- Morning.
- Morning.
How'd you sleep?
- Well.
I got stuck in a vortex
of music making last night,
so, um, I got four hours.
- Dude, you gotta stop doing
that. It's really bad
for your health.
- How'd you sleep?
- It was fine.
- Fine.
Come on.
Baloney.
I can tell you f*cking
smothered that.
- You're judging my emotional
state by my jam volume?
- You're really fine?
- Um...
No, I'm not fine. Like,
come on, I'm going home
for my dad's birthday.
I haven't gone back in,
it's probably been close to
four years.
- Oh, geez.
- I know.
- Oh.
Bold. That's a bold move.
- Is it?
- Yeah, it is.
I mean, you're gonna walk in
there, it's gonna be pretty
provocative.
- I don't, it's like,
why do they--
I, I don't know why
they even want me to go.
It's...
I know I'm just nothing but
a f*cking disappointment.
So it's, I don't...
I'm just
a disappointment to them.
You know.
- Remember you can just turn
around and get on the train and
come back here.
- Yeah.
- Look, f*ck it. Just stay.
We'll watch movies this
weekend.
That sounds nice.
I have to.
What's frustrating
for me is like...
Cool, they accept...
This. Um...
But do they? Like, I don't know
what they actually think.
I don't know what they actually
say to their friends.
And, if anything,
they use it against me
like they deserve some gold
star because...
they accept my existence.
- Right, because they're
so progressive.
- Right.
- Oh, f*ck.
- And, um...
So, it's as if I, like...
owe them so much or something.
I don't know.
- Well, what's the worst that
can happen?
- I don't know.
I don't,
I don't really want to--
Okay.
- Be safe.
You know how I worry.
- Thanks, Mom.
- You want a power bar?
It's vegan.
- Yeah. Thank you.
Hi, everyone.
On behalf of Via Rail Canada
we welcome you aboard. I'll be
your service manager today.
If you have any questions
or concerns, I'll be located
in car three.
This is train number 42.
Going to Montral with stops at
Oshawa, Coburg, Belleville,
Kingston.
- Katherine.
- Hello.
- Oh, my God.
It's so nice to see you.
- Huh. How long has it been
since high school? Like...
- Almost 20 years. I mean...
Yeah.
- You're going to Cobourg?
- Yeah.
- Why?
- I... I live there.
- You live there? Wow!
- Yeah.
- Yeah, um, I moved back about
five years ago.
- How-- How's that been?
- Good.
- Do you like it? Are you good?
- Yeah, it's good, it's good.
- Are you happy?
- Yeah.
What-what about you?
Are you living in Cobourg?
- Uh, no, I'm in, uh, Toronto
in, yeah, Kensington Market.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- I love that area, though.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Certain changes in my life.
- You look really good.
You look great.
- Oh, thanks.
- Yeah, you do.
- You look really amazing.
Yeah.
- Thank you.
How's your family.
- They're good. They're good,
yeah.
- Yeah?
- Everyone basically the same,
you know...
And, uh...
I got married. I mean, a long
time ago. I met, remember...
- Uh, remember Daniel?
- Yeah.
- I married Daniel and, uh...
- Oh.
- Wow. That's...
- Amazing.
- We have two kids.
- Wow.
- Great. How old?
- They're, um, five and 12.
I have pictures. I'm...
- Oh, my...
- Yeah. They're very sweet.
- They are so cute.
- Oh, thanks. I think so too.
That's my life, basically.
Really. You know,
I work at a caf,
which is nice, too,
to get out of the house and...
Oh, God.
I cannot believe...
- I know. I can't...
- I can't believe, um...
- I, I've like not gone home
in, like, over...
- Almost five years, but, um,
yeah.
- Wow.
- It's my dad's birthday,
so I...
Yeah, I'm back.
Yeah. Yeah. It'll be--
I think it'll be...
Yeah, it'll be nice, and...
- Tell him I said happy
birthday. If he remembers me.
- Of course. What do you mean?
Of course they do.
- They always loved you,
you know.
- Oh.
- Yeah, it'll be nice.
My-my siblings will be there.
- Oh.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- How are they? How's Kate?
- I mean, fine. Yeah,
she's good. Uh, they all...
Um, I, I haven't really been,
you know.
I've been away and a little,
you know, disconnected.
- Needed some space, you know.
- What?
- Needed some, I needed some
space from Cobourg, so, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I'm always, like,
going by places,
you know, like...
Where we always used to hang
out. I'm always...
thinking about you.
Remembering.
- Huh.
- I've thought about you a lot,
to be honest.
A lot.
- I'm sorry, I don't know why
I'm crying.
- Don't apologize.
- I think I'm just going-going
home. Oh my God.
And there's already, like,
a lot of... feelings so...
- You don't have to apologize.
- Oh. Thanks.
- Your attention, please.
We will be arriving
at our next station stop,
Cobourg Station in
a few minutes.
- Um, yeah, I have to, like...
Daniel's gonna be picking me up
and, um...
Yeah, we gotta, we gotta go.
I don't like to keep him
waiting so I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna get ready but it was
good to see you, and um...
- Say hi to--
- Bye-bye.
- You too.
This is the final boarding call
for train number 42
bound for Montral.
Hey.
I was just gonna say I'm...
I'm in town all weekend
if you wanted to grab a coffee
or go for a walk or something.
- I, um, I'm really busy,
you know?
- Yeah, no, I--
- Look, I can't-I can't, like,
I can't...
I can't do this right now.
I can't. It's-it's-it's just
too much, you know?
You know, like, my life
is completely different now.
I-I would go for a coffee
and-and then what?
- Uh, sorry. I didn't--
- Uh, I just--
- I didn't mean to...
- You understand, right?
Like, I just...
Like, they're about to come and
get me and I'm about to go,
you know.
I just...
Um...
But please tell your dad happy
birthday and your family that
I said...
I said hello and--
- Of course.
- And Kate and everything
and, um...
Here he is and, um...
Yeah, and good to see you.
Hey!
- I'm gonna make tea.
- Okay.
- Train ride was fine?
- Hm?
- The train ride in?
- It was good.
- Good.
So I took the boys to the park
yesterday.
- Oh, yeah?
Henry comes up to me
and he goes, "I saw a moose."
I'm like, "You saw a moose?"
- Okay, take me to see
the moose.
- Uh-huh.
And we get over there and it's
a little dog named Moose.
- Oh, my--
Aw, cute.
- Hey.
- Hm. Got that.
- But, yeah, we did okay.
Do you know...
I, uh...
really missed you?
- Hm.
I missed you, too.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- You seem like you have
something on your mind.
- No, I'm fine. I'm good.
Kat, I know you.
You can tell me what's wrong.
- No, I really-- I'm fine.
I just...
I'm fine. I...
I just...
I saw...
I just saw a really old friend.
- Oh.
- You saw him.
You know, when I was--
when you picked me up.
I was standing with
that guy, Sam?
And I hadn't seen him
since high school, and, um...
It-it was just...
Mm, really...
Intense. Very, um...
I don't know.
Um...
I knew him really well
back then and...
Um...
I don't know. It just...
- It just affected me,
you know?
- Yeah.
Well...
do you wanna talk about it?
No.
Um, I don't know if there's
anything to say, really.
It just...
I don't know.
I have to get...
I have to get ready soon.
- Okay.
- For work.
- Okay.
- So, lemme go, lemme go
do that.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Oh, my God.
He's here.
- Hey?
- Is that Sam?
- Yeah.
- Oh, I got
a singing telegram for dad.
- Oh, it is.
Oh, my gosh!
- Hi.
- You made it!
Oh, I'm so happy.
I was so worried maybe
you'd changed your mind.
- Oh, no. Of course not.
- Good, good, good.
- Yeah.
- Come in. Come in.
I'm good. How are you?
- But you should've called.
I could've come to the station
- and picked you up.
- No! You know me.
I like the walk.
- But I know, I know,
but it's freezing out there
and I just thought
- Move my legs.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Oh my God, this is so nice.
Come in.
- Okay.
- Come on in. Come on in.
Okay, everybody...
Hey!
- Oh, my God. So nice to see
you. Thanks for coming.
- Happy birthday.
- Can I get you a drink?
- Um. Sure, yeah.
- Here.
- All right.
You want a wine, maybe?
- Yeah, sure. Thank you. Hi.
- Oh, you came!
- Hi.
- Hi. you made it. I'm so glad.
- Mine, mine, mine, mine.
- Oh, my God, you smell
so good.
- Thank you so much.
Wow, goodness.
- Hey, hey. Good to see you.
I'm glad you came.
- Thanks.
- Hey!
Hey! Uh, Steven...
- A new addition to the house.
- - So nice to meet you.
- I've heard so much
about you from Kate.
- Two years or so.
- Nice.
- Here, come-come,
sit down. Sit down. Sit down.
- Can't believe you haven't
met. That's wild.
- I know. Yeah.
It's two years. Yeah.
- Kate, let's do a whole family.
- - Oh, like all together?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- You're doing pictures now?
- Well, we might as well!
- Should I put it on a timer?
Yeah. Yeah.
And then suddenly there's
no pictures.
- Here, honey, move, move.
My parents are--
- You kids get in and--
- We all gonna squeeze?
- Well, you get in.
- We should we all get in?
- Oh, my gosh!
Look at us all together.
- We can all fit. My butt is
bigger than it used to be.
- Oh!
- Everybody smile.
Three, two, one.
Okay. One more.
Hold on.
- And one more.
- Get one like this
for social media.
- Big smile.
- Gonna get in here real quick.
- Yeah! Here we go!
- See, here's how he
ingratiates himself.
- Should we
have presents?
- Yeah, great! Yes!
Great. Great.
- Well, and it's dad's
birthday. He deserves his
presents.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Oh, gifts?
- Okay, they're off.
They're amazing.
- Oh, look, Sam got something
too! Sweetie.
- Start with Sam's first.
- Dad] Sam, wanna--?
- Start with Sam's.
- Mine first?
- Yeah, sure. Come on.
Bring it over.
- They're just
little things.
They're all just little things.
- Okay. Yeah. There's a--
There a card in there.
- This is fantastic.
All right. What is this?
Thank you, Sam.
- It's just something small.
- - They're just little things.
- Sam...
- Just little things.
- Okay, so,
I know that...
it's a bit of a clich that
kids just get their dad's ties
but I actually need a new tie
and this is beautiful
and it's gonna go with a shirt
that we got last week, and...
- Well, it did remind me of
that suit that you always wore.
- That's my favourite suit.
That's exactly right.
- That is perfect!
- Oh, that is lovely!
- Thank you very much, Sam.
- Lovely. That is a great gift.
How's it look?
- All right, who's next?
- Um, open the-the big
blue one--
- This one?
- That's from--
Yeah, that's from us.
- Should I read this out loud?
- Uh, you can if you want to.
Yeah.
- Dear Papa, happy birthday.
Hope you have a wonderful rest
of the day and I love you so
much. Stay hydrated.
Stay hydrated?
What the hell? Love, Megs.
All right, well here you go.
Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- And then from Paul.
Now you really are my old
man... in-law.
- Bit of a double entendre
there. My old man's an old man.
Not yet but soon.
- Oh.
- Ah, okay.
- Paul, uh, this is, uh--
- Holy sh*t. That's super nice.
- That's, uh...
- What is it?
- This is a very, very...
very nice watch. It's almost
too nice to wear. It's, uh...
- It's just a small token
of my appreciation, Jim.
- Paul. Paul, Paul. This is...
- What?
- This is... It's a watch.
It's a very--
- Oh, wow!
- It's fine. It's just a watch.
It's just a watch.
- It's... It's, it's... it is
more than just a watch, please.
Thank you. Thank you.
- It's nothing. It's not,
it's not--
- Thank you very much.
That's, uh, lovely.
- He knew you needed a new watch.
- Well, I needed a new watch.
- Well, we've had a good year.
It's not a big deal, so...
- ...the casserole.
- Oh, let me help.
-What can I do?
What can I help with?
- Um, you know what?
- You want me to finish these?
- You can finish cutting up
the mushrooms
and I'm gonna do
the potatoes and...
Boy, this is really special.
- How are you doing, Mom?
How've you been feeling?
- Oh, same old, same old.
But, yeah.
You know,
it's been a good year for us.
So, you know, I did wanna say
that if you need anything...
I-I don't know what your,
you know, how-how, you know,
what your kind of...
- Yeah.
- You know, salary range is
or what your, you know,
but I want you to know
that you can come to dad
and I for, you know,
anything if you need it.
- I'm-I'm really okay.
- Okay. But I just wanted you
to know.
- Mom. Mom!
- Sure.
- Please, don't...
- No, no.
- I don't wanna... I don't--
- No, no, and I didn't mean
it-- I just meant it as,
you know...
- I know how you mean.
I know, I know.
- If it's something that
could help.
- Yeah, okay. Yes.
- That was all. That was all
I was saying.
So, how's-how's-how's
everything going in the city?
How are you liking it?
- Um, I'm really liking it,
actually.
- Really?
- Yeah. Yeah. I love this, um...
I told you,
this room I'm renting.
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- Um, I'm really liking that.
- Living in a room?
Like, it's okay?
- Well, no, I get to.
I mean, she's letting--
she's my friend.
I live in the house,
but, I mean, I'm renting it.
- You get to use the kitchen--
- Yes. Yeah.
- ...with a little hot plate
in your room or anything
like that?
- No.
- Nope. Don't have one
of those.
- Good.
- Um, so that's been
really good.
I really do like work. I'm like
learning a lot, you know?
It's still new. Um...
I lo-- I really love
the people I work with and...
- Are you meet--
Are you meeting people?
Do you meet people in
the city and--
- Oh, yeah, for sure.
Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah?
- Especially other q*eer
and trans people.
So that's been really,
Yeah.
- So it-- It feels happy?
Do you feel happy at work and...
- Yeah. Yeah, I mean,
I feel like in...
in so many ways I am for the,
you know, for the first time
and just waking up and feeling
like you're a person that can
function.
So that's how I'm feeling.
And it feels really good.
- Honey, that is so good.
I just wanna make sure that
you're finding real happiness.
Boy...
- No, Mom, you don't have
to worry, okay?
- Okay. Okay.
- You worry too much.
It's bad for your health.
- I know.
- Just...
- Show them your trust,
not your anxiety.
- Yeah, let's breathe together.
- Okay. Okay.
I'm gonna do the asparagus.
- Okay. Is there anything else?
- There is nothing. I'm good.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hey, what's going on?
Everything all right in here?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Good. Really good.
- Need any help?
- No, no. Fine. I'm good.
- Yeah?
- Just having a little,
you know, chat.
- Okay. Yeah. Anything--
- Did you find your wine?
- No, we don't know
where it is. I thought it was
in the car but it's not.
- I-I'm sure it was just in
the pantry.
- Yeah, well, if you could
find it, that'd be great.
- Okay. Okay. Let me look
where that wine has gone.
- Uh, so...
How you doing?
- Pretty good.
How are you doing?
- Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Just feels...
I mean, you know.
- No, I don't.
What do you mean?
- You don't feel, like, a...
unsettled thing?
- Like, just, what do you--
Like, with everybody
or with...?
- Yeah.
- I think it's our family
being our family.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I mean, yeah, I guess.
Not that you'd really know.
You sort of took off.
You've been gone.
Yeah, I've been living in
Toronto and...
haven't been back. I mean,
I've seen, I don't know.
I also don't know why it's
really any of your business.
- Look, I don't wanna be a--
- I barely know you.
- Yeah. I'm not trying to--
it's just there's a lot
of unspoken things
and it's not my
style to just kind of, like...
- Oh, it's not, is it?
- Yeah.
- You're just really radically
honest and vulnerable
all the time?
Well, I can just feel like
people are being polite and
it's uncomfortable.
- What do you mean?
Come on, I'm obviously
not your favourite here.
So, I don't know why
you even give a f*ck.
- Well...
because I love Meg.
- Do you?
- Yeah, I do.
- Yeah. I don't know man.
- And 'cuz when you love
people you show up for them.
- Yeah, it doesn't sound like
you're showing up for her,
actually.
- What the f*ck does that mean?
- Is this it?
Is it this one?
- That's the one! Oh, sh*t.
- Good. Why don't you just
open that up?
- Yeah, all right, I will.
- Great. You guys having
a little catch up?
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Good, good.
- And Paul?
- Yeah?
- The watch was too much.
- Please.
- It was too much!
I'm not kidding. It was very
nice. A lovely gesture.
- Too much. Too much.
- All right. I won't-
I won't-I won't
I won't do anything
for the next three birthdays.
- Okay, good. Okay.
- Okay. Deal. Okay.
- Except for mine.
Mine's coming up.
- Well, yes. Yeah.
Except for Sam's.
- I want a Rolex.
- Exactly. Get her a nice
big watch.
- Him.
- Her, him. Oh...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.
It's okay.
- No. Mom, stop!
- Ahh!
- No! See, this is--
You just got... We can just...
- I'm only saying it to be
helpful.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Oh, my God.
I just-- I'm just upset at
myself because I work so hard
and it's--
- I know you work so hard.
It's okay. It's okay.
- Okay. Okay. Thank you for--
- It's okay. It's all right.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- It's okay.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Are you okay?
- I just missed you,
that's all. I just miss you.
And when I see you here,
it just makes me miss you more.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What are you doing?
- Hanging out in our old digs.
- Yeah. What the--
What do they even use this for?
- It's, um...
I don't know who sleeps there.
Probably Dad.
- How's it going?
- Oh, it's going all right.
Yeah.
- You can be real with me.
I'd actually prefer that.
I just wanna understand.
A little more... than I do.
That's all. Okay?
- Yeah, I...
I-I just...
Like, I've just needed--
I've needed some space. Like,
it's not...
- Okay.
- Like, I know that probably
seems...
- ...really...
- Space from the family?
- ...selfish. Space from
the family. I mean,
space from like...
just...
Away from this town, you know?
- Hm.
Are you happy? Like,
does that space make you happy?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. It's enough?
- Yeah.
- Being...
where you are,
what-what you're doing.
- I don't know what you mean.
- I mean, like your job.
- Mom's was saying that you--
I...
- What is enough?
- I don't know.
- Is everything enough for you?
- Yeah, I have enough.
I have enough.
- Oh, yeah? Okay.
- I have my kids
and I have a great partner.
You know, and I've built this
life that you had
the opportunity to have.
And more.
You had that.
You had all of this potential.
And I'm here with mom and dad
and they worry about you.
All the time.
- Well, I don't... A, nobody's
asking you to do that.
- I'm not asking you
to do that.
- I know you're not asking...
- I'm not asking people
to not feel worried about me.
It makes me feel like a f*cking
child and so infantilized.
- We can't help it.
You have no security.
- I'm living my life.
- You have no security.
You're living in a room in
Toront-- Like, I-I...
- I guess I just feel like...
you weren't worrying about me
when I was actually not okay.
So, here I am going,
"I feel good.
I'm feeling passionate.
I'm living my life. I'm..."
And when I was...
the most unwell,
nobody f*cking worried.
- I suppose I wish that you had
talked to me more.
I wish, um...
I was-- we shared a f*cking
bedroom and I didn't know you.
I didn't actually know you.
Oh, bunny.
Bunny, don't cry.
But you gotta know that that's
why it's been hard to
come home.
- Mm-hm.
- It's hard to come...
home to a place where you
just...
didn't feel seen and you're
just really trying to
feel seen.
- Do you want a hug?
I don't want to hug you if you
don't want to be hugged.
- I don't want you to
hug me just 'cause I'm crying.
- I know you're upset at me
and I don't--
- Hey, I-I am gonna hug you
because I love you.
I wish I could go back.
I do.
Oh, look who's here.
- Oh, hey! It's okay.
- I didn't mean to interrupt,
uh...
- It's okay.
- Sorry. Uh, everything okay?
- Yeah, we're good.
We're just catching up.
- Yeah.
- Oh, I was just...
wondering where you were and
. You're up here and--
- This was our old room.
- Okay. Very, very nice.
- Well, it looked a lot
different.
- Yeah, I was like...
- Um, yeah.
- Very serious kids.
- Do you believe they made us
share a room in this
giant house?
- This house is gigantic.
- So dumb.
- But I heard, uh, you--
- But we really connected
in here, so...
- Okay, I am interrupting.
- That was a joke.
- What?
- It was a joke.
We just talked about how...
we've lived in the same room
and we didn't really know
each other.
- So...
- Okay.
- Oka-- Oh, sh*t!
Okay, I will...
- Didn't break.
- Didn't break. Okay,
I'll be right back.
- I'm gonna clean it up and,
uh--
- No! No, we'll get it.
- It's fine. It's fine.
- He seems so sweet.
- ...amazing.
- Uh, not the first impression
I wanted to make...
- Oh, please!
- ...with the brother,
but there we go.
- Thank you. Thanks babe.
- It's no problem. No problem.
- Um, it is really nice
to meet you and...
erase this from your--
... memory.
- No, I like it.
This is really memorable.
So, yeah.
Good story, right?
- More wine.
- Thank you.
- And, hey, super excited.
Yeah, you too, man.
- Ah!
- Are you seeing anybody?
- Nah.
- Do you want to?
- Not really.
- No?
- No. I'm liking being single.
It's fun.
- I thought I was gonna be
single after I divorced and
then I met that guy.
- It's always, like--
- Nothing came at
the right time.
No, I was like,
"I'm gonna do one night stands.
It's gonna be awesome." He's,
like, the second date I
went on.
k*lled that dream of mine.
- I feel like that's how it
always happens, right?
- Is it?
So you just gotta not want it?
- Yeah. Maybe that's the trick.
- Oh, okay.
- No, I just like being really
slutty right now. It's fun.
- Really?
- Yeah. It's really fun.
- That's so fun.
- Yeah, it's really fun.
- Can I ask you: Do you have
sex with men or women? Or both?
- Both.
- You do? At the same time?
- No,
but I would like to try that.
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
- Are you and Steven
monogamous or...?
- We talk about it.
- Yeah.
- But it's the communication
that's good.
- Mm.
- Why? You want a piece
of that?
Oh, my God. I missed you.
- Sam!
Sam!
Shall we walk?
- Yeah.
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
- Hey, are you okay?
- Oh, yeah. Yep.
I was just, um...
- Mom, you're--
- Yeah. No, I'm--
- You're crying.
- No. I'm not. I was just...
I'm just tired.
Just having a...
Yeah. I'm good. I'm good.
I'm good. I'm good.
I just...
I just still think
of you as my little girl.
And I keep calling you "her."
- Hm.
I know it's...
It's-- Oh. It just gets me
every time. I just can't...
- It's...
- It's okay, Mom.
- I just want you to be happy.
I just want you to be happy and
then I go and do that
all the time
and I think of all people --
your mother.
- And I just...
- Mom.
- I'll look at you and...
- I feel very supported by
you, okay?
- Okay.
- I mean, you've known me
for a little while.
- I met you in the hospital.
- Exactly.
We met in the hospital.
- Yeah, as you were being born.
- I look at you starting your
life like this and I...
I think how brave you are.
How g*dd*mn brave you are.
My brave boy.
You're my brave boy.
And I'm so proud of you
living who you really are.
They say your kids will teach
you about life and mine has.
I'm a lucky mother.
- I'm lucky too, Mom.
I'm really lucky, too.
- Oh, my gosh.
Whoa.
- Bye-bye.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hey, buddy. Come on in.
I am just answering an email
wishing me a happy birthday,
so I'm saying...
thank you very much.
How you feeling?
- I feel old.
How are you feeling?
- I guess, I don't know.
Something just feels, uh...
- Have a seat.
- Like a--
- Close the door.
- What is it? What's up?
- I don't know. I guess since...
Ah...
Yeah, I wasn't--
I just guess I wasn't so sure.
- Ugh.
You're always welcome
here, buddy.
- How's work?
- Work's good.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. I really like it.
- Oh, good.
- Yeah.
It's really fun,
cool people and...
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- You seeing anybody?
- No, I'm not,
but I don't really want to.
- No? Not right now?
- Yeah.
- Okay. Fair enough.
Fair enough.
It's a very odd feeling
when you get to be my age.
You see your kids in
front of you.
And they're all grown up.
They've all launched,
they've all gone.
And...
I was really worried
that you weren't gonna launch.
I guess that's what you're
feeling. I don't know.
You were so sad.
And the last thing a parent
wants is...
for their kid to be sad.
I mean, you'll figure--
You'll-you'll have a family
someday
and you'll...
It's the worst feeling in
the world.
And you know there's
nothing you can do about it.
And you're just--
you're just watching your kid
every single day get sadder and
sadder and sadder.
And it keeps stopping
them and making them...
do nothing.
- I thought...
that you maybe
always resented me for that.
For the times when...
I know that I didn't...
live up to certain
expectations.
- It was just that I felt
helpless.
When you left home...
Then I was really scared.
'Cause at least when you
were here,
I could have my eye on you.
You know, it's like,
at least... he's depressed,
but he's here at home.
If he does something,
I can get him to the hospital.
I can call the cops.
I can pick him up.
I can put him in a bathtub.
I can do something.
I can stick my fingers down his
throat. I don't know!
And then you left.
And... I don't resent that.
I get it.
But I have never been
more scared in my life.
And when you finally called
and you sounded so happy,
it was probably one of the
happiest moments of my life.
And the more you talked and
the more you assured me,
you said, "I'm okay.
I'm okay and I've got a place
and I've got a job
and I met some people."
And then you got to
the big news
and you said,
"And I'm going through this."
And I didn't even hear it
at the time.
And I know that's hard to
believe, maybe. I don't know.
But, like I said, you're gonna
have kids one day of your own
and you're gonna go through all
of the same f*cking horseshit
that I did.
And the most you can hope for
is that all your kids
come out the other end
like you did.
Hey, come here.
Come here.
Come here. I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of you.
So proud of you.
- It's a beautiful day at
the beach.
Let's just go for a nice swim.
- Freezing cold water.
- Yeah.
- What is it like--
what's it called? Like polar?
When people get in the water?
- Oh, polar dip. Polar, polar
swim. Uh, yeah. No thanks.
- Let's do that.
- No thanks.
- Nah.
- I wish I was cool to do
a polar dip.
- You wish what?
- I wish I was cooler.
Cool enough.
- Cool enough?
- Pardon the pun. But, um...
- You're still cool enough
to do that.
- Ah, no!
- No?
- No, I'm a bit of a wimp,
actually.
- Really? I would do it.
- Yeah. I try-I try and act
like I'm not
but secretly... Secretly I am.
- Secretly you're scared?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I really like your red hat.
It's nice.
- Thank you. Yeah.
It's kind of my favourite hat.
- Yeah, is it your trademark?
- It's my trademark right now.
- What, right now?
- Sometimes I'll move on to
another hat
that becomes the new look.
Then onto another hat.
- So, if I'm in Toronto,
I shouldn't--
It may-it may not be reliable
if I'm looking for a cute
red hat?
- Yeah, you might not even
recognize me.
- You look so good.
You really do.
You look just so...
Like, you just look the same.
Just more you! I love it.
- Thanks. Yeah.
That's how I feel.
- Yeah?
- It's cool to be, like,
"Oh, yeah,
there's-there's that guy.
I was wondering where he was.
- Aw, I love that.
- I'm so happy for you.
- Thanks.
- I'm happy for you, too.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- When you think about us
back then...
Well, what was it?
What was it for you?
- I was in love with you.
I...
I figured that was obvious.
What was it for you?
- You were my best friend and,
yeah, the person I felt at
home with
and safe with and I loved
you so much.
And I felt...
confused sometimes.
- We didn't have that many, uh,
- ...references at the time.
- No.
Yeah.
- I feel like I felt
embarrassed a lot 'cause I was
the little q*eer one.
You know?
You were the only person
I felt myself around.
Whatever that meant at
the time, but
I don't know what I
would've done without you.
- I'm glad that I could be
that for you.
- I still get that
same feeling I had in
high school
when I look at you.
- You do?
- Yeah.
Used to be so, like...
baffled by it.
Mm.
- Me, too.
It's so nice to...
be close to you again.
And I always really
felt like...
where I could be myself.
- I'm always gonna love you
no matter what.
- Oh.
Hey, if we're gonna be
brothers, we gotta f*cking
talk, right?
- Sure.
- Is that what we'd be?
- Brothers-in-law.
- I'm just-- Is that what
I call you too?
- Brother-in-law?
- Yeah, why would it be?
- Next summer.
I don't know, I don't know.
- Don't know why it would be
different but yeah.
- Can I still call you Sammy?
- Is that a thing?
- Um...
I'd prefer if you didn't.
- Aw. I can't call you Sammy?
Did you-- Didn't you just
ask me a question?
And I responded to you.
- Well, I'm not trying--
I'm just saying I don't know
all the-- all the rules,
all the fancy whatever.
- Sorry. The rules?
- What?
- I don't know.
What do you mean?
Like what rules? What do you--
Ha-- The-the-the, you know.
How all the things to say,
all the whatever.
- Well, working on it.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah but Meg gave me
this whole list of, like,
here's what you say,
here's what you don't say.
And I was just, like,
all right, well,
we could figure it out.
- What is that?
- What is what?
- Why are you, like,
looking down at me like that?
- It's just this is what
you always have to do.
- What?
- You have to--
You have to bring something up
that you don't need to
bring up.
Like why-- What are you-what
are you talking about? Rules.
Like, I'm just...
- I'm just saying--
- ...a f*cking person.
Just talk to me.
- Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
We can just talk.
I don't have to f*cking obey
whatever, you know?
- Look, you're going through
a thing...
- I'm going through a thing?
- Yeah.
- Dude.
- 'Cause we can talk.
We can talk. Whatever.
- Right? Isn't that the whole
thing?
- Why are you yelling?
- What?
It's just like we're-we're...
- What about me
makes you so f*cking angry?
- I'm not angry.
I'm just saying we can talk.
- You seem really angry
and I don't understand
why you can't just, like,
appreciate someone's,
like, existence.
Like, why can't you just
respect that?
How-how is that hurting you?
-This is getting all political.
I'm just saying we can talk.
- Isn't that the whole thing?
- Hey. Hey!
- What? No. Nothing.
- Hi. What are you--
- Hey. Hey. I'm sorry.
It's just-just... it's just
getting a little whatever.
- I was saying we were talking
and you were telling me--
you gave me the list
of the things and whatever,
at the website or whatever.
- Yeah. It's-- It's different
when you lob them in
when we're in a group and we
all have to pretend and laugh.
It's just different
when you're, like, f*cking--
- Oh! I'm, I'm...
You're pretending 'cause of me.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- This is what we're avoiding.
- The sh*t I'm bringing up.
- Hey!
- What are you doing?
- What the-- No, f*ck this.
- This is--this is bullshit.
- This is just so classic.
It's so classic. Like,
you sit down...
You're clearly trying
to f*cking provoke something.
- You didn't mean to say that.
- I'm trying.
You, obviously, you go, "Oh,
I'm trying to know the rules."
Next thing you know,
you're like, f*ck them.
Which is basically you just
saying, like,
I'm not gonna register
or regard or respect your
humanity on any f*cking level,
or who you are.
- That is not what I'm saying.
- It is what you're saying!
It is what you're saying when
you do that!
- It's exactly what you're
f*cking saying.
- Oh, my f*cking God!
And that's how it makes me
f*cking feel. And then I--
- ...we can figure this out
as people.
- Okay, okay, okay. Okay.
- Oh, my God!
- Just-just-just...
- No, no. Forget it. It's okay.
It's cool.
- Just take a walk.
Take a walk. Take a walk!
Honey, take a walk, okay?
- Just, no, Paul!
- Why do I gotta be the one to
shut up? Look,
you're going through a thing.
- We all have to obey your
f*cking whole--
- Paul! Paul! Paul!
- Obey what?
- Can you please?
- Fine. Whatever.
- Go f*ck yourself.
- I will.
- That doesn't help.
That doesn't help.
- Dude, what the f*ck just
happened?
- Finally!
- That doesn't help.
- Finally.
- What the f*ck just happened?
He's an as*h*le and he's
a prick.
- Hey, okay,
don't say that to her.
- Just please don't touch me!
- So you're gonna come in and
defend him? He just, like,
f*cking-- Oh, my God.
- I'm protecting her.
I-I just-- Her.
- Oh, great!
- Her. I know! I'm so--
- Great! You're protecting her!
- I just wanna understand
what just happened.
- He's just being a f*cking
transphobic as*h*le.
- Oh, f*ck.
- I can't get involved in it.
- Dad was getting upset and I
just wanted to settle things
down a little bit.
- Okay, 'cause it's dad's
birthday.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Hey, Paul's in there
f*cking himself.
- What?
- I just-- I heard,
so I'm just-- trying to lighten
things up. I'm sorry.
Oh.
f*ck.
- He's, uh...
He can be a lot.
- I-I...
I mean, I can't even really
apologize. I don't-- I don't.
I don't-
I don't know what to say.
I-I, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry.
- Are you okay?
- Okay. Dad's coming.
Birthday! Oh, f*ck!
- Birthday. Birthday.
- Oh, my God.
- I see this is a kitchen
party now.
Just, uh...
Paul's got a few things to say.
- Oh!
- Uh...
I didn't mean anything by it.
I didn't mean--
I didn't...
This is not...
- You did mean something by it.
And I don't think you just
walked out of the room and...
had some sort of epiphany and
a whole different perspective.
- I'm saying--
- On me and who I am,
so, I just...
- I don't, you know.
- Paul?
- I can make room for that.
We all have different...
- Whatever -- thoughts.
And I can make--
- No, that's not what
this is about!
- Okay.
- You're... You-- Okay, sure.
You know what, you can have
different thoughts,
but they're...
They're... They're
bigoted f*cking thoughts.
- Sam.
- It's fine. Fine.
I'm an as*h*le
but can we just have a--
This is not about us.
- This is your dad's birthday,
you know?
- Okay. That's fine.
That's fine.
- Really?
- Doesn't matter.
- Yeah! Well, why don't we
talk about that for a second?
Why do I gotta go?
This is my question.
- Hey.
- Because you're the one
with the pr--
- I'm just sitting here
existing and you can't seem to,
like, handle it.
- I'm done. I'm done.
No, I'm done.
- You just have to ignore him.
I'm done. I'm leaving.
f*ck this sh*t.
- Oh, hey guys.
Dinner's ready.
- Mom!
- What? What's going on?
What? Why are you going?
What happened?
- Sweetheart?
- Paul's being a f*cking
as*h*le.
- Oh, my God. Well, don't go.
- No, I'm not staying for it.
I'm not.
- Listen, listen! Please,
sweetheart, just for me,
just for dad.
- Oh!
- I know but you--
just for a second.
What-what happened?
What did he say?
- He was just being-- Okay.
- Do I have to?
- No, he's got to apologize.
We can't--
- He's not gonna mean
his apology.
- We'll never be together.
- Are you kidding me?
- Okay, he can go.
You're not going.
- You're not the one
who has to leave.
- Okay. Okay, then make
him leave.
- Then he will leave.
- Okay. Make him leave.
- Can we give him a chance?
- He can leave.
- Can we give him a chance?
- Okay. Let's go give him
a chance.
- Just to apologize.
What the hell happened here?
Paul, you need to apologize
to Sam.
All right?
You owe Sam an apology.
This is our home.
This is my child.
You owe Sam an apology.
- Miriam, I'm sorry.
Sam, I'm sorry.
Okay, I'm f*cking this up.
This is on me. I get it.
I'm sorry. Okay?
- All right. All right,
everyone.
I've made this lovely meal.
Girls, can you get the dishes
from the kitchen, please?
We're gonna sit down.
We're gonna be civilized...
and we're gonna have a nice
meal for your father's
birthday. Okay?
One meal.
- That's all there was, Mom.
Is that all there is?
- No problem.
- Okay.
- - Does anybody want white?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Thanks, sweetheart.
- Can we just
all hold hands for one minute?
I know this seems... But, for
me, can we just for one minute,
just take each other's hands
and just look
around the table and think how
grateful
we are to be a family.
There is nothing
more important than family.
Nothing is more important
than this.
And having Sam here...
it just fills my heart
with joy.
I am so grateful.
- Amen.
- So grateful. Yeah.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Thanks, Mom.
- You know, family's not
the most important thing.
- Oh, Sam.
- It's not!
And the fact that I should be
expected to sit here
and to make you all f*cking
feel okay is so f*cked up.
- Sam,
you just gotta ignore it.
- Oh, my God. No, I don't have
to just ignore it, actually.
Clearly that's what you all
f*cking do.
- Sam! Goddammit. Sam!
- What? Jesus Christ.
- Just hold on!
Just wait a second!
- I'm leaving.
- Look, I'm sorry. Okay?
I'm sorry.
I understand. I had no idea
that Paul was like that.
I thought he'd get his sh*t
together but it really
didn't happen.
- Come on, Sam!
- Well, he is like that!
- Or are you gonna ask him to
leave the way he talked to me?
- He is like that. The world is
full of people like that.
- Exactly! And why do I have to
sit here and deal with it with
my f*cking family?
- You could rise above it.
- Oh, f*ck.
- No! Come on, Sam.
- Rise above it.
- Yeah, rising above it
is f*cking getting outta here.
I don't have to f*cking stay
here and put up with this.
And for you to expect me to
is so f*cked.
- Sam, Sam...
- Oh, my God!
Please! I just want--
- That was incredible.
That was incredible.
You're-you're-you're-you're
incredible and-and-and I'm-I'm
so inspired by you.
I'm so glad you said that.
You're so smart and-and...
I'm, I-I want to be like you.
You know?
I, uh... Yeah.
- I'm really... happy
to see you.
- Well, we'll hang out, okay?
- Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Okay. Thanks.
Yeah.
I love you.
- I love you, too.
- I'll see you in the city.
- Okay.
- He's gone.
That kid was in...
so much pain before.
Your mom and I were convinced
we were gonna just find him
dead one day
in his room.
And what he has done
has made him happy again and
it's made him want to
live again.
And I don't know why
that is so hard
for some people to understand
because it has absolutely
nothing to do with anyone
but Sam.
- Jim...
- That was Sam.
That was Sam.
It's that f*ck' simple!
Today I thought I got
my son back
and then I lost him.
Well, I can't--
I can't accept this.
I'll be in my office.
Jim?
- Have to get back.
- Yeah.
- I guess I didn't...
Before I go, I have one more
question for you.
Are you with anyone right now?
- No.
- I have to get back to work.
Please keep in touch.
- Yeah, of course.
- Promise?
- Yes. You promise?
- I do.
- Okay.
- Um...
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Hm.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Figured I could take
the later train.
- Uh, come, come,
come sit with me?
- Ooh.
- Huh.
I'll call you.
Um, this is Margaret.
This is Sam.
- Sam.
- It's nice to meet you.
- You, too. You, too.
- See ya.
Hm.
Hm...
- I'd love it
if you came to Toronto with me.
- I wish I could.
- I'm sorry, I feel bad but I
just can't stop looking at you.
- This is hard for me.
I don't wanna hurt you either.
I'm just...
I don't know what to do.
I think that, um,
seeing you and feeling
the way I do,
um, is making me
think about a lot of things
in my life right now. Um...
When I think about,
I don't know. I'm just...
I'm just...
I'm just so happy to see you.
But as much as I want to, I
can't come to Toronto with you.
You understand?
- Yeah. Of course I understand.
- Well, we'll stay in touch,
right?
- Please.
- I would really love that.
- Yeah. Okay.
I'm just really glad
we got this time together.
- Me too. I'm really glad.
- Yeah.
- So glad.
Hm.
- I should probably...
make sure I get the train.
- Yeah. Of course.
I'm glad you came by.
- Thanks.
Okay.
- Hm.
- Okay.
I'll see you soon.
- Okay.
- Hm.
- Hm.
- Um...
I-I wanted to come and-and tell
you something, which is...
Um...
Being with you again,
made me feel beautiful.
I want you.
- I want you, too.
- I just wanna touch you.
- I'm sleeping?
- I thought it was beautiful.
sh*t. What?
- I'm gonna go to sleep soon.
- What's beautiful?
- Beautiful. It's a beautiful--
- Beautiful. Okay, so--
- Beautiful. Sleeping.
- This is sleep. Right.
- Beautiful.
- Beautiful.
- Aw. Good.
Pointing.
Hm.
Me.
- Yeah. Me.
- Yeah.
Looks like a K.
- And you'd go going, like...
- I wish I was further
along in my life.
I mean, I...
I live in a room in a friend's
house.
- I come with two kids.
I mean, would you even, would
you wanna meet them or...?
- Of course.
Of course I wanna meet
your kids.
I wanna know everything
about you.
- I'm so proud of you
and how far you've come and...
I have no doubt that you're
just gonna keep going so far.
Expanding and...
being more you.
You've come so far.
- Thanks.
Thank you.
- Well, I'm always--
I'm always here for you.
I want you to know that.
I'm always loving you and
cheering you on,
Knowing...
That there's this love is...
it's a beautiful thing.
Hm.
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Close to You (2023)
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