02x11 - A League of His Own/Johnny Goes to Camp/Buffoon Lagoon

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3, hyah!

Baby.

Sassy.

Man, i'm pretty.

Huh! Ha! Huh!

Do the monkey with me.

Come on!

Hey there, baby.

Ooh!

Yeah, whatever.

Sun, surf,

and johnny.

I am one with the ancient

primeval rhythm.

Aah!

[ laughs ]

The mighty ocean,

Cosmic froth

from which we all emerge.

Aah!

[ laughs ]

I can keep this up

all day.

Wait a minute,

My highly developed

chick sensors are tingling.

Readings indicate

the presence

Of a seagoing mamacita

at 11:00 o'clock.

Initiate

rendezvous procedure.

Excuse me,

can i borrow this?

This indignity

will be avenged,

My perfidious friend.

Huh! Ha!

Huh!

Ha! Ha!

[laughs]

paddling.

Aloha, pretty mama.

Whoa!

Aah!

Whoa!

Aah!

Look out!

[ all shouting ]

Whoa!

Okay, this

won't end well.

[ foghorn blows ]

Both: Whoa!

Whoa!

Oomph!

Nice narwhal.

Good boy.

Whoa!

Aah!

Whoa!

So, come here

often?

[groans]

what kind of idiot

are you?

I don't know.

What kinds

are there?

Don't you realize

you've stranded us

In the middle of nowhere --

alone?

Just the two of us,

for who knows how long!

Hmm.

[laughs]

Stop daydreaming

about me!

You know, when you

scream like that,

You get

a cute little vein

in your forehead.

Look, if we're going

to survive,

The first thing

we have to do

Is secure food,

shelter, and fresh water.

Wanna see me

do this?

Right, food.

I'm all over it.

Man, there's gotta be

a strip mall

Around

here someplace.

Let's see.

What do chicks

like to eat?

Crackers, gumballs,

tiny rabbits?

Hmm?

Hey, pudding.

Uh-oh.

There.

Now to access

the coast guard frequency.

Help!

Puddin'!

Help me!

Puddin' emergency!

[ growls ]

Mmm.

Needs more

butterscotch.

You saved my life.

That means

you dig me.

Ugh.

Whoa!

[ crash ]

Hey, look

what i found --

Three

of the juiciest,

Most delicious looking

rocks you ever

laid eyes on.

Uh, thanks.

I'll pass.

Great.

I'll build a fire.

My radar dish!

Oh, were you using that?

[ screams ]

[ gurgling ]

Where's a 15-foot

tiger shark

When you need one?

A plane!

A plane!

I'm saved!

Come on.

Hey! Down here!

Please!

I can't stand it

anymore!

I can't survive

without you!

I knew she'd come around.

Please!

Please!

I need you!

All right,

all right.

Just let me

dry off first.

[ gasps ]

So, how's dinner coming?

You're a menace!

I don't ever want

to see your face again!

I'm going to the other

side of the island,

To get as far from you

as possible!

Can i come?

No!

I'm going

over there.

You are

staying here.

And then i'll follow you?

Aah!

Hey, wait for me.

Don't find me.

Don't find me.

Don't find me.

Hey, you stink

pretty.

Aah!

[ panting ]

Umbrella drink?

These noxious fumes

should keep him away.

Mmm, noxious fumes.

Aah!

Come back, my little

love muffin!

Forget it!

I'd rather swim for it than

spend another second with you!

So, you want me

to follow you?

I'll just

follow you, then.

Huh?

Mama.

There you are, johnny.

I've been looking

all over for you.

How many times

have i told you

To leave a note

when you get washed out to sea?

I'm sorry, mama.

Say, can i borrow

the sub?

I'm in the middle

of a date.

And you didn't

introduce me?

Well, i gotta

catch her first.

Look, that's her

on the scope now.

Oh, she's darling.

Increase speed

to 15 knots.

Aye, aye, mama.

Here we go, johnny.

Remember, one with the universe.

One with the -- whoa!

Me likey.

Hyah! Ha! Huh!

Hey, baby, i'm going

to karate camp.

Wanna see the moves

of a master?

Whoa!

Yep, that's one of 'em.

[johnny struggling]

Huh!

Hey, wait for me!

Hey, fellow

martial artists,

Ready to worship

the gods of karate

And turn your hands

into lethal weapons?

Hyah ha!

Huh ha!

Not really, i'm looking forward

to learning the basics

Of digital lcd design.

Say what?

And i'm looking forward

to constructing

My own artificial intelligence,

or a.I..

What's your specialty,

new kid?

Making trouble,

raising heck, and

sticking it to the man.

That's m-t-r-h-a-s-i-t-t-m.

[laughing]

You're funny.

You're gonna be

our new best friend.

Something is

very wrong here.

This is the bus

to karate camp, isn't it?

Oh, you're suffering

under a misapprehension.

We're headed to camp gigabyte

for two weeks

Of intensive computer study.

No!

[cheering]

[groans]

14 hours of nerd jabber.

I gotta get

outta here.

[grunt, thud]

I've been wronged,

terribly wronged!

Hi, campers.

Welcome to camp giga --

johnny?

Huh?

Carl!

Let me back on the bus!

Let me back on the bus!

Johnny, what a surprise.

I thought you were too

stupid to learn

computers.

It's a mistake.

I'm supposed to be at camp

chop socky, hitting stuff.

It's too late now,

johnny.

That was the last bus

for a week.

Then i'm walking home.

You can't!

The woods are full

of deadly predators.

Then i'm calling my mama

to come get me.

We don't have phones.

We communicate entirely

by e-mail.

Looks like you're gonna be

with us the whole week!

[all laughing]

Aaah!

Here's your cabin,

campers.

Time for everyone

to choose up bunks.

Dibs on this one!

Whoopee!

[thud]

Now listen up,

i'm the king of this cabin,

So stay out of my face.

What's more, i don't want

any of you little babies

Bothering me tonight,

got it?

Yes, johnny.

Good.

[wolf howls]

[johnny whimpering]

I want my mama.

[hoots]

Aahh.

[air horn blows]

Wakey, wakey,

eggs and bakey.

[laughs]

[air horn blows]

Hi, johnny, you were late

signing up for activities,

So i signed you up

for graphic algorithmic design.

Hope that's okay.

You know, when you

open your mouth,

Some kind of loopy moon man

language comes out.

I can't believe

there's no one swimming.

Little cyber weenies must be

scared of shorting out.

[screaming]

This is the spooky,

scary tale

Of beastie man --

Half man, half beast.

That's not scary.

Shut up! I'm not finished.

He also had

a hook for a head.

How's that possible?

What do you mean?

How would respiration

and cerebral functions occur?

There's that

moon man talk again.

We find your premise

highly improbable.

Fine, you tell

a story then.

Oh, oh, oh!

I have one!

Little jimmy simpkins

Logged on

to his computer one night,

Only to encounter

A discontinued server icon.

Ooh.

And what he saw

when he looked up

Filled him with shock

and terror

For his hard drive had been

Completely erased.

[boys scream]

That was scary,

counselor carl.

What did you think, johnny?

Johnny?

I don't know what he said,

But it was the way

he told it.

What do we want?

Software!

Where do we get it?

Trading post!

Sound off!

1, 2, 3, 4,

1, 2.

This bites.

When's this gonna be over?

Hold it!

Look, campers.

It's the symphidious

stalecti.

Better say back.

They say its pollen can paralyze

a man instantaneously.

What are the odds?

Ha.

I guess i'm in charge now.

Fall in,

you keypad jockeys.

We're heading back

to civilization.

It's been hours,

counselor johnny.

Are you sure

you know where you're going?

Of course i do.

Let's see, moss grows

on the west side of rocks,

And trees bloom only in

the moon's seventh house,

So, um,

Ah, who am i kidding?

We're lost! We're lost!

And it's all your fault.

I believe i have

the solution.

Harvey, your laptop,

please?

Johnny, i'm going

to charge your body

With static electricity,

then throw you in the stream.

You should float

to magnetic north.

Yeah, but what if --

[electricity crackles]

We're saved!

And we owe it all

to johnny.

Johnny?

Uh, could someone

throw me a rope!

At least it's over.

In 14 hours,

i'll be back in my house

With no annoying little

dweebs to torment me.

Hey, everyone, let's cheer

johnny up on the long trip home

With a good old-fashioned

camp song.

1,000 silicone chips

on the wall

1,000 silicone chips

if one of those chips

should happen to short

999 silicone chips

on the wall

No!

Johnny bravo, you trail a common

tree stump by over $12,000.

Here's your final question --

name the four food groups.

Fruit, dairy, uh,

Beef jerky,

and a garden hose!

[buzzer]

ooh, wrong.

Common tree stump,

you're our winner.

Nuts! This game's fixed.

Swing, batter!

Who's bad? Who's bad?

All wood, all the time!

Oh, my sciatica.

Good, suzy.

That's putting the leather

to the pigskin.

Coach bravo, the mass

to torque differential

Is throwing off my stance!

I need a new bat.

You got it, baby.

Substitute bat boy!

Hey, gear jockey,

coach wants you.

Don't look at me.

I said, don't look at me.

Come on, johnny, let's

show a little hustle.

Chop, chop!

Aw, mama,

why do i gotta do this?

It's humiliating.

I told you,

my regular girl

Was bit by a deer tick.

Now how about a little

support.

If we win today, we qualify

For the semi-bi-monthly

preliminary match-ups!

Aw, mama, it's only

the first game of the season.

That's why

we have to focus!

Focus!

Here's your

stupid bat, kid.

This one's too big.

[sniffs]

this one's smelly.

[glass breaks,

car alarm sounds]

How about the pink one?

[growls]

What do you mean,

you can't play?

You'll play,

all right.

But i shattered

my tibia.

Rub some dirt in it.

We'll never beat

mama's maulers

with that attitude.

Hey,

you rosin-headed lummox!

Pipe down,

you old --

Well, bang the drum

slowly.

Huh!

Say, baseball betty,

How'd you like

to join me for a little

seventh inning stretch?

Don't make me laugh.

You're nothing

but a lowly bat boy.

Not true!

I'm the brains behind the team.

Mama even trusted me

with her list

Of secret baseball signs.

Really?

Can i have them?

Unh-unh.

They're the key

to mama's game plan.

I would never, ever, ever

let you see them.

I'll go out

with you.

There you go. Check it out.

Show your friends.

i'm gonna have a girlfriend

i'm gonna have a girlfriend

Johnny! Stop fraternizing

with the enemy.

She's not the enemy,

mama.

She's my black clad base

smacking siren of swat.

That spells hussy

in my book, mister.

Play ball!

Look out, suzy.

Here comes the cheese!

I can feel it.

Yea!

I gave her that bat.

That's a pretty one.

I gave her that.

Now to lay down

my secret steal sign.

The steal sign, eh?

Clever, my old enemy,

But not clever enough.

Umpire: You're out!

[groan]

Well, maybe we'll get 'em

this time.

You're out!

Well, maybe we'll get 'em

this time!

You're out!

This won't end well.

Aw, 19-0.

I don't understand.

It's almost as if

someone had stolen

My list

of secret signs.

What?

Don't be silly!

I didn't do it.

[awkward laughter]

I really messed up.

I gotta do something to pull

mama's fat out of the fire.

Who are you

talking to?

Look, mookie wilson.

Who?

You're out!

Fish sticks!

I'd give anything

for a first-class

Cleanup power hitter who can

swing for the fences!

Perhaps i can be

of some help?

Oh, you're a big

strapping girl, aren't you?

Well, let's just

say i'm big boned.

What have i got to lose?

Grab some pine tar, missy,

you're in.

Huh!

Yea!

Oh, yeah!

See ya!

Down town.

Don't forget to write.

Good eye, great extension,

And she runs the bases

like a perfect little angel.

Hmm, there's something familiar

about that little girl.

Let's go, maulers!

One more run,

and we win the game.

Oh, look!

A shiny nickel!

Come here, you!

Now i got ya!

A-ha.

[screams]

Oh, please,

don't snitch me out.

It would destroy mama.

And then,

who'd feed me?

Oh, i'm not gonna

snitch you out

Because you're gonna

throw the game for me.

Aw, no, i could never,

ever, ever do that.

I'll go out

with you.

Deal!

Strike one!

Strike two!

Aw, what

am i doing?

I can't throw the game.

Just look at mama's

and what's her name's

Hopeful smiling faces.

Swing,

for crying out loud!

You'd better not

wimp out!

[cheering]

He's a fake!

This team is disqualified.

Oh, yeah?

Just as i suspected.

Your team is composed

of nine burly teamsters.

You're all outta here!

Mama, i'm sorry.

I lost the game,

wore your clothes,

And got you drummed out

of little girls' baseball.

That's all right,

johnny.

What's important is that

you loved me enough

To make a mockery

of our national pastime.

Now, you're all invited out

for chili dogs on me!

[all cheering]

Except you.

You're a hussy.