet dog okay

she's chasing Mr Drysdale around the

backyard Chase and Mr driving yeah she

done caught him once she stripped him

right down to his underwear oh why would

you do that must have done that when she

was from England

Ace is all red his eyes are Belgium you

could use his head for Halloween I just

can't believe it well you believe it

when you see his tongue hanging out it

looks like he hiccups his liver if

you've got the stomach

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always thinking of yourself Milburn why

couldn't you collapse on the walk you

know those grass stains won't come out

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I've got a crap in my muscle what muscle

you've got a spasm in your flab

oh my God

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we got here just in time she's gonna

grab that other leg of his and make a

wish ball out of him maybe it's some

sort of a game granny well if it is

there's gonna be an Undertaker keeping

score I'm going over there Granny if Mr

drives to you'll ever found out that

we've seen this he'd never be able to

hold up his head again well if we don't

stop her he ain't gonna have no head to

hold up

granny you don't want to stop a fight

you just want to get in on one

evil mind

and I'll stop worrying about me the only

thing worrying me is whether or not we

will be accepted by the Beverly Hills

jogging Club all the best people are in

it it'll help us socially Margaret do

you always have to have an angle I am

joining for health reasons you want the

members to put money in your bank so

what's wrong with a healthy bank

I'll be at the office

kid there's only one person to blame for

that violence next door who's that you

me you stopped me from scrapping with

Miss Drysdale you didn't see her acting

up like this when I was whooping a

regular granny

spare the rod and spoil the neighbor and

this is just the start

whooping a man is heady stuff first her

husband then it'll be the postman the

garbage man the newspaper boy ready I

still got a feeling we don't know all

the facts well I know one fact we is

getting Ellie Mae and Jethro out of this

neighborhood here I am over here setting

an example of meekness and kindness and

Christian forbearance and that husband

beating huzzy over there tearing down

everything I'm doing over here

ready you get any Meeker you're gonna

break some bones don't make jokes oh

ready oh here comes the sweet darling

now

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all the way to the airport and back beat

him bad

don't blame her boy the sins of the

neighbors have been visited unto the

children even unto their underwear

what's she talking about Uncle Jay he

thinks Ellie tore your clothes off and

give you a beat beat we have been

fighting granny we've been jogging

did you hear that Chad they've been

jogging oh that my grandchildren should

ever come to this oh what's juggling

jogging ain't nothing but running

running yeah it's good for you too movie

stars and everybody's doing it Mr

drysdale's even joining the jogging Club

Ellie Mee's getting one up by ourselves

she's going to wear outfit just like

mine

you mean Mr dry ideal goes jogging in an

outfit just like yours yes sir ain't you

seen him in his backyard

oh yeah we've seen them all right

satisfied now granny no I ain't he's too

old for that nonsense

granny is for your health well Mr Drive

Dale says it lowers your castor oil

that's cholesterol

lowered his till it was Dragon

just be happy Mr Dryden finally found

something to get his mind off of money

oh this idiotic jogging business is

going to get me 30 million dollars 30

million dollars to achieve that's

ridiculous what what does the name Jason

Detwiler mean to you

30 million dollars and he's president of

the Beverly Hills jogging Club he's one

of these physical fitness nuts so so

this is my big chance to grab off that

30 million dollar account I happen to

know his own Banker Carl Wagner will not

go jogging with him you also happen to

know that Mr Wagner is 84 years old and

has to walk with a cage

I hope you choke on that 30 million

dollars oh what a way to go

fortunately justice will prevail in

order to join a jogging Club you must

have a doctor's statement saying that

you are physically fit with your freaky

up and down blood pressure you'll never

get one

that's all you know I have one right

here

Bob where it says MD but I am not a

doctor but no one's ever been able to

read a doctor's handwriting the song

Chief I absolutely refuse okay

I uh know a brain surgeon who'll sign it

brain surgeon

Jethro

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well Mr Drysdale or Miss James hi granny

is Jethro here no he ain't well I'll be

back away Chief you're in luck Ronnie

here is a real doctor you need a doctor

oh no no oh yes he does show the

statement Chief what statement well it

just gives me permission to jog across

your property

just a sign right there

put your hand out of the way I can't see

what I'm signing well it's just a simple

statement it's certifying that he is in

perfect physical condition oh well I

can't sign that without I give him a

complete physical or examination first

really

you take him into my examination room

whilst I get my medical tool oh no some

other time granny I have an appointment

at the bank no you haven't come on

you're going to pay for this no it ain't

there's no charge to Next of Kin and

neighbors

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it's nice of you to assist me Miss Jane

glad to do it

hope you don't mind the side of blood

oh well I do sit down he's too nervous

I'm gonna have to sedate him I'm calm

see

all right let's get at it open your

mouth stick out your tongue and say ah

I'll have a look at that gullet

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Man's Tongue is too long does he have

any trouble keeping his mouth closed all

the time one of these days when he gets

time I'm gonna prune that back an inch

or two excellent idea

you smell hair burning

yes

I believe his mustache is on fire

you've ruined my mustache no no it's

good to burn off rush now and then get

rid of tips

please just check my heart and

blood pressure

oh

that's a noisy liver aren't you glad you

came here Chief no other doctor ever

caught that

it's talking River it knows me

I'm here little Feller what do you want

over and out that was me

arms my diagnosis it's that tone got his

roots in his liver granny please just

check my heart all right but that

thing's gonna wrap itself around you one

of these days and squeeze your life out

of you well I believe his mouth's big

enough to accommodate his granny he must

be four feet long

well his heart's good something like

Wi-Fi now for the old blood pressure

hold it

did you ever swallow a cash register

swallow a cash register

listen to it

you can put a nickel in his mouth pull

his ears and pray him for a slot machine

granny just having fun with you all

imminent Physicians recognize that sound

as a harmless little occupational

peculiarity Bankers flutter flutter yeah

but you're gonna be in trouble if that

tongue gets caught in that cash drawer

don't worry now let's get out of the

blood pressure well this I have to see

Granny his freak blood pressure gets so

high sometimes it could wreck your

equipment no knock it off well it does

have range however eminent Physicians

are only Amazed by it not alarmed well

my heavy duty equipment will take care

of you

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perhaps you have tired blood

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ain't nothing wrong with his blood

pressure right on the head see you with

a different good equipment makes

Mr dry do you

something to matter oh no Granny's just

giving me a little checkup so I can join

a jogging Club well you sure start

something with that jogging get through

an Ellie jog all the way to the airport

and back well that's 15 miles I wish I

could have joined them no reason why you

can't your blood pressure is fine

oh no granny with my kind of blood

pressure bleeding me with leeches won't

help they'll have to do I ain't got no

vampire bats

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what's the matter it's back down to

normal I told you granny granny you

better give that machine back to The

Filling Station it's a Precision

instrument it can measure a mosquito

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you ain't got but a few seconds any last

words you want to give to your poor

brutal Widow

Granny it's not that bad not that bad

look at the

Chad

what's the matter now it's normal again

okay stay right where you are I got the

answer you know what your trouble is

you is allergic to just Clampett what

you is allergic to just clapping Ted is

Over Yonder your blood pressure is

normal

but when he's over here

apoplexy oh no no yeah kid you have got

to stay away from Mr Drysdale well sure

do anything I can would you like for me

to take my money out of your bank Mr dry

deal

I love you I love you you can Bank my

mail

okay that's sweet I hate to break up

such a beautiful friendship

so the same thing has happened when his

insurance doctors examine him at the

bank

granny I think you have solved a mystery

that has baffled the medical world for

years

Mr Clement are you carrying what you

call your walking around money

you mean this

is a bad thing is gonna explode

it helps

he's not allergic to Mr Clampett he just

becomes overly excited by a proximity to

large sums of money really miss Hathaway

are you presuming to explain bodily

reactions to Dr Daisy after the

brilliant Discovery she has just made

you gonna be all right granny oh of

course that up and down blood pressure

is what a doctor's called the bankers

bounce now you can sign my medical

statement for the joggers Club out

better make out my own statement you

ain't no run-of-the-mill case you know

but granny

I'll get it

granny do you really think it's all

right for the chief to job

yeah but I ain't gonna lie for him

I Dr Daisy Moses have examined this man

and found him in uh

unbelievable shape

you're wonderful I think the word is

tactful it's crazy that was your bank

column is it is it Mr Detwiler on his

way over here to see you oh Mr Detwiler

he's president of the Beverly Hills

jogging Club he insists upon jogging

with each applicant for membership to

see if they measure up to his six

standards well if he's ahead of the club

you might have your work cut out for you

don't you worry about oh my lemon at

Melbourne well I'm giving him a few

years but I'll be out there right ahead

of him

that's him well I'll get it he may want

to start right away and thank you Dr

Daisy

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I'm gonna give you a run for your money

ah Mr Detwiler I've just passed my

physical I'm ready for you

what is your jogging outfit guys Dale

over at my house it won't take me a

minute to change good I understand your

Banker doesn't jog no that's too bad too

he's I love to discuss business while

I'm running and me too should we Sprint

over to my place yeah pretty fast are

you well my secretary constantly

Compares me with the fastest of all

animals the cheetah

that's what she calls me

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what in the name

are you doing

just trying out this jogging business I

figured I might be missing something you

are all right you had to know what I

mean nothing until you try it did when I

was doctoring back in the Hills I used

to run 30 miles a day yeah but that was

on emergency cases could have tried for

your health well you just tried it you

feel any better oh but uh maybe 12 miles

ain't long enough to tell I could be out

of shape you know

nonsense kid running ain't never helped

nobody but chicken thieves Moonshiners

and Yankees

it wasn't no big thing back in the Hills

was it only when that Dam busted

then it was right popular for a few

minutes

yeah had little comeback when lightning

hit the revival tent too

that Jethro was so full of that jogging

business would you mind cutting me some

wood

be glad to need to exercise

well he's ready come on Ellie let's go

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how do you like my jogging outfit

it's real cute Ellie but uh you're

showing more meat in a butcher's window

you're gonna be able to run in that get

up yeah she's gonna run right upstairs

and put on some more clothes oh granny

you want folks to stare at you Granny

I'm the president who's gonna be looking

at her

you've got to have a fireside chat with

the princess

Connie they said to store this is what

ladies were

can't you get it through your head when

you plays football you wears a football

uniform and when you go is jogging you

where's a jogging uniform awesome

your uncle didn't have no uniform and he

just run 12 miles

you can lock that

I hope you didn't tell nobody it was the

president's uncle

who in their right mind would want to

own up to be in your room

do you feel better Paul you will I've

been reading about it it builds up your

Hema goblins it limbers your lungs and

it increases your appetite

all we need food getting short all over

the world and Mighty Mouth and creates

in his appetite

granny jogging makes you lose weight too

with him eating more everybody

you're going with your jogging how

smooth Granny's feathers let's go Ellie

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[Applause]

Detwiler

kid here comes Mr Drysdale now but he

ain't jogging

doggies

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what happened to Mr dry Dave

well some stupid doctor happened to him

where is the ignoramus right here you're

the doctor

you're the quack who gave a certificate

of physical fitness to this this Basket

Case

wait Granny it's the first let's find

out what happened well I'll tell you

what happened we hadn't jogged a half a

mile before he collapsed in front of a

supermarket hey he's in no more

condition to jog than well you are you

want a job Buster Madam at your age you

are not a jogger but a creeper Mr

you have insulted a great doctor just

about every way you can I can't let her

whoop you with her hands but I'm obliged

to let her try it with her feet

I feel it only fair to warn you that I

used to run cross-country for

Pennsylvania teachers oh a woman Chaser

huh

I was referring to Intercollegiate

competition

I will used to run for miles and miles

through Woods across streams over fences

sounded like the kind of running granny

used to do back in the Hills yeah how

would you like to try a little follow

the leader

Adam you could you could never follow me

you try following me

you're not even wearing jogging shorts

for bettering the competition

these will do

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don't worry Mr Trader Joe granny will

even the score for you foreign

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Ty can't get me into that jogging Club

well it's getting into a club is always

worrying you you can join Jethro oh no

no the Beverly Hills jogging Club is

composed of financiers tycoons

industrial Giants Well they can join too

General take anybody

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no no no no no no

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I'll tell you what else I see Mrs Drive

deal out in your backyard we'll get her

in the jogging Club too oh she'll cry

when I install it I'm glad to do it I'll

tell you what else we're going to do yes

Rose is going to put across everybody's

just sponsored by the Commerce Bank of

Beverly Hills oh no that's too much

really I don't deserve to be in the club

all right but Uncle Jed hi Paul

Wow Let's all live I'll continue let's

put in the Beverly Hills Club and join

ours they've seen us started following

us for some reason

I wonder why they've done that

do you know who these men are there's

William Woodson the steel tycoon and

Jonathan pierce the real estate man

I told you they'd take anybody

excuse me Mr Clement gentlemen we're

delighted that you want to join our club

but it is my duty as Treasurer to inform

you that we have a rather steep

Initiation fee however it can be

financed at the Commerce hold on a

second I think here comes another member

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looks like he's going to be chasing no

more Pennsylvania teachers

he couldn't even catch me

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well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed

and all his kin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in you're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heaping helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is sell his Bell take

your shoes off y'all come back now here

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