04x06 - Couples' Therapy

[bunniefuu]

Oh, jake, did you
make me breakfast?

Do I look like I know
how to poach an egg?

- It was dad.
- Whose dad? Your dad?

Good morning, reba.

- Would you like
the living section?
- That depends.

Is there a story in there that
explains what the heck you're doin' here?

Ah, jake asked me to come over
early so we could... Dig for worms.

- Is that true, jake?
- No.

We fell asleep watching
movies on the couch last night.

You slept here? Jake, we worked
on the worm story for 20 minutes.

Dude, she's my mom.

Look, brock, you... You just
can't hang out here anymore.

Now, when you get through
making my toast, you can go home.

- Hey, sweetie. What time's
van comin' in from denver?
- I don't know.

- Sometime, I guess.
- Well, honey, what'd he say
when you talked to him?

We haven't talked yet. Every time he
calls, he gets the answering machine.

Every time I call, I
hang up. And frankly,

If he wanted to talk to me, he
wouldn't have moved to stupid denver.

- Are you still mad
about him leaving?
- [Scoffs] no.

Stupid denver in
stupid colorado.

Cheyenne, honey, listen to me.

He had to go, okay? Van is a
professional football player.

And he got traded.
It happens sometimes.

- I understand that.
- Just like you understood...

When we brought kyra home and
you kept trying to give her away.

- I was here first!
- Uh-huh.

Honey, van's been
gone for a whole week.

Do you have any idea how much he's looking
forward to seeing you and elizabeth?

Yeah, right.

- You think he is?
- Of course he is.

I bet he's miserable up there
'cause he misses you so much.

Heck, if you met him in those ratty
old sweats, I bet he wouldn't even notice.

Yeah, that's right. But
seriously, I'd shower.

Honey, look,

You guys only have
two days together.

That's it. Don't lose them...

Because you're still mad over
something he has no control over.

Maybe you're right. I mean,
van doesn't wanna be in denver...

Any more than I
want him to be there.

And plus, he might
bring me a present.

Ah, thanks, guys. Love you.

Yeah. We love you
too, sweetheart.

- Thanks for
helpin' out with that.
- You didn't need any help.

You're a great mom, reba. Yeah,
well, you're a great dad too.

You always were.
Well, thank you.

Nah, thank you. Now go home.

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Okay. Good, good. A
little... Little bit more.

Go ahead. Good job.

All right, jake. What
have we learned so far?

Always tighten to the
right, and it's not swearing...

If you use different words...

Granny in hot pants!

- What are you guys doin' now?
- Man's work, little missy.

Man's work, huh?

batman is on.

Whoo!

Okay, okay, okay. I'm
not just hangin' out.

I have a reason for
bein' here this time.

I am fixing the sink.

- It's not broken.
- It is now.

- Brock!
- Okay, okay.

It's just that... The
condo's so quiet.

As strange as it sounds,
after the chaos of a big family,

I just... I miss the
noise and the mess.

And somebody doing your laundry?

What? How did
those get in there?

Look, brock, we're divorced.

Legally, your clothes can't be
tumbling around with my clothes anymore.

You need to find
someplace else to hang out.

- Hi, reba.
- hey.

Hi, brock. I didn't know
you were over here.

Actually, I'm, uh...
I'm just leaving.

I-i'll see you in couples
therapy later, okay? Okay.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! What about my sink?
- Reba,

I can't be hanging
out here all day.

So, barbra jean, how's the
therapy goin' with you and brock?

Good. Yeah. Good.

Our therapist has
a bold approach.

- The first issue we're tackling
is our scariest one.
- Yeah, what's that?

- You.
- Me?

Problemo número uno.

What? You're blaming all
your problems on me in therapy?

No. But our therapist is.

yeah. Oh, he's very good.

And you know what?
He'd like to speak with you.

He thinks it might be a good
idea to get your perspective.

Oh, no. I'm not gettin'
involved in this.

When you said, "I do," I said,
"I don't have to anymore."

Dr. Baker said you'd
hide behind humor.

You know what? I'm getting sick
and tired of his snap judgments.

Oh, they're not snap judgments.
We talk about you all the time.

So far, we've determined that
you're controlling and manipulative.

Did you know he guessed you
had red hair before we told him?

You know, the only thing I
think he might be wrong about is...

He says that since your
divorce, you haven't moved on.

- I haven't moved on?
- Yeah, since your divorce.

Y-you're spinning
your wheels, if you will.

You know what? I
changed my mind.

There is nothing I'd like more than to
go have a little chitchat with dr. Loopy.

Dr. Baker says name-calling is
the refuge of a weak argument.

Yeah, he just said that
because he's a bonehead.

oh! Thank you so much
for babysitting, kyra.

- How's it goin'?
- It's an exercise
in humiliation.

Kyra's making elizabeth
and me watch the wiggles.

I'm nine!

Keep complaining. I
have barney tapes.

Why can't I just hang out
down here and wait for van?

Because van and I have had a long,
lonely week without each other.

And we need time to talk. You
guys, there is a pretty good chance...

That when he sees
me, he's gonna cry.

And I don't want elizabeth
seeing daddy acting like mommy.

Van's gonna cry?

He's such a girl.

And yet all he wants to
do is play with my makeup.

Oh! Am I finally
home? Am I here?

Yes, honey. You're home. Oh!

Was it horrible? Oh, you
have no idea, cheyenne.

When I got to denver,
I was so stressed out.

I didn't know where to
go. I didn't know what to do.

Oh, honey!

No, I mean I literally
didn't know where to go.

Nobody from the team met me at
the airport. Let it out. Let it out.

I finally took a cab to the
apartment they got for me.

Baby, don't talk about it
if it's too painful. [Exhales]

It's... It...

It rocks!

It's like the coolest
place I've ever lived.

Big-screen tv,
top-of-the-line stereo.

Oh, and a phone in the bathroom.

I've ordered a
pizza from the tub.

Well, at least you have a
nice place to be lonely in.

Oh, who has time to be lonely?

Some of the guys from the team... Who
are awesome... Live on the same floor.

They'd be way "awesomer" if
they had met you at the airport.

No, they didn't meet me at the airport
'cause they were setting up a party for me.

And, oh, man, that was a party.

did you know a keg of beer...

Can bounce, like, 20 feet
when you drop it off a balcony?

Yeah. My buddy weasel says
it's because the air... Is thin.

You have a friend named weasel?

Oh, yeah. He is the coolest. He can
put a ping-pong paddle in his mouth.

He's gonna teach me.

Well, I'm sorry that you had to
leave your awesome apartment...

And your awesome
friends who can put

Ping-pong paddles in
their mouth to come home.

- Well, what's the matter?
- Well, gee, I don't know, van.

I mean, if everything's so
great for you in denver,

I hate to rain on your parade
by standing here all dressed up...

With a box of tissues
waiting for you to cry.

[Crying] it's dumb!

Wait a minute,
cheyenne. Come back!

If you want me to cry, I'll tell
you what the keg of beer landed on!

It landed on weasel!

Great work, you
two. Now, remember,

You don't expect a broken
arm to heal overnight.

Neither will a
broken relationship.

Yes, but if you do have a broken
arm, you don't blame it on the ex-wife!

Unless she actually
did break your arm.

I was just guessin'. [Chuckles]

You must be the heckler I
ordered for the waiting room.

No, I'm reba hart,
brock's ex-wife.

Hmm. Red hair, clenched
fists. I should have known.

Barbra jean said you wanted
to talk to me. Great. Have a seat.

Brock and barbra jean will be
here in 15 minutes. I'll be gone by then.

Look, you shouldn't be talking
about me in their therapy.

They have scarier issues than me. I
mean, they have a star wars bedspread.

Start with that!

You're right. And that's why I
asked you to come down here.

So you could tell me how to
do it right. And thank you, reba.

You've made me a better doctor.

Ha, ha, ha. Are you gonna
talk about this seriously?

No. In fact, I am not going to talk about
how to conduct their therapy at all.

Okay, then. If you're not gonna
talk, then you're gonna listen.

Because as a divorced woman, I
might know something about marriage...

That they didn't teach you in...

Harvard and... Yale.

Number one, nobody
likes a show-off.

- And number two?
- Number two,

I have moved on
since my divorce.

Matter of fact, I have
moved so far past "on"...

That I'm lappin' it
for the second time.

And you're seeing somebody.

None of your beeswax.

Just hurry up and get
brock back with barbra jean.

I'm tired of him making my breakfast
and fixing my sink that isn't even broken.

I want him out of my
house and out of my life.

Bah! Whoa. Reba, what
are you doing here?

What am I doin' here?
What are you doing here?

Well, he's my therapist.
Okay, then. Get out of my way.

wait, wait.

Brock, you never told me you were spending
so much time at your ex-wife's house.

Yeah.

Because I knew you'd
look at me like that.

Stop it.

All right, I'll turn
my look to reba.

- Reba, what's going on?
- Yeah, reba.

What's going on?

All right then.

Sometimes, I hear voices.

Horrible, horrible voices.

Reba, for crying out
loud. That's one of 'em!

Did you hear that?

[Sighs]

[Growling]

Dogs must be dizzy all the time.

Go ahead, kyra. Ask me
another denver question.

- Can I take off the hat?
- Do you want your 20 bucks?

Come on. Keep 'em coming.

So, what's better in
denver, the water or the air?

[Exhales]

The air. No, the water.

Oh, and the soil.

So clean, you could eat off it.

- Now can I take off the hat?
- You know, kyra,

- Everyone in denver wears 'em.
- They do not!

Yes, but they used
to, back in the day.

So, anyway, the air, the
water, the soil... It all sucks.

Denver's horrible. Why
don't you take these hats...

And go outside and
frighten the squirrels?

[door closes]

So, are you still mad about
something that I don't understand?

Let me clarify.
Mom and dad said...

You'd be all miserable in
denver, and that made me happy.

But it turns out you're happy
in denver, and that made me sad.

You get it?

I think so. You want
me to be miserable.

Yes!

Van, I'm your wife. Okay?
It is important to me...

That you are miserable, at
least when you are not with me.

Well, that's kinda
weird, cheyenne.

We need to learn to be
happy without each other.

I mean, what if you died?

Wouldn't you want
me to be happy? No!

If I were about to die,
my very last thought...

Would be that I would
want you to be happy.

Right after, "why doesn't
anybody know the heimlich?"

'Cause that's the way
I'm gonna go, cheyenne.

There's just some
food too good to chew.

You know what? Forget it, van.
You're right. You don't understand.

- Did I tell you about
the old guy on the plane?
- What old guy?

the guy sitting next to me.
He slept most of the flight...

But then woke up after the
movie and started talking to me.

What'd you talk about... How you can
put a ping-pong paddle in your mouth?

Cheyenne, think. You can't bring a
ping-pong paddle on a plane these days.

No, we talked about love.

Love? Yeah, love.

He was one of those
wise, old guys. Really old.

Like 40.

Been married for 20 years.

Whoa. That is a long time. Yeah.

Twenty years ago,
I was, like, zero.

So, anyway, I guess he's away a
lot with his job and everything,

And I asked him if it was
tough for him being married.

You asked him that?
And what did he say?

He said this...

"Immature love is wanting
the other person to be happy...

"Only when they're with you.

Mature love is wanting the
other person to be happy... Period."

That is...

The stupidest
thing I've ever heard!

Well, maybe not for an old guy.

Maybe not for someone who's
been married for 20 years.

Well, van, we are not old, okay? And
we haven't been married for 20 years.

I know, but we will be someday.

And then we'll have to say
this kind of hoo-ha to elizabeth.

Because you know it's true.

I just...

I missed you. I
missed you so much.

I missed you too.

Hey, I thought you were
gonna bring me a present.

Oh, I did.

Ah!

Yeah, these will
work on any airliner.

Oh, and I got your mom the
cutest little bag of peanuts.

[Mouthing words]

You can't hear me,
can you? [Laughs] no.

It doesn't work
that way. [Laughs]

Yeah!

So, even though
I wasn't the one...

Who broke my mother's
favorite rod and reel,

My daddy made me stand in the
corner for two hours as punishment.

Which, I guess, is why I have
a problem with authority.

This is fascinating!

Oh, yeah. yes.

Now, about your current
relationship with brock...

Oh, wait a minute. I'm not through
talking about my daddy yet.

You see why we got divorced? She never
wanted to talk about our relationship.

That was you, you moron.

Well, I wanna talk about it now.

We don't have a
relationship now.

And yet, here you
are. Why are you here?

Well, if I yelled at you on
the phone, you could hang up.

So you're here because
of our relationship?

Well, you gotta
admit, it needs work.

You know, if you spent
less time joking around...

And more time on getting
people back together,

I wouldn't have to come home
and find my husband fixing my sink!

You mean your ex-husband.

Okay, ha, ha, ha. Point for you.

You're the therapist.
You know what I meant.

Still, for someone who's moved so
far past "on", that's a strange slip.

Not so strange when he's
practically living at my house.

- Yeah, to be with the kids.
- They're not the only ones
livin' there.

- Well, I didn't know
it was such a big deal.
- How could you not know?

Do you think I like setting an
extra place at the dinner table...

Or dropping everything because
you guys need a fourth for pictionary?

Or I have to sit and
watch your victory dance...

Because your team won
because I got stuck with jake?

Hey, sorry. I thought we
were getting along pretty well.

- We were.
- Then what's the problem?

That's the problem!

Go on.

I don't want to get
along that well.

Not after you told me you
made a mistake after you left me.

You told me that
door was closed.

Well, there shouldn't
even be a door!

There should be a brick wall
with a big ol' fence around it.

Whatever it takes to keep
you out of my living room...

So I don't have to think about how it was
when we were together and it was so good.

Oh.

But there is a door.

and it'll never
be truly closed...

Until you and barbra
jean get back together.

Reba, I hate to tell you this,

But open or closed,
if there's a door,

It's gonna be there whether
barbra jean is in the picture or not.

You know what? I just
wanna get out of here.

Uh, one last question.

Do you two still
love each other?

Knock, knock, doc! [Chuckles]

Oh. Sorry I'm so late.

Oh, reba. Good,
you're still here.

Let's g*ng up on brock. [Laughs]

- That's the other voice.
- Reba.

Reba.

Uh, if you want, you, uh...

You can call me anytime.

No, I'm finished here. Just
get those two back together.

Oh, and if I owe you anything
for this, just bill them.

acme! [Coughing]