01x03 - Spring Broken

[bunniefuu]

from me back to your limp… d*ck… boss?

I love this song.

♪ You were a spicy little- uh- ♪

♪ Demon with the- uh- bleach blonde haaaair! ♪

♪ Fieeeendin' for that semen when I caught your stare… ♪

♪ Thoooought it might be love, but you went-- ♪

Unholy sh*t, fu-!

Oh, you “suck for life”, do ya?!

Listen up, you unoriginal pink c*m dump!

You have three g*dd*mn seconds

to get your t*ts out of my parking spot!

Oh, sh*t! Verosika!

Blitzo.

I should have known you’d be here.

I could smell fish for miles,

which is odd because I believe

the nearest ocean is...

...three rings down!

And I should have known you’d

be here when I heard the Amber Alerts.

Oh, yeah? I'm surprised they let your fat a*s outta rehab.

I can see you’re still a drunken wh*re,

clutching onto that Beelzejuice
bottle like it's the last c*ck in Hell!

They let me out because I’m still famous.

And rehab is for sad, loser wash-ups.

So, your sister says “Hi”.

Why are you parkin' here?!

This is the ONLY parking spot my company has!

So take your tampon race car somewhere else!

Actually, prick... it has my name on it.

I’m doing a bit of freelance for one of the infinitely

more successful companies in the building...

No way…

...and they wanted to have me come in this week

to lead their team during spring break.

A WEEK?!

No, no, you are NOT parking
here for a f*ck' week!

Awww, you mad, Blitzo?

You gonna run off,
leaving someone else to pay

for the hotel room, steal their car and run…

…run three rings to Wrath and max
MY credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons?!

g*dd*mn it wh*re, you will NOT let that go!

Choke on a sandpaper c*ck.

HOLD ON! You better move that
p*ssy wagon right now, or I’m gonna…

[GROWLS]

[GROWLS]
You'll what?

Or I'll… uh… uh, I- I'll call HR!

Anyway, meet my new Hellhound Vortex.

Unlike you, he actually does his job well.

Ta-ta, f*ck stain.

Ugh, I wasted so much time
with a bag of holes like that.

You know Verosika Mayday?!

Huh...? Oh yeah, her, yeah. We dated.

Was it before or after she became a pop star?

You dated a pop star?!

Okay, why are you all acting like that’s such a shock?

Hellooo, it’s Verosika Mayday?

It's you?

I just…

Is she blind??

Suffering some form of brain damage?

Okay, look, you are all making this into a

way bigger deal than it needs to be.

I don’t pry into your stupid personal lives.

You do that all the time, sir!

You totally do that.

Come on, you kinda do that.

What was sex with her like?

Millie!

Whaaaat?! It's a pop star!

You’d wanna know what sex with Michael Crawford was like.

…Touché.

Okay, look, let’s just drop it!

Millie, j- find a temporary spot for that truck.

Okay, Loonie, Moxxie, let’s go handle this sh*t.

Do you think they saw me?

f*ck! I did my makeup shitty today!

Oh, you look perfect, Loonie! Like always~

Shut UP, da—

Urgh! Blitz!

Oof! Oh. Woah…

Hiiii, big man.

Where’s your b*tch bag of an employer?

She's in her office.

There wasn’t room on the second floor,

so they rented one here on this one.
It’s cheaper.

Oh, COME ON!

Sorry, man.

Oh, no you don't, b*tch.

Sir… how about you let me go in

and try to reason with her?

I don't really listen to what's classified as "pop genre" music,

so her status to me is name recognition alone…

[HIGH PITCH RING,
TALKING FADES OUT]

In my opinion, her music is a bit derivative of-

Moxxie, shut the f*ck up!

Alrighty then.

Hello, Miss Verosika, was it?

I work for I.M.P, and it is actually rather important

for us to retain the singular parking space we were assigned, because-

Aw, look at the little one.

He's got a wittle bow tie!

Please don't condescend me, ma'am. I—

Want a kissy, little guy?

A kind offer, but… I'm married.

Hey… why don't you send a little message

Don't touch thaaaat!

Moxxie, don't let her access any of your holes!

I… I gotta go lie down… now.

Oh, this won't STAND!

All right…! [bleep] THAT'S IT!!

If you're gonna be shitty to my employees,

then I challenge you to a f*ck'… challenge!

f*ck, I said that twice.

Mmmm… Is this Imp boy starting a demon duel?

I think he is!

What's the game then, Blitzo?

Every year, you STD spreaders go up topside for easy pickin's

while spring break is a prime time for crime of all kinds!

So I bet... you succu-b*tches

can't f*ck as many people as we can off

by the end of the day.

Oh, you're serious?

Game on… b*tch.

Alright, shut your assholes!

Here’s how we’re gonna do this sh*t!

First, we find a f*ck ton of clients.

We portal up.

We have our fun m*rder time as per usual.

We pile all the bodies into a big f*ck' canoe.

We push said canoe into some water.

We light it on fire to attract the sharks and eagles 'n sh*t.

Maybe a goose, too! f*ck it!

They come and eat the bodies, we win the bet…

We rub it in that sloppy b*tch's
drunken wh*re-a*s face...

Do you have...

any questions?

Uh, yeah. Why was that nonsense?

That wasn't a question.

That wasn't a plan.

I'm sorry, but that was a flawless presentation

of what we should do, Mox.

It’s not my fault you got a smooth little brain upstairs.

A what now?

I'm callin' ya slow, Moxxie.

God, why don't you learn to take criticism, you

talentless baby dicked troll?!

Well, why don't you take an art class?

Why don't you see how
EXPENSIVE THEY ARE?!?!

Hey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time?

Absolutely not, I forbid it.

Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie.

Spring break is no place for young, vulnerable goth girls.

You know the kind of FREAKS up
there who'd drool all over you!

Well, I- I can blend in with humans easy enough.

Just let me tag along.

Wait, say that again.

I can... blend in…?

Do you have a human disguise?

Yeah. Don’t you?

You three have been screwing around on Earth

this whole f*cking time

without human disguises?!

Okay, new plan!

Loonie can help lure the humans to us,

and we’ll take care of the rest.

Okay, how about that?

Flawless logic.

I think you’re missing the biggest issue, sir.

Isn’t it crucial to have a client who demands enough

kills to win this bet?

We aren’t just going up to m*ssacre!

I got that covered, Mox.

Now... we wait.

Sir... there is no way we are going to get enough clients

by the end of the day with one poorly
spelled, bad grammar flyer!

Now, who’s first?

Now, remember, we can’t be seen, alright?

And loose shots will likely cause a panic,

so Loona can help with leading targets to a better

spot to off 'em. You got the list, Loonie?

Got it.

Ohhhhh, Loonie, look at you.

You look downright awful!

I am so proud. Now, fetch!

That’s nine kills in the bag!

I like to see that waily snatch orgasm that many--

Alright, spring breakers!

Y'all ready to get f*cked up and make some

BITCHIN' BAD CHOICES?!

Verosika!

This is your final boarding call.

All aboard~

♪ Pack your bags.
Sun's out. ♪

♪ Take a vacay, babe.
Take it straight to bone town. ♪

♪ V-time, free time,
baby relax. ♪

♪ Self-care, no hair,
Brazilian wax. ♪

♪ Hornt up succu-bus to the beach. ♪

♪ Catch some rays while catching some D. ♪

God DAMMIT!

That b*tch started her goadish mating call!

Now she’s gonna win all these sex maniacs!

We gotta pick things up, guys!

He on the list, Loonie?

Huh? Yeah… I- I think so.

Good!

Oh, whoa! What are you?

A leprechaun?

Yeah... Pretty cool, huh?

But you sure as sh*t ain’t gonna tell nobody!

Alright, next one, Loonie, c'mon!

Loonie? Wait, where--...?

Wha-- Wha-- Wh--

WHERE'S MY BABYYYYYY?!?!

Look!

♪ Pack your bags.
Sun's out. ♪

♪ Take a vacay, babe.
Take it straight to bone town. ♪

Now, who wants a piece of this?!

Heyyyy… you…!

Oh, hey. You’re the hound

workin' for my boss’s freaky ex.

Yeah.

Sorry if that’s weird.

It’s cool.
Her beef ain’t mine.

I’m not paid enough to care.

Yeah! Yeah. I’m Loona!

Okay.

I’m Vortex!

That’s hot...

I mean, like, literally,
y'know, 'cause vortexes...

y'know, they give off heat.

Probably. Right?

Uh, yeah.

I guess.
But my friends call me Tex.

Oh yeah?
I wish I had friends.

I mean... no, I mean, I don’t...

I… I don’t have friends.

Am I... interrupting something?

Nah, man

Just having a conversation.

“Conversation” leads to HPV!

And... we've lost him.

It’s looking like it’s up to us handle this list.

Hell yeah! Team M&M,

gettin' sh*t done, makin' the moneys!

Blitz, get the f*ck out of here!

You’re gonna get us all into sh*t!

I just wanted to see what was so important

that you’d be distracted from your job.

What, I can’t have a break?

WE HAVE A PARKING SPOT ON THE LINE!

Hey, dude. Why don’t you chill out?

Why don’t you stay out of it?!

Okay, this is our business!

Literally.

f*ck, Blitzo!

Why can’t you stay out of my face
for, like, five minutes?!

Because I adopted you!

And that should mean something!

Oh, what does it matter?!

You’re not my real dad!
I was almost eighteen!

It still counts!

Well, it shouldn't!

I didn't need you then, as*h*le!

I don't now!

WOOOO! Yeah! Party! Let's do thiiiiis!

Eggggh! Oh my god,
it’s a f*cking possum!

Oh, crumbs!

I got it!

Uh… Blitz… I'm-

Enjoy your break, Loonie.

I'm gonna go k*ll something!

Ugggh...

Damn, girl. That was savage.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine

He’ll get over it. He always does.

I'm glad you could stick up for yourself, at least.

Mmm! Takes guts.

Thanks.

Moxxie!

Millieeeeeeeee!

Hiiii!

Hey. Hey, when did you get four heads?

I wanna kiss ‘em.

Ooooh! Fish.

Hehehe… Weeeeee…

I love that woman~

Oh, she totally pegs you, doesn’t she?

Ohhhh, yeah, way to show off, Mils!

Is Mox okay?

Oh, yeah. He's fine.

Thiiiis is funny. I'm sooooo… drinky.

Ooookay, this is too wholesome for my liking.

Blitzo.

Oh perfect. That must be the wh*res!

That was handled rather… obvious…

Don't you think?

I don't think this belonged to any of us.

Would be a shame if anyone found out

you guys were behind a giant monster fish

in the human world.

Oh, Satan! You all be so…
FUUUUCKED!

Yeah, well…

you three nasty-a*s gremlins will be in sh*t

for not being in disguises!

A human called me a possum.

I am not a possum!

Y'know, we could keep this little B-movie scene

on the down low if you agree
to let us use that parking space.

Fine.

WE f*ck' WOOOOOOON!!!

f*ck YEAH!

IN YOUR FACE, BIIIITCH!

Come on, let's get out of here. Tex!

Well... guess it's time to bounce, but hey,

if you're ever down to party, I'll give you a ring sometime.

Really? I mean, heh…yeah. Yeah.

Yeah! My girlfriend throws a ton of crazy hound parties.

Nice. Can't wait for my first one.

Let's get you some friends, girl.

Come on, Loonie Tooney!

Let's go back and park our fat
f*ck' car in our fat f*ck' space!

PUT YOUR HANDS UP, YOU SICK DEVIANTS!!

Alright, sluts. Get ready to suck a lot of pig d*ck.

♪ Lit me on fire ♪

♪ Made me watch rom-coms ♪

♪ Made a secret sex tape and ♪

♪ SHOWED IT TO MY MOM ♪

♪ You were a b*tch kinda generally ♪

♪ Now I'm a WET WILD STALLION ♪

♪ And I'm RUNNING FREE ♪

♪ You stepped on my nuts ♪

♪ And you tore me apart ♪

♪ Slapped up my BOOTY ♪

♪ And TANGLED my FARTS ♪

♪ Cut off my d*ck ♪

♪ When you shattered MY HEART ♪

♪ But it grew back twice as long ♪

♪ MUSTANG DONG!!! ♪

Oh my god! I just went through puberty twice!