03x05 - The Johnny Bravo Affair/Biosphere Johnny/Spa Spaz

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3, hyah!

Baby!

Sassy!

Man, i'm pretty!

Hyah! Huh!

Do the monkey with me!

Come on!

Hey there, baby.

Uhh!

Yeah, whatever.

Mama: And here we have

the famous rova lisa.

Is she frowning or growling?

Only the artist knows.

And here's hatfield's classic of

the heartland, sad puppy gothic.

Aw, mama,

this stinks!

Where are

all the robots?

There are no robots

here, sweetie.

This is

an art museum.

Ha! You call this art?

That's the thermostat,

dear.

Ooh. Ha ha!

Don't touch that!

Johnny, why don't

you go buy yourself

something sugary?

Here's a dollar.

[kiss]

Ooh, a dollar!

I can buy sugar nips!

I love the sudden burst

of energy, followed by

the crashing low.

[gulp gulp gulp]

Hey, baby, i know

what you're thinking.

How did the statue

get off its pedestal?

Well, surprise--

hyah! I'm real!

Sugar nip?

[pow]

whoa!

Whoa! Ow! Ohh!

Uhh!

Help! Somebody get me

out of here!

I can't be in enclosed places!

I'm all hopped up on sugar! I--

[snore]

Ah, sugar nap.

[tick tock tick tock]

[snore]

[dreamily]

oh, yeah,

an all-girl jury.

[snore]

Aah! No, grandma!

I don't want to

groom the monkeys!

Somebody help me!

Where's my clowny

night light?

Uhh!

Oh!

Uhh! Aah!

Hyah! h*! Hyah!

Hey, where is everybody?

It must be past closing time.

Or maybe the sun exploded

and i'm the last man on earth!

Or maybe

it's just closing time.

Ah, the heart

of pomona--

The world's largest

cubic zirconium.

This will fetch me hundreds

on the black market.

[skritch]

[crackle]

Curses!

This zirconium is protected

by a case of pure diamond!

How ironic.

Hey, baby.

Aah!

Say, you don't

know anything

About the sun

exploding,

do you?

Whew!

Good thing it

landed on my head.

You're not with

museum security,

are you?

Want to go out

to dinner with me?

Hyah! I still got

20 cents left.

UhSure.

Would you do me

a favor first

And ram your head

as hard as you can

into this case?

Well, gee,

i don't know, i--

Uhh!

Glad i could be

of service.

[thud]

Now to carefully

retrieve the gem.

Ooh, shiny!

I wonder

if it's real?

[alarm screeches]

You fool!

[grunting]

Wait your turn,

lady.

[grunting]

[gulp]

Mmm. Zirconium--

The other white meat.

Stop!

Stop in the name of

An independently contracted

security firm!

Drat! I guess

you're coming

with me!

Back to your place?

Sweet!

Whoa!

Johnny: I, uh, never been in

a woman's apartment before.

I mean,

i been in them.

I mean,

i'm not scared!

Hey, look! Flowers!

[crash]

You idiot!

That was a priceless

ming vase!

I mean--

Why don't you come

sit on the sofa

While i slip into

something more

Comfortable?

[chatter]

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!

Ooh!

I'm ready.

[gasp]

You imbecile!

You've destroyed

my entire collection!

He did it!

Don't worry.

That zirconium

in your stomach

Will more than

make up for it.

Yeah. Too bad

you can't get at it.

Oh, can't i?

Ha ha ha ha!

Hey, what the--

Aah! Uhh!

Mama warned me about

women like you.

I was hoping

she was right.

This laser can project

a spot on the moon.

You can imagine what it

can do at close range.

Ok. But i warn you,

i'm very ticklish.

Freeze, you vile vixen!

Mama, quick!

Go away!

You've earned my

everlasting hatred,

johnny bravo!

Someday, i'll have

my revenge!

Mitzy, wait!

You can't deny our love!

No!

You idiot!

Ohh!

Aaah!

[crash]

Oh, johnny,

you're safe

and untouched!

Yeah. Great.

Thanks for that.

We got a problem,

ma'am.

The museum is

going to need their

zirconium back.

But johnny has such

a slow metabolism.

Ow.

Maybe we can reach some

sort of compromise.

Old lady:

Oh, look, harriet,

It's the world's

largest cubic

zirconium.

Come on,

keep it moving,

keep it moving.

I said keep

the line moving.

Remember,

no flash pictures.

Hey, you!

Great.

Johnny: Who knows what mysteries

the boundless universe contains?

[dog howls]

Vast, spinning globs

of gas and plasma,

Ancient civilizations

both unknown and unknowable.

Hot alien space chicks waiting

to be contacted by yours truly!

Test 1, test 2.

Is this thing on?

Hello, alien

space chicks!

What are

you wearing?

Hmm. Maybe i'll get

better reception

Standing on this dangerously

steep precipice.

Whoa!

Hyah! Uhh! Ooh!

Hyah! Hyah! h*! Yeah!

[gasp]

It worked.

The space chicks

have heeded my call!

Excuse me,

coming through.

Must be one of them

alien honeys.

Hey there,

extraterrestrial mama.

Can i interest you

in a little carbon-

based love?

Whoa!

[thud]

Is it because

i called collect?

Hi, johnny!

Have you come to say

good-bye to us

Before we enter

the biosphere?

Back, off, carl!

That space chick is mine!

Silly johnny.

She's not a space chick.

That's dr. Rachel levy,

The world's foremost

dental hygienist.

She'll be leading me

and a team of intrepid

scientists

To see if humans can

survive an entire year

In the enclosed

environment of

[dramatic

the biosphere!

Yeah, that's fascinating.

Excuse me.

Hey, bio buddy.

You know, my love is

a renewable energy source.

[crash]

Uhh!

Come, carl.

It's time to enter

the biosphere.

Yes, i'm looking forward

to living with you

And the other bionauts

for an entire year

in an enclosed space

With no possibility of contact

with the outside world.

[doors slam shut]

Fellow bionauts,

Our incredible odyssey

has begun.

Yay!

Yay!

Yay!

I'll break out some dehydrated

seaweed fritters to celebrate.

[grunt]

[crash]

Eew. Kelpy!

Johnny!

Hey, baby.

Your jab to the kidneys

said, "bug off,"

But your eyes say,

"hello, sailor."

You idiot!

Our resources have

been carefully

balanced for 4.

Now you're stuck

in here with us

for an entire year!

That's no good for me.

I got karate on thursdays.

No, johnny,

she's serious.

We're locked in

for a whole year.

But don't worry,

it will be fun!

Augh!

[bird cawing]

Carl's log, day 1, hour 4:

My fellow bionauts

and i are adjusting well

to complete isolation.

Johnny's a good boy.

Everything's going

to be fine.

I'll just watch tv

till they come to

take me out of here.

Johnny, that's not a tv,

that's the microwave.

Quiet! I'm watching

my favorite show:

Macaroni and cheese

spinning around and

around and around

And around

and around.

Hmm. Maybe a tour

of the biosphere

Will take the edge off

your claustrophobic paranoia.

Follow me, fellow bionaut.

You see, johnny,

spaceship earth

Is composed of many

different ecosystems

Which we have tried

to replicate here in

[dramatic]

the biosphere!

Would you stop

saying that?

Sorry.

Here we have

the festering

swamp ecosystem.

Why would you want

one of those?

To propagate the

mosquitoes, viruses,

And poisonous tree frogs

that complete the complex

dance of life.

[ribbit]

Aw, hello,

little fella.

Let's move on

with our tour,

shall we?

Also included

are the desiccated

desert ecosystem,

The frozen tundra

ecosystem,

The downtown newark

ecosystem,

And the piece

de resistance,

The hydroponic

garden,

Where we grow

the tasteless roots

and vegetables

We'll be eating

for an entire year!

You mean this is

all we got to eat?

That's right,

mr. Snippy,

Unless you have

a better idea.

deutchland,

deutchland,

uber alles

Ach du lieber!

Mein roots

und tubers!

Good news, frenchie,

I pulled up that

healthy junk and

planted corn chips.

Nein! Nein! Nein!

Aw, don't cry.

As soon as the first

crop comes in,

All we'll need is salsa.

All right, team.

I've assessed the damage

to the hydroponic garden.

We still have enough

food to survive by

a slim margin,

Provided our water

holds out.

[gasp]

someone's in

the kitchen with johnny

someone's in

the kitchen, i guess

What are you doing?

My laundry.

You used 472,000

gallons of water

To wash your socks?

They were dirty.

Look at that stain!

That's plum sauce.

[groans]

You scientists are

high-strung types,

aren't you?

Engineer wang,

your report.

By rationing

the remaining water

And redirecting

the solar panels,

We should be able

to survive by growing

5 soybeans a day,

Provided of course that

the power grid holds out.

[generator shuts down]

Oh, yeah, johnny.

Feel the burn.

You jerk!

You've shorted out

the entire power grid!

The only way we can

possibly survive now

Is to eat a member

of the team.

Unthinkable!

I refuse.

By the way, those vitally needed

oxygen scrubbers?

They make excellent

loofah sponges.

See how smooth?

I'll eat him.

Yeah,

i'll eat him, too.

No! Eat me instead!

Stop! What

are we doing?

We volunteered

for this project

to the world.

Somehow, some way,

We'll find a way to complete

our mission and still keep

our humanity.

Ok, who's ready

to eat?

I got dibs on

the wing bones.

Get him!

Hey! Ooh! Ow! Mama!

[doorbell rings]

Did somebody

order a pizza?

Oh, that's mine.

I've been standing

at the window,

Blinking "pizza"

in morse code for days.

I knew someone

would see me.

We're saved!

It's a good thing

for you people i

know how to open

An anodized tungsten

airlock door

With plutonium

hinges.

Good lad.

Here's a nickel.

All: Nooooooo!

Hey, what's everyone

looking at?

I know what you're thinking,

and you can forget it!

This pizza is mine!

Ohh! Aah! Oh, come on!

Narrator: What happens when

an idiot meets his echo?

I'm pretty.

[echo]

i'm pretty.

I'm prettier.

[echo]

i'm prettier.

No, i'm prettier.

[echo]

no, i'm prettier.

I am!

[echo]

i am

You're dumb!

[echo]

you're dumb!

I know you are,

but what am i?

[echo]

i know you are,

but what am i?

Oh, he's good.

Girl on tv:

Thanks, brad.

You've saved me from

the deadly undertow

for the 19th time today.

Brad: You're welcome, susan.

Perhaps now

you'll learn to swim.

Watch the railing!

Susan: Aah!

Announcer: That concludes

our 72-hour marathon

of beach patrol.

Stay tuned for our

72-hour marathon of

adorable dolly auction.

Aah!

MusclesWeakened

ByMarathon.

MustReachRemote!

Are you out of shape?

[burp]

Lazy?

[snore]

Stupid?

Huh?

Hi. I'm kyra at

morning mist spa.

My staff of tan

and attractive specialists

Will help cleanse

your body of toxins

While we tighten and tone

those atrophied muscles.

Call for your reservations now.

Fancy spa chicks

walking on my spine

Is exactly what

i need to get

back into shape!

I'm going to call

right now.

[grunts]

MustReachPhone!

We're centered.

We're going to the happy place.

Allow the warmth and fuzziness

to fill your being.

Hey,

where's the pool?

Come on, let's go!

I been an entire

5 minutes

And still haven't

been pampered!

Hello, sir.

Please sit down

and find your center.

UhOk. Whatever.

Shove over, tubby.

Hyah! Ha! Huh!

Hyah!

[slurp]

Ok.

So, visualize a bright light.

When's cookie time?

We don't consume harmful

refined sugars here.

Now, see the light.

But you got bikini

bingo, right?

It was

in the brochure.

No, it wasn't!

And we're visualizing--

Oh, i getcha.

I got the deluxe

package,

And you don't want

the rest of these

losers to find out.

Sir, could you--

You know, you seem

kind of tense.

I think you could

use the healing

powers of johnny.

Hyah!

Could you pop

my shoulder

back in, please?

Hmm, that was

almost too easy.

How did you get

into such horrible

condition?

Well, first thing

in the morning,

I power up with

a big glass of

bacon grease.

Then--

Here.

The toxitron will

measure the level

of harmful toxins

In your body.

[beep beep]

[boom]

Hey, do you have a couch?

All this standing around

is making me woozy.

My goodness!

I've never

encountered anyone

With such a high

level of poisons

in their system!

Hey! I forgot i had

chocolate cake

in my pocket!

You shall be

my greatest

challenge yet.

Getting you into shape

will put my spa on the map.

Fine with me,

healthy mama.

You can fluff

johnny's chakras

anytime.

Uhh!

You know, now that

you mention it,

I do see a bright, searing,

painful light.

Uhh!

The first step is

to relax the body

With a rejuvenating

deep-tissue massage.

Oh, i knew i came

to the right place.

Let the deep-tissue

massaging begin.

Ohh

You have such a soft,

nurturing touch.

[deep voice]

why, thank you.

I think we can move

on to the spinal

adjustment now.

[crack]

Aaaaaaaaaah!

[shivering]

[painful groans]

You jerk!

Look what you've done

to my clients!

Hey, that kink

in my neck is gone!

Uhh!

Now if i could just

do something about

that rib in my lung.

I placed the client

in the mud bath as

you asked, boss.

Silently, stealthily,

Hippoman nears his prey.

Oh, no! I've been spotted!

The tables have turned!

Aroooo! Aroooo!

Will you shut up?

I'm paying

300 bucks a day

For a little

tranquility, you idiot!

None dare mock hippoman!

Augh! Poachers!

Run away!

Well, is everyone

cleansed and relaxed?

[gasp]

They started it.

This is a place

of healing and wholeness!

I will not tolerate such

primitive, unchecked aggression!

Aah!

The victory belongs

to hippoman!

Aroooo! Aroooo!

Hey, waiter,

this ain't right.

I ordered

the lobster special.

That is the lobster

special, sir.

Oh.

Can i have 143

lobster specials?

There he is!

Throw him in the

sauna of quiescence

Until he screams

for mercy.

Uhh!

Oh, no! I'm trapped!

Alone!

Doomed!

Hey, fahrenheit 451--

That's the temperature

cheese melts at!

It's a good thing

i had these fondue fixings

hidden in my spa slippers.

Ah, by now

the brainless oaf

Should be detoxified

And ready to join

my happy brigade of

soulless health drones.

pretty little maid

of mine, of mine

oh, pretty little

maid of mine

MmmFonduey.

What are you doing?

You are impossible!

Incurable! Intolerable!

[sniff]

Is that fondue i smell?

No! There's no

fondue here!

I wasn't cooking any!

There's not enough

for you!

Fondue was my favorite

comfort food,

Back when i was unhealthy,

uncleansed, fat.

Good. Then you won't

be wanting any.

Give me that!

It's not like kyra

to be late for

aromiatsu class.

Hey--give me back

my lunch!

No! The cheesy

goodness is mine!

[gasps]

What are you

all looking at?

Sure, i may have

hopped on

The express train

to piggytown,

But i'm happy

for the first time

in years!

Sheesh!

[grumbling]

I want

my money back.

What have i done?

I'm ruined! Ruined!

Don't worry,

my little carbo-packed

chrysanthemum.

At least

you still got me.

After we work on

your table manners a bit.

Whooooaaah!

Funny, i don't feel pampered

and refreshed.

Look out.

Hyah! Hyah!

Ooh!

Whoa, mama!

A babe!

Mercy!

Whatever.