06x15 - Cimarron Drip

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to a story about a man

named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely kept

his family and then one day he was

sh**ting at some food and up through the

ground

or that is Black Gold Texas Tea

well the first thing you know old gems a

millionaire the camera folk said can't

move away from there said California is

a place you ought to be so deluded up

the truck

Hills that is swimming pools movie stars

the Beverly hillbilly

oh

Ellie

Ellie Mae I think that's rip rock is

here to go swimming come on down let me

get the door granny

well how do you like it it's been all

morning just getting ready for days but

you wasted your time you've got a date

for them I don't want to date with him I

want to get a job at him and his new TV

series I'm sure he already has a leading

lady

I want to show him I can play romantic

leading man Parts I want him to stop

thinking of me as just an intellectual

period

[Music]

tell me what comes to your mind

Halloween oh I want to park that new TV

show you do

probably just wrote One I don't think oh

come on now don't you stole me like Mr

Chapman the head of the movie studio has

been doing I've been going down every

day for acting audition and all I keep

hearing is Mr Chapman's out of town Mr

Chapman's out of the country he may be

no he ain't it's Mr Chapel I keep

hearing it from

I thought you only acted in the movie

stash I couldn't turn this one down

Granny it's the first series I've been

offered with real quality and

sophistication what's it called National

Sheriff Knows Best

guys

Jane bought her that bathing

[Music]

suit

this is all it is to it granny and I'm

gonna call Miss Jane and tell her she's

been slicked there's not enough soup

there to cover a fella yeah it's great

can't put my thing on it but they sound

different about you today

have you lost weight you dumb old girl

this is my new leading man image oh come

on dash I'm gonna Park in your series

it's all cast jessboro oh there must be

something I can do for you yes take off

that silly wig

oh all right it ain't true the blondes

have more fun anyhow

come on everybody let's go swimming wait

I can't go it'll ruin my makeup keep

your head out of the water hey that

won't help I got it all over me okay

well I figured if you didn't need a

cowboy I could play Andy

[Music]

I'm sorry but there just doesn't

departure in my series why not

well I'll square with you Jethro it's a

western

you can't roll you can't ride you can't

pass raw and you can't act

[Music]

probably believe me there is nothing

indecent about that bathing suit

I bought one just like it for myself

no I am not kidding

okay yes I'll tell Mr dry is that you

called uh he's in a meeting with Mr

Chapman the head of your movie studio I

I don't know what they're talking about

but it must be money

to tell them came in he was crying

Bachelor Sheriff knows best couldn't

have missed oh stop crying Chapman

you've only lost a television series

it's not the end of the world but Mr

Clampett's studio is out millions of

potential profits

well it is the end of the world

television is the real loser the sheriff

is going to be something new something

other than a rehash of last season's hit

show really it's a rehash of every hit

show since 1948. so that's why you named

the hero Howdy Doody Dash plays a

widower lawyer dying of an incurable

disease who takes his little daughter

and her collie dog on a wagon train to

Tombstone where he becomes Marshall and

tracks down a one-armed man who gave him

Amnesia sounds terrible I know it's a

sure winner I'm a little think child

star that's playing their daughter

Debbie dimples came in with impossible

demands then writer out of the script I

can't that's one of the success elements

I stole

we little dependent well then let it be

a monkey instead of a little girl jungle

series are very big this season

yes a monkey you know I was so busy

stealing from the old shows I forgot to

steal from the new ones

riff raffle never goes from monkeys as

co-star don't tell him put the ape in

the right clothes and he may never know

the difference gonna be going to find

one all the big name monkeys already

have their own series I know one we can

get right up at Jed Clampett's house

not Jethro no no I'm talking about

Talent Ellie Mae's chimpanzee cousin uh

what's her name Milburn this is the

co-starring role we can't use an unknown

he won't be once the series is on the

air

well I guess not about schlep but the

director could give her an audition just

wait till you see her she's Judy Tita

King Kong

[Music]

Kong this is the series on just another

pretty face

all right some stranger and Mr Chapman

from the studio

well it's about time Jethro's been at

him all week together my astronaut

tissue well he came all the way up here

to see him I hope your boy's ready Mr

Clampett

how are you hi Mr chairman oh uh I'd

like you to meet a new director I just

brought from your Mr Von schlepper

how do you Mr slapper

it is

here is Granny howdy

I can give you something to cure that

tit might be able to grow hair for you

too

Mr Clampett we have a wonderful part

available in the new Dash rip Rock

television series you come to the right

spot we got a real performer in his

family so we're here

yeah uh where is the um uh how you say

uh

in the house you wait right here yeah

oh

[Music]

Andrew was telling me about Dash's new

TV series here coming by is going to

make the boy powerful happy the hell if

this audition works out we're all going

to be powerful happy

I'll go see can I find her

it's your big chance boy do your stuff

don't worry Uncle Jack and look at this

Valentino state

[Music]

this is wrong with that Jethro he looks

like he ate a bad Knock first never mind

comes the real monkey

[Music]

oh she's a knockout oh sure she's got a

good figure but uh can she act I will

pull it

she cannot be any worse than Dash r*pe

rock

that we have anger

show me sorrow

um

a Shiner she's as good as Debbie dimples

she's 10 times better than Dash rip Rock

[Music]

oh God who they come up here all day

play monkey

[Music]

or me show me passion

A Star is Born I just mean apart the

dash shirt rocks tell series the coast

starting wrong yeah your uncle will have

the contracts ready this afternoon

what's wrong with that nut all right bad

Knock first for sure I know how

hard when I see it

away

you should have told me you were coming

well I have just come to the studio

excuse my word oh well you you you can

go right in

Mr Drive the hell I'll uh I'll see you

when you come out as well

[Laughter]

Bessie the Chip is going to beat the hit

of the new season we ought to call the

show Frontier monkey I don't care they

call it Frontier money it's gonna make

us all a platform

did you guys do Mr Chapman

I've just come from the studio to ask a

favor well name it as long as it calls

under 9.95 no it isn't money it's about

Jethro I want to get him a job in the

new series anything at all he's so weird

turkey Jethro are you kidding

we need someone to handle the monkey

yeah Dad we've just come up with a job

for Jethro he's going to work with your

co-star great I hope she doesn't mind uh

Jethro x a little goofy oh no she won't

mind your co-star is a fun-loving little

monkey herself now a real swinger she

ought to be up but you're paying her a

lot of bananas with a job

go down

take a look at my hair

I see it I didn't know is that windy out

this is a hairpiece I bought it from one

of the girls in the secretarial pool

foreign

I like your own hair better this is all

grab and stream around the edge that

part is my own hair

that does

isn't there a scene from Dr Sheriff I

could help you rehearse

there is one I'm having trouble with the

saloon fight I like to love scene

oh sorry Miss Hathaway This is a true

Western the only thing that I kiss is my

horse

all right

I love this planet

another boy oh this place ain't starting

to look like home on Irene what are the

Cowboys here

well I don't know he may have gone a

little overboard I'll be right there

[Music]

so now I know why Cowboys ride horses

you sure can't walk in these boots

[Music]

I don't know there's a sharp tingling

sensation sh**ting through me why fetch

granny

here's a trouble

I was sitting on one of my Spurs

all set to go to work on bachelor's here

you already know about the gym well yeah

I'm the co-star no no Mr Chapman meant

you're going to be working with the

co-star well yeah you I'm your co-star

you're my co-star there's something I

gotta do I can't wait Dash I gotta

practice my roping only learned how 20

minutes ago you're wasting your time

no I hate I'm awful good but I ain't

perfect that's a wrong end

thanks I'm Gonna Last you that base Over

Yonder

first you twirl on over your head like

this

[Music]

all the way back

and then you give it a big yay

come back here

Uncle Jeff

great I got my satellite back is it a

stallion is it white is it fast if it

can move at all you better get on it and

ride for your life how come otherwise

when Granny climbs out of that Rose

Garden across the street you're gonna

get where I'm hunting or of a saddle

sword

foreign

[Music]

you can't blame Jethro for not liking

the horse you brought home you gotta

admit it ain't exactly what who Gibson

would ride

either well you noticed that too besides

I couldn't get older belly a little

white bruh but then said not why'd it be

wore out in 10 minutes with this horse

you got what's on it ain't the worry I'm

just hoping what's under it holds up

[Music]

he weighs almost a ton it's what you

call a Clydesdale

195. you should have named him oversized

that horse must stand 18 hands huh

Jethro's going to shore is that tall and

Asylum I don't know after the high 10

and he just got to be a spell before he

does any saddle sitting at all yet

go ahead Jim you show me yours first

all right count three

three what you know one two three oh

yeah one two three

Dash you better play the part of the

bachelor if we've been having a shootout

just then you'd have more holes in you

than the back road to bug test

both g*ns

one

two

three

fast huh but you didn't even see him

come out of the holster

just you should have put bikes in them

oh I tried sh**ting bottles with them

things but I couldn't break a one

oh never mind

better than that

[Music]

I think you better get up on your horse

we'll forget about the fancy g*n why

Dash that was just an accident I know

but another one like that and you'll be

the first cowboy in history wearing

open-toed boots

easy there fella

steady that horse is only steady here

he'd be dead he's stand back there I

gotta get down to the movie studio I

have some publicity pictures took your

husband look beautiful adios Amir

silicon party all right big fella

boy

oh God

Like the Wind

could I talk you into a slow walk

well you just wasting your time my horse

ain't going nowhere

I know that do something I got to ride

my Mount down to Mama Studios and sign

my co-star contract well I can't do

nothing Clyde's a draft horse he won't

mind less he's pulling a wagon a wagon

yeah

you did I can't ride to the movie studio

pulling that thing well it's either that

or drive the truck

choice for you I'm a cowboy I can't

drive a truck down to the movie studio

and I sure can't ride a horse pulling

that wagon well there's a third way you

can hear the horse pull a truck I know a

fourth wife if you stay at home what dog

gone

it's the Blasted Old Wagon up just hope

oblong cast they don't see me I'll look

it up but you'll have to ask cousins

before you go anywhere what do you mean

well Cloud won't pull his wag unless

cousin best is riding in it they've got

to be hair turned fond of each other

there is one courtship I don't hold much

hope for who know around this place

anything can happen

do you think that I'm gonna ride down to

the movie studio through the middle of

Beverly Hills riding this fly horse

pulling that wagon with that monkey in

it what kind of a jerk do you think I am

oh God I bet he quit making so much

noise I don't want to track no attention

[Music]

where is that monkey Larry how should I

know she's supposed to be here

hasn't even signed a contract and

already she's showing up late

[Music]

Larry would you ever use a circus and a

picture on this lot yeah a few months

ago

uh you better call them I think they

forgot their freak Show

people what time

hey how'd you know I'd be starved hey

oh it's you again how's your heart back

Jethro

say what do you do with that monkey

carrying her to her dressing room

nothing's too good for the co-star

battle Sheriff knows best she's a

co-star Betsy that there are a

combination of beauty and talent

what about this outfit I bought for me

well if I were you I'd hang on to it you

never know when they might need a

replacement for Captain kangaroos no

kangaroo I'm a star anybody can tell I

belong right here in Show Business just

for looking at me hey say mister a

you know why I'm here yeah and you're

late

[Music]

come in yes there's been expecting you

know I hope he wasn't too upset about

the misunderstanding over Cousin Bessie

he drove his wagon out of the studio at

full gather the trash man didn't even

have time to empty his second apparel

just throws all through wanting to be a

co-star and dash a series all it cares

about now is Bessie making good oh what

a sweet boy he is sure well uh where is

right here well just a minute I'll bet

your agent her agent that's right

sweetie I'm Bessie's 10 presenter so

with devotee

[Music]

Thrifty is a pretty good nickname for

you you sure come down them stairs fast

will you fetch Bessie oh boy

all right

you two my client cousin Bessie has got

to have co-star billing approval and an

awful good hairdresser of course she

gets ten thousand bananas a week which I

get 10 or a thousand of them need for

myself

ridiculous we'll just get another monkey

pulling my life bestie you won't what do

you see what I've done for she's gonna

be a real big star

no

I'm like sweet naive little girl quality

it's gone now she's just another

Hollywood glamor puss

[Music]

y

hey wait we can make a deal how about a

thousand bananas a week only about 500.

I'll give you a couple of bunches

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

but now it's time to say goodbye to Jed

and all his kin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in they're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heaping helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is sellers Bell take your

shoes off y'all come back now here

this has been a film waste presentation

[Music]