06x11 - She's with the Band

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music playing]
[door opens]
Sorry we're late, Reba.

But I went to pick up Ms. Booker,

and as usual, she wasn't ready.

Ms. Booker?

I just want to hear

how my maiden name sounds.

Because with the divorce pending

I haven't decided whether or not

I'm gonna keep my married name.

Do me a favor, okay? Don't.

I'm just saying. I already have

one ex-wife named Mrs. Hart.


I'm not giving out these names

as a parting gift.

Would you two knock it off?

You were hard enough to take

when you were happily married.

So, where are Van and Cheyenne?

Oh, I cannot wait to see

the look on their faces


when we tell them that

we are getting them furniture

for their new house.

We are not getting them furniture

for their new house.

I am. Me, by myself.
Because, if you remember,

you guys didn't want to spend the money

and be part of the gift.


Yeah, but we can still be

a part of the look on their faces.

Hello.

You guys, we got you furniture

for your new house!

[all exclaiming]

Furniture?

Oh, tears of joy. Stress relief.

But, wait a minute. It was from me. I was…
Oh, Mom. It doesn't matter who did what.

-We're just so happy.

-[B.J.] I know. I know.

But I did it all!

-Okay, Mrs. H.

-Yeah.

Of course you did. It's okay.
You're a winner, too.
Aww. Mom, thank you. Thank you so much.

And you know what would

mean the world to me?

What's that?

If you came with us

to help pick out furniture.


Oh, I'd love to, Cheyenne.

I have excellent taste.


Besides, my third cousin is friends

with "Crazy Larry," the Insane Couch King.

Uh-huh.
Okay, look, call me.
Van, get a tape measure.
We are going to go measure for furniture.
We don't need a tape measure.
My feet are exactly a foot long.

-All right.

-How weird is that? [laughs]


Seriously, if you find

a couch at a lower price,


Larry has to give you

a ride on his elephant.


So wait a minute, if you like the couch,

you don't get to ride the elephant?

What a rip!
So much for horning in on my gift, huh?
I'm horning in?

I think somebody owes somebody else

$. for the card.

[mimics beep]
See you guys later.

This is a wonderful time

for our family, Brock.


Our oldest daughter

is buying her first house.


And this little hotshot

is getting ready to go to college.


Oh, well, I guess this would

be the time then


to tell you that I decided

I'm not going to college.

Come again?
[sputters] Not going to college?

I just feel like it would be

a waste of time.

I'd rather focus on my music.

I'll see you guys later.

I have band practice.

[Brock sighs]

Don't do anything dumb, Reba.

Don't do anything dumb.


Crazy Larry didn't go to college,

and he is filthy rich.

I'll just… [grunting]
[theme song playing]

[Reba]
Ha, hey!


♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪


♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪


♪ Who I am is who I wanna be ♪


♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪


♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪


♪ With gentle hands ♪


♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪


♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Ooh, Van, look at this store.
They have some really nice things.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'm not really impressed.

Check that.
Hello, vibrating chair.
Van, we are not buying a vibrating chair.

-Why not, Cheyenne?

-[sighs]

[moans]
It's cozy.
There you go. That's the spot, chair.
Van, be serious.
Come on, honey. Look at this couch.

It's really beautiful

and it goes with our house.


All right, you get the couch, if it

doesn't plug in, I'll just get this chair.

Van, it doesn't work that way, okay.

They have to be in the same room.

They have to actually match.

All right. Fine.
We'll compromise.
We'll get a vibrating couch.

There is no such thing

as a vibrating couch.

Really, are you sure?
New idea, vibrating couches.

Come on, Van. I think

this furniture is for us. Try it out.

[exhales] What?
Ah.
All right.

-No, this is not gonna work out.

-Why not?


Because, this is the most uncomfortable

couch I've ever sat in,

plus it's not my taste.
Come on, you cannot be suggesting

that you actually care

about the furniture?

I don't wanna fight.

This is a big decision,

so let's just flip for it.


-Okay, no. No.

-All right, rock paper scissors.


We are not gonna flip a coin to pick

our furniture or do rock paper scissors.


-Roshambo?

-Van.

Okay, I'm thinking of a number.
You know what. Forget it!

Forget about this whole thing.

Forget about the furniture.


We'll just live in an empty house

and we'll eat off the floor.

Cheyenne, come back.

Excuse me, sir, do you have

any vibrating couches?

Sorry, sir, I'm afraid not.

Oh! Excellent!

This conversation never happened.

I just cannot believe Kyra.

Okay, Reba, before you go all Rambo

on Kyra about this band stuff,


just remember that a lot of musicians

didn't go to college.


There's Elton John,

Paul McCartney, Cher, Bruce Springsteen.

I mean, the list just goes on and on.

And do you know

what those people have in common?

They're not my kid, that's what!
And I want my child to have an education.
Education, that's overrated.

All you need is an accent

and you sound smart.


[in British accent] Hello, Reba.

I'm quite busy right now.

Can I have my secretary call you?
It's wonderful, you know… [chuckles]

[in British accent]

Do us all a bit of a favor,

won't you, Mrs. Booker, and zip it.

-That's a good girl. Jolly good.

-[exclaiming scornfully]

All right, just knock it off.
It is vital that we show a united front.

We have got to show her

that we are all of one mind.

Got it.

Kyra, it's a trap.

Follow your dreams, run, be free.


Oh, no. Is this one of those

"You have to go to college interventions?"


No. It's a free

and open exchange of ideas.


Plus, you won't be able to leave the room

until you agree with us.


And I do need to let you know

that we are all of one mind.


Well, I think

that you should be able to do whatever…

We are all of one mind!

Kyra, we just wanna make sure

that you know what you're getting into.


Right. The concerts. The parties.

The limos. The private jets.

I mean, what kind of life is that?
Barbra Jean, remind me to show you

that thing about my fists

and the side of your head.


Okay, look, Reba, I'm just trying

to show her that it's not all bad.


Yes, but only the people that make it

to the top get all that stuff!


I think what your mom is trying to say

is that there are no guarantees.


-Yes. Yes.

-Okay?

This could be a really hard life.

Now, baby, I know

what you're going through.


My parents had the same talk with me

when I was your age


and wanted to join the touring company

of A Chorus Line.

Oh, God.

Oh, so this isn't an intervention

as much as a coming out party?

Honey, as a straight man,

I would have cleaned up

on that tour, okay?


Okay, all right, I think

we're missing the point here.

Kyra, this is the time in your life

when the decisions you make

will impact your future.


I'm just worried

if the band doesn't make it,

you won't have the options you need.

So I should think of college

as a safety net?

Yes. What a perfect way of saying it.
Yes, a safety net. Yeah. Yeah.

The problem with a safety net is that

it's always there if you fall.

Well, yes, dear.
That's why we call it a safety net.
And you think she's college material.
I don't want a safety net.
I want the pressure of having to make it.
Oh, honey, now, that's just crazy.
It's how a lot of artists feel.

Well, here's how

a lot of artists' parents feel,

you're going to college, and that's that!
You can't make me. I'm .

But you still live here,

and as long as you live here

you will do exactly what we think is best.
Sounds like we have a problem.
No, there's no problem.

You just do the right thing

and everything will work out.

[knocking at door]

-Hey, Kyra, ready to go to the studio?

-Yeah.


Hey, do you mind if I crash

at your place for a little while?


Yeah, it's cool with me.

The dog liked you.

Great.
Problem solved. I'll be out by Saturday.
[sighs]

I wonder if "the dog"

is a person or the dog?

Well, great job, Reba.

Now, not only is our daughter

not going to college,


but she's moving in with some punk,

with the long hair,


and the break dancing

and the yeah, yeah, yeah, devil music.

She's not going anywhere.

First of all, she doesn't know it yet,

but she is so grounded.


Call her on her cell, and tell her that

if she doesn't get her butt home right now

that you are kicking her out.
How can I do that? She already left.
Then tell her you are kicking her in.
What does that even mean?
I don't know. I am obviously panicking.

When I was her age,

I joined this church group in Utah.

Oh, Lord.

Well, they were super friendly,

and they had these really big families,


and instead of my parents

letting me follow my dreams,

one night at a dance,

they showed up in a van

and just carried me home in a sack.


Although there's a good chance

I'm still married to Father Al.

Okay, that's it!

That's what happens

when kids get to make their own decisions.

I'm gonna call the cops.
And tell them what?

That your -year-old has left home,

that's not a crime.


Well, it should be a crime.

Why isn't it a crime?

Because we don't live in Utopia, Reba.
We live in Suburbia, where life is cheap.
Can't call the cops.
Can't make moving out a crime.
Somebody come up with something!

Well, this is kind of weird,

but there may not be anything we can do.


So our daughter makes a terrible decision

with lifelong implications

and we just have to sit here and take it?

-That kind of looks that way, yeah.

-[sighs in exasperation]


Wow. This parenting stuff

is certainly not for sissies.

That's changing in some states.

Just like that,

we lost all of our power over her.

Well, I'm not gonna sit by

and lose the power to keep my daughter

from doing something stupid.

But, Reba, there's nothing you can do.

Well, let me tell you this,

there may be nothing I can do,


but I'm gonna go down there

and yell at her until one of us is crying.

[exclaims]
Hey, Cheyenne.
What happened to you and the car?

It took me six hours

to get home on the bus.


I've been to parts of this city

that you don't wanna see.


But being on the bus

gave me time to think.

And, well, hang on a second.

New idea, deodorant you can spray

on other people.


You can't spray things on other people,

Van, they will arrest you.


Research laws regarding

spraying things on other people.


Look, I'm sorry what happened

in the furniture store, okay?


-It doesn't matter.

-It does matter, Cheyenne.


It does matter, 'cause I was wrong,

all right, I was wrong.


I don't have any taste.

I said that because I thought I should.


But, I was wrong

and you're right. I stink.

And I was never mistaken for a g*y.
And when it comes to the house
you can make all the decisions, okay?
Does that make you feel better?

-No.

-Why not?


-I don't wanna leave my mommy!

-What?

Van, we cannot live without her.

I mean, we were at the furniture store

and she wasn't there,

and we couldn't pick out a freaking couch!
How are we gonna live without her?

So this is what this is all about?

You're afraid of leaving your mom?


Yes. I mean, she's always been there

when we needed her help.

Your mom isn't so hot.

You know, a lot of the time,

I bet she was just winging it.

Okay, Van, you're not helping me here.

Come here, listen.

Do you know why we're gonna be okay?


Do you know why? 'Cause your mother

has taught us everything she knows.


Even when she's not there

it's like she's there.


She's like a voice in my head,

constantly nagging at me.

Okay, enough already.

You hear that, too?

I thought I was the only one.

That's why we're gonna be okay,
because we got Red in our head.
[grunts]
Okay? Everything's gonna work out.

-Trust me.

-Really?

I promise.
Thank you.
New idea, talking Reba doll.
[knocking at door]
Kyra, what a coincidence.

I was just dropping by,

hoping I could score some wacky tobacky.

Ha, ha.

What's that? Come on in.

Thanks for the offer.


I just wanted to come by

and see where you'd run away to.


I'm . I'm not running away.

I'm moving out.


And maybe me moving out

is the best thing for both of us.

Oh, really?
Well, I checked with myself, and it isn't.
[rapid knocking at door]
[Kyra] All right.

Sorry I'm late.

You are a crazy driver, Miss Leadfoot.

Barbra Jean, what are you doing here?

I didn't want you to come over here

and bully the dreams out of Kyra,

so I followed you.
This is between Kyra and me.
Well, I will be as quiet as a mouse.
You won't even know I'm here.
Hey, drums.
Kyra, I know this has been tough,

and you and I

haven't seen exactly eye to eye,


but you have to know

there's one thing that I want for you


more than anything else in the world,

and that's…

[playing drumroll]
I want you to be happy.
Every parent wants their kid to be happy.
[cymbal clangs]

Playing music

is what's gonna make me happy,

but you don't want me to do that.

Okay, Kyra. I'm gonna give you the deep,

dark secret of parenting.


We always say

that we want our kids to be happy,

but do you know what we really want?
Obedient robot children?
[plays accent]
We want our kids to be safe.

And I know that

makes me a square, or a "drag,"


or whatever word you kids

are coming up with nowadays.

Lame. They say lame.

-I get it all the time.

-[shushing]


-You don't need to worry about me.

-Well, tough crap.

Because I always will, always.
That's what I do. I'm a mom.

Then how am I ever supposed

to be able to make any mistakes?


You're not! You're never supposed

to have any problems.

You're supposed to have a perfect life.

And that's why I want you

to always listen to me.

And, yes, I know how ridiculous this is.

-Mom, listen to me.

-[sighs]

I'm not scared. I feel okay in this world.
I feel safe.
And that's because of how you raised me.

I must have done something

terribly, terribly wrong.


Please, Mom, just want me to be happy.

You already made me safe.

Come here.

I am happy for you, Kyra.

And I want you to be happy.


-Come on. Let's go home.

-All right.

[playing march]

Hey, Kyra, I'm really glad

you came home with me.


Look, honey,

I know it's a little boring around here,


but I think it's very important for you

to have a stable family environment.


And five, six, seven and eight,

and step, kick, step ball change.

Turn, Fosse. Ha!
Come on, Jake, concentrate.

There are other eighth graders

who want your place on the line, boy.

Maybe I'll go back to Stitch's.
Right behind you.

And five, six, seven and eight,

and step, kick, step ball change.

Turn, Fosse. Ha!
[closing theme music playing]