03x12 - All Growed Up

[bunniefuu]

[Exhales]

When is cheyenne gonna get home?

I'm dying to know how
she did on the test.

I need to wash these windows.

Mom, don't get your hopes up.

Cheyenne's taking a college exam, not
just guessing which hand the candy is in.

Besides, what's the
big deal if she fails?

Maybe she's not cut
out to be a dentist.

I'll tell you what
the big deal is.

No matter how old you kids
are, I still want to protect ya.

sh**t, if I thought you could
still breathe, I'd bubble-wrap ya.

Have you heard from cheyenne?

Do I look like I've
heard from cheyenne?

If I had, I'd go “aw”
or “whee!” Not “uh!”

I have been sending cheyenne
good thoughts all day.

Oh, good. For her and sting.

I love sting.

Barbra jean, guess which hand.

Oh, I'm not gonna fall for
that. You never have any candy.

- [Mouthing word]
- left.

Where is she?
This can't be good.

Reba, relax. I'm sure
she did just fine.

And so what if she didn't?

Heck, I flunked my first three premed
exams and barely squeaked by on my fourth.

You must be so proud.

Now, brock, cheyenne's
taking a big risk here.

She's pinned all her hopes on
this dream of being a dentist.

I remember how crushed I was when I
wasn't perky enough for the price is right.

[Scoffs] someday, bob barker.

This is so nerve-racking.

I let my little
birdie leave the nest,

And now she's out there flying around
in a world full of plate glass windows.

Here she comes.

Hey, little birdie. How'd it go?

[Crying]

Oh, honey! [barbra
jean] oh, cheyenne!

[Sobbing] oh, you know what?

i squeaked by on my fourth
try, and I'm sure you will too.

Gotcha! I got a b-plus! Wha...

a b-plus! That is a "b"
with a plus after it.

Almost an "a."

[reba] oh-h*-h*! For real?

- For real!
- All right!

All right!

Well... [Scoffs]
I'm... I'm not...

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh! I've never taken a test where
I knew so many of the answers!

I've got to think it
was the studying.

We have to celebrate. I am
taking everybody out to dinner.

I'm even springing
for lobster. [Gasps]

But only for cheyenne.

[Giggles] honey, I am
so proud of you.

You picked a really tough career,
and so far you're doing great.

Thank you, but you deserve
a lot of the credit, mom.

Even though I said, at
first, you shouldn't do it?

Yeah. Because it was like once you
did believe in me, I knew I could do it.

Gee, I'm pretty sure I believed
in you right from the beginning.

[Laughs] I'm pretty sure
we're not talkin' about you.

I believed in you.

I believe you can do
anything you set your mind to.

You and sting.

You know, I have to say, it seems
like you two are really growing up...

- And making
some solid decisions.
- [van laughing]

Guess what everybody?

I'm quittin' school!

I want you to divorce him.

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Did you say you're
quittin' school? Yep.

Go get me a switch.

Mrs. H, I'm not quitting
just to do nothing.

I got a tryout with
arena football.

Oh, my gosh! I'm
going to be a dentist...

Uh-huh! And you're going
to be a pro football player?

We're gonna be a power
couple, honey. Ooh!

Van, that is so awesome!
Excuse me, honey.

This could be your
stepping stone to the nfl.

And I want you to remember,
I've always believed in you...

And your ability to get
me seats on the 50-yard line!

Hey!

But, van, you're already
playing college football.

Yeah, I know. I know. But the
scout says I'm practically a lock.

And get this. I could
make 60 g's a year!

$60,000? Yeah!

[Laughs hysterically]

we're gonna be rich!

Hey, 50-yard-line seats and...
And a parking pass! Am I right?


To do what you love?

Okay, this just
in... Van's made it!

Yeah! Yeah!

I'm sorry. I just don't
think it's a good idea.

Oh, man. Oh.

so, are you saying
I shouldn't do it?

No, I just think
it's a bad idea.

But you do what
you think's best.

So who wants pie?

Gee! Man, that is not fair!

She can't say it's a bad
idea and then offer me pie!

I love pie!

Hey, honey, I made some coffee.
You want some? I don't know.

If it's free, I'll take some.

It's about all we can afford,
now that we're not rich.

I told van it was his decision.

That's a big step for me.

Mom, he's not gonna try out because
he knows you think it's a bad idea.

Well, that's another thing
you can thank me for one day.

And what a busy
day that's gonna be.

Okay, I'm off to school.

Another day,
another zero dollars.

I hate to sound preachy, but,
stay in school. Don't do drugs.

All I'm sayin' is colleges
are full of people...

Who thought college was gonna
get 'em somewhere, and where are they?

In college.

Think about it.

Mom, this isn't like all
of our other decisions.

Van really thought this one out.

Oh, I'm sure he's
got 60,000 reasons.

He just cares
about the blink, blink.

It's bling, bling, mom.

Blink, blink is what I do when dad
tells another one of his golf stories.

Whatever.

I just don't think van
realizes what he's givin' up.

Honestly, mom, van's
not that into school.

You know, he's only
there to play football.

Okay, what if he gets hurt? He's not
gonna have an education to fall back on.

Mom, even if van plays
for just one year,

It would give us enough money that he could
go back to school anytime he wanted to.

And it would pay for
my dental school, and

We could start a
college fund for elizabeth.

Okay.

I'm gonna need a little time to
find the flaws in this argument.

So, until then, let's just slide them
aside and pretend they don't count.

Anything else?

Mom, I think van and I are
finally putting things together.

If you look past the
whole teen pregnancy

Thing, we've made a lot
of really good choices.

Okay, fine. But if I find
out kyra taught you

How to argue with me,
you're all in trouble.

[drops spoon]

Van, would you
come in here, please?

Did you call me? 'Cause I was
thinking about getting a haircut.

You might want
to k*ll that dream.

Listen, I realize that I might've
been a little quick to judge.

So if you really want to try out for
the arena football, you have my blessings.

Mm-hmm. What's your game, lady?

No game. Cheyenne just convinced me that
there's another way of looking at this,

And maybe I was looking
at it in a negative way.

But it's just that I was
trying to protect you guys.

So you still think
it's a bad idea.

Who knows? Maybe it's a great
start for you in a great career.

I mean, it could go from
arena football to the nfl.

and you could take the
cowboys to the super bowl.

I mean, this tryout could set
you up for the rest of your life.

You really think I could do it?

I really do.

Well, thanks, mrs. H. You have
no idea what this means to me.

I'm gonna go get started
on the rest of my life!

Charge. [Giggles]

Okay, mom, I'm heading
home. And I'll be at tommy's.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did
you finish your homework?

Nope. And I'm never
doing homework again.

- Kyra said I can drop
out of school like van.
- Kyra.

Well, he-he's going
to eventually.

I mean, you've talked to the
boy. Don't you think he's peaked?

Jake, go upstairs. Kyra will
help you with your homework.

[Together] oh, man.

Well, we'll start with subtraction.
What is my life minus two hours?

You know, I taught
her how to read too.

You know what I taught
you? Shut up, kyra! [Chuckles]

Have you heard from van? No,
but I know he's gonna make the team.

Last night, we had one
of our good luck fights.

For a couple of minutes, I
couldn't even stand him. [Giggles]

You're an odd young couple.

[Sighs] mom, he has
got to make the team.

I've already imagined how
awesome our lives will be.

I can't go back to
how it was before.

- You mean this morning?
- Yeah.

- Hey, has, uh...
- He's not back yet.

Oh, good. We wanted to
be here for the good news.

[cheyenne] yeah. remember, everybody.
This is a big moment in van's life.

- Of course, that doesn't mean
we can't horn in on it.
- Yeah.

- Hey. Hey!
- Oh, hi!

Honey, how did it go?

I can tell you how it went, or you
can read about it in van stinks magazine.

Well, at least you
got your own magazine.

Wait a minute.

You're doin' the same thing
that cheyenne did to us.

Come on. Come on.
Say it. Gotcha! Oh.

[Reba] I made it! Come on.

You dog! Yeah.

Go on and yell it,
van. Yell, “gotcha!”

- Honey?
- Van? Gotcha?

I'm gon... I'm gonna
be upstairs...

Takin' a long look
in the mirror...

At myself.

He just won't quit! I
know he's messing with us.

No, he's not. Who wants pie?

[Sighs] hey, honey.

How's van? Any better? No.

He just keeps
staring in the mirror.

At himself.

You know, I don't
get it. Trust me.

Van is good enough
to make that team.

He's fantastic under pressure.
Did he say what happened?

He just said he keeps on
thinkin' about what mom said.

You know, how this
was his big chance.

Oh, reba.

You sent van off thinking?

Thinking is highly overrated.

You know, an athlete
can't be thinking.

He's got to go on
instinct. It's like golf.

You know, the other day, I
was on this par five, okay?

Second shot... 240 Yards
over water to the green,

and I kept thinking that my


and sure enough, I hit
it right in the water.

Double bogey. Ah!

What's your point, brock?

No point, reba. Can't I just
get a bad day off my chest?

Well, I feel awful. I didn't
mean to put pressure on van.

I was trying to be supportive!

I mean, it worked when I
did it with cheyenne's test.

You know what? Now that I think
about it, I did feel a little more nervous.

Who knows?

You might have cost me an "a."

Why don't we just get
van another tryout?

We can tell the coach he
just cracked under pressure.

Sure. Coaches
love that in a player,

Right after "slow"
and "throws like a girl."

Is there any reason someone
could get another tryout?

I don't know. Maybe.

- I guess if they were
sick or something.
- Then he's sick.

Ooh! Broken leg.

Barbra jean, the coach saw him.

If he'd broken his leg,
he'd be wearin' a cast.

Right. No cast.

Oh, I got it!

Nope. Then he'd
be in a wheelchair.

I'll think of somethin'
on my way over there.

Wait a minute. Why are you
going? Shouldn't van go?

Van go. Van gogh! Tell the
coach he cut his ear off.

[man] come in.

Hi, there. I'm reba hart.

If you're here for the
cheerleader tryouts, you're hired.

[Laughs]

I've never been a cheerleader.

Oh, anyway, I'm lookin' for the coach who
held the football tryouts this afternoon.

That would be me. Oh!

Coach class. Nice to meet you.

So, I want to talk to
you about my son-in-law

Who tried out today
but didn't make it.

Oh, please, don't be one of
those! One of those what?

One of those mothers or
fathers or whoever who

Call me when somebody
doesn't make the team.

Nobody believes their
all-star just isn't good enough.

Oh, that must be
terrible. Mm-hmm.

- But in my case,
it's true.
- Oh.

Why is that? Because
your family's perfect?

and nobody could possibly fail?

Bobby was nervous.
Bobby was sick.

Well, you know what?
Sometimes bobby just stinks!

Well, he doesn't stink.

And he probably plays better than
anybody else on your stinkin' team.

Sure, he does. What would a football
coach know about a good player?

You know what they say. If you want to know
if a guy can play, ask his mother-in-law!

[Scoffs] you know what?

I'm glad van didn't
make the team.

Because that would
mean I'd have to see...

An arrogant, judgmental
coach "low class" like you again!

Van? Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

You're van montgomery's
mother-in-law? yeah!

He didn't show
up for his tryout.

He... He what?

I figured he was
sick or something,

Until you came down here
and started screaming at me.

Gotcha! [Laughs] what?

Oh, you thought I was all
rude and crazy for real? Naw.

[Laughs] I was just
kidding around.

Uh, no, no!

I... I just came down here
to reschedule the tryout...

'Cause of, uh... 'Cause of what
you said, that he was sick and all.

What happened to him?

Well, uh, the doctor thought he might have
had a broken leg or... Or cut off his ear,

But he's played through worse.

Okay. Look, I'd be happy
to give him another tryout.

We've heard good
things about him.

Oh, great. Okay. Thank you
very much. You're welcome.

Yeah, yeah. Bye. Hey.

You sure you're
not a cheerleader?

[Chuckles]

Would you stop?

[Sighs] what is it, hon?

Because, for the 10th time, if something's
bothering you, I'd be glad to talk.

No, no. I'm okay.

I think I'm getting
over it. All right.

[Sighs]

Hey, van. Cheyenne.

Hey, mrs. H. Where were you?

Oh, I was down visiting
with coach class.

I gotta go. Get back here.

- What's going on?
- Van didn't go
to the tryout.

Van, is that true?

Maybe. Heh.

Maybe? Yeah.

You mean, you... You lied
to us, and you made us

Feel terrible for you,
and you didn't even go?

I know. I know! If I were a
guy like me, I'd hate myself.

And I am. So I do!

So why didn't you
go to the tryout?

Trust me, that coach
has great taste. [Chuckles]

I couldn't take the pressure.

If you didn't
make it? No, if I did.

You said this would
set us up for life. Life!

- Van, I was being encouraging.
- You were being terrifying!

suddenly it hit me. If I made
the team, I'd have a career.

Do you know what that
would make me? An adult.

Van, were you in the room for the
part where your wife had a baby?

Listen. I know we're parents, but
still, we didn't have to grow up so fast.

You were always more
"parenty"... Parent... Ish?

"Parentileous."

If I have a career, then we
have to go out on our own.

And... And if I blow it, then
my entire family suffers.

Mrs. H, [sighs]

I don't think I'm ready to
be the man of the house.

I like it when you're
the man of the house.

So you want me to cook and clean and
take care of you for the rest of your life.

And I'd be very grateful.

Van, you're using me as your
crutch! Now this has got to stop!

Well, what do you mean? You
can't take away a man's crutch.

You have to make your own
decisions without my opinion.

And if you fail, you fail.

You deal with it!

Now I got you another tryout, and whether
you use it or not, that's up to you.

Wai-wai-wait. You asked the
coach to give me another t...

Oh, man! Now he's gonna think
I'm some mama's boy... In-law.

No comment.

Fly away, little birdies.
Good luck, world.

[Groans]

So I guess you're mad at me too.

What? That you're... You're
scared of growing up?

Uh, I know the feeling.

Van, you're not
alone out there, okay?

Whatever happens happens
to us. you know, we're a team.

And I got news for you. You do
not have to be the man of the house.

We both will be.

We succeed together,
and we fail together.

You mean it?

Yeah.

[Sighs] so do we think I
should try out for the team?

Yeah, we do.

Okay. And if I don't make
the team, it doesn't matter.

You're still gonna
become a dentist.

What, trying to put all
the pressure on me? No.

Just make the team. Okay.

Just think of it this way.

If everything else goes
wrong, we can always

Live with mom for
the rest of our lives.

[Groans]

[Sighs loudly]

Cheyenne, if you're nervous about van's
tryout, I'd be more than happy to talk.

No, no, it's okay. I'm fine.

I'm not really nervous
nervous anyway, you know.

I'm just more like, "hmm, I
wonder if he made it" nervous.

[Chuckles, sighs] oh.

Hey.

- Well?
- Yeah, well?

I made it!

[Screams] oh, van!

[van] my arm! [groans]

acme! [Coughing]