07x02 - Something for the Queen

[bunniefuu]

um and listen to a story about a man

named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely kept

his family's head and then one day he

was sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground from a bubble and crude oil that

is black gold Texas Tea well the first

thing you know old Jeb's a millionaire

the chemical said Jim move away from

there said California is a place you

ought to be so they loaded up the truck

Hills that is swimming pools movie stars

The Beverly Hillbillies

foreign

[Music]

see there's plenty of room and lots of

air too

the taxi cab is here to take us to the

airport weeds coming I mean I'm coming

okay now hop in and keep your big mouth

shut

I blame you for the whole mess Miss

Hathaway and believe me this trip to

England is coming out of your salary

I'm stopping right here

we missed that plane the Clampett till

get to London without us then let's hear

no more talk blaming me you're the one

who hired that cheap British actor to

impersonate the Queen's Minister he's

the one who sold them Canada okay okay

the important thing is to keep them from

going to Buckingham Palace and giving

that phony D to the queen

now Chief look on the bright side but

right side well even had that miserable

truck flown to London I still say

there's a bright side ah what is it when

I think of one you'll be the first to

hear it

[Music]

well he's coming granny why ain't he

with us well he's just upset because you

wouldn't let him bring along Ellie's

turkey buzzers to hunt Oaths well I aim

to do some sleeping but twist here in

England and at my age I ain't stretching

out and closing my eyes in the same room

with no budget

[Music]

I'll be real quiet Daisy but as quick as

we get to England go to hunting Oaks

[Music]

would you like me to take that for you

oh no she's fine it's fine I'll tell you

what you can do you can let us know when

we fly over Canada I'd be happy to it

belongs to us you know we bought it

yesterday

hey Uncle Jen this little girl don't

believe that we own Canada sure today

intro will you stop yapping about us own

in Canada it's only ours that we give

the deed back to the queen

he's going to our castle and Fight The

w*r of the Roses

We Can't Fight The w*r of Roses to we

put down the rabble Uprising well why

don't we go get me my knight in shining

armor now don't worry Ellie we'll cross

you through the first night that comes

riding by the castle hunting dragon

[Music]

the

right chief

same as Jane Mr drysdale's looking

rather poorly I know Granny it's a good

thing you're a doctor

[Music]

excuse me

if you look out the window you can see

Winnipeg Winnipeg

over Manitoba now I'm pretty soon we're

going to be flying over Ontario I don't

care nothing about that just tell me

when we get to Canada

you know Jethro I'm sure glad I'm

sitting beside the educated member of

the family

[Music]

my brain surgeon

[Music]

I got some chitlins in my pocket no

thanks

was talking to my friend in the bag

there

you have a French I smuggled her on

board

who is she give you three guesses

Elizabeth Taylor yes again give me a

hint William she's got a long nose

beady eyes

scaly legs and three toes on each foot

Miss

could I have a tranquilizer oh of course

your first flight

my last

beady eyes scaly legs

three toes in each foot

and her first name's Daisy oh she's

sitting back there with Mr Clampett

oh no not here Uncle Joe give me the

Dickens but you can open up in the

washroom you know I'm just curious

enough to do that

I'm scared I will

[Music]

I'm sure glad you're going to England

with us miss Gene yeah and quick as we

give the deed to Canada back to the

queen you can help us fight The w*r of

the Roses oh granny excuse me but I

think the w*r of the Roses has already

been fought no it was supposed to be

fought last year but Sir Chicken here

tucked his tail twitched his legs and

run I said it before and I'll say it

again I ain't traveling 6 000 miles of

scrap of the folks in the next castle

that's the w*r of the Roses yes ma'am

Jethro started it no they started it

when they sick their dogs on Jethro when

he run the dragon through their roses

get ready that'll do

[Music]

you and your three-toed redhead I told

you she wasn't Elizabeth Taylor you

didn't tell me it was a place

wish it had been a cat I almost got

frapped to death Daisy you have not

where is she in the washroom and if you

want her back in that bag you put her

there

what happened oh nothing nothing sit

down anything you need yeah I need to

have my head examined

there's a feather in your hair don't

tell me how it got there granny he done

something stupid and he don't want to

talk about it thanks Jeff bro

did you find out what happened to Mr dry

do I think I got it figured out what

happened to him Jed when he went up

front there he stuck his head out the

window and A bird hit him

he's flying pretty hard for birds

what about geese you know when you get a

goose this huh either

he got one she wants to scout that could

be dangerous so close to the brain but

to come down with goose Fever You Gonna

treat him he didn't want me to he's

ashamed of what he'd done I guess well

sticking your head out of the window of

an airplane going 600 miles an hour any

exactly the smartest thing in the world

wait a minute where you going

you're part of my nose no don't go in

there we're not

[Music]

it's hit him Jed who what Mr Drysdale

Goose fever look at him wrapping his

wings

I'll be dog gone is there anything we

can do

it's reached his brain next you'll stand

on one foot tuck his head under his arm

and go to sleep we can't help him at all

once it gets that bad about all you can

do is force feed a moon sell his liver

beautiful beautiful

[Music]

order the tranquilizer helped any sir oh

yes I feel fine now thanks good you're

welcome

[Music]

what do you mean another victim just

went into the Buzzard boost

you ready why do you suppose the chief

is acting so Strangely I hate to tell

you Miss Jane but it's Goose fever Goose

fever he stuck his head out the window

up there and got hit by a high-flying

goose impossible

it is huh look you're under

another one's done it

[Music]

you'll be having a seizure any minute

the blue scratches is right next to his

brain

huh

[Music]

into you sir

there's a big bird in there a bird yeah

it Claude me and

slapped me see there he goes

I think you're mistaken sir but uh I'll

check it out don't go in there

go again

slap silly with those big wings

all right sir I tell you what why don't

you return to your seat and I'll get

somebody to investigate it

foreign

[Music]

thanks

I can use a drink of water

[Music]

wow

what was that Smoky Mountain Susan

Sheriff

who were you I'm Mother Goose now you

just tucked your head under your wing

and rest

she's back in the bag but she ain't too

happy though you scared

I shared her

[Music]

thank you

hope you enjoyed your flight goodbye

hope you enjoyed your flight and did you

enjoy your first flights

plane ride was nice too

[Music]

goodbye goodbye bye

what are you doing Miss Jane said they

won't let me take my buzzer through

customs so I'm going to turn her loose

here and she'll meet us in front of the

airport she'll meet us heck yeah I got a

train to fly around and land on the

truck come on Daisy listen Jethro wait

why don't you go ahead and get the truck

and I'll smuggle Daisy through customs

okay swell I'll meet

you exactly I've had enough of this bird

for one trip

[Music]

do you mean someone actually tried to

get this repulsive bird through customs

yes sir his name is Drysdale he's in

your office right now with some other

rather odd Americans that's why I

stopped you on the plane I got like in

the washroom with that thing that

trapped me up one wall and down the oven

drysdale's having another seizure oh man

I gotta help him

Mr trisdale please

that's me don't you know that birds have

to be quarantined in the cage for six

months before they can enter this

country why a minute he ain't no bird he

only thinks he is right I beg your

pardon he's got Goose fever gravity

please I'm gonna help you Mr Drysdale

Madam I was referring to the repulsive

preacher he brought off the plane shame

on you

that's his secretary

yeah you can learn this gum or some

manners he wants to

fill in a cage and you should have heard

what he called Miss James

please let me handle this well that's

fine Mr dry deal but we better be moving

along wouldn't want to bother the queen

at supper time you are going to see the

queen well we're gonna have supper with

her he doesn't want to give her back the

deed to Canada

and then we gotta get to our castle and

commence Fighting the w*r of the Roses

oh granny did you say the w*r of the

Roses have you heard of it but of course

every Schoolboy has heard of The w*r of

the Roses

you see that kid it's all over England

that we run out on the field they've

even got it in school books

I can handle this you go and lying down

you're burning up a fever you're silly

goose

[Music]

thank you

[Music]

thank you

I say what kind of a vehicle is this

then oh this here is a royal truck and

Buzzard launcher I'm waiting for the

royal family royal family yeah they're

all a Clampett in his kin all these a

couple of commoners with him though Mr

Drysdale and Miss Jane Mr Drysdale well

that's the American gentleman I'm here

to show for oh

[Music]

where is he he's got something in mind

he's trying to explain Goose fever to

the inspector well let's head for the

palace well what about Mr dry style he

owned his own car here why would he do

that I'll tell you why with every

Schoolboy in London talking about the

w*r of the Roses he's ashamed to be seen

with that tell Mr Drysdale will be

waiting in front of Buckingham Palace

how are you asking so folks is already

pointing the finger of Shame

[Music]

come on

[Applause]

see what I mean

[Music]

so I'm glad we brought the truck to

London it's Dandy beside things yeah and

we're beside everybody is here but you

see how folks are staring and pointing

at us they know we run out on the field

ah granny she's right Uncle Jeff ain't

no other reason they'd be laughing at us

just drive onto the palace we got

business with a queen

[Music]

Mr Drysdale yes well this is your car

set oh where the hillbilly if you're

referring to the Isle of clamper is for

sale they went off in the Royal Truck

they've got yes they said they wait for

you in front of Buckingham Palace

you can come from there well considering

the car and the driver so I said was

this your thing

[Music]

oh we get through who's in what's called

Hyde Park

sometimes

we'll keep going Jeff bro anybody see a

street sign I've seen one pal it says

this here is rotten roll stop right here

Jethro This Is Where We Belong

[Music]

what's this place is that the queen's

palace no sir this here is a Tower of

London where the Royal prisoners are

beheaded and flogged and such why'd you

stop here for because I'm tired of folks

pointing and laughing at us for running

out on a few you think they ain't gonna

laugh at us here four chickens sitting

on a truck they laugh at us here I just

haul The Rascals into the tower and set

the Royal fogger on them

everybody else has laughed at us might

as well let the queen have some fun

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

first I'll have to arrange an audience

we don't want to do it in front of folks

no I mean the queen won't see you

without an appointment I noticed he's

heard of the water of the Roses too

how soon you reckon she'll see us not

till we've cleared our name Mr dry Dale

talk well it may take several days

meantime why don't we all go up to the

hotel and have a good night's rest

follow us Jethro

[Music]

Miss Hathaway and I will go in and make

arrangements you want us to come alone

no no wait here we might have to try

another hotel

we might not be able to get in reckon I

heard about you too yeah they got

nothing to do with it it ain't huh oh

soldiers come here

have you heard about the w*r of the

Roses Oh indeed

machine I don't know what you know about

it well it's probably the most famous

feud in the history of England involved

two families two Royal houses you know

how it started

well there's some debate as to which

house uh first let loose the dogs of w*r

excuse me

I can tell him which house let loose to

dogs it was meat it was let loose arms

well Granny it's only natural that a

soldier might have heard but I can't

believe everybody has wait will you tell

me something

does everybody in the hotel know about

the w*r of the Roses oh definitely sir

let's go on out to the castle Yeah Paul

come on Jan well all right tell Mr dryer

dealer Clampetts is going to their

Castle

[Music]

[Music]

thank you for alerting us Mr Drysdale

yes I'll have them first

good day

yes Mr French the clamp bits are driving

out from London assemble the staff in

the courtyard I'm going to skip them a

royal welcome at once Mr fashion

[Music]

nah just a word of caution

let us not mention the peasants of the

Clampett family to our friends in the

next Castle

panel Dunbarton has not forgotten the

Black Knight Master Jethro riding

through his prize roses

excuse me Mr parishion Sir a group of

gypsies is approaching the castle really

yes and they're driving the most

disreputable looking vehicle these

vagabonds are going to spoil the arrival

of the Clampetts

bagger bonds

instead

[Applause]

[Music]

very fond of you sir there calling your

name no no they usually call me major or

Mr Domo they think havisham is a

greeting

oh

yeah Mr don't move

and welcome to all of you from all of us

oh

Mr Drysdale would like you to ring him

at the hotel as soon as possible ah do

that right away get drunk away you towed

in the back I'm a knight we got lots of

Charles for such things

I want to

ask you something about them folks in

the next Castle

oh he has met a colonel Dunbar he's a

colonel retired of her majestist Indian

sir he's an Indian fighter that's all in

the past Madam though I must say he

likes to run his castle in a military

manner

I'm afraid reason for trouble oh you

have nothing to fear from the colonel

Madam

confidentially the Old Gentleman is

usually in his cups

the queen

prepare to fire the sunset g*n

Jethro Ellie May

we're young ones I'm afraid we've got

our feuding cut out for us the old

Philly in the next Castle is a Indian

fighter

one pups at it let's go over and jump

right now no gesso let him make the

first move

Oh it sounded like a cannon he's fired

the first shot the w*r of the Roses is

on

[Music]

thank you

because now it's time to say goodbye to

Jet and all his kin they would like to

thank you folks for kindly dropping in

you're all invited back next week to

this locality to have a heap and helping

of their Hospitality

hillbilly that is set a spell take your

shoes off y'all come back now here