03x22 - Girl's Night Out

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, mom. Hey.

Notice anything
different about me?

Please tell me you're
not pregnant again.

This saturday, I am turning 21,

Which means I will
finally be an adult.

Oh, your baby daughter
will be so glad to hear it.

Today is day one
of my birthday week.

Or, as I like to call
it, cheyenne-a-palooza.

- How could you, reba?
- What are you talkin' about?

I told you, barbra jean. It was
my idea to go back on medication.

Look, barbra jean. Yes, I do think
brock should stay on antidepressants.

How could you say that?
Because I think it's good for him.

Just like I think he
should eat broccoli,

Jog everyday and take his wife
to paris... And leave her there.

Well, he's my husband, and I say he
shouldn't be taking antidepressants.

and if anyone deserves
to go to paris, it's you.

What have you got
against antidepressants?

Oh, shh! Do you mind? Do we
have to tell the entire world...

That I'm takin'... You know?

It's just I haven't told the kids yet.
I haven't figured out the right way.

Good lord, brock!
You're gonna tell the kids?

Why not, barbra jean? There's no
shame in it. Unlike the rest of his life.

Why don't you just tell
the kids, you big chicken?

- Oh, you mean like you did
when you were takin' 'em?
- W-w-what?

You take happy pills?

Oh, well, there's all the evidence
you need to know they don't work.

And the fact that you're still
alive is proof that they do work.

Look, I was only on 'em for a
little while. It was a long time ago.

To tell you the truth,
brock, I wish I had told the kids.

reba, I warned you.

If you didn't stay out of my marriage,
I would never speak to you again.

Here. What's this?

It's a good-bye card.

Yeah, I was afraid this
wasn't gonna go well.

So, good-bye, reba.

And those are the last words
you're ever gonna hear from me.

Oh, really? You know, I
thought the last words would be,

"Reba, this soup tastes funny."

[Imitating gagging]

Ha... Ha.

- Okay, those are my last words.
- Oh.

And since my last
words were "ha" and "ha,"

I also got the last laugh.

And now, I'll lock my lips
and throw away the key.

[Squeaking]

That's just great.
She's serious, reba.

Now what am I gonna tell the kids when they
wanna know why you two aren't speaking?

Not now, brock. I gotta
find that key and bury it.

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Is cheyenne here? I wanna ask her
what she wants for her birthday.

you're gonna ask a woman
what she wants for her birthday?

What are you, nine?

Women never tell
you what they want.

You're supposed to know them
well enough to know what they want.

They expect you to pay attention and
show effort. It's horrible and exhausting.

If I can't ask, how
can I find out?

Oh, tiny, simple jake.

They drop hints. You
get clues, you listen.

That's how I knew to get
cheyenne a snowboard.

- She doesn't know
how to snowboard.
- That doesn't matter!

The other night, we
were talkin' about fishing,

And then one thing leads to
another, and the subject goes to snow.

Don't ask me how. So for half
an hour, we're talkin' about snow,

And then suddenly,
cheyenne says she's bored.

Snow. Board.

Bingo!

I got the idea for the
perfect gift. Oh, hi, honey.

hi. how was your
birthday-week shopping spree?

Frustrating.

Cheyenne won't tell me
what she wants. Oh, really?

We saw lots of great stuff.

- How about that snowboard?
- No!

Yech. What?

Yech. That's, like, the
worse present ever.

I hate snowboarding.

What I do want, though,
is I want a girls' night out.

Just the ladies of the family,
legally drinkin', talkin' about me.

Oh. You want a girls' night
out with your mom? Mm-hmm.

None of my friends are old enough, so
it's just gonna be me, you and barbra jean.

Barbra jean?

Can it be any barbra jean?

'Cause it can't be the barbra
jean that your dad's married to.

I don't know what you
two are fighting about,

But you better get
over it by this weekend.

It's my birthday! It's supposed
to be a season of peace.

You do know you weren't
born in a manger, right?

It's too bad, mom.

You know, I really did want
barbra jean to be there.

But I know you'd
do it if you could.

After all, you are my mommy.

You love me.

And I only turn 21 once.

[Whirring] [doorbell rings]

[Stops]

Hey. Oh, thought
I heard someone.

Guess it must have just
been the wind. Very cute.

Almost as cute as the message
on your answering machine.

"Hi. If this is reba, wait for the
beep, then go jump in the creek."

Beep!

Barbra jean, this thing's
gotten way out of hand.

No, reba. This is big. This
isn't like our dispute...

Over the talents
of mr. Keanu reeves.

So, unless you're here to say
you're sorry, I don't wanna hear it.

Look, I came over
here to just say...

I'm sorry? No, I
was gonna say...

Ooh, still not
hearing "I'm sorry."

Barbra jean...
Reba, this is serious.

You undermined my marriage.
You had no right to butt in.

Wait. I undermined your
marriage? I had no right to butt in?

Yeah! And stop copying me! Oh!

I had the decency to allow you into
my life, and this is how you treat me?

I didn't wanna be in your life!

Yeah, well, I'm mad
about that too!

No. Wait just a second.
[Whirring, whirring stops]

Oh! [Whirring, whirring stops]

Ridiculous! Up until now, do
you know what I've been to you?

- Oh, yeah!
- A saint!

You know what? What?

You can kiss my ex-wife
feet! Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I said feet, but you
know what I mean.

- What are you and mom
fighting about now?
- What are we fighting about?

Why don't you ask your
father what we're fightin' about?

I'll tell you what
they're fightin' about.

The same thing they're always
fighting about... Keanu reeves.

That's right. I think
I'm just gonna...

Go upstairs and watch bill
and ted's excellent adventure.

It's excellent.

Gee, I love when something weird is
going on and everyone pretends it's fine.

There's nothing
weird goin' on. It's fine.

All right, kyra. Wait.

Actually, there is something
I want to talk to you about.

Here, why don't we...
Why don't we sit down?

[Sighs]

Boy, we don't do this very much.

Sit? Talk.

I think this is why. Kyra.
Kyra, honey... Honey, wait.

You know, sometimes,

When we're struggling in
life, we don't tell anyone.

I guess that's
because we think it, uh,

Makes us appear to be stronger.

Oh.

I know what this is
about, dad. You do?

Oh. Wow, that's great.

You know, I kept trying to
figure out some way to bring it up.

It's about scott,
isn't it? Scott?

I guess I thought
that if I pretended it

Doesn't hurt that he
dumped me, it wouldn't.

Scott dumped you? I mean,

I knew that you guys
broke up. [Stammering]

You guys call it
"being dumped"? Yeah.

We do. I've just
been so depressed.

Yeah. See, kyra,
here's the thing.

Boy, li... Life can be hard.

That's why you have to
keep your chin up, you know?

Keep my chin up? Yeah, right.

I mean, we... We all
have to. We all have to.

You can't let it get you
down. See? You gotta...

You gotta... Be stronger than the
nonsense that life throws at you.

Okay.

Well, there you go.

Thanks a lot. Anytime.

[Grunting]

[Slurping] [laughing]

Wow! We finished that one fast.

You finished my birthday
drink? I only had one sip.

Hey, bartender, can we
get another one of these?

Twenty-one over here! That's me.

I was... I was drinking a little bit
more because you need to take it slow.

This is your first time
drinkin'. Yeah, right, mom.

Like I've never... You're right.

I should take it slow. Yeah.

Thank you! [Chuckles] thanks.

Mmm! Oh, this is fun!

Girls' night out is really a
lot of fun with just two girls.

Of course, if barbra jean was here, it
would be two girls and a horse's butt!

Mom, that is the third time
you've talked about barbra jean.

Look, if you're upset about
your fight, we can talk about it.

No, no. It's your birthday. The
only thing I wanna talk about is you.

Okay. Okay.

Why don't you tell me how
cute I was when I was born? Mmm!

That would be so much
fun. You were so cute.

Mm-hmm. You know what's
not cute? A horse's butt.

[Laughing]

You're talking about
barbra jean again.

See? She's not even here,
and she's still buttin' in.

Surprise! Happy birthday!

Huh? Is this the best birthday
present ever, or what?

Come on. Give papa
some sugar. Oh, surely.

Just come over here in private.

What were you thinking?

Now mom and barbra
jean are gonna fight,

And they're going to ruin
cheyenne-a-palooza for everyone!

What was I thinking?
What was I thinking?

What does this crazy
lady want for her birthday?

If I get rid of barbra jean,
does that count as my present?

No. [Yelps, squeals]

Thank you. Okay, fine.

Fine! I will get you
whatever you want...

As long as you tell me
specifically, or you get nothing.

So, what do you
want? Are you 21?

I wish. I could use
another drink by now.

Let's go. No, no, no.
What do you want?

Cheyenne? Yes?

I would love to stay and
celebrate your birthday,

But if this is awkward, I'll go.

Oh, no, no, no. I'll go.

As soon as the earthquake stops.

Neither of you two
are going anywhere.

you are gonna both sit down, and we are
gonna celebrate my birthday like adults.

Cherry's mine.

Well, reba, are you willing
to at least apologize...

For the sake of
cheyenne's birthday?

Is that a no? Tell you what.

I'll apologize to you
for everything I've done,

And then you can apologize to
me for everything you've done.

I'll start. I'm sorry I
was ever nice to you.

Okay, here's one.

I'm sorry I thought
you were my friend.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm sorry you thought I
was ever your friend...

And for that cross-stitched
pillow thingy...

That you made me that
says, "barbra jean's friend."

[Scoffs] I'm sorry that I thought you,
of all people, would understand...

That when a marriage goes through
a rough spot, it needs support.

Instead, you stabbed
my marriage in the back!

What? [Patrons
gasping] yeah. Yeah.

Oh, don't you boo me!

She had an affair
with my husband!

[Patrons gasping]

I didn't take her husband!

He came runnin'!
[Patrons gasping]

Okay, fine! Are you happy?

You just ruined
cheyenne's birthday!

i didn't do anything.

[Patrons gasping] oh,
don't you nudge me!

Well, then you
stop nudging me! Ow!

Okay! Hey! No nudging on my
birthday. You stay out of this.

- Oh!
- She nudged me!

Don't touch my
daughter! I'll just...

[Grunting]

Hey! Hey! Hey!

That's it. That's it. If you're
gonna fight, take it outside.

Oh, so, suddenly everybody
in a bar has to get along?

When did they make up that rule?

Hey, mr. H. Kids are in their
pajamas watching a video.

- Everything go okay
at the bar?
- No.

And I don't wanna talk about it.

So, listen, van. I want your
advice about something.

And, you know, it actually helps that
you're not one of my biological kids.

That's so cool that you think
of me as not one of your kids.

Yeah. Well, I'm trying to
figure out the best way...

To tell kyra that
I'm seeing a therapist.

A therapist?

You mean like, "cuckoo, cuckoo"?

Well, obviously,
you've read up on it.

Yes. I've been diagnosed with
depression. I'm taking antidepressants.

Oh.

- [Stammering] what's that?
- what's that...

- Van...
- That's right. It's me, van, your friend.

[door opens]

Hey. Is mom here? No, she's
still out with cheyenne.

No, but it's okay. [Stammering]

- No one should get sad
about that.
- I'll just come back later.

- No, don't go!
- Why?

Stay! Stay. Why? I don't know.

Just... Just hang out.

For heaven's sake,
be upbeat. [Laughs]

What did you have for
dinner, van? Lunatic pills?

Not funny. [Whispering]
not funny one bit.

- She didn't mean it.
- Okay, van.

Well, thanks for your help.

I'm going to talk to kyra.

So, could you give us a moment?

Sure.

Maybe I should take your belt
and your shoelaces though.

Get out!

Trying desperately to make sense
of that little scene, but... Nope.

Okay, look. I'm
just gonna say this.

- I've been seeing a therapist
for depression.
- Oh.

Yeah. That's what I was
trying to tell you earlier.

but then we got off on
that whole scott thing,

And I just figured you
wanted to talk about that.

Yeah. I did.

Well, so that's why I
didn't bring it up then.

'Cause it would've gotten in the way
of that whole “keep your chin up” thing.

Well... No.

It didn't seem like it was the right
time to start talking about my problems.

Well, dad, maybe it would have
been the exact right time to do it.

You kind of have this whole
"pillar of strength" thing...

That isn't always so
helpful all the time.

I thought that, you
know, worked for me.

No. I kinda like the idea that
you're a human being with feelings.

Well, I guess I could
work on that then.

- Cool.
- Cool. Hey.

Why do they keep
these in the kitchen?

♪♪ [rock, muffled] well, this
is fun. Hey, for my birthday,

Let's go stand
outside a water park.

If anybody has a right
to be mad here, it's me.

You promised you were never gonna
speak to me again. I was countin' on that.

I shouldn't be talking to you.

I had talked brock out
of taking those pills.

He was cured. And then
along comes "just say yes" reba,

And he can't spin the
childproof cap fast enough!

Why is brock being happy
such a threat to you?

Because this is
the first time...

He had to go outside
our marriage to be happy.

Reba, I'm in a
lose-lose situation.

If the pills work, I'm not
the reason he's happy.

and if they don't work,
he's just gonna keep lookin'.

Oh, no! No!

You're not gonna drag me back
into makin' me feel sorry for you.

We had a big fight!

We're supposed to be
out of each other's lives!

You know, that was the
worst part of all of this.

When I was angry at you for
supporting brock, I had no one to go to.

Do you have any idea
how devastating it is...

To feel like I'm losing my
husband and his ex-wife?

[sniffles] dang it.
You're doin' it again.

Come here.

So does this mean
that you don't hate me?

Yeah, but I don't know
why. You did me wrong!

I should have hated you when
I had the chance, but I blew it.

Then I got to know ya... Got to
know the kind of person you are.

The kind that writes “love,
barbra jean” on a good-bye card.

"Welcome back, buddy."

I can't believe we got so drunk.

You know what I think, van?

I think there was more than
just fruit in those drinks. [Laughing]

Well, there's a lot more than fruit
all over the backseat of your mom's car.

All right, honey. Now, I got
you some aspirin and some water,

And there's a barf
bag under your pillow.

Okay. Don't you just
love my birthday, van?

[Laughing] no.

It's horrible and exhausting.

Cheyenne, what do you
want for your birthday?

A snowboard.

[Laughing]

acme! [Coughing]