Throuple (2015)

[bunniefuu]

-What happened?-Oh, God!

You f*cking k*lled him.

-I didn't k*ll him.-Why is he dead?

-This -- this could've beenan accident.

This must -- this musthave been an accident.

**

-* I can't see well

* But I got a nice hairdo

* I couldn't tellif you were looking *

* Until I caught you
* Gone

* Here's another thing

* I had something to tell youyesterday *

* But I forgot today

* Off my tongue

* So improves my mind

[ Shower running ]-Soap.

-Soap me in.

-Rub you in.-Rub me in.

-Rub you up.

-Rub me up.Soap me down.

Soap me all the way around.

[ Playing ukulele ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-What do you thinkthey're building?

-Maybe it's a crystal meth lab,hydroponic grass,

place to storetheir surf boards, I don't know.

Who cares?

-Get that kava.-Get that kava.

-Get that kava.

-How about a little f*ck break?

-Mmm, no,no time for f*cking.

-Oh, come on, that'sthe great thing

about a studio, you see.

It's a short walkfrom the office to the bedroom.

-James, the issue goes to printin like four hours.

-Come on, I can be quick.

-Oh, h*, that's enticing.

-You know what I mean.

-Can't you like go downto the beach for a few hours

or go check out the lava?

At least put some pants on.

-Fine. I can tellwhen I'm not wanted.

**

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-Uh, hey, there!

-Look.

Aloha, man.

You must be the newestneighborhood addition, yeah?

-Yep.-Welcome, bro, welcome.

I'm Remy. This is Will.

-James.

My girlfriend and I,we were wondering

what you were building?-Really?

We're, like, the cool mysteriousnext-door neighbors, yeah?

-[ Chuckles ]-I like that.

-So, what do you guys do?

-About what?

-Uh, you know.

-Relax, man,we're just f*cking with you.

You, uh, you want a beer?

-Isn't it like, you know, noon?

-I own time, my friend.

Hours are relative.

-Hours are relative.

I like that.

So, what are you guys building?

-We're trying to builda kava bar for Skunk.

She brews.

-So, you guys are goingto have like a bar here?

-Well, not like a bar, bar.

Like, um, like a stand,up there.

-Um, like a lemonadekind of stand?

-Like that.

We want to makethis thing look legit.

-Yeah, like an actualkava bar, yeah.

To do it right, we gotta --

we gotta dig this big-a*s hole

and then fill itfull of concrete.

But this island is justa hard hunk of rock, man.

And we don't feel likedigging a hole that big.

-Well, that does seem likea lot of work.

-Yeah.

-Hey, you wanna go tothe tide pools?

-Yeah, it's about that time.

You wanna go?-Sure.

Yeah, I could go for a whileif you don't mind a tagalong.

-No, man. Skunk!

Tide pools.

-So what do you think, man?-Paradise.

-That is nice.

-You caught a 100-poundtuna on a kayak?

That's insane!

-120-pound tuna.-Oh, my God!

I'm impressed.[ Laughs ]

-Yeah, we try to get a big onea couple times a month.

-Yeah, but they cost more.

I figure we will bringin a couple hundred

any given Saturday.

Right down to the EBTand we are golden.

-Like, uh, food stamps?-You could probably qualify.

And if the numbers don't match,

then you can always jiggle themaround a little bit.

-Oh, yeah.

I can smell it.

-Pretty slow for a Saturday.

-It's Wednesday.

-sh*t, bro.

-Really?

-Well, that's embarrassing.

-Aaaah!

-* I can't see well

* But it never stopped mebefore *

* Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

-Oh, good!You're all done.

-I am.

Now I'm celebratingwith a little bendy-flexy time.

-I like bendy-flexy time.

-Where did you goall afternoon?

Did you call the club?

-No. But I met the neighbors.

-Oh!

-Hey, did you knowwe could get food stamps?

-Oh, my God.Why would we want food stamps?

-It's like a thing here.

You can get gobsof free-range, organic sh*t.

You can even get tobacco.

-I quit.-But...

-Food stamps arefor people who need them.

-I could qualify.

-Yeah, right,but I pay all the bills.

-Shhhh.

-Tell me about our neighbors.

Freaky island cult members?

Dormitorio island style?

Are they going to make a saladbowl out of your pelvis?

-I don't think so.

-Super hippies?

-I detect a moderatelevel of crunch.

Nothing off-putting.-Oh, good.

-They're definitely weirdbut in a good way.

-Hey! Weird is good.

-I am still confusedabout their relationship.

-Oh!-They're dudes.

They were pretty touchy,like a little more

than your average pairof college buddies

or whatever,but maybe I'm way off.

Maybe tomorrow I'll find outthat they're triplets

and I'll feel like a pervert.

-Tomorrow?-Yeah.

I'm going to go over thereand help them

with the hole they're gonna dig.

-Oh!How very manly of you.

A manly man.

-Mmm.-Mmm.

-Mmm.-Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh!-Aha.

-Mm-hmm.

-Pairing your partner's breathhelps sync your bodies' rhythm.

Now breathe like you mean it.

-Now we transitioninto driftwood.

-Bottom partner,

lay on your backwith your knees bent,

feet flat on the ---You've got mail.

-Hey, that producerfinally e-mailed me back.

-You're kidding.

Carlos?

Oh, my God!He's so cheesy.

He probably wants to oil you up

and shave off allyour body hair.

-It helps with the definitionand it makes me look bigger.

-Well, you take a rabbit outof the bush

and it's just a bunny.

Weren't you supposedto call that guy

from the Boysand Girls Club today?

-I am. Once I get settled.

-Settle?

Into what?

-And the worst part isthat he leaves the keys in it.

-It just doesn't makeany sense.

People around here will stealthe crap out of your toilet

if you left iton the front lawn.

-What is your obsessionwith people's crap?

Why are you alwaystalking about that?

-Everybody poops, Skunk.

It's an equalopportunity activity.

-Hey, guys!-Hey, aloha, bruh!

-I was just talking about aneasy way to get that hole dug.

-Remy here wants to snagCharles Manson's backhoe.

-All I'm saying is thathe leaves the keys in it.

He's just asking for somebody

to take itfor a little drive.

-Ooh, you want to have my seat?-No, no, I'm good.

-I gotta check insideof my condo, please.

-So you want a beer, James?

-It's like 9:00 a.m.

-You got to get outof that head space, man.

-f*ck it. Hours are relative.

I'd love a beer.

-Nothing like a light beeron a hot day.

-Mmm, a nice warm light beer.

[ Laughter ]

-So, tell me aboutthis backhoe business.

-Hayward's backhoe.

-Hayward?-Yeah, the guy that lives

back there in thatcreepy castle house.

-Castle house?-Castle house.

-There is a castle houseback there, bro.

-Castle house.-Back there?

-Yeah, he planted all that shitback there so nobody can see it.

We can see a little bit of that

from the other sideof our place.

But we've been herefor like six years, yeah?

-Six years in August.-Six years in August.

-I think I've seen that guylike three or four times, maybe.

-Hmm.

Why can't you just go over thereand ask him to borrow it?

-Only if you want to die.

The dude is nuts.

I'm pretty sure he eats people.

-What?-Well, maybe not people

but at least dogs.

The dude eats dogs.

-Dogs for sure.

Buddy of mine works for thetelephone company, yeah,

went in there one day.

He said that thereis, like, dog heads mounted

all over the living room.

And the weirdest part is he hasall this heavy equipment,

you know,like backhoes and stuff,

but we never see him useany of it.

But every now and again,bruh, it moves.

-You're trying to tell methat this guy eats dogs

and has possessed power tools?

-I'm telling you, bro,like,

all right, like,I'll go to sleep one night

and I'll wake up.

Then the next morningand, like, the backhoe

will be on the totallyopposite side of the yard.

Like he only ever usesit at night.

-Like somefreaky billionaire Boo Radley.

-Boo Radley.

-Hmm.

Well, I guess you're notborrowing his backhoe then.

-Hmm, no.-A cup of sugar

for that matter.-No.

-Looks like it's goingto be a beach day.

-Mmm, beach day it is.

Skunk!

**

-Come on.

[ Horn honks ]

-[ Laughs ]

Oh, my goodness!

-Excuse me,is this man bugging you?

-Yes. Yes, he is, really.-No, sir, I was not.

We were just swigging beers.

-Really?While flying a kite?

[ Indistinct conversation ]

-Oh, boy.

-Hello, there!

-Aloha, pretty girl!

-Mmm, you taste like gin.

-Hours are relative.

-Mm-hmm.

-We went to the beach.

-Oh, no digging holes?-Tomorrow, tomorrow.

[ Ominous music plays ]

-You, uh, lived here long?

-I was born here.

-In this castle?-In this castle.

I know how this island lovesto whisper,

psst, psst, psst,psst, psst, psst.

Trust me.

Psst, psst, psst, psst,psst, psst, psst, psst.

Psst, psst, psst, psst,psst, psst, psst, psst.

Excuse me, I'm gonna go.

Psst, psst, psst, psst,psst, psst, psst, psst.

-Me please.

Thank you. No.

Hey! Give it back.

-Mine, mine, mine.-Hmm. I needed those.

-Finders keepers.Add them to my collection.

So, I -- I want to e-mailCarlos back today.

-Yeah.

-He wants to talk aboutputting out another series.

-Mm-hmm.

-You know, this time a differentsort of spin on it maybe.

-James, uh, this issuegoes to print

and, like, why don't we --

can we just talkabout that later?

-Sure.

-What up, bruh?

-[ Laughs ]

-Why are you guys laughing?

-Oh, no, no.

-This is cool, no?-No.

-* I like one thing

* I like another thing

* I like your thing

-Me please.

**

-* Let me slide around

* Let me take a look around

* I can tell when you get off

* You go in, you go in

* Shake it over back to me

* Push it back so I can see

* I can tellwhen you get loose *

* You go in, you go in

* Do it again

* Yeah, yeah, yeah * One more time

* I like one thing

* I like another thing

* I like your thing

* Do another combination

* Now do me like a freak

* I'll be quite a sensation

* You might as well see

* Now go

* Go on and go

* Come on

* Put this on, take that off

* Wait, that one, too

* Whoo, la la la la

* Oh oh

* Whoo, la la la la

* Oh oh

* Shake, shake, oh

-[ Giggles ] What?

-You're such a weirdo.

-You give good cone.

-Or maybe I'lladd that to my résumé.

Gives good cone.

-* I can tellwhen you go up, up, up, up *

[ Ominous music plays ]

-James, we have to getout of here.

-While he's outside smoking,that's rude.

-Ohh.

**

-What's up, James?

Ha, so you play uke, huh?

-No. I just carry it aroundand it just makes me look cool.

-Oh, h*, you're joking.

-[ Laughs ]-Joking.

-Well, play something.-No, it's -- I'm terrible.

I just started.

-Oh, quit fussing.Go on and play.

-Well, I have been workingon this song for Lex.

-Oh, romantic!-Sort of.

I just can't seem to come upwith anything you know...

-Go on and play.-Yeah, play something.

But first...

-* Like a rosefrom the moon *

* A petunia in the moon

* You're the mostlovely thing *

* That I've ever seenswoon *

* Now, the sun,she's heading west *

* By the swellingof of your chest *

* I'm gonna restyour tender eyes *

* And I'll makemy way inside *

* But first just 'causeI'm a gentleman *

* I'll make you wet

* Yes, I'll make you wet

* I'll make you sweatwith the anticipation *

* Of how good it's gonna feel

* When I make you wet

* Yes, I'll make you wet

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I don't knowwhere I'm going with this.

-That was not a love song.

I don't know what that was.

-Oh, wrong, man.

-I know, I know.

-Well, it made me wet, James.

-[ Laughs ]

-Turns out it wasjust some ingrown hair,

but I didn't know that,

so I had to call them all,

even Jimmyfrom sophomore year.

-Oh, my God! The one you usedto, like, rub your feet?

-Mmm...yeah and thenthat on my hair.

That is the one.

-Hello, pretty girl!-Hello!

-Hi, James!-Oh, hello, other pretty girl.

-[ Sighs ] Okay, I'm gonna go.-No, no.

Don't let me interruptyour lady business.

I can wait outside.

-I don't think I can stomach

any more of Gracie's escapadesright now.

-You love living through me..-Ha!

I fear for your health, Gracie.

-Make some f*cking babies.

-Hello, handsome man.How's your Throuple?

-They're a lot of fun.I'm a fan.

-Not really.

They wanna steal the backhoe

from the guythat lives over there.

-Hmm. So, someonedoes live back there?

Last week, I couldn't sleepand I was up at like 3:00 a.m.

and I see a guy driving outof there wearing a snorkel mask.

-Driving in a snorkel mask?-Yeah. It was pretty weird.

-Not to mention, dangerous.

-[ Laughs ]

-All right.Doing some digging today.

-This is the last time.

-Oh, we really haven'tdone much.

I don't even know if we can evendo it all in one day.

-I know you're out there.

I can smell you.

I can smell your feral heart.

-Uh? What's out there?

-Carnage...with hoods.

A hungry beast tormenting me,

seven times,

seven times she has eatenmy durian, bruh.

Seven times more if I let her.

I'm going to k*ll this glutton.

-[ Laughs ]

-I, uh, I thinkhe's lost his mind.

-No, he's just pissed becausethe pig

keeps eatinghis jockstrap fruit.

-I don't follow.

-Then you've never had durian.It smells like wet, hot garbage.

-Sweaty, old jockstraps.

-I won't let himkeep the stuff inside.

He keeps it on the porch,pigs get at it.

-Why would anyone eat somethingthat smells like a jockstrap?

-You don't understand!

The beast, she knows when it'sripe and she just pillages it.

She snuffs it downand moves on, bruh.

-My poor baby, come on.

We can get another durianat the market.

-No. We hunt.

-Stop it!We're not hunting anything.

-I'll track herand I'll take her.

-With what?

-My bare hands.

-No way.Nonviolence, baby.

-Aren't those pigslike 400 pounds?

-Bruh, I need you.

I'll track her.

I will take her.

I know just where she is.

Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go.

-Really?

-Her trail.

**

-I thought you saidyou knew where she was.

-Shove it!

Oh! Her trail.

No, no, f*ck.

What?

-Cigarettes?

-Come on, man,that sh*t will k*ll you.

-Did you spill the bloodof the beast?

-I don't know, Gracie.

I mean, if his profile sayscos play enthusiast,

I mean, do you even wantto go there?

He could show uplooking like he popped out

of some world of wizardry,fantasy session.

Fine, fine, whatever.

Let me know how it goes.

Oh, yeah, he is totallyin his glory.

He made friendswith the neighbors.

And they're tryingto dig some hole.

No, totally harmless.

I'm fine, I'll get used to it.

* I'm gonna restyour tender eyes *

* And I'll makemy way inside *

* But first just 'causeI'm a gentleman *

-Hey.-Hey.

-What did I tell you aboutthat song?

Not exactly a serenade.-Aloha, man.

We're gonna go check outsome lava tubes.

-Hey, cool, this is Lexy.-Hi!

I've heard so muchabout you guys.

-Dude.

-Dude.

-I know you.

Both of you.

You guys are that --that couple with the sex.

-Sex what?-James, holy sh*t, man.

I can't believeI didn't recognize you before.

Skunk, you totallyremember this.

It was like -- it was likethis big thing

on the Internetlike two years ago, man.

I saw you two on "Ellen."

-Our 15 minutes.-Dude, they made this series

of exercises you dowhile you're f*cking, man.

Holy sh*t, man!

You guys are hilarious!

What was it called?What was it called again?

-f*ck Fitness.-f*ck Fitness, man,

f*ck Fitness, yeah!

f*ck Fitness.

I can't believeyou didn't tell me

you guys are the f*ck Fitnesspeople, man.

I would totally telleverybody that.

-Sounds like it.-Yeah.

f*ck Fitness.

-So what about it, man?

There's this amazing30-mile stretch of caves

all the way to the shore.

We don't go in very far,like half a mile.

You guys down?-I have a lot of work.

-Oh, come on, the lava created

this 10-foot vaginaat the entrance to the cave.

The locals call itthe Yoni Cave, Pele's vag*na.

-[ Laughs ]-I'm good.

Um, you go.

I'll take the car back.

Cave exploring is moreyour kind of thing anyway.

-Spelunking.It's spelunking.

-Right, yeah.

-I am kind of intriguedby this stone vag*na.

-Well, it was niceto finally meet all of you.

-Yeah, you too, girl.

You should come and hang outwith us some time.

-All right.

-Well, I'm goingto take a piss, man.

It would feel wrong to pissin a sacred vag*na.

-Yeah, good call, man.

-[ Laughs ]

-Sorry about Lex.

-Oh, that's cool.

Will can be...sometimes.

-No, no, it's not Will.

She's just kind of a lot of shitgoing on up here.

-And you love it?-Yeah, I love her.

-No, you love her sh*t?

-You've got mail.

-Everybody, watch your head.

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

Pele, keep us safe.

Thank you.

-Why go at night?

-You know, the ocean you seebest off at night.

And the island, you seebest off at night.

That's what Ruby says.

-Ruby?

-My wife.

-You're married.

-Oh, there's nothing betterthan a difficult woman.

Gives you somethingto wake up for.

You know some -- some f*ck, you know what I mean?

-[ Laughs ]-Where is she?

-Oh, she drowned.

-I'm sorry.

-Why?You k*ll my wife?

-Here at f*ck Fitness,we only go through this twice.

-Why?Because three is boring.

-Give it all you gotthe first two times

and you don't need a third.

-Are you ready to crunchand munch?

This is mutually beneficialand astoundingly effective.

-Bottom partner,lay flat on your back.

This should feel familiar.

-Top partner, stand aboveyour partner,

legs on either side.

So your groinis level with theirs.

-From the gym to the bedroom,

our simple home fitness programwill give you

and your partner the bodiesyou've always wanted.

-With our patented method

of getting fitwhile stimulating your libido,

we guarantee resultsin your love life.

-Good results.

-Fit to f*ck.

-f*ck to fit.

-f*ck Fitness.-f*ck Fitness.

-I told you it was amazing.

-Dude, I love the moustache.

-It was fake.-What, really?

-How did you guyscome up with this?

-It started out as a joke, wentviral, best joke I ever made.

-Time to pick it back up,you know, give it a new twist.

f*ck Fitness in paradise.

I can totally help youwith some new moves.

-There you go.-[ Laughs ]

-I don't know. I thinkmy moustache days are over.

-Bummer, man!

-That lady language for you.-[ Laughs ]

-All right.-* Take it off

-And they're going in the fire.

-* Take it off

* Take it off

-I can burn those, yeah.

-These are my onlypair of shorts.

-True.

-I can't burn these shorts.-Oh, no!

Then you'll have to be nakedall the time.

-Oh!-That's terrible.

Okay, burn his shorts right now.

-Yeah, right, burn the shorts.-I'm not making a kava bar

in my undies all day long.

-Don't get me started onthe damn kava bar.

-It's coming, it's coming.

-So hard to dig, though.

[ Door closes ]

-Hmm.

-Ahem.

-Oh. If you're lookingfor your fella, he's not here.

He went to the beach with mineabout an hour ago.

-Oh, thanks.

-No thing.

-Uh, when they get back,

uh, could youjust let James know

that I'm looking for him?

-Yeah, you got it.I'll send him scurrying home.

-Thanks.

-Wait.

Are you doinganything right now?

-Uh...

-Well, you don'thave to run off.

Sit, stay.

I'm just waiting for this kavato finish steeping inside.

Hand me this towel.

Have you tried kava before?

-Uh, no.-Oh, God!

It's great!

Helps me Zen out.

-What's it made out of?-A root.

You grind it and soak it

and it leaches outall these amazing enzymes.

It's like kicking back a beerbut less harsh on the body.

-You don't drink?-I don't drink often.

My boys drink enoughfor the three of us.

-Uh-huh!

That doesn't bother you?

-Them drinking?

-No, them being drunkall the time.

-[ Laughs ] They're fullyfunctioning drunks.

You get three beers in meand I am totally worthless.

All giggles, no sense.

-Ah.-[ Laughs ]

-So, um...

-What?

-James was telling meabout how the three of you

are all together.

-So what?

-I mean, it sounds really,like...

I'm sorry.

I sound so judgmental.

-Oh, no worries.

I am used to judgmental.

-I mean, I just, yeah,

I don't think I could ever bein an open relationship.

-What makes you thinkmy relationship is open?

-Oh! I'm sorry.

I mean, James said that --

-We're all together,but it's not open.

-What do you mean?

-Hmm, trust is importantin any relationship.

Once you blow it,it's pow! Over.

-People work out their issuesall the time.

-No, that stuff is neverthe same once

you've made a mess of it.

-Someone screws up onceand you just blow them off?

-Well, I try not to swim inpools I've already pissed in.

-But what if it was a mistake?-So what if it was?

-I mean, even good peopledo stupid things sometimes.

-Yeah and they're gonnakeep doing stupid things

unless you leave themand teach them a lesson.

You gotta have a littleself-respect, no?

Hey! I am a total maniac,do not listen to me, all right.

-It's not you.

-This brew oughtto be about done.

You wanna come inside?

-Um...okay.

-Yeah?-Yeah.

-Okay.

**

-* Hello

* Where you been

* I saw your mother

-Thank you.

Mm.

Oh, that's...

-Yeah.

**

-Hey, there!

-Where have you been?

-I'm sorry, time got away.

I didn't realize.

-It's almost darkand it's freaking raining.

I've been worrying.

Are you drunk?

-I had a couple.

-Great.

-Uh...sorry?

-For what?

You don't even knowwhy I'm upset.

You're just apologizing.

I just feel so alone.

-Alone? I'm right here.

-I know.

And that makesit even worse, James.

I'd rather actually be by myselfthan with someone

who makes me feel alone.

Come on, say something.

Say anything.

I may as well be outside talkingto the f*cking lava rock!

-I don't have --

I don't know what to say.

I'm sorry.

-Oh, my gosh!Stop apologizing!

It doesn't change anything!

It doesn't fix anythingand it does not take it back.

-You know, you can'tforgive someone, Lex,

and then keep punishing them.

-Don't you get lonely?

-No, no, no, no,see, see, see, that --

that is an assumptionthat people make.

That just because you are alonethat you have to be lonely.

Let me ask you a question --

how many people do you knowcan be in a room

full of folk and can stillend up being lonely?

[ Laughs ]-[ Laughs ]

-Only weasels hide in bushes.

-What?

-Your friends.

Do you think it would bemore appropriate for you

if I invite them inside?

After all, they don't looklike mongooses,

not mongeese.

Mangai!

-I'll get them.

-Are you guys okay?Are there any dead dogs?

-Excuse me? You just asked meif I have any dead dogs?

-What is the plan after this?-I don't know, bro.

I am maintainingthat we need a square.

-Okay.

-We gotta lay a foundationfor this thing.

-Do you know what I thinkwe should do?

-We should build a tree house.-Oh, bro.

-A tree house?

-You don't know anythingabout this place.

-A tree house,that's a great idea!

-[ Laughs ]

-Yeah, a tree house.-A tree house.

-A tree house.-A tree house.

-Come get your kavain a tree house.

-Yeah, listen, one word --

-Have you ever had kavain a tree house?

-Hold on -- one word.

One word -- rat lung.

-What's rat lung?-How long have you been here?

-They don't --they don't live in the trees.

They live in the ground.

-How long have you been here?-Six years in August.

-What's this, what is rat lung?

-Listen, the snailsroll over top of rat doo-doo

and then they rollon top of food

and then people eat the foodwithout cooking it

or cleaning it and then wormsgrow in your spine.

-That's for real?-Bro.

-Yeah, that's for real.-Oh, my God!

-That's a real thing.

-We're not putting thiskava bar in the tree.

-I'm not eatinganything anymore.

I don't know about that.

-Oh, my God!

Listen, listen, what if youput it, what if you put it --

-Why is he like a preteen?

-What if you ---He's got to know.

-Oh, now he knows.-Now he knows.

**

[ Laughter ]

**

[ Woman singing in French ]

[ Singing continues ]

-No, I don't know.

They just wentto the stupid tide pools.

And then I didn't wantto go to the stupid

f*cking tide pools with them.

And then that's --and then now I'm sitting here

at home kind of regretting it

and I probably should've goneso I wanted to call you.

No, that's not the problem.

No, I'm not smoking.

I quit, I told you.

No, that is not the problem.

It's like I don't know,they're nice.

They're nice, they're nice,

but I just don't completelyget their vibe 100%.

They just seema little out there.

-What?

But you guys...

-Relax, it's not a big deal.-It is.

Whoa, that's gross, man.

I mean, no offense, but, whoa,that's your cousin?

-Yeah, it's really nota big deal.

We were complete strangers.

-And so you start --how does -- how does that --

-I would've fallen for himif he was a f*cking aardvark.

-He's your cousin.

That's just, that's just wrong.It defies nature.

-It's different with two guys.-How is that?

-'Cause it's not likewe're going

to have some oopsie babywith gills

and two dicks, you know.

Like, it's not a big deal.

-Oh.

-So, you ever been with a guy?

-No. No, no, no,I mean, listen, no offense.

It's, you know, it's just,it's not my thing.

No.

-[Laughs]Calm your t*tties.

I'm just curious.

-Yeah, I guess I just...if I didn't know...

...I wouldn't have thoughtthat you were,

you know, that, you're like,that you like --

-Men?

Why not?

-You are just so...

-Well, someone is being awfullystereotypical now, aren't they?

So what? Manly dudescan't like dudes?

-I don't know.

-Man. Somewhere in the past2,000 years, man,

everybody gotso f*cking uptight.

-Listen, I, I didn't mean to.

-Romans, hmm, can you thinkof anything manlier

than a Roman soldier?

-Manlier?-Yeah, manlier, you know,

with their shields

and the sandalsand the battle skirts.

You know, what's manlierthan that?

-Pants.-[ Laughs ]

Look, the Romanswere manlier as f*ck

and they did dudes,all the time and girls.

Everybody did everybody,it didn't matter.

Who you're attracted todidn't -- didn't pigeonhole you.

-Pigeon-hole?-Yeah!

You didn't haveto identify yourself

as one thing or another.

-We're still talkingabout you being g*y, right?

-No, that's not what we'retalking about. I'm not g*y.

-You're not?-No.

-Okay, so you're bi.

-Stop, just stop.

I am what I am.

I love who I love.

Doesn't mean I haveto knit myself a sweater

with a g*dd*mn rainbow flag.

-All right.

I like the way you put that.

I mean, not the wholesweater thing, but before it.

-So, um...so you want to make out?

-What?

-Right.-[ Laughs ]

-Guys?

-[ Laughs ]

-[ Laughs ]

-True.

-I don't eat dogs.-No.

-I don't eat dogs.-You don't.

You don't.-So true.

-You do not. Oh.

-[ Clears throat ]

What is your relationshipwith hallucinogenics?

-What?

-What up, t*ts?

-Hey!

-What are you -- what are you --what are you doing, man?

-You know, trying to getbuff like you.

-Yeah?-Yeah.

-Keep trying, bro.-I know.

-Hyuh! So, yo, man,

I know you really like coffee

and I was just downat the thrift shop

and I saw somethingthat I thought you would love,

so this is for you.

-[ Laughs ]

-You want this?

[ Indistinct conversation ]

-Lexi called you guysa throuple.

-That's actually pretty clever.

-I wish I thought of that.

-I think I like your Lexi.

-She's all right.

-Whoo!

-Hey!-Hey!

-Do you know wherethat tent is?

-Uh, yeah, it's downin the storage bin

next to the washing machine.Why? What's up?

-Uh, Remy invited meto go camping on the beach

with Will and Skunk.-Oh!

That sounds fun. When?-Now.

You'll be all rightfor tonight, right?

-Yeah. Of course.

I mean, it's just...I like camping.

-You wanna go?

-Not if you don't want me there.-Of course I want you there.

I mean, I just, I thought,you know,

with deadlines and stuff.

-I don't have anything dueuntil Monday.

-You'll really come?

-If you want me.-Yes, honey, this is great.

I am going to tell himyou're coming.

-Wait, James, are you sureI'm invited?

-Of course.

Where I'm invited,you're invited.

-Wait, James.-Yes, Lexi.

Get your stuff.

I'll meet you at the Swagon.

-Swagon.

[ Horn honks ]

-She's going for it.

**

-Get it, girl.Get it, get it.

-Ooh.

-Some coconut.

That's so good.

-It's so lumpy.

-Yes, it is.It is indeed.

-Perfect.

-You don't like the weather,you just wait 10 minutes.

**

[ Men whooping ]

[ Laughter ]

**

**

-No way, man.Mine totally has more flavor.

-No way, bruh.

This tastes like cardboard,mine has more flavor.

-Maybe it's just the flavorin our mouths

and neither have any flavor?

-Maybe.

-Let's switch againand find out.

-Yeah.

-Wow.

-Okay, who's down for a dip?

-It's dark.-Exactly.

-Don't sharks come outin the dark?

-I'll protect you, man.

-Come on, you don't haveto go in deep.

-The majority of shark attackshappen in four feet of water.

-Come on, man,there are scarier things

out here than in there.

-Are you in, Little Lex?-Sure.

-We're getting naked.

-Well, then I'd better help.

-I'm glad you came.

**

-Do you love my sh*t?

-What?-My sh*t.

You know, like, my issues,do you love them?

-Everyone has issues, James.

-I know. I'm not askingif I have issues.

[ Laughs ]

I am asking if you love them.

-What is this all about?

What?

-Nothing, forget it.

-I don't love you enoughor something.

Maybe it's not fair therearen't two of me.

That's normal.

-I feel like you should behappy that I made friends

and I'm out of your hair.

-I don't want you outof my hair.

I just want you to do something.

-I was trying to do something.

I wanted to make anotherFuck Fitness series...

-f*ck f*ck Fitness!-...but every time

I bring it up...-It's ridiculous!

And picking it back up

and bringing it out like that,that feels really cheap.

-You didn't used to thinkit was ridiculous.

-Well, you didn't used to doa lot of things.

-What does that mean?

What does that mean?-No. Don't.

-Jesus, would a littleaffection be too much to ask?

-You don't seem to understandthe difference

between affection and attention.

-Well, you aren'tgiving me either.

-Don't you blame me for this.I told you.

I said a change in locationwill not change the situation.

-Yeah.

But I thought a change of pacemight help,

might cheer you up.

You know it's reallybeautiful here.

-And what does that haveto do with anything?

You can still be sadin beautiful places.

-What do you want?

What do you want me to do?

Okay, just tell meand I'll do it.

-I just want youto do something.

-I am once we get settled.

-Settled?

Into what?

What are you waiting for?

You spend all daywith our f*cking neighbors,

who by the way are not normal.

Polyamory or whatever,it's not normal

and f*cking your cousinis definitely not normal.

-Why are you so judgmental?

Whatever they're doing,it's working for them.

You know, I am tryingto do something.

We are building a kava barand once that starts --

-f*ck your f*cking kava bar,you are not building it.

They are not building it.

It is just an excuseto loaf around all day,

go to the f*cking beachand get f*cking drunk.

If you really wanted to builda f*cking kava bar,

you would have finishedthat hole

you've been obsessing over.

Take a little initiativefor once, James.

**

-Aloha, neighbor.

How's it?

-Aaaaah!

Aaaaaaah!

-Aaaaaaaahh!

[ Both screaming ]

-We're stealing the backhoe.

-James, this is notwhat I meant.

-[ Laughs ]-Shh!

-Hey, where is it?

-I don't know.Who knows.

-Right, I'll check back there,you two check back over.

-James, this is notwhat I meant.

James.

James.

James, this is stupid.

James, this isn't smart.

-But the keys,they're not here.

-Well, good, let's go back.-They said the keys were here.

Oh, found them.

-Can I help you twowith something?

-Uh, hi, hello!

I'm James, this is Lexi,we live next door.

-John, John Haywood.

Listen,I don't mean to be crass,

but what the f*ck you doing on my property

at 3:00 in the morning, eh?

-We're sorry to trespass.

We got the ideato borrow your backhoe.

We were going to bring itright back.

-My backhoe?

-Yeah, we've,we've been working

on our projecton the other side of the road

and we needed some help digging.

-Why didn't you justcome and ask me?

-We, uh, we didn't wantto disturb you.

-You didn't want to disturb me?

Well, you're disturbing menow, eh?

Hey, boy.

Listen, you two wantto come inside for a drink?

-Um...sure.

-Oh, sh*t!

They're going in the house?

-Looks like it.-Oh, f*ck!

-Nice pool.-It's a moat.

-Really?

-Hope you guys like steps.

-Mahalo.-Mahalo.

[ Bottles clink ]

-You, uh, you lived here long?

-I was born here.

-In this castle?-In this castle.

[ Birds chirping ]

**

-What? I'm up.James, I'm up.

I'm up.-He's dead.

He's dead. He's dead.

-Aloha, lovers.Everybody make it back?

-He's dead.

Outside. Dead.

-What are you talking about?

You're not makinga lot of sense.

[ Screaming ]

-Guys, is that our shovel?

What happened?-Oh!

-You f*cking k*lled him, man.-I didn't k*ll him.

-Well, he is f*cking dead.

-Why is he wearing a wet suit?

-Why is he dead?

-The last thing I can rememberis that he --

-Lexi, you are right,the LSD was a bad idea.

We should've -- should've gonewith the pancakes.

-Who would have?-You know what?

You know what?

This could havebeen an accident.

This -- this -- this musthave been an accident.

Oh!

-So, he's holding something.-Somebody, yeah.

Somebody read that.

Will.

-I can't even hooka g*dd*mn fish,

let alone toucha dead neighbor man.

-For f*ck sake.

God! Don't touch me.

I can't. He's smiling.I can't.

-Got it.

Read it.

Out loud.

-"Dear friends,if you're reading this,

then my planhas been successful,

I have convinced one of youto k*ll me."

-What?

-"Please don't be angry.

I have been waiting for a friendlike you for a long time.

There is no need to panic.The worst is over now.

All there is left to dois to dispose of my body."

"Push me out into the water.

When they find my body, theywill assume the ocean took me.

Mahalo,your friend John Haywood."

"P.S. Please removethe shovel first."

-Oh, sh*t!-Oh, God.

-Maybe he's lying.

He could've k*lled himself.

-How could he have shoveda shovel into his own chest?

-I don't know.The man was a maniac.

-No. k*lling himself would'vedefeated the whole purpose.

-Well, what the f*ck then, man?Who k*lled him?

-The last thing I rememberis all of us

having a nice little time, yeah.

Any of you couldhave come out here

after the rest of uswere asleep.

-Any of us? What about you?

-Well, I knowI didn't k*ll him.

-If you don't remember,how do you know?

-It's just somethingyou know.

When you k*ll a man,you know, all right?

-Why can't we just callthe police

and explain to themwhat happened?

-What, that one of uskilled him,

but nobody knows who it was

because we were on tonsof f*cking drugs?

Yeah, all right.

-The lava windows.

His body will be gonein seconds, no evidence.

-Yes, yes, that is brilliant!

Yes, I always thoughtthe lava windows

will make the perfect m*rder.

-Are you like a sociopath?-f*ck you.

-Someone is deadand one of us k*lled him.

How can you all beso f*cking cavalier right now?

One of us is a m*rder*r.

-Whoa, whoa, hey, hey,you know what,

the dude asked for it, yeah?

He said it himself,he wanted to die.

-Yeah, well, it was reallyconsiderate of him

to drag us into it.

-I say we take his assto the windows right now.

-Now, when it's bright and day?

Use your head, hey, boy.

-Well, tonight then.

-You're not dumping his bodyin the lava, all right.

Put him out into the seajust like he wanted.

-f*ck how he wanted it.

-It's been a long time

since I had guests oversince I, you know, partied.

I just want to invite you guyson a little trip.

-A trip?

-Yeah. LSD.

-h*! What?

Acid, you'retalking about acid.

-Yeah.

Excellent.

Okay, nobody move.

I am going to be right back.

-Oh, sh*t.-Mm-hmm.

-No, this is a really bad idea.

Yo, this is such a good idea.

-This is amazing.

-This is such a good idea,we should totally do this.

Let's do this.-Insane.

-I think he's nice actually.-We have to get out of here.

And we're all really drunk.

I never triedLSD in my life.

-Lex, come.Could be fun.

-You know what I thinkis fun? Pancakes.

So, I'm going to go home and I'mgoing to go make some pancakes.

Anybody wants pancakes,you know where to find 'em.

-Lexi, no.-No!

-Lexi.-Come on.

-No, Lexi.

Nothing bad isgoing to happen.

Okay?

We won't let anythingbad happen.

Isn't that right, James?-Right.

-[ Laughs ] Come on.

Yeah?-Yeah.

Yeah.

-This is so f*cked up, man.

This time yesterday,I had nothing on my mind

but a clear dayand a couple of brews.

-Now we're in a big old mess.

-I don't how we wereall sucked into this.

It was James' ideato go over there.

-James' idea?-Yeah.

-James' idea.

**

-What are you doing?

-Nothing.

-What is wrong with you people?

-You looked sad, all right?-We just k*lled someone!

We just k*lled someone!

-Lexi! Shhh.Someone will hear you.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

I can't just f*ck whole bunch of strangers

and then m*rder someone

and then just sit arounddrinking f*cking tea

and playing Frisbee likeit's another f*cking Thursday!

-Lex, Lexi.

-It's Friday.

-Lexi, Lexi...

it's all right, okay?

We're all scared.

-They are not scared.

She is not scared.

She's trying to snuggle.

-Whoa! Now, haole girl.

I'm just as freaked outas you are, so just back off.

-It's just...who did it?

One of us did itand one of us is a m*rder*r.

Doesn't that bother you all?

-Of course it does, butno one can remember anything,

at least I can't.

-It doesn't matter.

-But it does.

-It doesn't.

Could've been any of us.

**

Come here.

[ Woman singing in French ]

-* The coast is clear

* Ba ba ba ba ba

* Ba ba ba ba ba

* Oh, wow

* I just realizedwhat that means *

* Literally it's just usand a body on the beach *

* That's whyhe snorkels at night *

* To be alone

* No one here to save him

* We must go

**

-Shouldn't we say something?

-Aloha?

-* Can you hold me,pretty baby *

* Can you hold mejust a little, baby *

* Can you hold me,pretty baby *

* You're so soft

* You're so soft

* Someday we will findour home *