02x22 - As I Lay Hiccupping/Marine Maroon/Thunder God Johnny

[bunniefuu]

1-2-3, oh!

Baby!

Sassy!

Man, i'm pretty!

Hi, ha, h*.

Do the monkey with me.

Come on!

Hey there, baby.

Oh, ow!

Yeah, whatever.

Mmm!

Pruney flakes.

A great taste of shriveled

fruit with flakes.

Johnny! Eat like

a human being!

Um

Johnny, if you don't chew

each bite 54 times,

You're liable to get

a blood clot.

Oooh.

[slurping]

Mmm.

Riboflavony.

Don't you realize

that eating that fast

Can give a boy a nasty case of--

[hiccups]

Merciful mothballs,

it's happening!

Don't move, darling.

Mama will save you!

[violent hiccuping]

Mama!

I read about

this remedy

In smothering parent

magazine.

[bubbling noises]

[swallows, gasps]

Better?

[hiccups]

Oh, mama. What am i

gonna [hiccup] do?

Oh, don't worry, sweetie.

Mama's here.

Hush. Oh, hush.

Oh

Earthquake!

[screams]

Duck and cover.

Assume crash positions.

Stop, drop, and roll.

Sorry, sweetie.

I was just trying

To scare away

your hiccups.

[hiccups]

Ok, now you are

becoming annoying.

Here's my insurance card,

Go see a specialist

at the clinic.

But mama

[hiccups]

Blah-blah-blah-blah.

I can't hear you.

Blah-blah-blah-blah

[hiccups]

Hey, what's this?

Mr. Bravo?

[explodes]

[hiccups]

You must be

the foxy nurse.

[hiccups]

I'm the doctor, fathead.

Well, dr. Fathead,

i've got a bad case

of the--

[multiple hiccups]

Oh!

A guttural obfuscation brought

on by gastrointestinal stress?

No, i mean the hiccups.

Where did you get

your degree?

[hiccups]

Let's take a look at

your x-rays.

Johnny: The gerbil controls

the left side of my body.

And the monkey handles

my people skills.

Hmm. Right.

Frankly, johnny,

hiccups usually go away

on their own,

But if it's serious,

You can come back

this afternoon

For a more thorough

examination.

Oh, it's a serious case,

all right.

Very serious.

So i'll see you later

for a date--

Uh, appointment?

[hiccups]

Karate instructor:

Total concentration.

Achieve absolute clearness of--

[johnny hiccups]

Absolute clearness of--

[hiccups]

Johnny!

Sorry, master hamma,

I-i got a bad case

of the hiccups.

If you sick,

Why you come to class?

Well, you see--

[hiccups]

I don't want to hear it.

Come with me!

Oh, ow.

I give you

ancient family

Acupuncture cure

for hiccups.

No, master hamma,

you don't understand.

I want to keep my--

[hiccups]

Hammas' style

of acupuncture,

Slightly different from

traditional method.

In stead of hundreds

of tiny needles, i use--

One big one!

[screams]

Hmm. Insurance must not

cover holistic healing.

[hiccups]

[loud, piercing noise]

[screams]

Hi johnny!

What do you think

you're doing,

You ribbon-wearing

she-witch?

I'm trying to scare away

your hiccups.

Mrs. Bravo told me

about your problem,

So i thought i'd

try to cure you.

You, cure me?

Ha, ha, ha.

That's a laugh.

Hey, wait a minute.

I'm not hiccuping anymore.

No need to thank me, johnny.

Thank you?

Now i'll never get

a date with dr. Fathead.

But i thought--

Later little girl.

I got to get

my hiccups back.

Come on, hiccups!

[burps]

[hiccups]

Hey, all right!

I got my [hiccups]

hiccups back.

Uh-huh?

Hey pops,

[hiccups]

What's with the goofy outfit?

Heard all about

your problem, johnny.

But don't worry.

These hiccup cures

been in my family

for generations.

No, pops. You don't understand.

I-i want to keep my--

[screams]

[hiccups]

[screams]

Oh no, wait.

This cure isn't

for hiccups.

It's for massive

cardiac infarctions.

The family cure

for hiccups

Is a gentle flick

across the nose.

Ow!

My hiccups.

I can't feel my hiccups.

Oh, they're gone,

all right.

And to keep you

from eating too fast

in the future,

I've whipped up

this nifty little

dental device.

[screams]

la-la-la-la-la

Carl, let me borrow

your groceries.

Gee, johnny.

I didn't know you were such

a big fan of slug kibble?

Slug kibble?

Carl: I'm just coming from

the garden supply store.

Would you like some fish

emulsifier to wash it down?

Why, you little--

[hiccups]

Hey, i got

my hiccups back.

Oh, i know a cure

for hiccups.

Hold your breath,

stand on your head,

And hum the ecuadorian

national anthem

While i count

backwards from 90.

Oow!

[screams]

Now, to get home and hide

until my doctor's appointment.

So, dr. Fathead,

I've still got

my hiccups.

So i guess you will be

wanting to

Examine me now?

That's right, johnny.

And because your case

is so serious,

I'll have to take some

extraordinary measures.

Wo-o-ow, mama!

Johnny: Oh, yeah.

[screams]

Yeah, that's my patented

scare cure for hiccups.

Go ahead, say something.

I am sickened

and dismayed.

Hey, my hiccups

are gone!

Works every time!

So, i'll just bill

your insurance then.

Hey baby.

Why don't you lose

old dr. Fathead

And go out with me

this saturday night?

I'll treat you right.

No-h*!

No wonder people

are losing faith

In our health care system.

Oomph!

So, i'll call you!

Hey, sonny, can you

help me out here?

What's up, old-timer?

I'm trying to warn swimmers

About the dangerous rip tides.

No problem.

It was on the u.S.S. Rehaken,

Oh, one saw the rip

tide's coming.

400 men went into the drink.

Nine come out.

No kidding.

Were you all in

that boat?

No, but i saw

a program about it on

the discovery channel.

Wiggy!

Why, i'm going to go

swimming now.

farewell-la-la-do-e

ye fair spanish ladies

[noises of pleasure]

Ooh, watery.

[screams]

[banging]

Help!

Oomph!

[screams]

Owrr.

[expl*si*n]

[screams]

Poof!

[gurgling]

Uh!

[dolphins chattering]

Hey, you guys know

where i can catch a taxi

around here?

[ship's horn]

Wow-ow!

So you see the undersea world

Is a vibrant tableau

of peace and serenity.

[screaming]

Hey, check out

the abundant sea life,

And all the happy tourists.

Hu-ha!

There's only one explanation.

I've discovered

the lost city of atlantis.

Mama!

[clicking]

[cheering]

She must be queen of atlantis.

If i marry her,

i'll be her king.

Then i can get all

the free shrimp i want.

Congratulations, baby!

You're johnny's

catch of the day.

Excuse me,

I'm in the middle

of a show here.

Never mind that,

little mama.

How about making me

the mahimahi

On your seafood

platter of love?

[clicks]

Oh!

Good doggie.

Johnny has a yummy

for you--

Ooh

Oh, uh!

Hey, hey!

Come on now, put me down!

Oh, watch the hair!

This isn't funny.

Ooh!

Ooh

[screams]

I'm sorry, i'm already

in a relationship.

Dolphins are the ocean's

most intelligent creatures.

As i'll demonstrate

By hooking splashy here

Up to this

transmitting device.

Aha, there's my

little sea nymph.

So, what's it like being

a dolphin, splashy?

[in squeaky voice]

happy. Fun. Fish.

[cheering]

And how can

nonlinear equations be

expressed as a function

Of transdimensional

time and space?

Trick question.

Second law thermodynamics

With its possibility

of a static universe.

Fish!

[cheering]

So, she's impressed

by keen intellect.

He-ha!

I'll show her

I'm smarter than

some stupid dolphin.

Hey, i'm smart, too.

Come on, ask me anything.

Who are you?

Wait, wait. Wait,

i know this one.

Uh, "city library bestows

this card on johnny bravo."

That's me!

[cheers]

Thank you, thank you

very much.

Hey, that's

my fish!

Get your own you

bottle-nosed dork!

That's it.

It's go time!

O-oh!

Ooh!

Put me down.

Come on.

This isn't--

Oh, that's not

dolphin-safe.

[screams]

When antagonized,

Each of these electric eels

Can deliver a bolt

of up to 50,000 volts.

[muted, underwater screaming]

When i'm king of atlantis,

You guys are going to be

in so much trouble.

Now, let's see.

Where did my queen get to?

Oh, no.

Those sharks have imprisoned her

in their underwater jail.

I'll save you, your majesty!

Oomph!

No need to thank me.

[muffled scream]

[muffled scream]

[clank]

It's a twenty-footer.

Twenty-five.

3 tons on him.

[beeps]

[responding beeps]

[cheering]

Thanks, skippy!

Oh-h*-h*.

Hey, now.

Back off.

I saw her first.

[applauding]

Atlantis stinks

In eternal quest for love,

We are alone.

Cast adrift in

a star-strewn universe.

Fish!

Narrator:What happens when

a moron meets his echo?

I'm pretty!

Echo: I'm pretty.

I'm prettier!

Echo: I'm prettier.

No, i'm prettier.

Echo: No, i'm prettier.

I am!

Echo: I am.

You're dumb!

Echo: You're dumb.

I know you are, but what am i?

Echo: I know you are,

but what am i?

Oh, he's good.

Oh, isn't nordic town

great?

Look at all the fancy

cheeses i bought.

Lutefisk, danish fjord,

lingonberry,

Ingebratsen,

meatball swirl,

Reindeer milk,

herring whiz--

Well, i got to get

going back to the car.

You want a ride home?

Be there in 40 seconds.

Ok. That leaves me

just enough time

To pick up a tube

of duty-free sturgeon.

la-la-la-la-la

If it weren't for buying this

bag of scandinavian jalapenos,

This whole day would be a bust.

Stop!

You are the chosen one.

Hey, little guy,

here's my ticket.

I have a blue pinto.

He who untraps

The hammer of thor

from the icy glacier

Will receive

the power of a god.

Uh-uh.

Maybe you didn't

understand me.

I said, i have

the blue pinto.

Are you a scaredy-pants?

What? No man

calls johnny bravo

A scaredy-pants!

Step aside, tiny.

Hu-ha-h*!

Oomph!

Wig-gy!

Enjoy the power of thor!

Here's our help line if

you have any questions.

la-la-la-la-la

[screams]

Johnny, you look just

like a norse god.

Where did you get

that outfit?

Look, let's just

get the car

And get out of here.

This place is creepy.

Uh-oh. Looks like

we're all boxed in.

Here, step aside.

Johnny:h*-ha-h*-ha!

Johnny, look at you!

You have the strength

of a hundred men.

What the heck is

going on here?

Whoever gave you that

costume must have

Mysteriously granted you

the power of thor.

You mean i'll be able

to talk to fish?

No, no, no.

You have amazing

strength,

And the power to command

the elements.

Really?

Hmm.

Now we can use

your new power

To save puppies

and visit sick children

And feed the hungry and--

Of course, if you have

a better idea

Being a god rocks!

Now to use my powers

recklessly,

And talk to fish--

[thunder]

[horse whinnies]

Ooh!

Mythicy.

Tremble not, mortal.

[norse accent]

i am broomhilda of

the valkyries.

I would speak with

he who wields

The power of thor.

And i would play

the lip-fiddle

With the chick in

the bison horns.

Just not with me,

bulky one.

I have been sent

by odin to--

I know, i know.

You've been sent

by the gods

To be my wife. So

listen up.

I like my eggs

over easy,

Don't bother me while

i'm watching wrestling,

And most of all,

Give me my space,

baby.

Fly, thingblad, awa-ay!

Oh, father odin,

I have returned with

the chosen one.

Father?

Well, nothing

happened.

We're just

friends.

She tried

to kiss me.

I said no.

[strong norse accent]

h*-h*, no.

You got the wrong idea.

You see,

here's the thing.

Every century or so,

Some young fellow

like yourself,

Pulls the hammer out

of the glacier.

And he's invited to join

the company of immortals.

Sweet, my talents have

finally been recognized.

Hu-ha-h*!

I suppose now

i get to eat, drink,

fight all day,

And get pampered by

gorgeous viking chicks?

[laughing hard]

Oh, dear.

You have to fight chip,

The horrible frost giant.

Oh, ya. He's

a bad one.

Ate all your

predecessors.

Ya, sure did.

Swallowed them

whole.

Didn't even bother

to chew.

In unison: No, no, no, no

No chewing

involved.

Right.

So listen,

it's been great

Hobnobbing with you

gods and all,

But i got to

get home and--

Not get k*lled by

a giant.

Ya, ok.

You have a nice trip now.

Bye-bye.

No!

Broomhilda?

Have you been sent

to help me?

No.

I'm here to carry back

your lifeless body.

Ah, well.

Look forward to

working with you.

So, where are we?

We are in needleheim:

A dark realm where

Where no-one has anything

nice to say about anybody.

That true?

Kiss my pointy ears!

Here's where you're

going to fight

The horrible frost giant

to the death.

Ok, here's why

that is not going

to happen.

A: He'll hurt me.

2: That'll make me scream

like a little girl,

And nobody wants

to hear that.

And c--

[growls]

[screams]

[roars]

I know, i fling

my magic hammer at him.

Take that you

oversized popsicle!

[clank]

[roars]

You know, you're a very

handsome frost giant.

[roars]

It was her idea.

I-i didn't even want

to come here.

She made me.

[screams]

Looks like this is

the end.

I wish i'd have time

for a last meal.

Hey, i still got

those jalapenos.

Umm. Jalapenoy.

Umm.

Mm?

No, i'm being digested.

Boohoo, the gooey juices.

[crying]

Johnny!

Uh? No!

Johnny, you did it.

You defeated the horrible

frost giant.

That's right.

Now, how about

A little post-battle

lip-lock?

So i hear you defeated

the frost giant.

That's right.

So i guess that means

i get to eat, drink,

And be pampered

by viking chicks?

Well, normally, ya.

But the thing is this,

You're a dufus.

And i'm afraid the gods

cannot abide a dufus.

Well, of all the--

You guys are just a bunch

of robe-wearing,

Wing-headed lightning,

flinging throne jockeys.

Did i mention you all have

very lovely speaking voices?

Being thor stinks.

To learn more about

norse mythology,

Visit your local library.

[laughs]

Hey!

Look out!

He-ha!

Uh-h*-h*-h*-h*, mama.

A babe!

Mercy!

Whatever.