07x14 - Memoir

[bunniefuu]

- Previously on Young Sheldon...
- Oh, dear.

You having a hard time
adjusting to high school?

I'm having a hard time
adjusting to Earth.

Hey, doofus.

- [CLUCKS]
- [SCREAMS]

Who's going to church with me tomorrow?

- I'll go with you, Mom.
- You don't believe in God.

SHELDON: Nope, but I believe in Mom.

Look at my face. Tell me what you see.

That you're old. I said put me down!

I have a tough time making friends, too.

Well, good luck on your
quest to find a friend.

[WHISPERS]: Tell me where it hurts.

"If it's funny, it's a Bazinga."

- What a charming young man.
- Kook.

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

Did you tell my granddaughter
she can't play baseball?

Meemaw got a date with the coach.

Why Sheldon Cooper should go to college.

- Cheese.
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

- You be Spock. I'll be Kirk.
- Aye, Captain.

Greetings, Mother.

Are you running a gambling room
in the back of the Laundromat?

- No.
- [SIREN CHIRPS]

OFFICER: Please stop running.

I love you.

Sorry. That was a little hard.

- I'm Georgie.
- Mandy.

- I'm pregnant.
- She's here.

Dad, we need to get out of the car.

Connie, I'm so sorry.

I'm going to MIT.

- Caltech?
- Caltech.

ADULT SHELDON: It had been


and everyone was still
understandably out of sorts.

Finish up, we got to get to church.

We already went Wednesday and Thursday.

- Isn't that enough?
- Jesus died for you.

He didn't ask if that was enough.

Please let us come live with you.

Just give her some time.
She'll settle down.

Do we really have to go?

Yes, you really have to go.

Ugh.

ADULT SHELDON: Even as a
child, I was always doing things

to make other people happy.

AMY: Doing things to
make other people happy?

- You've got to be kidding me.
- [STAMMERS]

Don't read over my shoulder.

Well, are you writing your
memoir or a fantasy novel?

For your information, the word
"memoir" comes from "memory,"

and these memories are mine.

And since when do you go out of your way

to make other people happy?

How about once a year on your birthday?

Other than that, when?

- All the time.
- Sheldon, while I was giving birth,

you Zoomed in to a seminar.

You were taking forever to dilate,

and I had already made my
contribution to the project.

Which, need I remind you,
was on your birthday.

I would love to dissect your brain

to see which part is missing.

Or you'll find an all-new structure
no one's ever seen before,

an evolutionary leap forward.

Don't push me, I have a bone saw.

All these years, and the
passion is still there.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

JEFF: Let me remind you

that Emmanuel means "God with us,"

and I promise you, he is.

Now, let's all bow our
heads in silent prayer.

- What is that?
- It's my new laptop.

Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter gave
it to me as a graduation gift.

- [LAPTOP BEEPS]
- Why is it here?

It's a laptop. This is where my lap is.

Does it have games on it?

Solitaire and Minesweeper.

- Let me try.
- No.

Put it away.

Uh, Coopers?

Is there an issue?

No, no. Keep praying.
We'll, uh, catch up.

Sheldon, what you got there?

An IBM ThinkPad.

Does that seem appropriate for church?

It's a miracle of technology.

Luddites, this is a portable computer.



four megabytes of RAM.

Behold and worship.

ADULT SHELDON:
What a mischievous imp I was.

- AMY: We should start getting ready.
- Oh, hold on.

Want to see something neat?

Is it you starting to get ready
for your son's hockey game?

Because that would be neat.

Oh, I'm not going to that.
But check this out.

My first laptop from 1994.

Terrific. What do you
mean you're not going?

Children on skates hitting
a rubber puck with a stick.

Why would I want to see that?

Because Leonard is your son,
and he is one of those children.

This is why I wanted to wait
until cloning was possible.

Because the old-fashioned
way got us a hockey player.

Get dressed.

But I'm busy. I'm writing about
my last few days in Texas

before going to Caltech.

It's very emotional.

I can see that.

- Hit the showers.
- [STAMMERS] I'm right in the middle.

Mom's going off the rails,

I'm holding the whole family together.

This is riveting stuff.

Well, I am leaving in an hour

and you are coming with me.

[COUGHS]

Stop it. You are not sick.

You're not that kind of
doctor. You don't know.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Is this what you do when I'm not here?

You could've walked in on a lot worse.

Hey, how's it going over there?

Well, about as good as you could hope.

Just worried about Mary.

Is she hitting the bottle?

Hitting the Bible, hard.

Well, that's not that bad.

Well, she's pushing away her children

just when they need her the most.

Other than being there for
them, what else can you do?

I don't know.

Hey, you know, when I was young

and lost and mad at the world,

picking up a guitar kept me
from going down a bad road.

So, what're you saying?

Missy and Sheldon should form a band?

Worked for the Carpenters.

Put some pants on.

♪ I got no pants ♪

♪ On my legs. ♪

Why is there still a placemat there?

That's your father's seat.

But he's not here.

He's here in spirit.

- No, he's not.
- Shut up, Sheldon.

Chicken's good, Mary.

Thank the Colonel.
I wasn't up to cooking.


It's a delicious mystery.

Mandy, did you change
the topic to fried chicken

because my topic was awkward?

I did.

And is it awkward that
I'm bringing it up again?

It's getting there.

It's not a magic chair,
anyone can sit there,

and even if spirits existed,
which they don't,

they can't call dibs on furniture.

If I sit in it, will you please
stop talking about it?

I suppose so.

Fine.

- No.
- Don't do it.

- Stop!
- [SIGHS] Thank you.

[SIGHS]

There's something
I have been thinking about

that I would like you kids to consider.

I want you both to get baptized.

[CLEARS THROAT]

This is some good chicken.

See how I changed the subject
when Mom made it awkward?

No, I am serious.

This is important.
It is about saving your souls.

- I'm not doing it.
- Me neither.

- It ain't no big deal. I did it.
- Really?

Yeah, he kissed a girl in the tub,

and she punched him in the face.

Really?

I'm gonna say pepper's
one of the secret spices.

- That leaves ten.
- MARY: Okay,

enough changing the subject.

You two are getting baptized,

and that is the end of the discussion.

- You can't make us.
- End of discussion.

So, tell me about this girl you kissed.

Can we please talk about something else?

Fine.

Her name was Veronica Duncan,

and he was madly in
love with her for years.

End of discussion.

She kind of looked like you.

Except taller and younger.

Mm-hmm.

Hey. What you watching?

Nothing.

- Where's your mom?
- I don't know.

Probably church, again.

Yeah, I guess she's
been a little extra...

- Nutty?
- Religious.

She dragged me to church
three times this week.

You know who goes to
church on Thursdays?

- Who?
- Losers.

Sorry.

Hey, uh, why don't we get out
of here and do something?

- Like what?
- I don't know, something fun.

Can we go to a bar?

No.

- Tattoo parlor?
- No.

Do you even know what fun is anymore?

No.

[CRYING]

You okay?

[SNIFFLES]

I'm fine. Just talking with God.

He say something to upset you?
'Cause I'll give him what for.

Georgie, that is disrespectful.

Sorry. Just trying to cheer you up.

If you really want to cheer me up,

help convince your brother
and sister to get baptized.

I already told them I did it.

You treated it like it was a joke.

Everyone in this family is
treating it like it's a joke

and it's not.

Okay.

Sorry to interrupt.

Meemaw, it's Georgie.

I'm worried about Mom.

Look, I just want to
say I'm-I'm really sorry

for what you're going through.

People keep saying they're sorry.

It's so stupid.

Okay. I'm sorry.

Sorry.

I just want you to know
that I'm here for you

if you need anything.

I mean, after all, we
are sisters... in-law.

Anything?

Like a dad who's not dead
and a mom who's not crazy?

Okay, now, crazy moms, that one I know.

I actually have the Girl
Scout badge. [LAUGHS]

[SCOFFS]

I can't talk to her about anything.

It's all about Jesus and God,

and now, she wants me to get baptized.

Come on, I mean, she's going
through a tough time, too.

Sorry. Okay, that's the last
one, all right? I'm sorry.

Sorry.

♪ ♪

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hey, what ya doing?

Packing my things for California.

- You're taking your toy trains?
- They're not toys.

They're historically
accurate facsimiles.

They go "woo woo" when
you press the button, right?

They're not joyless facsimiles.

Okay, well, I'll see ya later.

Where are you going?

To the cemetery to visit your dad.

I don't suppose you want to join me?

He's not there.

I know he's not there, he's in heaven.

Because he got baptized.

Hmm.

Kudos on the rhetorical ambush.

Although, if he's in heaven,

why are you going to the
cemetery? Ha, gotcha.

Sheldon, if you don't believe
in baptism, what's the harm?

The harm? You're asking
me to get in a big tub

of un-chlorinated human filth.

Peg cleans it.

- Does she?
- Peg says she cleans it.

And if that is what is stopping you,

I will personally scrub it out.

Mother, I can't be a hypocrite.

This ritual is just
superstitious nonsense

to make you feel better.

And you taking all
your things to college

isn't just to make you feel better?

[SCOFFS] You're on your game today.

That mean you'll get baptized?

ADULT SHELDON: I gazed lovingly at her.

I thought about how much
she had been through

and how much this would mean to her

and then I said...

"Not a chance, lady."

Pulitzer.

I thought you were taking a shower.

I thought I was, too, but
the muse had other plans.

What are you wearing?

It's a hockey jersey.

Here, I got you one.

I'm not wearing this silly thing.

When I first met you,
you bought all of your shirts

from a comic book store.

And I'd still be wearing them

if they hadn't mysteriously disappeared.

Sheldon, I know you're
not a fan of sports,

but it would mean so much to Leonard

to have his father in the
stands supporting him.

He knows I love him

despite his foolish and
embarrassing hobby.

- Sheldon, it is not a hobby...
- End of discussion.

- Do not tell...
- End!

March your cute behind upstairs

and get in that shower.

Fine.

But that doesn't mean I'm going.

It means I value good hygiene.

MEEMAW: Hey.

Funny meeting you here.

Brought George a Lone Star.

That's nice, but they
don't drink in heaven.

Oh.

Then let's not let that go to waste.

How'd you know I was here?

- Sheldon.
- Oh. Yeah.

I'm worried about him.

He's worried about you.

I'm worried about you.

Me? I'm doing fine.

Jesus is helping me through.

I don't question that.

But I do question why you're not
spending more time with your son

who's leaving in a few days,

and your daughter who may
be leaving as we speak.

- She's doing okay.
- She's not.

You just don't know that

'cause you're spending
all your time praying.

I'm praying for them.

Mary...

they don't need your prayers.

They need their mother.

And I need to know that
their souls are saved.

Oh, I should've brought more beer.

I know that I'm not winning
any popularity contests,

but I'm gonna do whatever it takes

to make sure that my kids are safe.

In this life and the next.

Damn.

I really thought I was
gonna bring ya around.

I'm on my game today.

Sheldon said so.

♪ ♪

MISSY: It's so empty.

I know you're eager to
turn it into a ballet studio

or a gossip parlor

or whatever it is girls your age enjoy.

Everything is just so different lately.

Change is terrible.

I've been saying it since I no
longer fit in my high chair.

We spent a lot of time
together in this room, huh?

We did.

Oh, good, you're both here.

Sit down.

- Why?
- Yeah, why?

Sit.

Listen, I talked to your mom
about this baptism thing.

- You got us out of it?
- No, you need to do it.

But it's against my
well-established atheism.

It's not about you.

Your mom needs this.

You can't make me.

You're right, I can't.

But I'm watching my daughter
fall apart right now.

[SHUDDERS]

I'm-I'm just asking for


Please.

- Fine.
- Okay.

Thank you.

It's weird when they cry.

I do not care for it.

♪ ♪

Okay. This is where you can get changed

into your bathing suits and robes.

Uh, boys there, girls there.

Let's just get this over with.

I want to say again how
sorry I am for your loss.

I know your dad is real
proud of you right now.

Our dad's gone.

[SCOFFS] Screw this.

Missy, you said you'd do it.

Yeah, well, I changed my mind.

I'm going home.

I'll give you a minute.

Are you gonna go, too?

I know you don't believe.

I don't. But I believe in you.

Thank you.

Okay, now our next baptism
is for Sheldon Lee Cooper,

our soon-to-be brother in Christ.

And, personally,
this is a big get for me.

Sheldon, we're ready for you.

["RUBBERBAND MAN" BY
THE SPINNERS PLAYING]

♪ ♪

♪ Hey, y'all, prepare yourself ♪
♪ For the rubber band man ♪

♪ You've never heard a sound ♪

♪ Like the rubber band man ♪

♪ You're bound to lose control ♪

♪ When the rubber band starts to jam ♪

♪ Rubber band, rubber band man ♪
♪ Get down ♪

- ♪ Oh, get down low ♪
- ♪ Rubber band. ♪

What's important is he's here.

Oh, my.

What are you doing?

You never told me you were baptized.

Yes. And I got a pretty nasty
ear infection for my troubles.

And you went through with it
just to please your mother.

Well...

she may not have understood me

or the things I cared about...

[SIGHS] but she did everything
she could for me.

My dad did, too.

Hmm.

That must've been great,

having parents who supported
you despite all your differences.

Oh. Yes.

Looking back, that was...

that was the ultimate gift.

Hey.

Smartest man in the world.

I brought you to the water.

Take a freakin' sip.

You're drawing a parallel.

Yes.

- I'm not wearing the jersey.
- Okay.

- But it is cold there.
- Fine. I'll wear it.

And, by the way, your daughter
wants to take acting classes.

I told you we never
should've let Penny babysit.

♪ ♪

Eventually, my mom sold the house.

My dad's chair was gone.

My spot was gone.

Where we ate together.

But I can still remember
it exactly the way it was

the day I left for Caltech.

MISSY: Hey.

What are you doing?

Taking it all in one last time,

so I remember it when I'm older.

You gonna remember me?

I have an eidetic memory.
I have no choice.

Ha.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

_

You lost?

No.

I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

["WALK OF LIFE" BY DIRE STRAITS PLAYING]

♪ ♪