02x18 - The Unsinkable Johnny Bravo/Rashomoron/Free Pookey

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3, hyah!

Baby.

Sassy!

Man, i'm pretty.

Huh! Ha! Huh!

Do the monkey with me.

Come on.

Hey there, baby.

Ooh! Aah!

Yeah, whatever.

[creakily]

yes? Who are you?

Johnny?

No. That's my name.

No. I'm susie,

your neighbor for 18 years.

Oh!

I remember you.

You're that annoying

little neighbor girl.

Get off my lawn!

Yes? Who are you?

These are underwater

photos of the tour boat

moronic.

My real estate conglomerate

found the wreck

When we were putting in

lakeside condos.

Who are you?

UhOk.

And inside the

moronic's gutted hull,

We found this.

[gasps and wheezes]

It's my squint ringo

decoder ring! Ahh!

I gave it to her

those many years ago.

Oh!

Why, i remember it

like it was happening

in a flashback.

[band playing]

No, johnny,

i can't wait.

A 3-hour tour

of gutter bay!

It's going to

be wonderful!

And by wonderful,

you mean it will bite?

Why do we have to get

the $2.00 tickets?

Can't we at least

take the $15 deluxe tour?

Those aren't our kind

of people, johnny.

Besides,

i have coupons!

I don't want to go

on some stupid, boring,

all-day, stupid, agahahgha

She's like some sort

of beautiful rich chick

With glowing hair,

walking up a ramp.

Hurry, johnny!

Only the first

50 passengers

Get beans and millet.

More hot dogs,

madam?

No luck, eh, old timer?

What do you mean?

That's a quarter-ouncer.

Third class stinks!

If only i could be

with that rich chick.

Let's see

How could i meet her?

I know. I'll rent

an apache helicopter

And disguise myself

as the president of alaska.

Then in my first

press conference,

she'll see me on tv,

Fall in love,

and we'll fly away

to a romantic treehouse

In the jungle.

Ooh! Oh!

Hello.

Yaah!

I do so hate

formal lunches,

don't you?

Uh, yeah, i guess so.

I never know which hand

to eat the hot dog with.

Oh! You're so

delightfully free

of pretensions.

I'm sheila.

I'm johnny.

Want to see me do this?

Ha ha! Oh, johnny,

you're not like

the other men

Here in first class.

I'm tempted to rebel

against my stuffy,

high-class upbringing

And date you.

Huh? You know,

i get that all the time.

Huh! Sheila,

prepare to be romanced

johnny style.

Done!

[making farting noises]

Ha ha ha!

Look at me, sheila.

I'm king of the wo--bllbl!

Sheila, i want to

give you something.

It's my squint ringo

decoder ring.

Oh, johnny!

Now, i'm just

letting you hold it.

It's not a gift.

You can borrow it,

but i want it back.

It's still mine.

Oh, johnny!

Follow me.

We can be alone

here.

I don't get it.

Where's the captain?

[glub glub]

You know why

i brought you here,

johnny.

UhTo play with all

the cool, shiny gadgets?

Look at me, sheila.

I'm driving a boat!

Uh, i don't know

if you should be

touching that stuff.

Ah, don't worry.

It's not like i'm going

to crash into anything.

Tin can dead ahead!

[alarm sounds]

Don't worry, johnny.

If we stick together,

we can--

Aah! Get out of my way!

Johnny!

Here, johnny!

Thanks, mama.

Man, too bad about

what's-her-name.

Good thing i didn't

give her--

My squint ringo

decoder ring!

Johnny!

Where are you going?

Hi, sheila.

Oh, hi.

Can iJoin you?

MmmNah.

But you got plenty

of room in there.

Oh, well, i kind of

like to stretch out.

Oh, well,

can i have my ring back?

No. You gave it to me.

What? I specifically

said i was lending it.

Lending!

Fine, you dope!

Uhh!

My ring! Noooo!

It's gone.

Gone!

Oh, sweet heavens!

Why couldn't it

have been me?

I don't want

to live!

Mama: Johnny, dear!

Let's go, darling.

The coast guard

has free doughnuts

for us up on shore.

And i never

saw sheila again.

Well, johnny,

i have a little

surprise for you.

Sheila! Oh!

Hello, johnny.

I want to tell you

how sorry i am for the way

i treated you that day.

Really? Then maybe

you'd like to practice

cpr on me, baby.

Huh! Ooh!

Oh, you're still

a pig!

Now, give me back

the ring you gave me!

I was just

lending it to you.

Noooo!

How did that

get in there?

How did that

get in there?

[monkey screeches]

How did that

get in there?

How did that

get in there?

Mama: my name is

buttercup

sweet little buttercup

la la la

la la la la

la la la

la la la la

It was all

your fault.

No. It was

all your fault.

Why must we

constantly assign blame?

Aw, zip it, dweeb.

Aw, why don't you

zip it?

I hate you both!

You're always

ruining everything.

Kids, kids! What

in the name of pile dacron

is going on here?

I thought you were all

playing nice in the park.

I was, but he never

stopped to consider

sparkily's feelings.

He is a very

sensitive robot.

Well, you see, idiot boy here

sicked his stupid robot on me

And made me crash

into a tree,

Just as i was making time

with a pretty betty.

Everything was fine

until the bees attacked,

And we had to save

my dolls.

One at a time, kids.

One at a time.

Susie,

why don't you start?

Gladly, mrs. Bravo.

I was having a tea party

with my dollies

in the park

When i saw johnny making

goo goo eyes with the ladies.

"i love you," said johnny.

"i'm sorry,"

said the lady,

"but i'm still exploring

my sense of personhood.

Let's just be friends."

Then johnny

threw a tantrum.

"i don't want to

be friends," he said.

So he decided to

jump in the lake

and hold his breath

Until the lady promised

to go out with him,

But that wasn't

about to happen.

Minutes later, johnny

stumbled out of the lake

Covered with algae

and gasping for air.

Carl, who was nearby

playing with his robot--

That's what computer nerds

call their dollies--

Saw how wet and depressed

johnny was,

So he sent his robot over

to give johnny a big hug.

He knocked a beehive

right out of a tree

and onto my blanket.

[buzzing]

I grabbed teddy

and mrs. Kensington and ran.

Suddenly, the sky opened,

and a beautiful unicorn

galloped down on a rainbow.

It lifted us

onto its back

Just in time

to save us from the bees.

Johnny tried to

steal the unicorn's horn

To sell it

on the black market.

So the unicorn trampled

all over johnny's spine,

and i don't blame it.

That's a lie!

You'll hear from

my lawyer.

And i'll countersue.

You're a stupidhead.

You're a stupid

stupidhead!

You're a stupidhead

times 10!

You're a stupidhead

exponentially

to the 9th level!

You make it sound

like it was my

robot's fault,

But it wasn't.

Kids, kids,

simmer down.

Carl, you're

a sensible young man.

Let's hear your story.

Ok. My beginnings

were very humble.

I was born

in a log cabin.

My father split

silicon chips for a living.

Skip ahead a bit,

darling.

Oh, right. The park.

Johnny was playing

with me and my robot, sparkily,

When a hussy lady

appeared

And asked johnny

to abandon me

and come play with her.

But johnny said, "no, go

away. Carl is my best friend

in the whole world."

This made the hussy lady angry

and jealous.

So she took johnny

and threw him in the lake.

"help me, carl. Help me."

I don't know what happened

to johnny then,

But he must have disturbed

a horrible algae monster,

'cause that's what came up

out of the lake.

It ran amuck and began to

terrorize the community.

Thinking quickly,

i ordered sparkily to attack,

And sparkily and the monster

began fighting to the death.

Aarroow!

Then, one of sparkily's

ray beams accidentally

hit a beehive,

And the bees

came pouring out.

Using animal language,

the bees asked a friendly

policeman on a horse

To help conquer

the monster.

He agreed and trampled

the monster into submission.

It's a lie!

Please, johnny,

let carl finish.

I'm done.

Good, 'cause that's

the biggest piece of

baloney i ever heard.

Well, johnny,

why don't you tell

us what happened?

I'd be happy to.

I was in the park,

having just defeated

a ninja warlord,

When suddenly a gorgeous

international model

Came up and threw

her arms around me.

"marry me," she said,

"for you are like some

shining, gleaming man-god,

And i can't live

without you."

So i dove into the lake

to find an oyster with

an engagement ring in it

When suddenly,

i heard her shouting.

"help me, johnny,"

she cried.

"save me from carl's

stupid robot!"

Thinking quickly

Uh

I said,

thinking quickly

Oh, yeah.

I grabbed a beehive

and chucked it

at the robot.

[buzzing]

The model lady

smothered me with kisses,

But by then, i realized,

"i'm too pretty to be tied

down to just one woman."

Oh, yeah.

"i will not be second

to you," she said.

Then she summoned

a horrible, rabid donkey

Who trampled me again

and again and again and again!

[snoring]

Wha--oh! Huh?

Oh, very

interesting.

Especially the

part where raoul

takes his shirt off.

That's not quite

how i remember it,

johnny.

That is so

what happened.

No way!

You didn't even

mention the

algae monster.

Maybe that's because

there was no algae

monster, you weed!

Why don't you

just grow up?

Hey, you shut up.

[all shouting at once]

Mama: Children!

Children!

I believe

all your stories.

Huh?

As the german

philosopher

ernst heidegard tells us,

"das dis wie trocher

liechtenstein eben

nacht micht was stubenhaus."

Did i mention

i defeated a ninja?

Translated, that means,

"all points of view

are equally valid."

Now why don't we leave

all our preconceived

notions at the door

And head in for some

milk and cookies?

Yay!

Whoo!

Cookies!

Huh huh huh!

Algae monster.

Ha ha ha ha!

[horses neighing]

Arggh!

Oh, mama!

Heyah! Hey there,

my little etruscan

honeybun.

Your burly

gladiator is here.

Ha!

Ooh!

I came, i saw,

i broke a hip.

A hip.

[snap snap snap]

Golly, this is the bestest

weasel roundup ever!

Aah! Get off of me,

you vicious little varmint!

Aha! I got you.

Ooh!

Stop the senseless

harassment of

innocent weasels

And the ritualistic

cruelty to our

animal friends!

Lady,

what are you doing?

You're ruining

the weasel roundup.

It's nothing but

a vicious display

of macho posturing.

Yes, and one of

our town's most

cherished traditions.

Don't you realize

these animals are

deeply traumatized

By your

barbaric oppression?

Why, that's terrible!

So if i'm nice

to a bunch of

rabid wildlife,

You'll go out

with me?

Huh! Ha! Huh!

Ooh!

If you'd spend

more time rescuing

helpless animals

Instead of

oppressing them,

Maybe i'd think

differently of you.

Hmm, apparently

the plight of

endangered animals

Is my ticket

to chickville.

Be free,

little goldfish.

Return to your

natural spawning ground.

[toilet flushes]

Hey, that chick

who was hitting on me

in the park was right.

Being nice to animals

does feel good.

And yet, it seems

i can do so much more.

[children laughing

and talking]

Girl: Piñata! Piñata!

Aw, look, that annoying

little neighbor kid

Is having

a birthday party.

Piñata! Piñata!

Get your sticks

ready, everyone!

Uhh!

What are they doing?

Stop!

I order you to release

this poor, defenseless--

What the heck

is this thing,

anyway?

It's a piñata, johnny.

What's a piñata?

Here.

We'll show you.

No! Ooh! Aah! Ooh!

Ooh! Aah! Oh!

I'm taking

this creature far away

Where none of you

can hurt him.

Johnny, we're just

going to beat his head open

And feast on the delicious

treats inside.

You fiends!

Huh!

You sit right here.

I'm going to

call you pookey.

Did the evil girls,

hurt you, little fella?

Who's a little pookey?

Who's a little pookey?

Poor little guy.

Must be in shock.

Wait till i show johnny

my coat of living weasels.

Girl: That johnny bravo!

I can't believe he took

our piñata.

We've got to

get it back.

Oh, my gosh!

I better warn johnny.

You're an odd

little fellow, pookie,

With your pink polka dots

and papier-mache exoskeleton.

Johnny, there's

a posse of young girls

heading this way to--

Hey! Piñata!

Luckily, i keep a stick

and blindfold handy

for just such an occasion.

Nooo!

Aah! Ooh! Oh! Ah!

Hey, cut it out.

Ooh! Don't--sto--oh!

I'm trying to

rescue this piñata

And return him

to the wild.

Silly, johnny.

A piñata is a traditional

mexican party favor.

Oh!

Mexican, huh?

Then mexico it is.

Huevos con carne,

you weed.

Uhh!

Johnny!

[thud]

[squealing]

[in mexican accent]

ahem. Two tickets

to mexico, please:

One adult and one child.

Hey! Piñata!

Oh! Ah! Ooh! No!

Not you, too!

It's not a piñata.

It's my little nephew

Oh, uhJorge.

All right,

but don't blame me

If the passengers

try to open his head

And feast on the

delicious treats inside.

Ghoul!

There he is!

Get him, girls!

Stop! What will the

world be like when the

last piñata is gone,

When their noble cries

cease to echo throughout

the forest?

For are we not all animals

in the great--ooh!

To the bikes!

Soon, you'll be home,

pookie,

And i'll be adored by

animal activist chicks

everywhere.

You might have to

beat them away

from me with a stick.

Ha ha ha!

Ok, the name of the game

is pinochle.

No, pookie, i told you,

you can't lead with a club.

[bang]

Whoa!

Look, everyone!

It's a piñata.

Yay!

Yay!

Uh-oh.

Fellow passengers,

Trouble not

this gentle piñata.

For years,

these majestic creatures

swam our oceans,

Sifting krill

through their tiny

krill-sifting antennae.

From time immemorial--

which basically means

a really long time ago--

They have hauled our vegetables,

protected our children,

Fetched our papers,

and kept us warm

When the sun's life-giving rays

grew dim.

Yes, once, they covered

the plains of florida

and outer mongolia,

These noble mountains

of horn, hide, and papier-mache,

But greed and

bratty little girls

Have reduced their

once-mighty herd to naught.

And so, do not let future

generations say to you,

"hey, you big jerk,

i hope you're happy.

You wacked all

the stupid piñatas!"

Man: Oh, would you

shut up?

Whoa! Ooh!

"mexico: 30 feet."

Pookie,

you're almost home.

Uh-oh.

[flapping]

Don't worry, pookie.

I won't let them get you.

Pookie, we made it!

You're free!

You're free!

Run wild,

untamed beast.

Ya ha ha ha!

Nooooooo!

Hey, candy!

[crunch crunch]

[braying]

Hey! Piñata!

Johnny! No!

Ooh!

Help.

Ohh

Ow.

Johnny: Look out.

Whoa, mama!

A babe!

Mercy!

Whatever.