02x04 - That Sinking Feeling/Founder's Day

[bunniefuu]

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where uh knows

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[Applause]

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two hydrangeas

one orchid oh no no four or kids three

william and mary tulip oh no eight i can

do this i can do this

all right now five find your pony

sapling oh no ten

and one clam

what what on earth is a clam still wet

from the ocean doing in my garden

unless

it could only mean

the island is sinking

the

island thinking

oh my goodness the island is falling to

pieces right under my feet i must warn

the others the island is sinking the

island is sinking oh woe to us all the

end is there

dad could you panic somewhere else it's

the end pumpy comes the end what's got

his boxers in a bunch

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i assure you all that my apprehensions

are not without reason

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see this island is sinking

my

and all that it's only salt water

millions and millions of gallons of salt

water

of course

a pot and um put it all together

and what have you got

our island is doomed

i'd almost forgotten about it but every

hundred years or so

something like this happens the island

is here

and then it sinks

water ah this is crazy do something

may i direct your attention to the cave

wall for a moment

i am afraid that scientifically speaking

the island should not sink due to

tectonic factors that can easily be

explained in simple mathematical terms

the ratio of the anticlinorium weight

versus true mass over the cosine of

elemental structure times one-third of

the relative b of the area of the

isocline under the curve c to the tenth

minus enter to medium thrust equals well

lithospheric stability

um

any questions

okay in english what he's saying is

islands don't sink it's not like they're

floating they're solid manhattan is an

island and it isn't sinking

except for sinking into total weirdness

but

but that's a different kind of thinking

but this island is not sinking it can't

it's impossible it can't be done no no

no no no no way

the island is sinking

okay

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come on guys this isn't the titanic

everybody just remain calm

women and children first forget the

women and children save your governor me

eat me please

where are you guys going quick to higher

ground

i must save my tape as my wonderful

wonderful paper

[Applause]

well at least i'm not alone i've got you

og

i'm close to breaking the barriers of

unknown science by constructing the

first perpetual motion machine bring it

along dear with all this island sinking

business i brought a little of my

artwork along too

forget it not in my case go and find

your own cave

no thanks everybody for inviting us all

in

now is everyone here

one two three oh keep still please

one two oh

please stop moving people several two

three

lancelot where are you you need to

unpack my suitcases

this cave hunting really has my blood up

reminds me of chasing the rugged woolly

subterranean moodle walks savage beast

can we meet here no

we can't let them see us talk we'll

upset the delicate balance of nature

it looks quite upset already

i've got you now on that

all right i quietly put forth that what

spinoza was really trying to say was

as i was saying prepare to meet my

pacemaker

this is impossible i bet spinoza never

had to work under these conditions six

seven i've almost got it finally i'm

going to count everyone

and i almost had it

one

two

three

i hope you're inventing something to

make all these boobs go

away no watch that stick for it's very

delicate work

this linchpin will counterbalance the

expl*sive nature of the device what did

you say

expl*sive your goose's mind

um

oh sorry

over there

no a little to the left

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a little to the right

left i said left

now push it back to the right

get to work lance a lot

some people have no respect for royal

property my chair what did you do with

all the important belongings i had

stacked on this chair

i threw it all away it was just a bunch

of dusty old masks and stuff

no

now this is the last straw

no

now this is the very last straw

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hello mommy dearest

i have another

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i

wore out the last time there was an

elephant in my bed that i'd never stand

for it again

this is absolutely positively the very

last straw and to be perfectly clear

there are no more straws

i'm leaving

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ah

finally

some peace

and quiet

i hate peace and quiet

bunch of crazy islands

are crazy island simple

i sure wish things were back the way

they used to be sure do i if only that

dumb stick weren't keeping everybody so

crazy that stick doesn't mean diddly

squat about the island sinking it does

it

hey

wait a minute

now i get it quick i've solved the

problem

do you think we should be so near this

rising tide oh doom we do seem to be

tempting phases me a sinking feeling in

the pit of my stomach forget all this

sinking island nonsense

aren't we thinking it's moving

no it can't be i'm too young i am in the

prime of my life hold on to your sand

abs people look and learn

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i've always liked clams

streamed or shocked see

islands just don't sink it's just that

simple

tweaks what are you doing

getting ready for what the island's

going to sink what what

like i said earlier it drops like a

stone every century or so

you guys don't actually believe this

mumbo jumbo deal it's like i said and

i'll be more than happy to say it again

and again and again

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i'm just glad i didn't say islands don't

explode

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is that slump an island that i spy oh

crap it's hump you twit the line is that

hump of an island the word is slump as

in oh what a lovely slump of land you

have it is hump slump hump who cares

it's only a word nobody listens to the

words they come to see the captain i

am the courageous captain wendell joshua

albanquetine

excuse me but does this sword have to be

so heavy perhaps and this coke

i am boiling how am i supposed to fight

pirates if i'm all sweaty

wardrobe

oh captain my captain you are my captain

not in this code i'm not yes you are

meant for this part me

no no not me her are you nuts you are my

capitan

uh i'm not an actor she'd be horrible oh

you've got to trust me you'd be fabu i

know these things i am of the theater

the answer is no nada

she has absolutely no talent for

anything you know what on second thought

yeah sure i'll do it

never fear we're in a tighty ship with

the wind at our backs we will be safe as

long as we don't run into pirates i see

pirates i want my part back will you

stop playing around this is serious

you have to tell mike you're giving my

part back to me now now lulu games i

love you like a daughter but my duty is

to the integrity of my art you promise i

know and i feel positively wretched but

the matter is holy out of my hands i

must think of the play no no no i want

to be captain i wanted i wanted it

i want it

okay either i'm the good captain wendell

true friend of man or beast or this

turtle gets it i'm sorry what i'm

threatening the turtle oh okay dad

why don't you play the good ship betty

on

a boat oh a ship it's a pivotal role you

can't have a shipwreck without a ship i

don't want to be a boat

if you do

you can also be mike's understudy what's

that if anything heaven forbid should

happen to mike which it won't then you'd

step in as capitan

we must all work hard and learn our

lines for this is not merely a

masterpiece that i've penned this is his

story and now for the parts alfred you

shall be the rock where the ship runs

aground

i say a rock stalwart dynamic and yet

rather empathetic yes whatever have fun

with it margery you shall be the pirates

and little auggie welcomes will be first

mate and it's hump of land hump i'm sure

you won't flub it like some people

uh-huh

i don't work well under pressure

hermione plays mother album quitting and

haggis and beggars play her two little

girls excuse me

i've read the um play and i'm having

some food yes yes fine but not now later

and quits oh will be the storm

i

will be no such thing well then we'll

just have to do it without you won't we

all right places everyone focus settle

i love the theater

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here

yes

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[Applause]

you're doing this all wrong then how

would you do it easy like this

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see you have to land here right here i

don't know why lulugan's dear but i

believe i'm the director here not now

dad but not now okay you got it you land

here right here on this spot yeah okay i

got it all right

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you know i've always wanted to play a

boat i must have a word with you i have

a real problem with my character's

motivation oh i know it's not

shakespeare just say the line

thank you all for coming i think there's

still some seats there in the back yes

and so on with the show

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but you can't do is without a ship so

out of my way you big jim

now in this next scene we meet the

dreaded pirates oh

park what is that is that the first mate

calling pirates hell pirates hump

just say the line oh my it's the evil

pirates who will stop at nothing to

plunder and destroy whatever shall we do

about this dreadful play i will protect

you and leave you safely out of arms the

ship's the most important thing of all

without it you will all drown like fish

in a bucket why don't you get off the

stage why don't you go back where you

came from

this is just as boring as last year's

i'm the dreaded pirate

captain black blake in my eyes

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and anyway who are you to tell me what

to do i am the captain and i'm the betty

ann and you're nothing without me well i

got news for you baby ships sick and

captains get lost at sea oh yeah yeah

yeah girls girls please you're missing

your cue

uh sorry we were just um fighting a a a

big octopus i saved her

now in this scene the pirates have

boarded the good ship betty ann there's

a horrific battle so if any of you get

too scared and have to leave we'll

understand once we're all aboard your

days are numbered i am the good ship

betty ann and i am here to save my

captain thanks boat but now it's time to

sail off into the sunset i'll fight with

all my fights you'll fight for blue's

all right i'll fight you night and day

you'll fight but what the hell

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stop that we're in the middle of a fight

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is that a

is

that uh

a lump of land you spy oh help me and

now we are at the exciting conclusion

that betty ann is moving as fast as she

can towards safe armor on the island but

a laugh the poor but good extremely good

ship betty ann runs the ground on a

fearsome rock

and tragically stinks

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a little bit

but wait the ship rises up she's saved

by underwater volcanic activity nope

but the lava pulled her back under

but she was pushed up by a whale only

for a moment and then she tragically

sinks and then joyously comes up and

then goes down

my play

my lovely play in ruins

bravo bravo fishimo

i absolutely love this play

really a masterpiece a classic in the

making rave squeaks two thumbs up oh

you're just saying that i'm telling you

it redefines theater what what

[Applause]

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[Applause]

my play is a hit and car

uncle you heard our adoring fans we

can't let the public down now can we we

must do it again

one more time

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oh

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