06x19 - The Diner

[bunniefuu]

worry about a man named Jed a poor

Mountaineer barely kept his family fed

and then one day he was sh**ting at some

food and up to the ground come a bubble

and crude oil that is black gold Texas

Tea well the first thing you know old

Jeb's a millionaire the Kim folk said

can't move away from there said

California is at least you ought to be

solder loaded up the truck in the mood

to Beverly Hills that is swimming pools

movie stars a Beverly hillbilly

foreign

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oh

fiddles will be ready in a minute Ellie

you got there nothing signs to Jethro I

just found out that old gobble Jaws ate

this whole stalk of bass is bananas I

hope he didn't leave any of the peels

around for folks to slip on no ma'am

good he asked them too there's a one

nice thing about Jethro's eating very

little waste that's sure upset he's got

that monkey bite in all four sets of

find your nails hell you'll be out of

her hair and bananas directly how come

your poor sitting Jethro up in business

I'll follow him what kind of business I

don't know yet he and Jethro's our front

right now talking heart to stomach

sit down I'll tell you what I want to

talk about but you can't just wait till

after vittles I'm starving I ain't had

nothing to eat since breakfast but a few

bananas oh witness is important

get through

time has come in life when you and I

were to sit down and discuss it you

ain't gonna lecture me about the birds

and the bees are you I'm a sophisticated

International Playboy I didn't know all

about that stuff well what I had in mind

forget it Uncle Jeff you can't tell me

nothing about the facts a lot well

that's comfortable

I'm what you call a swinger for instance

wow I used to think that babies come

from under cabbage leaves yeah I

remember well they don't

they don't no

that's just a story they tell little

kids how they really get here is where

the birds and the bees come in you see

there's this great big bird called a

stork Don't Stop Me Now

at your age you ought to be here anyways

this stork s swoops down and fix the

babies up by the diapers and then slides

them off the end of their beaks down

folks's chimneys they do

but that's The Birds Part I ain't quite

figured out where the Beast is

it true I sat down here wanting to talk

about you going into the business world

now

I ain't even sure you ought to be let

out of the house

we save his talk till after riddles at

least a smell of perfume in the air

Granny's cooking chicken fried fat back

oh I know you're hungry but it's time it

was starting to find your way toward

your last school don't worry Uncle d*ck

I can smell my way to the kitchen

knowing how Jethro eats Hot Bros this

don't seem to be enough for four of us

damage for you and me and your part just

Rose roses in the oven

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wow I used to spend all morning bacon

three dozen rolls for Jethro did he come

up with the idea of only making two

wish I had a sixth grade education and

now he must be what you're calling into

like just hope he makes a good

businessman well he told me when you're

as smart as he is you're to the world to

teach he don't know what he wants to be

one day it's a Supreme Court Justice the

next day it's a soda jerk we get some

Notions from them comic books he's

always a read well as of today there

ain't going to be no more of that he has

two leading the life of a scholar

my very own business huh that's right

just decided what you want to be

let's see

I've always had a bet for brain

surgeoning could you couldn't we talk

about this some other time when I ain't

starving there ain't that much time in

life

concentrate look inside yourself what do

you see nothing I'm as empty as last

year's bird's nest

you're choosing your life's work once

and for all now get food off your mind

for a minute

I got food off my mind and I done

decided on my life's called good I'm

gonna be a fry cook right eat my own

restaurant oh please Uncle Jed you gotta

admit ain't many folks know more about

food than me I grant you there ain't

many of them is that more of it

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I hope you two are through with your

talk

cause uh

missiles

is ready

be easier on that door if you would

thank you

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that's a third set of hinges he's going

through this week

man's hold out till he starts to work

well it'll be pretty soon now he wants

to open a restaurant

I mean serve vittles for money oh you

ought to do all right as long as he can

stay ahead of his biggest competitor

what's that his stomach he's speaking of

that we better hurry out to the kitchen

whilst there's still some food left come

on chip

sure what's conscious granny good size

portions for a change but what are you

all gonna eat you mean Ellie left you in

there with all the Beatles yes ma'am

there goes your dinner Ted I suppose you

cleaned off the whole table no ma'am you

mean you left something the dirty dishes

the dishwashing your job granny you

ain't gonna catch me doing Woman's Work

don't waste another minute find that boy

a restaurant I'm gonna talk if it's dry

do you do me a favor start looking out

around Kansas City

ready

howdy machine

how are you feeling don't ask you're

looking all morning I'm gonna fetch you

up a great big dollop of catfish liver

oil well

I just have a glass of water you bet you

right away

Diamond jiffy Mr Clan but you wanted to

talk about buying a restaurant for

Jethro yeah but if you ain't feeling

good I'd handle it myself uh we ain't

planning to spend that much money really

the Sharks no 200 000 at the outside

might have that much on me granny

you shouldn't be carrying around that

much money in your pocket well uh I

tried putting it in my boots but it made

me walk outside

you stand to lose your entire investment

buying a business for that bigger a big

big Jethro

besides he's more or less gonna be his

own boss I don't know anybody else that

hire him oh

I know of a slightly less expensive

Venture that Jethro would excel in yeah

what's that well it's a profession

that's crying out for new faces he'd be

self-employed Outdoors a lot and wear a

fancy uniform sounds like something he'd

like it'd be a wonderful organ grinder

I don't know you never showed a whole

heap of interest in the people well it's

much cheaper than starting a restaurant

and you already have the monkey

59 gonna work with General lesson he's

on the leash and she cranks the York

granny ain't gonna want him hanging

around street corners all day know how

besides he says he's gonna be a freckle

I know happen to come down yes sir pop

I'm sorry

sorry so long

thank you

forced a little into your eyeballs dude

water in here it is

but it's mostly rheumatized medicine

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well you said I could keep a little

around the house for a medicinal

purposes unless you call a little

no more than a gallon or two this Genie

is looking for you now you go find her

and then get rid of all that rum with

this medicine

just her and me like two gallons is

enough for a whole barn dance

you really ought to try grinding a hurdy

Gertie oh don't worry Mr Drysdale when I

get my wrist I was going to make every

kind of unusual sandwich that he is

hurdy Gertie peanut butter and jelly

I've always got his heart set on cooking

sort of come by in a business and

pleasure well I'll see what eating

establishments are currently for sale

I'm gonna make mine world famous next to

my cooking Granny's is going to taste

like day old sawdust glad to see you got

a hat big enough to take care of your

swelled head I'm sorry Uncle Jim kind of

got carried away by paint the uniform I

couldn't find granny anywhere

oh I just saw you you look at that you

just stepped off a can of corned beef

pie

thank you like they say close makes the

fry cook I promise how the way we're

buying a restaurant for Jethro Goodbye

Mr Glamis bye may I have a sip of your

water of course not you're driving I'll

take the glass oh and I thought of a

name from a restaurant I'm gonna call it

the happy gizzard

Mr Isaiah

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where's granny and Ellie I want to show

them the new restaurant Mr Drysdale got

me I'll hurry him along uh where's the

rest of your Chef's outfit

got it in here didn't want to get it

smudged

Randy where are you going with all that

stuff Mr Drysdale said my restaurant was

fully equipped besides even if it wasn't

he said it's right at Restaurant Row I

sure don't want to show up there with a

bunch of beautiful junk like that

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let's go but when you are in desperate

need of a buzzard egg cooker don't come

crawling to me granny Mr Drysdale said

the restaurant already has everything

they need besides in a city the size of

Beverly Hills they almost got to have a

budget egg cooker everything

that's me I'm a first-class

both the sprock hook

the one time you tried the fruit of the

chicken you left the feathers on it yeah

granny because I recall them feathers

was the tastiest part of the meal this

ain't gonna happen again because I got

me the biggest fattest cookbook I could

find yeah and I've been looking at you

big dog and it's all wrong of course it

is stupid all the Great Cooks of the

world is French

I'm sorry I clobbered you Jethro you're

part of my family and I love it from now

on I'm going to protect you from Pain

and see that nothing hurts you

oh come on granny will you knock off the

mushroom

s

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oh that ain't it my number's 1836.

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oh that ain't it neither

there's a beauty

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how about that one

I'm gonna pull down this side street and

turn around

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I'll see you better looking chicken

coops come on that place wouldn't make

decent looking firewood boy that's your

restaurant

I bet it's plum elegant inside

they've seen it they're coming back

please tell Jethro you made a mistake

that you'll find him something better

are you kidding how many restaurants in

this town rent for 35 bucks a month

not even James

oh I know you're gonna love this place

I'm just nuts about it that explains it

a body would have to have abandoned the

brain to buy this stuff I've heard his

feelings this place got everything oh

electric light

running Waters it takes even to Gribble

look at this it's all ready to go it is

yeah there's almost half inch of grease

on it all right Jeff all the rest is up

to you you've got a beautiful little

spot here loaded with atmosphere Goodbye

Mr climate granny oh no need to thank me

it's been my pleasure

worth

two perfect comes high but it does seem

for that kind of money they ought to

throw it in a glass for the women

that newfangled air conditioning that

folks out here

well this restaurant sure had a strong

sounding name before look at this sign I

found outside

foreign

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yeah it didn't take long cleaning it

with all of us pitching in I bet your

granny's happy not having them here for

meals no more what's for supper granny

yeah

nothing I forgot how to fix for three

people I'm used to having just

no yeah you get used to it again I don't

even want to there's no challenge what

you mean granny well

with Jethro here every meal time was a

kind of a test for myself

see if I can cook enough to fill that

bottomless pit of his

I never made it

it was always something to sh**t first

I miss them jet I miss him setting up to

the table and wolfing down his dinner in

30 seconds flat it was fast all right

fast as I ever seen I missed out of them

big white teeth to his Nation together

grinding up bones and whistling anything

didn't matter I liked the best when he

had corn on the cob you know if you meet

a fella he said carbs and all

what I give to see is knife and fork

till I can together again the sparks

flying in every direction

he did bring excitement to Meal Time

didn't matter how you cook things raw or

burnt to a crisp

say your name

I believe I can say about gesturubodine

he never met a meal he didn't like

let's go

let's go here far

he's got the truck and it's spitting

here 10 miles down to his restaurant a

shark walk is good for the circulation

come on I wanted him to go it alone for

a spell but I'm beginning

I'll just get a few

18 needs them well now let's stay out of

his way he's probably got his hands full

taking care of paying customers

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everybody

four hours without a custard

because I was unlocked

got the location the snappy name new

glass in the windows plenty of bills hot

griddle

how can I stay away

hot dog my first customer

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and welcome to the Happy gizzard also

known as the chicken club I'd like to

use the telephone and your reservation

huh oh that's all right I'm the owner I

think I can find you stupid

I'm not here and get ready for some

goodies look Duncan Hines I I just want

to use your telephone oh okay but first

you got to order something I'm not

hungry will you see the menu

what do you say now

like a sixth grader did it thank you but

the menus is only the beginning cook

anything strange or exotic the sky's the

limit uh how about bacon lettuce and

tomato sandwich okay okay I'll have one

of those coming up

see I gotta be a French cookbook

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had a hamburger

my griddle's all hot yeah what would you

like on there beautiful

I wouldn't laugh

there's a lot of danger in this line of

work that's the third time I've done

that today

ain't gonna be medium rare by now

where's your phone oh hold on I'll get

your hamburger I have a glass of water

while you're waiting

I gotta find something small enough to

plug up the pipe I've got your brain I

got it a carrot

thank you

one Burger coming up let's see how I

need onion

where are the onions The Onion

do the rascals are

I'll get them

hey genius watch we are stepping don't

worry man I'm as sure-footed as a

mountain goat

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what's going on my bed here

my soul's done been fried to her Chris

didn't do my foot a whole lot of good

neither you ain't right there now I'm

gonna get them Rascals

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you can make your phone call now and

I'll cook your hamburger for you when

you're finished all right where is the

phone get on the truck

I want to use your phone you can't but I

got to drive you up to Miles legit I

ain't got one here

forget it

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gone

got a glass doing on the floor our

Windows got broke and so did my spirit

street car conduction is looking good to

me right now I take it easy everybody

has to fall a time or two before they

take the first step

a little Grant you appear to have

stumbled more than most I don't even

feel like cooking for nobody now I don't

even feel like eating that is serious

it's a good thing we decided to happen

by

all right granny Ellie

foreign

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well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed

and all his kin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in you're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heap and helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is

Sarah's Bell take your shoes off y'all

come back now here

this has been a film waste presentation

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the camp