01x21 - Up a Treehouse without a Paddle

[bunniefuu]

and there's a pass over to jake
hart, the rookie out of houston, texas.

- He kicks the ball over
to the sidelines!
- Oh, my god. Is that me?

I'm huge! I don't really
look like that, do i?

No. No!

Hart has the ball. He
dribbles it past the kid who...

Can't possibly
be seven. [Chuckles]

He shoots! He scores! [Cheering]

- Way to go, buddy!
- Oh, jake, I'm so proud of you.

Your first goal! It was nothing.

Aww. [Laughs]

Okay, jake. Come on, let's go. We
don't want to be late for your game.

Gee, reba, you could have
at least washed his uniform.

I did. And then he
played a game in it.

Oh, you're kiddin'! He had
the early game this week?

- And he scored his first goal!
- Well, for his own team.

- Hey, jake. Way to go!
- Where were you?

Oh, I'm sorry, pal, but...

I just couldn't think straight. I
was up all night with the baby.

It's okay. Hey, but
the good part of it is...

We got it all on tape, and you
can watch it with your dad any time.

- It'll be just like
he was there.
- Oh, but when you watch it,

Fast-forward past me.

If only we could
do that in real life.

Hey, jakey, I think I got a
way to make this up to ya.

You remember how we were talkin'
last year about gettin' a treehouse?

Well, I'm gonna build that
treehouse for you, buddy!

All right! Hoo-hoo!

For you, jake. Thanks, dad.

- Hey, you bet.
- All right, everybody
get cleaned up.

I'm takin' everyone
to fat tony's for pizza!

Whoo-hoo! Come on. [Grunting]

[reba chuckling]

A treehouse?

Look, I know you feel
bad about missin' the game,

But for once, you
have a good excuse!

You have a three-week-old
baby at home!

Dear god, it's only
been three weeks?

Oh, I had no idea it was this
exhausting taking care of a newborn.

I guess the three you already have
wouldn't have prepared you for that.

Look, brock, you've got to stop
makin' promises you can't keep!

jake's just gonna
end up disappointed!

Oh, reba! I've heard this
speech a hundred times.

And why do you think that is?

Look, I missed a big
moment in jake's life.

I want to make it up to
him! Then start small!

Make a promise you can keep!

Take him out for a pizza! I
want to do somethin' big.

Order a large.

♪♪ [country]

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands and
the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

[Laughing]

- Van, it's not funny!
- Aw, come on. It's a little funny.

[Laughing] the whole school
thought it was funny!

What's not funny?

I wore two different shoes to
school today, because I can't see my feet.

[Laughing]

- Okay, that's not funny.
- Not as funny as watchin' her
get out of a chair.

I'm done. I am so tired
of being pregnant.

I want this baby
out of me right now.

Oh, honey, these things
happen in the ninth month.

I remember when I was
pregnant with kyra...

Oh, mom, please. I cannot
hear another one of your...

"Back when i was
pregnant" stories.

Well, hello hormones.

My body cannot possibly
stretch any more.

My ankles are fat.
My back hurts... Van!

Will you please stop
breathing down my neck?

I'm over here.

[Weeping] I'm so sick
of being pregnant!

If it makes you feel any better,
we're all sick of you being pregnant.

I'd do anything to get
this thing over with.

That's nice! Th-that's nice.

No, no, babes, i... So you
feel more comfortable!

And-and-and not
so in-in pain and...

Not so mean.

Special delivery for jake hart.

- Brock, what are you doin'?
- Fulfilling a promise.

This is jake's new treehouse.
Everything is in the box.

Where's the guy that's
gonna put it together?

[door closes] ha-ha-ha.

- I'm gonna do it.
- When?

Well, I'm not so sure
about that part yet, but...

Brock, havin' a treehouse in
a box that'll never get built...

Is gonna t*rture jake!

Let's get it out of here
before he sees it! Come on.

Hey! What's that?

And the t*rture begins.

- here's your sandwich, jake.
- I'm gonna eat it
in the treehouse.

All right. But watch
out for squirrels.

When's dad gonna build it?

Well, honey, that's hard to say.

Your dad's been
pretty busy, you know.

I'm gonna eat this at bobby's.

His treehouse is outside.

But our fridge is a lot closer.

[Phone dial beeping]

[Line ringing]

[Baby crying] wh-hoa!

- Hello?
- There's a little boy over here
waitin' for his treehouse.

Reba? How many
families do you have?

Oh, I'm sorry. But b.j.'S still
on maternity leave, [crying]

And what with me doin' double
duty at the office all day...

And then helpin' with henry at
night, I just don't have the time!

And yet you found the time to
go out and buy this large box...

And put it in my
kitchen! [Woman screams]

Boy, that kid's
got a set of lungs.

Actually, that one was b.j.

All right. Let's
build us a treehouse.

Wanna chew? No, thanks.

Aw, don't be such a
wuss. It's just bubble gum.

You know, mrs. H, it's pretty
cool you're buildin' this for jake.

I just hope someday
I'm as good a dad as you.

Well, remember me at father's
day. I could use a shoehorn.

Mom, I need to borrow
van for a second.

Say no. Come here.

Van, I need you to have
sex with me right now.

Cheyenne, I am not a faucet.
You can't just turn me on and off.

Van, I just read in
the pregnancy book...

That having sex is the
best way to induce labor.

Okay, that's not a turn-on.

Okay, van. I'm ready to go.

Cheyenne, your mother needs me.
Fine. But when you're done, we're doin' it.

All right. I've got boards "a"
and "b." You read the instructions.

Okay.

[Speaking spanish]

Van, that's spanish. I know.
This is gonna take forever.

Forget the instructions.
We don't need 'em.

We can build this thing!
We've got the tool belts,

And we've got
this thing! [Whirs]

[Shouts] ooh!

[Chortles]

Step aside, son!

[Gasps]

Okay. [Chuckles]

That's only fun when
you're expectin' it, okay?

All right, just hold
the board. All right?

[Whining]

Aha! And that there
is how it's done.

Courtesy of mr. Black
and mr. Decker. [Puffs]

[Sighs]

Uh, mrs. H.

Oh, we can sand that down.

Well, what do you think? [Sighs]

It's perfect. Yeah.

H-hey! You built the treehouse!

Little lopsided, isn't it?
Lean your head this way.

Oh, hey! Nice job!

Dad! You built my treehouse!

[Chuckles]

Actually, your mother built
it. And... It's practically level.

Uh, I helped. Mm-hmm.

- It's really cool inside.
- Wow! Can I eat in it?

Sure you can! Can I sleep in it?

Absolutely. Camp
out tonight. Dad!

Will you camp out in it with me?

- Sure he will!
- Uh, y-yeah. I'd love to.

Yea! [Laughs]

Aw, great! I do all the work,
and he gets to have all the fun?

Now who's makin'
promises I can't keep?

Oh, you saw how excited he was!

I kinda got swept
up in the moment.

I can see why you make all
those promises. It's intoxicating!

Reba, I'd love to stay over, but I don't
know about leavin' b.j. With the baby...

All night by herself!
Oh, come on. It's one night!

I have faith in b.j.

Please don't make
me say that again.

And if she runs into
trouble, she can call me.

[Scoffs] boy, you are
swept up in the moment.

Well, all right. I'll do it.

But listen. After this, neither
of us makes any more promises.

I promise.

Hey, my track record's clean.

[Mutters, laughs]

i was just thinkin'. You know, I could
stay in there with you, if i had to.

Because I built the treehouse,
right? I know all the ins and outs.

Do you wanna sleep
in the treehouse, van?

No. I'm just sayin'
that I'm available.

Hey, hey, hey! Who's
ready for a campout?

Me! I'll be in the
treehouse, dad. [Chuckles]

Okay! Okay. I guess I'll just be
sleepin' with my wife then. Okay.

Say, do you realize
this is the first time...

I've slept over here since the
night we decided to separate?

As I recall, you slept out
in the yard that night too.

Yeah. You think you could
keep the sprinklers off this time?

[Laughing] maybe.

Hey, listen, reba. Thanks for
puttin' together the treehouse.

I'm really lookin' forward to
some one-on-one time with jake.

I know it's gonna
mean a lot to him.

[doorbell rings]

[baby crying]

I can't do it by
myself! I need help!

I said you could call.

[baby crying] [b.j.] Reba, I
don't know what to do.

He's been cryin'
ever since brock left.

i tried everything, but he
just won't shut up! [gasps]

I'm sorry, sweetie.
Mommy loves you!

- Barbara jean, you've
got to calm down.
- I need brock!

- Where's brock?
- Okay, hold on. There's no need
to bother the boys.

I'm sure the two of us can
handle a three-week-old baby.

Oh, dear god. It's
only been three weeks!

- [Fussing]
- reba, I sing to him,
i rock him, I bounce him...

On my knee, but he never sleeps!

- Have you tried the dryer?
- Reba, that's awful.

Barbara jean, you place the
carrier on top of the dryer.

Nothin' works,
reba. Nothin'... Works!

[Fretting] oh, what
is wrong with me?

I can't even get my
own baby to stop cryin'!

- Well, maybe if
you'd stop cryin'.
- I can't!

Maybe I should go
sit on the dryer.

Would you hold him,
reba? Barbara jean, you

Do remember that you
conceived that child...

While brock and I were
still married. I don't mind.

I'm gonna go get brock.
Shh, shh! Oh, come on. Henry.

Jake, what are
you doin' in here?

Getting juice. Dad
said I could pee outside,

But I didn't have to go yet.

You're havin' a good time
with your dad, aren't ya? Yeah!

Well, all right. Don't
stay up too late, okay?

And aim away from the house!

[Crying]

I can't believe
I'm gonna say this.

Let me hold your baby. [Sighs]

[Cries louder]

[Cooing] binky.

[Calming down] nappy.

Blanky.

[Coos] see, you just
gotta stay calm.

[Singsong] and talk to
him in a soothing voice.

Yeah. Yes, you do!

Just "cwose" your
"widdle" eyes. Now.

And you go to "seep." Yeah!

He's asleep.

[Snoring] and so are you.

Mom, what are you
doing with henry?

What did you do to b.j.?

Well, she's asleep, and
I'm helpin' with the baby,

And brock's out in the
treehouse with jake.

Hmm. That's right. Rub it in.

- Where have you two been?
- We walked for five miles
tryin' to induce labor.

And we got nothing. oh,
but we had another option.

What are y'all in
such a hurry for?

That baby's gonna come
out when she's ready.

Yeah, but we're
ready now. [Sighs]

[Chuckles] he is so cute.

- Yeah.
- Mom, can I hold him?

Oh, sure.

Support his head.
Okay. [Chuckles]

There you go. [Laughing]

Oh, my god. He's so tiny!

[Fussing]

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Relax.
Relax, they can smell fear.

Cheyenne, what are you doin' to
him? I'm not doing anything to him.

[Crying] oh! He must be hungry.
I'll go warm up his bottle.

Oh! Oh, no. Mom. Mom.
Mom, don't leave me. Please.

Mom... Cheyenne, what's wrong?
You've held babies before.

Yes. But I always pass 'em
back when they start to cry.

Here. What are you doing?

Well, it's... It's your turn.
You need the practice.

Yeah, well, you hardly
practiced at all! [Crying continues]

And like, I don't know
anything about babies.

Van? Here.
Support the head. I...

Okay. Yeah! [Breathlessly] okay.

Okay. I can do
this. [Softly] okay.

Oh, yes. Yeah, he's
like a little football.

Mm-hmm! Sure. Oh, his little
arms, and hands, and legs...

[Crying] and a head.

He's nothing like a
football! [Loud whisper] I know!

[Both] mom!

Well, look at that. Walkin' and
supportin' the head, all at the same time.

Mom, I don't know
what we were thinking.

- We are not ready for this.
- Cheyenne, it's a little late
to change your mind.

Look. I know how you feel. I
remember the day you were born.

Oh, wait. You don't like those
stories. No! No, no, no, no, no.

Please. Tell us.
We're that desperate.

Well, when the nurse first
handed you to me, I was petrified.

I thought, how am I supposed to
keep this little, tiny thing alive?

And then I looked into your eyes,
and my maternal instincts just kicked in.

And I knew somehow...
We'd figure it out.

You think I have
maternal instincts?

Yeah. And I'm just
gonna know what to do?

No.

But you'll love her so
much that you'll learn.

Uh-oh. What?

What's that smell?

Here. Take him. Oh! And that's
your paternal instincts kickin' in.

You don't have a dirty didy. No.

Somebody's been tellin'
stories on you. Yes, they have!

- [door opens]
- I'm havin' a dog of a time
gettin' to sleep out there.

I keep thinkin' I hear a baby.

Is that henry? Yes.

Well, where's b.j.? [snoring]

[Snoring continues]

You k*lled her, didn't you?

No, I been too busy.

Reba, this isn't right.

You can't keep coverin' for me. It's
not your job to build treehouses...

Or take care of my baby. I know.

Well, I better get b.j.
And little henry home.

You're leaving?
oh, jake. Wait! I...

Here. [Sighs]

- Oh, man!
- I'll go talk to jake. I got ya into this.

No, no, no. i'll go talk to him.

I'm the one that
caused all of this mess.

Well, it looks like it's
just me and you again.

Let's go make fun of your mama.

Jake?

We need to talk.

Look... [Sighs] I don't want
you to be mad at the baby.

It's not his fault.
I'm not mad at him.

I'm mad at you.

Well, okay.
That's... That's good.

But you know, in a way, it
sorta is the baby's fault.

No, no, it's not.
It's all my fault.

Oh, jake...

I'm so sorry about
what happened tonight.

It's just that... Well...

When there's a new baby
in the family, things change.

You know, there... There are
times that I have to spend with him,

And there are times that
I get to spend with you,

And there are times that
we get to spend together.

Now, I haven't figured out
quite how it's all gonna work yet.

But I will. But I miss you.

Yeah. I miss you too.

How's everything goin'?

You know, I think
we're doin' okay.

Barbara jean and
henry are ready to go.

Well, I'll see ya, partner.

- Hey there, camper.
- Mom, will you sleep in
the treehouse with me?

I only build 'em. I
don't sleep in 'em.

But I know someone who's
been feelin' a little left out.

[van] ooh. And I nailed that there,
and I tightened that hex nut...

I bolted that
crossbeam right there.

Ooh! And that's my blood there!

And, uh... [jake] can
we go to sleep now?