06x25 - The Clampetts Fiddle Around

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

oil that is black gold Texas Tea

well the first thing in Old Jeb's a

millionaire became the folk said can't

move away from there said California is

a place you want to be sold and loaded

up the truck

Hills that is swimming pools movie stars

a Beverly Hillbillies

foreign

[Music]

don't seem to be working this morning

well Mighty Paul knows where Jethro is

he's upstairs trying on a shirt on

MyFord it's on Ellie

[Music]

you don't believe that I might bet all

by myself yeah

no well I did step cousin Bessie help me

with the detail word

I really like my shirt honey thank you

yeah it looks a little snug Paul how

does it feel oh I think it'll be okay

yeah I won't be able to tell until the

Blood starts flowing again you better

loosen the seams Ellie you your paws

eyeball on one side is bugging out of it

I want to redo it especially meal just

run him up a whole new shirt well that

ain't necessary oh it's no trouble you

won't believe it but it only takes us

five or ten minutes

if you wearing perfume this morning

that's my hog jowls Melba I put a little

of the gravy behind my ears I got kind

of risky Jethro smells it he's level to

Chomp first and ask questions later baby

but so far I ain't been able to draw

them out with that whole pan full well

don't get impatient be a few minutes

before he smells it all the way downtown

he went downtown without doing his

chores yeah something about being at the

music store when it opened he'll get

music I'll treat his rear to a hot

little rhythm with my Hickory

left without eating his regular

breakfast just got down about 20 boxes

of cornflakes

yeah but he usually eats them in a bowl

with milk

can I come in

howdy machine I'll be right back I want

to change

whatever happened to that shirt

Ellie oh come on grab some coffee oh I

can't granny I'm on my way to work but I

had to stop by and tell you about the

concert I took Jethro to last night nice

was his crowning that's Sebastian

Stromboli is an absolute virtuoso

I thought he was a fiddle player he's a

concert violinist and you should have

seen Jethro's reaction to the music I

think I have finally discovered his true

interest where you been you've seen him

around food before I mean music on the

way home all he could talk about was

playing the violin like it's a b*stard

and Stromboli time for putting anything

in his hands it takes the place of a

knife and forth

this is the new shirt Ellie made me try

tucking it in but there wasn't room in

my britches well he sure didn't inherit

my talent it's a good thing she got me

look

this is speaking of talent I just

stopped by to recommend the Jethro take

violin lessons say that must have been

what he was asking me when he was

crunching his Corn Flakes this morning

well I hope so a familiarity of

classical music can be most rewarding

them fellas to fiddle for the barn dance

was always looked up to but granny I was

praying for the music of Brahms Bach

Beethoven I never danced to that one but

it sounded like a real toe Tapper yes oh

but now now getting back to Jethro's

violin lessons sound like a Dandy idea

I'll try to find the very best violin

teacher for him what about that groomers

that you went here last night

Sebastian Stromboli is one of the

world's great violin players uh he gets

ten thousand dollars of just to appear

for an hour that sounds I might steep

for a violin teacher but we want the

best so you go get it it's time to

understand he wouldn't teach Jethro

something wrong with Jethro other than

what we already know

no no no no no it's just that well then

uh why don't you just ask this Stromboli

fella there can't do any harm worst he

can say is uh folks I'd rather not

I can't quite imagine Sebastian

Stromboli saying that can I he'd

probably be tickle to teach yesterday

I tell you what if he won't do it for

ten thousand dollars an hour you keep

upping the price till you break them

down

all right but I'm afraid the only person

who will break down will be Mr Drysdale

here we are chief and please stop

snarling that's not a snarl it's a cry

of pain do you know what it's going to

cost to hire this bull Pusher Spumoni

stumble and don't worry he's so far

above giving violin less to being solid

no matter what we offer you must be

kidding there are some things money

cannot buy if that's your idea of a joke

you've picked a very bad time for it

thank you that was beautiful you made

the violin come alive in your hand

I just heard Stromboli play that the

man's an absolute genius unbelievable

fantastic magnificent that I'm overcome

without doubt the greatest violinist of

all time is Sebastian's Stromboli I'd

like to meet him I'm Melbourne Drysdale

oh you are meeting him I'm Sebastian

strombolo

no handshaking please one over exhibit

and admirered the music of the Gods

would be still forever

such a thrill to meet you because I know

how you must feel well I'll come right

to the point Mr Stromboli I want you to

give beginning violin lessons to a young

man I know

my ears are still intoxicated with my

music they're playing tricks you

couldn't have said beginning violin

lessons that's right I'm offering

ten thousand dollars

my ears have been slapped in the face

all right

fifteen thousand you insult Stromboli is

true

twenty thousand that's my final offer so

if you think for the poultry twenty

thousand dollars you can hire the

greatest violinist in all the world to

teach some hope beginning violin lessons

of course Maestro well you can't what I

may be a genius funny looking play the

violin but that doesn't make me enough

[Music]

bro that is a cello you rusted on the

floor to play it on the floor that's

what the point is for oh I was wondering

about that thing every time I put it up

underneath my chin to play I spared my

items out I didn't realize it was too

large to play that way this ain't bad

what's real work is holding up that

overgrowed fiddle Yonder

thank you

girls that is her base vial you don't

play that under your chin either

honestly you don't why are you trying

out all these other instruments I

thought you wanted to become another

Sebastian Stromboli I do but I figured

if he could be such a hit playing at

itty bitty violin I'll be twice as

popular with the girls playing one

that's bigger

did you enjoy the music music concert oh

it was wonderful put me to sleep just

like that the best part was when I woke

up I put part of the performance the end

when everybody was clapping that's when

these pretty girls come up and give old

Stromboli a bouquet of roses and a big

kiss I mean that's all you got out of

the concert I didn't even get that

Stromboli then and I thought you had a

serious interest in music I do what a

way to meet girls

and we are paying all that all that

these are the great

it's the best Stromboli can teach

I sure hope he gets here soon I want to

learn how by supper so as I can have a

concert in time to get me a date for the

weekend

don't worry Miss Jane if he ain't that

good a teacher there's one violin here

that I'm already pretty good at playing

there is yeah

puny little thing it's got a real last

tone

pleased to meet you Lord if she can

stumble his hand in 20 years oh you poor

man

you don't

we're just sick your heart and rest you

found friends let me care no no I can't

carry that it contains my Stradivarius

is a very old handmade violin oh well

don't you worry with what I'm paying you

you'd be able to buy a good one where

does Miss Hathaway she was supposed to

meet me here she's inside but uh before

you go granny wanted me to make sure

that the first song you taught Jethro

was redneck romance

I play the music of only the immortal

composers

you ought to know this one it was ruined

by Stumpy Peck and Paul

you just from the good box I've never

heard of the song Stumpy Peck and Paul

or the get box

oh well uh I'm sure granny would settle

for you teaching Jethro uh you got a hog

jaw where your heart ought to be

to my great Good Fortune I've never

heard that one either oh sure you have

but why don't a helmet for you freeze

[Music]

excuse me I should like to speak to the

Maestro alone all right uh but first I

want you to meet Mr Stromboli I am the

Maestro and we have man

all right uh I'll leave you

easy with him for some reason he seems I

might fracture

my history I think we must forget about

your teaching Jethro the violin no why

well I have been talking to him and his

attitude towards music is all wrong oh

that's bad with me attitude is very

important

I knew that once you heard you would no

longer want to honor your contract his

attitude is very important however it's

not so important as the money

about anyone like Jethro I've met Mr

Clan oh but Jethro is nothing like him

good I don't understand it you're one of

the world's greatest violinists

the greatest I'm willing to corrupt your

art squander your talent from your money

more than me of money it is alimony

payments I have 6xy

principle involved the only one I know

is you miss a payment you go to jail

is the fiddle teacher here yet yeah he's

out front but we may have wasted our

money what you mean well I asked him to

teach Jethro redneck romance he said he

didn't know it you're Greening me why

it's number one back home

happy if he'd learn the boy there's a

hog y'all where your heart ought to be

that was sweet of you Jim when my

husband and me was courting

that was our song I know then the

Sebastian Stromboli told me he'd never

heard of that neither huh I can

understand a fella not keeping up with

all the new hits but we're talking about

there's a hog Chow where your heart

ought to be eaten I know it's a standard

that song's responsible for more

weddings than the shotgun if you don't

know redneck or there's a hog y'all I

wonder what he plays at this concert

can't all requests broke him up front

there now teaching Jethro I wonder if

you'd mind if we listened in not if he

don't know we're doing it

[Music]

hey I've heard that song before but I

can't figure out where

I know that's the one you was playing at

the beginning of the concert last night

right before I dozed off let's go tuning

off you old

hey that is a catchy little title I

wanted to work death row there are no

words and it'll never be a hit can't

even whistle a melody

critics were bad

no no

Jethro

if you study very hard and practice a

great deal perhaps one day you will know

enough violin to realize that you will

never play as well as I

[Music]

[Applause]

nobody could dance to a kid I hope that

ain't the best he can do

[Music]

here's he's making it up as he goes

along

sounds like it too he's got Miss Jane

bamboozle look at her

[Applause]

I'll let these jethros found a way to

enjoy it

[Applause]

[Music]

I have seen my fiddle playing cousin

Clarence pickle stick with one broke arm

and holding a jug under the other and

still make better dancing music than

that Stromboli Goomer just did

the only thing that kind of rhythm is

good for is stomping the mud off your

boots

no

the folks is just dipped me over them

sure like to get him next to someone who

can learn him how to play the violin

proper if he could just hear a little

sidearm Jackson or cat that kind of ways

of Vincent Sam Dingle I'd sell for your

cousin Claire I bet you would but he's

back home just like the rest of them big

name entertainment there's somebody out

here can play barn dance fiddle

Mr flatten Earl Scruggs ought to know oh

wait a minute that Stromboli fella is

supposed to be giving lessons not taking

them granny can't turn my back on a man

in his head

land of Ireland is his livelihood

you can't go in full in the public

forever you mean the folks might rise up

and demand something more in that made

up see-sawn

he's gonna have to play some real music

I have to get back to the office now are

you sure you'll be all right with Jethro

and what I'm gonna do while he's asleep

but dude don't tell me I'll risk it

anyway I need to walk out on you well I

don't mind you're the first woman to

have done it who hasn't asked for

alimony

hey Mr Stromboli well I see your eyes

are open of course with you that's no

guarantee that you're awake well sure I

am during that last part I was playing

possum

but you stick with it because I'm sure

you're never going to learn to play the

violin well yes I will that went right

back here

strong Sebastian don't worry I won't

tell nobody I've seen you crying during

that last number music I was playing

made me cry no need to it was very but

it weren't that bad

thing we were still is lying the parts

of the violin okay let's see how much

you pay for that one huh fifty thousand

dollars

what

that's to be the Slicker at all times

sixteen dollars for mine

yours ain't no bigger men Stradivarius

ignore Ramos spread a very signoramus

huh the one who made mine hey I see a

label in here it says made in Texas by

Texas is this a Stradivarius ignoramus

no simpleton oh well let's see which

one's got the best tone uh you play your

ignoramus and I'll play my simples

anything would sound better than this

conversation

first he was crying and now you shake it

is something upsetting you

too I don't know but your hand shivering

like a cold dog oh that's my vibrato

well you ought to let Brandon take a

look at she can get rid of anything

did you get rid of you

we'd like to talk to Mr Stromboli alone

I don't know if now's a good time he

seems in my package are you Mr Stromboli

whatever that is I may I come because

I'm an artist I didn't know that you'll

have to show me your painting sometime

uh Jethro uh I need to wait for a sn*per

okay don't you worry Mr strawberry I'll

be right back just like radishes but I

can't teach him for any amount of money

we was kind of expecting this uh if you

don't know the song he doesn't need a

teacher needs a trainer stop kicking

yourself help John away and so am I you

could bring me Paganini High fits

Chrysler and you hoodie manure and I

still couldn't teach that General the

world's great music

no no no If You're Gonna Play turkey in

the straw plant right

[Music]

I'm practicing a violin you dumbo low

brow you better quit now you'll never

get to town any better

Stromboli thinks that I'm a genius I

don't believe you he says that my talent

is the infinitesimal

what's that I hear

you can just throw playing the violin or

one of Ellie's cats with his tail caught

in a screen door

never I heard such explicit playing the

hands on that keyboard are the hands of

a god

[Music]

oh come on Bessie you're going too fast

for me I know check it out for you of

course you can half the time she's using

her feet too don't stop the music where

is this Genius of the keyboard where is

he but I'm not he

this is all girl oh no if this became

trying to play the violin was bad enough

but now a monkey playing the piano all

right ain't that special she can't read

music where is my Cape I must fly from

this place you'd be a lot safer if you

took a taxi oh there'll be somebody here

Amy to give you violin less

ons

[Applause]

[Music]

he's playing in the birthplace of the

world's greatest Music La Scala

Nashville

[Music]

that's the kind of music you're gonna

learn to play

ridiculous you call that music it's

trash Ruby

[Music]

let me give you a little tip from one

fellow player to another

you might think my music is trash and

rubbish but I got it I make two million

dollars a year playing it

foreign

how's that go again

[Music]

Randy I do believe he's got promised

[Music]

thank you

now it's time to say goodbye to Jet and

all his skin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in you're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heap and helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is Sarah spell take your

shoes off y'all come back now here

this has been a film wise presentation

thank you