01x03 - That's Some Gossip, Girl

[bunniefuu]

- Ace McFumbles here.

The question on the minds of
the Bulldogs' sports fans is

can new quarterback sensation
Bella "Awesome" Dawson

continue her winning ways?

In the words of Dawson herself,
"Sha-booyah!"

In social news, the question
on everyone else's mind--

who will this reporter be taking
to Friday's big dance?

Ha. Sorry, ladies,
I'm working.

- Bella, you are not
gonna believe this.

Pepper, go!

- I heard from Chloe
who got a text from Zoey

who sits next to Katie
who heard in the girls' room

from Sadie who does gym
with Courtney

who said Kyle thinks
you're cute!

- Kyle thinks I'm cute?

My Kyle? That Kyle?

- [romantic musical flourish]

- Yes! That Kyle!

The same Kyle you've been
crushing on since 6th grade.

- Hey, Bella.

- Oh, hey, Kyle.

Great speech
in Social Studies.

- Oh, Bella, got a little
spinach in the grill.

Hey, Kyle,
my locker's stuck.

Can you help me?

- Uh, yeah. No problem,
Charlotte.

See ya, Bella.
- Hm.

Charlotte Newman!

If it hadn't been for her
and those stupid braces.

- And that salad bar.

- And Charlotte's locker which
you know was not stuck.

- We would have finally
had our moment.

- Well, your moment
has come at last.

- Tonight, we're gonna
do your hair,

get your mani-pedi ready,
pick out your cutest outfit,

and floss you like crazy.

- And when you walk
into school tomorrow,

you're gonna look all...

- [heavenly choir music]

- The choir sounds great.
- Yeah.

You're right. This time it's
going to be different.

I finally have my dream
of being quarterback.

- Mm-hm.

- The guys are starting
to accept me.

Now I only wear
my retainer at night.

- And Kyle thinks you're cute.

- BELLA: Oooh...
- SOPHIE: ♪ Go, Bella ♪

- PEPPER & SOPHIE:
♪ Go, Bella, go, Bella ♪

- ♪ And say what ♪

- BOTH: ♪ Go, Bella,
go, Bella ♪

- ♪ Go, Bella, go, Bella ♪

- Someone's third-person
struttin'

and The Troy knows why.

- Wait. What'd you hear?

Did you talk to Zoey,
Chloe, or Katie?

- Ugh, I am so done
with Katie.

She knows what she did.

- I'm talking about

how we're playing
the Stallions on Saturday.

We've crushed them for five
years straight, which means--

- Another win for
the Bulldogs!

- ALL: Hoo-rah!

- That's right.

All we've gotta do
is follow the sacred ritual

that's guaranteed us
victory every time.

- Ooh, I love rituals.

Whenever the Cowboys
were losing, my dad and I

would turn our jerseys
inside out for good luck.

What's yours?

- We don't shower
from this moment

until the Stallions
are stopped!

Five days of filth
startin' now.

- Oh, yeah!

- Oh, no...

- ♪ You won't find
me in the bleachers ♪

- ♪ Yeah that girl
is one of us ♪

- ♪ I'm made of spice
and sugar ♪

- ♪ She's pretty...
she's pretty tough ♪

- ♪ Then add
a little glitter ♪

- ♪ She off in
a cloud of dust ♪

- ♪ And you get...
you get... ♪

- ♪ A game changer,
play maker ♪

♪ Take the ball
She'll see ya later ♪

- ♪ I'm on a dreamlike,
teamlike ♪

♪ Livin' like
one of the boys ♪

- ♪ She got it goin', goin',
she got it goin' on ♪

- ♪ Play like Friday night ♪

♪ Kickin' like
one of the boys ♪

- ♪ She got it goin', goin',
she got it goin' on ♪

- ♪ One of the boys ♪

- I can't shower
for five days,

but I can take a bath, right?
- Nope.

- Jump in a pool?
- Unh-unh.

- Stand in the rain?
- Negative.

- Clean myself like a cat?

- ALL: No.

- Guys, I am all about
sports rituals.

It's just that this week,
it's especially important

that I look...
♪ Ahhhhhhhh ♪

We can find another ritual.

That's the spirit!
Let's go find one.

- Uh, okay, first,
I don't know what...

♪ Ahhhhhhhh ♪
means.

Second--you don't find
rituals, they find you.

Sawyer, testify.

- For decades, the Bulldogs
lost to the Stallions.

Then five years ago a terrible
drought struck our town.

To save water, the team didn't
shower that week.

The football spirits looked
kindly on our filthy sacrifice

and, for the first time ever,
the Bulldogs beat the Stallions.

- ALL: Hoo-rah!

- Hoo-rah. Great story.

But at this moment, I'm thinking
total coincidence.

- ALL: [gasping]

- Once is a coincidence.

But since the Bulldogs
started five days of filth,

we have won every time.

- It's gross, but it works.

I recommend wrapping
your bed in plastic

to preserve your linens.

- But what about
the dance on Friday?

- We all have to make
sacrifices, Bella.

Think about all the girls

who won't get a chance
to dance with The Troy.

Do you think I don't
feel bad about that?

But the team comes first.

- Guys, you know what I went
through to get on this team.

Nothing means more to me
than being a Bulldog.

- I hear you
talkin' the talk,

but can you stink the stink?

- How's this for an answer?

Stink the stink!
Stink the stink!

- ALL: [chanting
"Stink the stink!"]

- ♪

- It's an...

interesting look.

- I look like a cave woman
with helmet hair.

What was I thinking?

The helmet ruined my hair.

Kyle can't see me
like this.

He said I was cute.

This is not cute.

- Honey, I'm sure that
Kyle can see past

a little frizz and
a little dirt to your...

inner cute.

- Thanks, Mom, you're right.

You always know
what to say.

- That's my girl.

- Okay, the crazy
lady's gone.

We need a plan.
- I've got a plan.

Ditch the stupid
"no shower" ritual.

If Kyle sees you five days
worse than this,

he won't be able
to un-see it.

- Sophie's right.
You have to look great all week.

I've planned it out.

Tomorrow, you "accidentally"
bump into Kyle on purpose.

Then you dazzle him on
Witty Banter Wednesday.

These are talking points.

Thursday, you play it cool.
You've done your work.

Friday night you walk into that
gym looking #fabulous

and the next thing you know,
Kyle's asking you to dance.

- Bam!

- It's a great plan, Pep.

But it's not gonna happen.
I can't go to that dance.

- But we've been talking about
this since 6th grade.

It's our first school dance.

We were all gonna
go together.

- And dance together.

- And scope out
hotties together.

- And go in the photo
booth together.

This pose is not
gonna work without you.

- You could Photoshop
me in after.

- It won't be the same.

- Guys, I know we've been
looking forward to this dance.

But I made a promise
to the team

and I have to show
them I'm every bit

as much of a Bulldog
as they are.

- So you're just going to
give up your moment with Kyle

and spend the rest of
the week lookin' like

a cave woman that just got
barfed up by a pterodactyl?

- Okay, first--ouch!

And second--who says I can't
have my moment after the dance?

- Where are you going
with this?

- Guys, dream a little
with me.

You do whatever it
takes to keep Kyle

from seeing me for
the next five days.

I miss Friday's dance.

But after the game
on Saturday...

- And a four-hour shower
with some deep conditioning...

- ...the glow of victory on your
freshly-exfoliated face,

you spot Kyle at the Starcade,
you're surrounded by people...

- ...but when our eyes meet,
everyone else disappears

and, finally,
we have our moment.

- It's just crazy
enough to work.

- Oh, yeah.

- ♪

♪

♪

- PEPPER: Oh!

- Really?

- Gentlemen, as I stand
here today,

surrounded by my stinky
Bulldog brothers,

I can truthfully say,

[sniffing]
Woo!

I smell victory tomorrow.

- ALL: Yeah!

- And no one smells worse than
our sister in stink--

Bella Dawson.

- What can I say?
I'm a team player.

And I hope the football
spirits are hungry

'cause I brought noodles!

- [coughing] Bella, we all
know how hard it was

to give up shampoo
and conditioner,

rosewater face wash,
that tea tree oil

foot rejuvenator that makes my
heels feel as soft as a baby--

- Newt, this isn't about you.

- Any who, by embracing
our tradition,

you've earned the right to wear
the mark of the Bulldog--

- Oh, you guys.
It's beautiful.

- Wear it with pride,
as we all do.

- I'll wear it with
the same pride

that I wear other
people's lunches.

- ♪

- [gasping]
- Bella!

- Check it out.
The mark of the Bulldog.

I told you I could
pull this off.

Kyle hasn't--
- We've got drama, mama.

Pepper, go!
- I just heard from Ava

who got a text from Emma
who's in French Club with Maya

who said Charlotte's about
to ask Kyle to the dance!

- Charlotte Newman!

No, I'm not letting
this happen again.

- What are you doing?
Who are you texting?

- Kyle. I just asked
him to the dance.

- You just asked
Kyle to the dance?

- [text tone bings]

- And he said yes!
- Yay!

We can come back to my house
and get ready together.

You'll shower first.

- 'Cause it's gonna
take a while.

- Shower? I did not
think this through.

- There she is--
Bella the Smella.

- Come on, we're gonna sit out
the dance at the Starcade.

Newt's buyin'.
- NEWT: [laughing]

GramGram's birthday
check was very generous.

I'm talking cheese
in the crust.

Yo-lo. Am I right?

- Bella the Smella!

- What are you gonna do?

- Does it look like I know?

- BOYS: [chanting
"Bella the Smella"]

at the "Enchantment under
the Stars" dance.

I predict this party
will be kickin'!

Hi-ya! Yah!

But don't take it from me.

Let's ask this impossibly
handsome lad.

Are you looking
forward to tonight?

- Uh, yeah, I think
it's gonna be special.

- Yeah, I bet every night's
special for you, dreamboat.

Look at all the lovely ladies
circling around you.

Oh, there's one now.

- Charlotte Newman!
- [cell phone tone bings]

- Bella, are you
seeing this?

Charlotte looks
like a princess.

An evil...an evil princess.

- [sighing]
You've gotta get down here.

- Don't worry, I have a plan.

Remember how you guys
kept Kyle away from me?

Well, now you have to keep Kyle
away from other girls--

especially Charlotte.

- Can I tackle her?

- I didn't hear that.

Which means "yes."

I'll be there
as soon as I can.

- PEPPER & SOPHIE:
Hurry!

- Give me all the tokens
you've got.

Hey, guys, I just bought
us all a bunch of tokens

as a "token" of
my appreciation.

Three hours of games on me.

Don't fight over them.

- Oh! My bad.

- Wait, I think
you have my--

- "First shower.
See you in 20."

You're gonna shower!

- Bella, how could you?

- I knew it!
The girl can't hold her stink.

- I held my stink
all week.

Kyle Webber is waiting
for me at the dance

and I am not going
to show up

with five days'
of filth on me.

- Well, too bad.

We're not gonna lose tomorrow
because you wanna impress

Kyle "I Can't Stop Touching
My Hair" Webber.

- Well, too badder,
'cause this girl's

about to get
her loofah on.

- Oh, no, she isn't.

- What are you gonna
do--tie me up?

You tied me up?

- Well, to be fair,
it was your idea.

- Yeah, next time, don't say
your personal thoughts out loud.

- Guess what I'm
thinking right now.

- How strong are
those socks?

- Are you all ready
to dance?

- ALL: [cheering]

- ACE: Then let's get
this party started!

Glitter--Drop That Thing!

- [dance music with
strong bassline]

- Well, now it's just
a matter of time

before Charlotte
asks Kyle to dance.

What's taking Bella so long?

- Seriously? You're gonna keep
me tied up all night?

- No, just until
the dance is over

and we know you're
not a shower threat.

- And by the way,
you're not the only one

that wanted to go
to that dance.

I won the golden buckle
at the county fair

three years runnin'.

- Yeah, all right,
Sheriff Two-Step.

I'm starving. Let's hit
the vending machines.

Newt, you stand watch.
Bella, you want anything?

- My freedom.
- Corn chips, it is.

- So, Newt...

- Oh, no, no, no.
Don't even try it.

I know you've gotten me
to break in the past,

but not this time.

- It's okay. I'm not
gonna ask you to let me go.

Just do me a favor and send one
last text for me to Kyle.

- Um, I guess I can do that.

- Kyle, I've been waiting for
this moment since 6th grade.

But I'm not gonna be
able to make it.

I guess some things
just aren't meant to be.

As much as it hurts,
I'm letting you go

so at least one of us
a chance for happiness.

- [sighing]
Is that it?

- Just add an emoti.
- Okay, which one?

- Sad panda bear.

- Oh, I can't send this.

I understand your dream.

If it wasn't for
this stinky ritual,

I'd be wooing Sophie with my
selfless skills right now.

Go, have your moment.

Be a happy panda bear.
- Thanks, Newt.

What are you gonna
tell the guys?

- Oh, don't worry.

This isn't my first
hostage situation.

- What happened?

- She came out of nowhere.
She overpowered me.

She was a beast.

- She gave you some
lovey-dovey speech

and you caved, didn't you?

- I am not made of stone!

- We cannot go down
without a fight.

If we can somehow get
all five days of filth

back on Bella before
the game,

maybe, just maybe, that will
appease the football spirits

so we can win tomorrow.

- My farm's got pig slop,
compost, and cow pie.

If we hit her with that,

it's at least five days'
worth of filth.

- The math works.
Let's do this.

- Let's go.

Let...

- Honey, what are you doing?

- Kyle! Dance! Shower! Now!

- Shower? You mean
the boys just abandoned

five years of tradition?
- Uh-huh.

- Really? The night
before the game?

- Uh-huh.

- Bella, unh-unh.
What's goin' on?

- I heard that Charlotte Newman
was going to ask Kyle

to the dance,
so I asked him first.

- Kyle?

You mean...Kyle...

- Yes, and I refuse to lose
another chance with him

just for some ridiculous ritual
that doesn't really work.

- Bella, when you and your dad

wore your Cowboys jerseys inside
out, it didn't always work,

but it brought you
closer together.

Well, this ritual brings
the Bulldogs closer together.

And they're your team now.
It's something to think about.

- All right, kids,
it's time to slow it down.

This next song is a special
request from Charlotte Newman.

- SOPHIE: [gasping]

- Charlotte.

She's making her move.

- Yes, it's tackle time.
- No, too many people!

Improvise.

- Hey!
- Uh, what are you guys doing?

- We're dancing!
- Gotta dance!

- Why, is it weird?

- When you do it like
that it is.

- SOPHIE, CHARLOTTE, PEPPER:
Bella?

- What? Did you even...
I can't...But...

- What she said.

You can't let Kyle
see you like this.

Quick, I know how to shower.

You get the stuff
from the girls' room,

I'll set off the sprinklers.

- Guys, stop. Stop.

- I know I made
the date with Kyle,

but I made a commitment
to the team, first.

I may not believe
in their ritual,

but I believe in them.

And if Kyle doesn't
understand,

then it wasn't meant
to be anyway.

- Hey, Bella.

- Oh, hey, Kyle.
- Wow, you look...

- I know--horrible.

I wouldn't blame you
if you wanted to

get as far away from
me as possible.

- Yeah, well, actually
I do gotta go.

- Yeah, I get it.

- But only because
my ride is here.

Anyway, that stuff you said

about the team
was really great.

And I wasn't gonna
say you look horrible.

I was gonna say you look...

like you're gonna
win tomorrow.

And that makes you
the coolest girl here.

- ♪

- 'Night, Bella.

- ♪

- We disappeared,
didn't we?

- Just the way
you pictured it--

only filthier.

- [groaning]
Speaking of filthy...

- Bella Dawson,
show yourself!

- Yeah, and I'm
wearing ear plugs,

so you can't tempt me again.

- I know you're here,
you shower-takin'-sell out.

Wow, that shower
did not take.

- I didn't shower.

I was going to,
but I'm a Bulldog.

I don't know if we need to stink
to beat the Stallions,

but I do know we need
to stick together.

Right, Troy?

- That's right, QB.

The football spirits
are proud of you.

Sawyer, the ritual is safe.
Abort the mission.

- Why is Sawyer holding
a giant garbage bag?

- Yeah, I'd love to dance.
- SAWYER: Me, too.

- CHARLOTTE: Ow!
- SAWYER: Sorry, Charlotte.

Didn't see you there.

- Woo, smells like tween
spirit up in here!

So let's drop some sick beats
for those filthy athletes.

- [dance music with
strong bassline]

- Can't hear.

I'm just gonna assume
this is Salsa.

- ♪

- What a game!

We sure put the stink
on those Stallions.

- Hey, maybe we should
try not showerin'

for the rest of the season.
- OTHERS: No!

- Where is Bella?

Kyle's over at
the juice counter.

- I saw her heading
for the showers

with a jumbo
pack of loofahs.

She could be scrubbing
for days.

- I've got some fantastic new
talking points for her and--

have you seen
my purple note cards?

I wonder if I dropped
them outside?

- Hey, you.

Your body spray makes
you smell so...

rugged?

- What?

- [nervous laugh]
Uh...

You have very manly hands.

- Are those Pepper's
talking points?

- No.
[laughing]

I bet you'd look
cute with a moustache.

No, wait!

Is that a chest hair I see?

Your neck is so muscular.

Hang on, wait.