03x09 - Johnny on Ice!/Robo-Mama/20,000 Leagues Over My Head

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3, yah!

Baby!

Sassy!

Man, i'm pretty!

Do the monkey with me!

Come on!

Hey there, baby.

Ow!

Yeah, whatever.

[static]

Test one. Test two.

Hello. Oh. I'm johnny bravo,

And i'm proud to

submit this video

To you good people

at america's wackiest

self-inflicted injuries.

Do we have tone?

And we're ready to go

in 5, 4, 3, 2--

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ok. Let's get one more

for coverage.

Uh-oh.

[dogs barking]

What a magnificent

specimen.

It will make me,

world-famous

anthropologist

Richard leaking,

world-famous!

Now to thaw it,

open its stomach,

And carbon date

its last meal.

Uhh

It lives!

[thunder]

A walking, breathing

example of pre-ice age

cave human,

Possibly the missing

link between ape

and man.

Hey, buddy, i think

you got the wrong idea.

You see, i--

Woman: Father

Where shall i put

these specimens?

[stammering]

Never mind that, lucy.

We've got a new specimen.

He's going to require your

constant care and attention.

How does that sound

to you, big fella?

[grunts]

Me john-ny.

Me cave man.

Me want mate and, uh,

pizza tots, if you got any.

You see, lucy, if john-ny

is the missing link,

He should be able to score

higher on simple intelligence

tests than this rhesus monkey.

Is he ready to begin the test?

I'll see, father.

John-ny, are you ready?

[grunts]

Sure, knock yourself out.

AndBegin.

[screeching]

Hmm.

Grr!

[sniffs]

Ooh.

[screeches]

7 seconds, excellent.

Lucy, how much faster did

johnny score?

[gagging]

[screeches]

Well, just because he swallowed

a peg doesn't mean he's stupider

than a monkey.

Hey! A red flavored one.

[screeches]

This exercise in

deductive reasoning

Will prove that john-ny

is more advanced

than a monkey.

Ready to begin the test,

father.

[screeching]

Hmm. Not bad at all.

How did john-ny do?

These stool-wings will

help me get that banana.

Better flight test them first.

Johnny away!

Ooh!

On behalf of the flight crew,

I'd like to wish you all

a pleasant day.

And the winner of

the nobel prize for science

Isn't dr. Richard leaking

because he's a big stupid

stupid-head.

I've tucked john-ny into bed

for the night, father.

Oh, lucy, if only

i could have found

Some link

between john-ny

and modern humans,

It would have made

my career.

Don't worry, father.

Come, let's go

to the kitchen.

I'll fix you a nice

hot cup of tea.

Both: Huh?

oh, someone's in the kitchen

with pancakes

someone's in the kitchen

i know, oh oh oh

Ahh!

Aah!

Hot metal monster

steals soul.

Cave man have much fear

of labor-saving appliances.

John-ny! You are

the missing link!

And i'll be famous

after all.

[doorbell rings]

Dr. Gordon, what an honor.

Leaking, what's all

this nonsense about

a missing link?

I promise you, sir, once

you see the creature you'll

be as excited as i am.

Indeed.

There, john-ny. You look

primitive, yet stylish.

Aah! Comb fill

cave man with fear!

Need hug.

Oh john-ny. You've made

father and me so happy.

It almost makes me wish

they weren't going

to dissect your brain

To learn its basic

chemical composition.

Yeah. Cave man have much fear

about the whole--what?

So farnsworth says to me,

"if i could walk that way,

i wouldn't need an occipital

tarsal bone."

[laughing]

Stop! I'm not the missing link.

I'm a perfectly modern human.

Look, i'll prove it.

swanee, how i love you,

how i love you,

my dear old swanee

Observe that i am holding

my spine pridefully erect

at all times.

Oh, look!

A musical instrument.

What modern man doesn't

love classical music?

my baby done left me,

hoo hah hoo

and i got the blues

i got those i really don't

want my brain to be dissected

blues

Well, i guess i've cleared up

that little misunderstanding.

Leaking!

Dr. Gordon,

i can explain.

Oh, you'll explain all right,

while you're digging up

trilobites in new jersey!

No. No. My life's

work destroyed.

I'm ruined,

ruined, ruined!

So, now that you

know i'm human,

How's about making me

your natural selection?

Oh! Ow! Hey!

Cut it out now.

Cave man fear

lacerations.

Ooh! And contusions.

Much pain!

Johnny, you know how

much mama loves her

high stakes bingo.

Well, there's a big

tournament in a far away

land called las vegas,

And mama's going to have

to leave you by yourself

for a few days.

Now, johnny, don't give

me any of your sass,

young man.

I'm entitled to a life

of my own and that's it.

End of story!

Oh, dear, that didn't

go well at all.

Sure, the broom can

handle the truth,

But it will shatter

johnny.

Hey, mama!

Here's the mail.

Hey, look. The new issue of

suffocating mother's quarterly.

Thanks, sweetie. Listen, johnny,

mama has something to tell you.

I don't believe it.

I never even suspected.

I have a baby brother!

I'm going to love

and protect him

Until years of rivalry

drive a wedge of bitter

hatred between us.

I'm going to call

him "sweepy."

Come on, baby bro.

I'll go show you how

the toilet works.

Oh, i'll never to be able to

leave my sweet baby alone.

Huh?

What's this?

Robo-mama?

"the world's most advanced,

automated robotic mother."

Hmm. "your family will never

know the difference."

Oh, my johnny's too sharp.

He'll never fall for it.

Mama, where's the toilet paper?

Sweepy had an accident.

I'll send for one immediately.

[doorbell rings]

That was fast.

What's in the box, mama?

What's in the box?

Is it for me?

Uh, johnny, be a doll and run

to the pea patch and fetch mama

a hat full of butterbeans.

Butterbeans? Oh, boy,

sweepy's favorite!

Hi-yah!

Oh, she's lovely.

A bit broad in the hips,

but lovely.

Now let's see,

what setting

do i want?

Neglectful,

permissive,

overprotective.

I do and do and do

for you and this is

the thanks i get?

Oh, she's perfect.

Vegas, here i come.

Mama, we don't have

a stupid pea patch.

Huh?

Robo-mama: Caregiver

mode activated.

Assessing subject.

Oh, he's a perfect little angel.

You feeling ok, mama?

You look all pale

and tungsten-y.

Grass stains,

schmutz, soil deposits.

You need a bath,

young man.

Aw, mama, i don't want

to take a bath.

No son of mine is going

to be a mr. Grimy face.

But i don't want a bath.

I don't wanna,

i don't wanna--

[rubber duck squeaks]

Hey, ducky.

I can't believe mama's making

me wear a stupid helmet just

to fly a stupid kite.

Ow.

After all,

i'm a grown man.

Play time is over,

sweetheart.

Come help mama

with her grocery

shopping.

Aw, mama, can't i stay

out a little longer?

And fall down and

swallow your tongue?

I don't think so,

Mr. "i'm a big boy

and don't need

a mother's love."

Gee, mama, do you think

we'll eat 144 tins of

pickled mackerel?

Fish is brain food.

Sensors indicate

extreme lack

of cerebral function.

You always said it was

because i was special.

Woman: Fancy cheeses.

Free samples.

Attention shoppers.

Pickup in aisle 5.

Free sample, sir.

Don't mind if i do.

Alert! Alert!

Hussy sensors activated.

Warning! Danger, danger,

johnny bravo!

Not now, mommy.

You're cramping

my style.

She's not good enough

for you. You're

breaking my heart.

Look, i don't even

know this guy.

Stand away from him,

you hussy.

Aah!

Aw, mama, what did

you do that for?

The sample lady

was the one.

Hey, check her out.

B-3

Come on, baby, mama needs a new

pair of comfortable shoes.

T.V.: We interrupt

ill*gal college

football betting

To bring you

this special report.

The latest series of robo-mama

androids is being recalled by

the fujitaki corporation

Due to a defect in the model's

personality chip

Causing dangerous

and unpredictable behavior.

Owners of robo-mama 3000 are

being advised to deactivate them

immediately.

Oh! My goodness! I've got

to go home and save my baby!

Please, mama,

i've already

had 870 pancakes.

I can't eat

another bite.

But you're so thin,

and i just made blintzes.

Unhand my son, you

Oh. Sorry, wrong house.

Unhand my boy, you clinking,

clanking collection

of cacophonous junk!

Error! Error!

Johnny is my boy.

You are an imposter.

Mama, i didn't know

there were two of you.

Gee, you think

you know a person.

Johnny, don't

you believe her.

Sure, she may have

a shiny chrome frame

And hyperfast

positronic relays,

But she doesn't have

a mother's love.

That's it.

It's go time.

Bring it on.

I'm the real mama!

I'm the real mama!

Stop! Can't you see this

stylized fight scene

Is tearing sweepy

and me apart?

You're right,

sweetie.

The only way to

resolve this

Is for you to

look deep in

your heart

And choose which

one of us is

the real mama.

Johnny: Ok.

Johnny: Eenie, meenie

Oh, i always get mixed up.

I'll take the shiny one.

You have chosen well,

sweetheart.

I will terminate

this imposter.

Woe is me.

I'll never see

my baby boy again.

Tell it to

the scrap pile,

You lousy

carbon based

homewrecker--

[robo-mama motoring down]

Mama: Johnny!

You pulled out the

robot's battery pack.

But how did you know?

It was easy, mama.

I realized the mama i know would

never hurt another living thing.

Not even a robot.

Oh, johnny.

We're a family again.

Excuse me

a moment, dear.

You lousy, no good,

son-stealing,

titanium based,

Something-hearted,

retractable clawed,

Short-circuiting,

bubble headed,

bucket of

[laughs]

That's our mama.

Narrator: What happens when

an idiot meet his echo?

I'm pretty.

Echo: I'm pretty.

I'm prettier.

I'm prettier.

No, i'm prettier.

No, i'm prettier.

I am!

I am!

You're dumb.

You're dumb.

I know you are,

but what am i?

I know you are,

but what am i?

Oh, he's good.

Your clam is weak

and silly, where

mine is strong.

Well, you

have sacrificed

story content

For mindless violence

and lack of structure.

Oh, yeah,

let's fight!

Johnny, are you

watching that horrible

Clam league 9000

cartoon again?

Aww.

Clam.

You will never

beat my clam.

Jin-shu can spit acid

and tapdance.

Oh, yeah, well,

macrame has laser

beam tongues

And has memorized

the works of

ken burns.

Aah!

[pig squeals]

[penguin quacks]

Aah!

Ha ha!

My clam has won.

And you can too,

if you go to the store

And buy our toys!

Buy our toys!

Buy our toys!

Mama, i have to buy

clam league 9000 toys.

Johnny, don't you think

you have enough

Clam league 9000

related merchandise?

No.

Well, forget it, mister.

I'm not giving you

one more penny.

Eew.

Aw, man. Every cell

in my body is crying

out for clam toys.

I wonder where

i can them for free.

The clam is a shy,

elusive creature.

The little suckers

will never see me coming.

Ooh. H20-y.

Ah, there they are.

Attention clams, you will be

absorbed into my toy collection.

Resistance is futile.

Uh-oh. Mama clam.

Hey, lady, i wasn't going

to kidnap all your babies

for my toy collection,

I was going to, uh,

Eat them.

That was the wrong thing to say.

Aah!

I'm being torn apart

by a giant clam,

Shredded by its

razor-like tonsils!

Oh, i'm fine.

Who dares disturb

the delicate balance

of this ecosystem?

Well, who dares suck me

into the cold metal innards

of a giant fake clam?

I do.

Well, what took

you so long?

Say, chicky of the sea,

you can pull in your net,

You've landed

your love marlin.

Rex, daisy!

Hey, i didn't know

you had kids.

Can't we drop them

off at your mom's

or something?

Hey, quit pinching.

As you can see,

i control giant crabs.

Good, because i was going

to say your kids are ugly.

Allow me to

introduce myself.

I'm captain nemo,

debbie nemo,

Of the oceanic

institute for

young ladies.

For years i

have travelled

the world's oceans

Protecting

its fragile

inhabitants--

Look, do you have

clam league 9000 toys

here or not,

Because chick prattle

gives me nosebleeds.

I don't mean you,

i'm just saying--

Rex, daisy,

snacktime!

You don't want to eat me.

I taste terrible.

Look!

Hey, that's not bad.

Aah! Call off the crabs!

I can help you.

I'll do anything.

Hmm. A brain like yours

consumes relatively

little oxygen.

I'd save a fortune

on scuba gear.

Are you prepared

to save earth's

oceans?

Hey, look, i can do this.

You're hired.

Johnny: Whoa, doggy!

Slow down, boy.

Does this thing have

rack and pinion

steering?

Johnny, pay attention.

But it's got a driver's

side airbag, right?

Debbie: Look, johnny,

fish poachers.

Their nets capture

anything too stupid

and lumbering to avoid them.

Now our job is

Johnny? Johnny?

Help! Help!

I'm trapped.

[sighs]

No one captures johnny bravo

in a big tuna net.

Come here, you.

Run free, you magnificent

specimens of fin and scale.

You too, ugly.

I'll see you at

the sushi bar.

You did it, johnny.

You saved the lives

of hundreds of innocent f--

Where did that

oil slick come from?

Man, that salt water really

takes the oil out of my do.

You idiot, you've caused

untold ecological damage.

Hey, that's a small price

to pay to look this pretty.

Captain's log,

Johnny isn't working

out as i planned.

On 4/9, i assigned him

to the task

Of salvaging sponges

from a nearby reef.

Instead, he used them to lather

up with some industrial soap,

Poisoning the entire area.

Manly, yes, but johnny

likes it, too.

Today i have given him

one more chance.

Johnny: Captain debbie,

i'm home!

I retrieved that drum

of radioactive waste

from the ocean floor.

You fool!

That's not a drum

of radioactive waste.

That's the egg case

of a giant squid.

Right. What did i say?

Oh, relax. What's the worst

that could happen?

Its mother crushes the ship

in a maternal rage?

My life's work,

ruined!

Aw, cheer up, debbie.

I'm sure that someday

you'll design another

Irreplaceable,

state-of-the-art,

undersea vessel.

Get away from me,

you briny-brained,

over-muscled yutz!

Are you coming on to me?

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Dive, dive.

Oh!

Whoa, mama!

A babe!

Mercy!

Whatever.