03x16 - The Shirt Off My Back

[bunniefuu]

Hey. Remember when I said we could
save money for kyra's college fund...

By growin' our own food? Uh-huh.

Well, crops are in.

Well, that is amazing. Hmm.

You spent months planting
and weeding and fertilizing.

The next thing you know, you've...
You've almost got a carrot.

Good morning, neighbors.

So, kyra, you ready
to hit the mall?

Yeah. Before we go, I need you to sign this
permission slip for a school field trip.

Sure.

This is to get
your navel pierced.

Cool. I thought we were
going to the science center.

All right.

Man, I gotta start
reading those things.

Okay. I'm gonna go up
and change. Then we'll go.

- Why don't you just wear that?
- My old gardening shirt?

Uh-huh. sh**t. I've patched
this thing a hundred times.

I only wear it to
scare the crows away.

I never thought I'd say this, but
what you're wearing is actually cool.

Wait. Are you saying I'm cool?

I'm saying your shirt is cool.

Kyra's right.

Patchwork is the new silk.

I want to be cool.

I wish I'd saved my old rags
and patched them onto a shirt.

I'll give you $20
for that shirt.

Oh, don't be
ridiculous, barbra jean.

- I'm not gonna sell you
the shirt off my back.
- Okay.

- I get it. Thirty.
- No way.

Forty. Sixty.

Sixty-five. Sold!

Yeah!

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Hey, honey. What you doin'?

Oh, you look beautiful.

I bet you're in a good mood.

I got you a fudge-covered apple.

Wow.

This looks like
an apology apple.

What'd you do? Nothin'...

Yet.

Hey. You know how when
we're goin' somewhere...

And you get all mad because you're
waitin' for me because I'm doing my hair?

Mm-hmm. Well,
those days are over,

'Cause all the guys on the
football team are shavin' their heads!

You want to shave your head?

If that's what it takes
to make you happy. Yes.

Forget it, van. You know how I
freaked when you got that perm.

Which...

We don't talk about the perm.

Look. It's for work.

If I don't do it because my wife won't
let me, all the guys will make fun of me.

This isn't like high
school taunting, okay?

They're pro football
players. They're clever.

Mom, van wants
to shave his head.

For business purposes.

Why don't you practice
by mowing the lawn?

I absolutely forbid you to
do this. End of discussion.

[Scoffs] but all the
guys are doin' it.

I can't be the only one
with soft wavy brown hair.

Well, whatever you do, don't
get another one of those perms.

[Exclaims]

So, reba, I got good news.

What? Brock came to his senses
about quittin' his job to play golf?

I have not come
to my senses, reba.

And I never will.

So, you remember that
shirt that you sold me?

No refund. No. I
showed it to a friend...

Who took it to a guy
that he works with,

And he said that he thinks
he could sell those shirts.

We're gonna be rich!
Sure, we're gonna be rich.

And brock's gonna beat tiger woods
at the fat chance desert classic.

Reba, I'm serious.
We should do this.

You know, a lot of people make
money selling things they make.

And a lot of people lose money
by selling things they make.

Yeah. But you don't
hear about those people.

Well, maybe you got a point.

Maybe you'll be one
of the lucky ones.

So, um, you don't mind if I kind
of take this and run with it?

[Chuckles] barbra jean,
you can run with this idea.

You can run with scissors.

You can run with the bad
crowd, just so long as you run.

Why do you want
to shave your head?

Because everyone else is.

Geez.

So it's okay to do something just
'cause everyone else is doing it?

Yeah.

To be cool. Thanks.

- Hey, jakey. Where are you going?
- Graveyard.

Hi, honey.

- You look really pretty.
- I know, but you're still
not shaving your head.

Why do we always have
to fight about stuff, huh?

I think the world would
be a better place if

People with opposing
views would just agree.

- [Raspberry] - oh. Very mature.

Listen. What I'm
trying to say...

- [Raspberry]
- cut it out.

[Both blowing raspberries]

Ah, the roundtable.

Kyra, don't you think van would
look stupid if he shaved his head?

Yes. But are we gonna list all
the ways that he would look stupid,

'Cause I've only got a
few years until college.

[Raspberry]

Look. Everybody's
doing it to show unity.

All right? Oh.

To show we're all
on the same team.

Oh, geez.

If only there were a way to
do that with matching jerseys!

- I can't talk to you.
- [Scoffs]

- Van, do you mind
if I speak for you?
- Yeah.

No.

I don't know. What?

Van's trying to say that playing on a
team involves complex group dynamics,

And seemingly self-destructive
acts are actually

Initiation rites that
foster camaraderie.

Didn't I just say that?

look. I know it's dumb. So what?

It was dumb when my high school
team dressed in drag on game days.

You didn't say anything
about that then.

Huh. That's the first time I
heard those were game days.

Look. This is important to me.

Okay? Right now I'm
the new guy. Rookie.

I just want to feel like I belong.
But I don't want you to do it.

Why not? Just because.

Well, that's not good
enough. Well, it used to be.

You don't care what I
think. You want me to

Agree with the decision
you've already made.

Yes. Thank you
for understanding.

You know what? Do whatever
you want. I don't care.

[door closes]

You were the
prettiest on game days.

I thought so too.

Good news, reba. I
shot a two under par.

I hit a 7-iron on


Oh, that's terrific, brock.

Go in the kitchen and
get yourself a cookie.

Oh, good, brock.
You're here. [brock] hey.

I have excellent news.

Can it top how brock k*lled
seven birdies with his 18-wood?

Oh, good job, honey. And I bet
you're gonna be proud of me too.

$300.

I sold the shirt.

That buyer loved them so much,
he ordered a hundred of them...

To sell in his stores
all over town.

- This is just the deposit.
- That's great, honey.

Isn't that great, reba? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And he said that
this is just the first order.

He said that he can see all of
houston wearing these shirts.

And after that, all of texas.

And after that, he didn't say.

But if he did, I bet he
would have said america.

Wow.

This is just like
me with golf. Yeah.

Except I've got a
big fat check. Yeah.

No. I... I meant you have a
lot of potential. Oh, I do.

And I have a big fat check.

Wow. This is somethin'.

So that guy said that my
shirts could sell like that?

Well, you know, he didn't
mention you, but... Yes.

Wow. That's great.
So fork over my $150.

Why would I do that?
'Cause it's my shirt.

My design is the hip new thing.

[Chuckles] who knew?

Well, not you.

And, uh, it wasn't so much your
design he bought as my salesmanship.

Oh. Well, does he want a
hundred of your salesmanship...

Or a hundred of my design?

You know, the way I see it,
you guys did this together.

Hmm. We really didn't.

I recognized the
potential of the shirt,

And reba didn't
want any part of it.

She told me to
run with it. And I did.

Me. Not her.

Right. But it was my shirt.

Yeah, which I bought, which
would make it my shirt. [Chuckles]

I bought a greeting card once.
That doesn't make me hallmark.

Well, I bought a lollipop
once. Doesn't make me a sucker.

This is my idea, my
business, my company...

And my money. Ah.

Your idea, my design.

Your business, my design. Do
you get where I'm going with this?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Why
don't you guys just share?

No. She had her chance.

Oh, come on, barbra
jean. It was reba's design.

It's only fair
that she gets half.

Now, you remember what
your mother taught you.

Don't shave above the knee
unless you're expecting company?

No. The other thing.

He who is fair... Makes
friends everywhere.

Okay. Fine. But if she gets half
the money, she does half the work.

Well, of course I will.

I've been looking for a way to get
some cash for kyra's college fund.

Apparently I'll do anything.

Fine. You win.

We'll work together,
but I'll call the shots.

[Chuckles] if you hear any
shots, they're comin' from me.

[barbra jean] time to
get started. [Door closes]

Barbra jean, take a breath.

I mean, even if we do three shirts a
night, we're still ahead of schedule.

[Sniffs] what's that?

The stink of mediocrity?

Okay. Moving forward.

I have cut up a bunch
of fabric for patches.

So, why don't you make a
prototype for us to work from?

What about the
shirt I already made?

It was left with the buyer.

What? Why would
you do that? Hmm.

Management made a decision.
We're just gonna have to live with it.

Okay. Fine. Go back and get the
shirt, and we'll start again tomorrow.

And lose a whole
day? Unacceptable!

we've got shirts. We've got
patches. Do that thing you do!

If you don't lower your voice, I'm gonna
do that thing I've always wanted to do.

Reba, I knew you were
gonna ruin this for me.

Ruin what?

Barbra jean,
quit bein' so testy.

I am not testy.

I am a serious businesswoman.

Okay.

Well, I'll be glad when this
company can afford a psychiatrist.

Hey, cheyenne. What ya doin'?

Making a list of
insulting names to call

Van when he gets back
from shaving his head.

You know, I can't
believe he's doing that

After I absolutely,
positively told him not to.

Oh, my gosh.

This is the first husband who's ever
had a problem with a direct order.

- Did you happen to tell him why
you didn't want him to do it?
- No.

Ah. We may be on to something.

Look. I can ask you what's wrong,
and eventually you'll tell me.

Then I'll go to
van and tell him.

Then he'll tell me his side of the story,
and I'll just get you two to work it out.

But you know what? I still got
dinner to make. So go talk to him.

- Yeah, but van doesn't
have a side, mom.
- Of course he does.

That's what marriage is... Finding
out each other's side. Go talk to him.

- All right. I get it. It's just i...
- Go talk to him.

- I just feel like our marriage...
- Him! Him!

[Chuckles] [whistles]

You know, you can be very
annoying sometimes, mother.

- The kid has a point.
- Aw, shut up!

What's it gonna be?

Shave it.

[Whirring] bet you hear this a lot.
My old lady doesn't want me to do it.

[Whirring stops]

But I mean, it's...
It's my head.

It should be my
decision. [razor whirring]

I just hate when she's
mad at me. [Whirring stops]

I don't know. I don't
know. What do you think?

[Whirring]

Okay. Okay.

Let's do it.

Stop!

I guess there's no way to, uh,

Comb that over, is there?

Van, I need to talk to you.

Could you give us
a minute, please?

Sure. I'll go see if that
stripy thing is turning.

What is it, cheyenne? I'm kind of
in the middle of something here.

Whoa! That feels weird.

Do this, and then do this.

Look, van.

My mom...

My mom said that I should, um,

Tell you why I didn't
want you to do this...

Instead of just
ordering you around.

- Well, I think that makes...
- Let me finish.

I didn't want you to do this
because it made me feel left out.

Oh, cheyenne.

You want to shave your head too?

No. My hair's beautiful.

I felt left out because,

You know, you have
this job, and it's...

It's taking up all these
areas of your life.

And now it's... It's
taking your hair. yeah...

But this... This... This
doesn't mean anything.

This is just something
I have to do for my job.

It's similar to how some people have
to take a certain test to get a job.

Like when a bartender
has to pass the bar.

Look. It used to
be just you and me.

Now you have this whole other
life, and I'm... I'm not even a part of it.

Hey. I... I tried to
make you a part of it.

I mean, I came to you two times.

I mean, I wanted your support. I...
I... I wanted you to be here with me...

Because I'm doing this
for you and elizabeth.

I'm doing this for our future.

I mean, do you think I really want to
look like the mayor of munchkinland?

Look. I'm sorry,
van. It's just...

You know, this is the
only van I've ever known.

Look. Look.

If you don't want me to finish,
I gu... I guess I don't have to.

I mean, yeah, i...

I'm pretty sure we can
afford a very narrow toupee.

Mm-hmm.

So, what's it gonna be?

Okay. Jake's in bed.
[sewing machine whirring]

How's your head?
Are you sane yet?

No. I feel like a
failure. We failed.

I didn't fail. I
ain't started yet.

[Sobs] oh, god. Barbra jean.

Calm down. We
got plenty of time.

No, we don't. We don't
know how much time we have.

Sure, we do. The shirts
aren't due till next friday.

Reba, open your eyes. I'm
not talking about the shirts.

I'm talking about brock.

I mean, he's... He's selling the
practice. He wants to play pro golf.

I don't think he
knows what he's doin'.

Oh, honey. Is that what
you're worried about?

Of course he doesn't
know what he's doin'.

He's making all
these changes, reba.

What if the next change
he wants to make is me?

Aw, that's not gonna happen.

Look. You'll forgive
me if I don't find much

Comfort in the
assurances of his ex-wife.

If the worst does happen, reba,

I just need to know that I can be
something other than brock's wife.

But apparently I can't.

I can't even be the crazy
lady that makes shirts.

Barbra jean, he loves you.

Oh, reba, he loved you too.

The man's a pig.

The company finally
agrees on something.

Barbra jean, look at me. Mm-mmm.

Look at me. Look at me.

Brock isn't goin' anywhere.

He loves you. He's
crazy about you. Okay?

Thank you. You're welcome.

Now, let's see what
you got goin' here.

No.

Mm-mmm.

[Grunts]

Barbra jean, I gotta
look at it sometime.

Come on.

If they like patches,
they're gonna love these.

Oh, god. It's so ugly.

[door opens]

Don't scream. It's me.

I know. You know, actually,
I'm kind of getting used to it.

by the time it grows
back, I might even miss it.

When's that gonna
be, by the way?

hey, honey. It's daddy.

I didn't treat you like
that when you were bald.

Cheyenne, I think
I made a mistake.

No. You just have to remember why
you did it... To be like one of the guys.

[Laughs]

Well, see,

The other guys didn't do it.

- What?
- Yeah. They tricked me.

They're mean. Hold me.

Aw.

Oh, honey.

acme! [Coughing]