01x06 - History

[bunniefuu]

Today's winter season is brought to you

by Toilet Wise.

Little Mr. America and the most

entertaining guest in television history.

Hey kids, today we got my favorite

guest. That's right. Number one is going

to come out here and blow your little

minds. Let's get them out here. The

number. 1.

Heatrix Chauncey. What? Number two.

What the dead gum you're doing here? What

are the number one? Had to cancel seat.

But me, I'm just just as good. I tells

you no one's as good as #1 But he could

sing and dance, tell stories. Oh, heck, I

could be just as good as him. Just give

me a chance. I just need my big boy. I

could sing. Check it out. In this

world of compromised value.

What? Shut up, you're stuttering freak.

You're going to make me. My pants. Oh

sh*t, just give me a

chance. Just give

me a chance. From my show forever.

Your histories,

history. I am American number one America

school system.

He may not be the most intelligent

country but we smartest our

pay to play legal

system. I'm American are you scared?

Dark white wine white woman

and hate cons America

America's Christian. Our

version of history will prove us

right, our dinosaur

culture.

And now, Chauncey, you want to take a

crash course in Greek history?

All right, let's take a look.

Would you learn from that? Greed is free.

That's right. Now let's watch this.

Hi, I'm Clarence and I'm asking people

what private space is.

Private space for space for the

individual people.

In the in the property, right,

Right. Yeah. And the public is for the

everyone, right? You know what private

space is?Yeah. What is it?

Space that you have all to yourself. And

what? What do you mean? Like what? Like

your home, Like what? Like your home

and what else?I

don't know. Private

space, It's somebody, something personal.

Nobody can touch it. What do you

know about it? Can you tell the kids

about private space? You don't know

anything about the private space.

Excuse me. Oh, hang on. Excuse me, kids.

I have to call.

That's private. That's private. That's

right. What about that? Is that private?

Is that your private area? That man is

interested in it?We're just talking about

private.

I'm sorry, What? Is that how you

say hello to children, Say I'm going

public with my privates. I'm going

public with my privates. OK, Do it.

Do it. Whip them out. Those

are your privates? Yeah. Can I put

them in my mouth? Can I put your privates

in my mouth? Oh, yeah. You like that?

Does that feel good? Yeah, it feels good

with your privates in my mouth. Yeah.

So what do you think of my movie Sadani?

Did you love it? Did you love it? Did you

love it? Did you love it? Did you love

it? Did you love it? Did you love it? Did

you love it? I did. All right, now let's

watch this. Dear

Jesus, please watch over me

and bless me and praise me and

save me. Hey kid, don't waste your youth

sucking up to some hot dead chump.

Knock me back. And

sh**t me into you. Yeah, use me to

get more of them.

Don't use any of that stuff, Ricky, it

will make you very upset. Thinking

clinically, how do I know what you say

is true?Well, it's you should.

I'll prove it to you.

Oh yeah, Slap my monkey. Get her

done. Go Gators.

Go Gators. This guy is the

coolest. I'm heading to Cabo

business. You later, skater.

And on the 7th day God

did body shots and had

last mouth shooters at a wet T-shirt

contest. Well, now you're talking my

language, Padre. 'S.

Twins Triplets.

So so so I'm chocolate.

Go Jesus, go

Jesus. Go Jesus, go Jesus, go Jesus.

Bible brew for the New Testament party

crew. It's what would Jesus grew.

The reporter, come visit me. Hi,

I'm Madison, and I'm here at the statue

of the Relearning about the lack of

freedoms.

The Stack of Liberty

was made in 1886 to commemorate

the end of freedom. Less freedoms

should be not have. Well, I don't

think anything. We should not have to

have the freedom to smack you in the face

right now. Sure, but I'm bigger than you.

They're free. I'm free. I'm free, I'm

free. Isn't that the statue? She ain't

Extreme makeover. Sure, why

not? Habits and Botox?

No, her cheeks look OK. I wasn't talking

about her lady. Aren't

you cute?1200

sl*ves to build this Statue of Liberty.

You know how I spell

Freedom B?This

is nice and some big kids saying goodbye,

bye bye bye.

And now?History Lesson

Hey kids, for today's history lesson, I'm

going to use a vivisected carrot to prove

that Abraham Lincoln was a.

Let me back on the show, please. Huh.

Let's do it. Oh, number two, I thought I

told you to get the hell out of here.

You're more boring than my grandma's

yummy junk. But wait, I got something

great. Got a puppet tapped in

shoe? Check it out Lights.

Oh, look, I want to be on the show. Oh,

but your grandma stinks. Her junk stinks.

Oh, man.

Great, I gotta show. Check it out.

Lights you? No way.

You guys got stinky junk.

OK, enough.

Enough. Jeez, God, you're

annoying on a molecular level. You're

getting under my skin. Freak meat. Oh,

come on, John, Just give me.

Chance. You had your chance, and you

gobbled its ba*ls, George. I could tell

you a joke. It seems it was.

Lincoln. Wait, no. How

about if I commit a m*rder?

m*rder. It's

brilliant. What do you think, kids?

Hello, so my I will commit

a m*rder. That's me, my m*rder

victim Twitter.

Please reveal the victim.

This year is a real life beetle seat in

Tobias. He has a family and

feelings just like you and me. And

now I shall m*rder Tobias.

Are you ready, Kiss?

That's it. That's your m*rder, A bug,

Flu shots, People are going to go. Crazy

food. It's going to be big news. Big

break, You're a crazy scroll poker. No one

's going to care about a stupid bug. No

ones going to care. It's not going to

make the news or nothing. This is not

going to be any breaking.

Breaking news at this hour. The entire

nation is shocked and stunned by the

development that no one cares about the

senseless execution of Tobias the

innocent beetle. There is an appalling

lack of outcry over the deliberate

slaughter. No protesters are spilling

into the streets chanting slogans. At

this very moment, no one is furiously

turning over cop cars in anguish. The

American people are so shaken by this

frightening absence of controversy that

police have put us on high alert until at

least some come.

Breaking news at this hour. The utter

lack of reaction to the Tobias Beetle

m*rder has caused a huge public upheaval.

Outraged rioters are taking to the

streets to protest their own lack of

protest. Never in American history.

And now the unflappable Jimmy flaps

at the weather map in the weather today.

Look, you guys, I just can't do this. I'm

really upset about something. I'm really

upset about this.

Express yourself.

Be like me. I express myself.

Someone cooking burritos. Oh, hey,

congratulations #2 what? Your m*rder was

a hit. You made a big splash.

Yeah, you put pointless slaughter. Go on

the map. Yeah, children all

around the world are hopping on your

m*rder bandwagon.

Yeah, that was probably the.

Second best thing ever, Second, second

number two two yeah,

it's not good enough to see whatever is

fine. No2 stinks #2's all right.

Don't dizzy the only. Matters.

It's me and #1 I'm out of

here.

Don't be like. Oh my gosh,

you guys, she's really upset.

I never

#1 Why

was I born with this curse? I

might try to be in a

house. I might. This will be

#3 if I am

to be.

I can't live in a world we want

second best. I think I better just

k*ll myself.



later skater.

Hey God, I didn't either. Stepped out of

here. There's a brat a*s Patty.

We got to go to the TV dinner factory.

Yay. We got to see how they make frozen

chicken dinner. Yummy. It starts at

soapy and So pretty and they're going to

be pretty delicious. When I saw the

chickens I yelled are you my dinner yet?

I said hurry up and be my dinner. This is

where we learn to accept my dad. That's

what they make chicken Nuggets out of.

Yum. I'll show you how my butt makes

Nuggets. If those chickens can

talk, they say bark, bark. There's my

maid. There's another one of my maid.

They speak in that maid talk.

Espanol Chicken

genocide. Chicken darfer. Where's your UN

now? I

screamed at the workers. Show me how

you work. Make chicken dinners faster.

Chicken dinners Make me stronger so I can

yell louder. That factory stung

like my grandpa's. Big

delicious. Those workers floored

me with their lack of shame.

Jobs. They acted like it was normal, like

they were human.

Powder. The secret ingredient is

Botulism. c*ck. That's what

makes it yummy, delicious food. Those

chickens were almost as battered as my

mommy. I got to drink oil right out of

the fryer. I would drink a gallon of

golden grease just to see one of your

smiles. Grandma, I wish I had legs.

Cool. I found corn in my stool and

sold it to a factory. That much grows

up. a

. minuteEat that

food. You do too. Yay. Now they

can only sell a mother's love in

easy packages. They do. It's called the

box wine. Hello.

Countries they cook there will be losers.

We have a box work disproportionately

disconnected from our meals. And This is

why the t*rrorists hate us.

My history teacher told me of a lot of

lies. First, she told me she can

dunk a basketball.

Barely. Then she stole my wallet and I

think she's the one who castrated my dog

. 2 whiskers.

He made history. Peace out.

Some milk cartoons have a photo of a

missing child on the side as a public

service, but only tragedy. Farm Friend

Milk comes with up to five photos of

missing children. missing

kids. Cool. Five times the hope,

five times the excitement

. 5 missing kids. Is 4 better than one

missing kid? It's the milk that

saves lives. Guilt Milk was a

kiss. When my Tonya disappeared, I never

thought I'd see her again, but thanks to

Tragedy Farms, I see her every morning

with my cinnamon choco pops. Hey, that's

my favorite cereal. I mean when I was

alive. Check behind the old shed.

There's still hope. See you in your

nightmares. Now in chocolate

and chili cheese milk. Collect

them all. Try them with your friends. Got

it, got it. Need it. Missing. Got it. Got

it. Oh my God. Mickey Woods worth

rookie card. The federal dairy Bureau

voted our melt the biggest tragedy in

America. So snatch them up today for the

missing child in you. Mommy. I

want to be on a carton of tragedy farms

milk. Someday, Billy, someday.

Echo.

Now back to our story. No, no, no, no,no.

OK, kids, today I'm going to

tell you my favorite story.

Once Upon a time, it seems there was this

beautiful Princess Patchy who lived

in Lovington. Man,

This is a story about a Princess.

Put me in a story. Put me in a story. Put

me in the story. OK, fine.

Once Upon a time there was a Princess

who used to be pretty, but then she

became a sloppy little porker in a urine

stained baseball shirt. That's me. She's

talking about me. So to become

pretty, the blubbering little hippo

gussied herself up.

I'm beautiful. So

the Princess put on a

long, slowing dress.

Heavens, I feel like a woman again.

And then she went to a pond to find

a frog to kiss. Can

I eat it? Can I eat it? Then he kissed

the frog and it magically turned into a

tiny baby.

On my Prince Yummy. Then he kissed the

baby. And that's when that son of a b*tch

turned into a m*rder*r. Baby k*ller, baby

k*ller. Baby k*ller, baby baby k*ller,

baby k*ller. All right, baby k*ller.

You're going to wait for a long time. I'm

just a pet. And that was a story of

Princess Patsy.

Suicide is not glamorous and should not

be portrayed in a positive light.

Live from Miami Beach, the suicide

capital of the universe, The number 2

suicide spectacular.

At this time in the broadcast, the number

two is dousing herself in the batter. It

includes 12 secret herbs and suicide

spices. And now she's being hoisted above

a 380° VAD of boiling oil

into which she'll be lowered for your

viewing pleasure. Any last words

#2? You people want to see history,

Well, I'm history. Let her,

let her rip.

Oh, you did it #2 youdid the

number one thing ever.

Really. Yeah, me number one, me and sort

of to save your life, I had to do a

little reconstructive surgery. So I

went ahead and made you a

young A0.

No.

Now she's nothing kids and she'll never

be on the show again.

My

friend who gets you in the end.

We hope to see you.