01x18 - She Works Hard for Their Money

[bunniefuu]

The baby shower
cavalry has arrived!

[Chuckles] i've got a punch
bowl and a cake stand...

And a gold-plated armadillo.

- What do we need that for?
- I was just trying to
get rid of it.

This giggly girl-fest
is gonna be so lame.

Oh, come on, kyra.
Baby showers are fun.

We get to eat and play games.

- What kind of games?
- Well, there's this one...

Where anytime someone
says the word "baby,"

You get to take the
clothespin off their shirt.

What's a clothespin?

Okay. Mom's starved for fun, but what's
your excuse for coming to the shower?

I'm an adult. I get to drink.

[Gasps] oh, my god.

These are so cute! [Giggles]

I can't wait for my party.
All my friends are coming.

Wait. Who's gladys horsted?

A dear old friend of the family.

Who has money
coming out her hoo-ha.

Which she had
lifted, by the way.

So the only reason we invited your
friends is because they have money?

It's not about the money.
It's about the gifts. [Chortling]

Plus, they've had babies,
so they know what you need.

Like a stroller,
diaper bag, car seat.

Why do I need a car seat?
I don't even have a car.

Unless your baby plans
on walking home from

The hospital, she's
gonna need a car seat.

For the car I
don't have? [Chuckles]

You know the rule. Your daddy and I will
get you a car when you can pay for half.

Oh, like that's gonna happen.

What? She has five bucks
to her name and owes me 20.

Jake will have a
car before she does.

I'm saving for a porsche.

[telephone ringing]

- Hello.
- [Woman] hey, I'm sorry.

I forgot to add a couple
names to the guest list.

Uh, sisqo, christina aguilera
and 'nsync if you have room.

'Nsync's coming
to my baby shower?

Is this spago, beverly hills?

I wish! Oops. Sorry.

okay. We got the chairs
from old mrs. Jenkins,

But she says she
wants a receipt.

Yeah. Apparently, you borrowed
a cup of milk from her a year ago,

And you never paid her back.

She can remember a
cup a milk, but she can't

Remember to wear pants
when she goes outside?

Honey, look at the cute plates
mom bought for the shower.

Ohhh. Those are
adorable. [Chuckles]

I don't have to be there, do i?

- Ladies only.
- Sweet!

Hey, listen. Thanks for letting
barbra jean come to the shower.

Can we pin a tail on her?

Right after we hide-
and-don't-seek her.

Hey. Just make sure she
brings an appropriate gift.

Cheyenne's friends will take
care of the thongs and lip gloss.

[Chuckles] don't worry.

I'm on my way to ed's video to
pick up a big-screen television.

A big-screen television?

Brock, you're supposed to be getting
something practical. That's practical.

Van's gonna need something to do
while cheyenne's taking care of the baby.

Okay. Fine. I'll get
something "practical."

Oh, and brock, f.y.i.,
Foosball table... Not practical.

♪♪ [country]

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands and
the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

[women ahhhing]

How cute. Look at this.

[Women giggling] ohhh.

Guess cheyenne's weight
for a buck? Winner gets $10.

I'm in. Let me take
a good look first.

Cheyenne, stand up. Mrs.
Horsted wants to see your dress.

Oh.

See? She's huge.

- Mom.
- 181 Pounds.

Okay. Her gift better be good.

Here. [Mouths words]

Wow! One of these!

It's a breast pump. Ewww.

I mean, thank you.

I'll think of you whenever...

Yeah. Can I see?

Can I see?

Ohhh!

Oh, these are nice.

I think I just became
lactose intolerant.

Okay. This is from jeanette,
kimberly, megan and shelly.

Also known as "the easy girls."

Oh, my god! This is so cute!

Ohhh. Your little girl's
gonna look precious in that.

No, it's for me
when I'm thin again.

I'm gonna wear this
home from the hospital.

[chuckling]

Keep dreamin'. [Laughs]

Well, thank you, guys,
so much for everything.

Not so fast. There
may be one present left.

Something special from me to
my beautiful granddaughter.

Tsk. Mom.

[Women gasping]

Ohhh. gorgeous.

I started sewing on this quilt the
day I found out you were pregnant.

Well, maybe a few days later.

That first week I was sedated.

Each little square is made
from your baby clothes.

She said "baby!"
She said "baby!"

I win! Ha ha! [Giggling]

Somebody needs to put her down.

You're the best mom ever.

Whoo. Where am i, the
miss america contest?

Look at all these
beautiful women!

You must be security.

I thought we agreed
not to hire a clown.

I just stopped by to
drop off a little present.

Oh? Where is it?

Close your eyes. All right.

What's that smell remind you of?

I don't know. A new car?

Oh, tell me you didn't buy her
a new car. No. Of course not.

It's got 40,000
miles on it. [gasping]

Oh, my god! You bought me a car?

Daddy! [Giggling]

Come on. It's in the
driveway. Let's go take a look.

A car! I can't believe it!

She'd have been better
off with a foosball table.

how could you do that? How could you just
go out and buy a car without consulting me?

You said practical.
It's got four doors.

Brock, we had a rule.

Our kids do not get a car
unless they can pay for half.

Come on. We also had a rule that
said no boys in cheyenne's room,

But that pretty much
flew out the window.

Cheyenne is gonna
be a parent soon.

It's more important now than
ever that she learn responsibility.

Hey. I hear you, but the
situation's different now.

I mean, would it k*ll
us to bend a little?

No. A rule's a rule. Oh, come
on! We've caved on lots of rules.

What about "no
toy g*ns for jake"?

And how about "kyra can't
wear makeup till she's 16"?

You were the one who bought the
six-shooters and the glitter eye shadow.

She said, "please." Ohhh!

Come on, reba. Times change.

You have to be
flexible with kids.

Oh, I know what flexible means.

We make a rule, you break it,

And once again I'm the bad guy.

All right. Fine. You want me to take
the car away? I'll take the car away.

Cheyenne! No! You can't do that!

You take it away now, they'll
know it's just because of me.

Well, it is because of you.

Okay. Fine, fine. My mistake.
I'll take full responsibility.

Better get to 'em before
they get too excited about it.

coach! A car?

[Laughing]

But it's not fair.
We need a car.

No, I know, honey, but there's
a reason for rules like this.

They teach you responsibility
and a good work ethic.

I have a good
work ethic, don't i?

For someone who's
never worked, you do.

But if our baby doesn't
have a car for senior prom,

All her buddies are
gonna laugh at her.

Maybe she should have
thought about that...

Before she spent all
her wedding money...

On a football
signed by troy aikman.

She loves that ball!

I'm sorry, guys,
but a rule's a rule,

So for now, the car
stays in the garage.

and when you've
earned $3,000, it's yours.

Now, I know you think
what I'm doing isn't fair,

But in time you'll come to
see that it's what is best.

It's okay, dad. We understand.

Thanks a lot, mom.

So you like your presents?

The ones I got to keep.

"Thank you, mom, for
this great shower...

And for spending eight months sewing
this beautiful treasure for my child!"

[Imitating sobbing]

Sorry. And I really
do like my quilt. Great.

I cannot believe you
saved all my baby clothes.

Well, actually, this blue square
right here is from jake's sunsuit.

I'll throw in one of your
bras when I make his quilt.

[Laughs] okay.

Cheyenne, I know you and van
are disappointed about the car,

But your daddy and I think
this is the best thing to do.

Van and I are gonna be parents. It
would be so much easier if we had a car.

Yes, it would be easier.

But sometimes the easy way
is not always the best way.

Besides, wouldn't you rather earn
something than just have it handed to you?

No.

Big news! You are
looking at the new

Sauce-and-cheese captain
at fat tony's pizza palace!

Oh, van, that's terrific!

Or should I say, "captain"?

Honey, this is so great.

Hey. At minimum wage, we'll be
driving on easy street in no time.

I wish I could get a job.

Who wants a
knocked-up pizza girl?

Hey. I tell you what, cheyenne.
You can come work for me.

You don't do anything.

Well, that's true, but...

The little fairies who pick up
after you are going on vacation,

So you can help me
around the house.

And that way, you and van can
both earn money towards the car.

Thanks, mom. I'm gonna make
your life so much easier.

Hey. Let's go upstairs.

You can help me
memorize cheeses. Okay.

Fairies?

Anyone? Help!

Hi, mom. Wow.

You at the dishwasher
and me without my camera.

Just my fifth load today. Great.

Do we have that many dishes?

Oh, I didn't just wash
the breakfast dishes.

I washed all the
dishes. I kinda got into it.

[Chuckles]

Where'd this white one come
from? Your china cabinet.

The bluebonnet plates my
great-grandmother hand painted?

- Yeah. They were all dusty.
- And hand painted.

Shouldn't that paint
be dishwasher safe?

They didn't have
dishwashers back in 1898!

Right. Sorry. Ohhh.

I could do something
else if you want. No, no, no.

You've done so much already.

Okay. Well, I worked
for four hours today,

Plus a half hour lunch,
so we'll just call it six.

Mom! Dad bought
me the solar system!

I wondered how he
was gonna top that car.

Hey. Nice call on
the planetarium.

It was very educational.
He fell asleep.

The cosmos is so serene.

Dad, I made $120 today.

No, you didn't.

Oh, that's great, honey.

I'm so proud. My little
girl pulling her own weight.

Yeah, and at 181 pounds,
that's saying a lot.

I do not weigh 181 pounds.

Then how much do you weigh?

Shut up!

The working man is home!

This is a great job.

At the end of the day, fat tony
lets us take home day-old calzone.

Plus that snappy uniform. Gee.
Why'd I ever go to dental school?

You know, every day
I'm getting closer...

To that car mrs. H made
you take back from us.

Hey! It was a mutual decision.

Yeah. That's right. You
know, you kids are lucky.

It took me a long time to
learn how to be responsible.

Talk about a work in progress.

Unh-unh-uhh. You are
so sexy in that uniform.

[Giggles] yeah? You should
see me in my hairnet.

Mmm. You wanna know
something even sexier?

- I got a promotion!
- You mean there's something
above cheese captain?

Oh, yeah. Delivery.
That's where the money is.

See, fat tony's wife left him, so I'm
taking her shift until he can replace her.

Well, good going, son. You
see? Hard work pays off.

Oh. Wait a minute. Do they
provide you with a car?

No, but they give you a really
cool sign to stick on your car.

- But you don't have a car.
- [Chuckles]

Yeah. About that...

I was kinda hoping you
wouldn't mind letting

Me drive our new
one... Just this once.

Oh, could he, mom?
Van, we had a deal.

You get the car when you
can pay for half, not before.

- Right, brock?
- Whatever your mom says.

We're a team on this one.

I gotta go.

Come on, mom. Why do you always
have to be such a stick in the mud?

Hey, mrs. H, it's to
help earn the money.

And the car's just sitting there
in the garage doing nothing.

I know that. That's the
whole point of this thing...

Is for you to
earn the privilege.

- Then let him use your car.
- [Laughing]

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

My car has a job.

It takes kyra and jake places.
It picks up the groceries.

It gets speeding tickets.

But it's my job
and I said I'd do it.

I'm trying to be responsible here.
How can I be responsible if I can't drive?

I'm sorry. It's not my problem.

Man! Thirty deliveries
in four hours!

Oh, and fat tony says if we
drive an hour of overtime,

We get today's calzone!

Now I know why fat
tony's wife left him.

[lori ann] reba, why are
you punishing yourself?

Cheyenne is
destroying your house.

You've been driving
van around all week.

How many more nights do you have
to work till those kids earn the car?

With salary, tips, no
bathroom stops... Five years.

Remind me again why
this is a better idea...

Than just giving them
the car in the garage.

You know, it was a good
rule when we made it.

[Sighs] of course, that was
back when we thought...

Cheyenne was going to college, getting
married, having a baby... In that order.

Just tell the kids you changed
your mind. Be the good cop for once.

Don't you think I
wanna be the good cop?

But there's a
principle at stake!

Cheyenne and van are finally learning
how to stand on their own two feet.

You ready, mrs. H?

It's only five more years.

Ahhh. Hey, reba.

You look terrible.

Don't you have a new
wife to sweet-talk?

Cheyenne's making me brownies.

I gotta tell you... You're doing a
wonderful job with both these kids.

Cooking is so much
fun. Oh, don't worry.

I'll clean the kitchen
tomorrow... No charge.

Oh, thank god.
Something without cheese.

Okay. Van's here. What
did you two wanna tell me?

You wanna do it? No, you.

Okay. Here it is. Our first
installment for the car.

[cheyenne] one hundred dollars.

already? That's very impressive.

Yeah. Only 2,900 to
go. We're almost there.

oh, and that's
just the beginning.

I've been doing all of mom's
housework and she owes me big.

You were right to take
back the car, coach.

Just giving it to us
was way too easy.

Yeah, it was really rough at first,
but I'm so glad that we hung in there.

Yeah. I just hope someday I can be
half as good a parent as you are.

Now, now. I don't
deserve all the credit.

Someone else was
a big part of this.

You two, for doing all the work!

Yeah. [Laughing]

All right! Wait a minute!

You're fired, and I quit! What?

You can't quit! We have a
double shift tomorrow!

No! we don't!

You can't have a delivery
job if you don't have a car.

Why am I fired?

Because you're
lousy at your job.

I'm gonna pay you what I owe you for
ruining my great-grandmother's china...

And then you two
are on your own.

Coach, she's taking
away my livelihood.

I'm sorry, kids, but
you heard your mom.

I'm sure she has a good
reason for doing this,

Even if it doesn't seem to
make much sense right now.

$2,900?

Six hours, right?

No way!

That's what we need for the car!

Is this a joke?

You earned some of it.
The rest is my shower gift.

I knew there was more
than just that quilt!

Of course, van, you'll
wanna keep your job...

So you can pay for the gas and
insurance, if you think that's fair.

Oh, it is more than
fair. It's "fair-tastic"!

Thanks, mrs. H! You're welcome.

Yeah, thanks a lot, mom.

Oh, come on, van. Let's
go sit in our new used car!

[Giggling]

What just happened
here? I just got credit...

For giving them the
car you bought 'em.

Pretty clever, huh? What
about your principles?

Turns out my sanity comes first.

What about teaching
our kids responsibility...

And a good work ethic and all
that other junk we stood for?

Believe or not, I think they
really did learn something.

But most important,
they love me the best!

Ha ha ha!

Okay. Fine.

Yeah, you can be the
good cop for now.

But watch out. Cheyenne and van
are gonna want a house someday,

And jake has always
wanted a pony.

You wouldn't.

Ohhh. I've been compromising my
principles a lot longer than you have.

Well, watch out.
I'm a fast learner.

[Laughing]