03x24 - Police in the United States

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♪

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome, welcome, welcome

to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.

Thank you so much
for joining us.

And we begin this evening
with the 2016 election,

or as it's more commonly
known,

"What did I do to deserve this?

"I always tried to be
a good person.

"Is this because I stole candy
once in the fourth grade?

Please stop punishing us,


This week saw
the first presidential debate

where, as I'm sure
you know by now,

Donald Trump's performance
consisted mainly

of an incoherent jumble
of sniffles and nonsense,

like a r*cist toddler
coming out of dental surgery,

and--and it all culminated
in this amazing assertion.

- I think my strongest asset,

maybe by far,
is my temperament.

I have a winning temperament.
I know how to win.

- That is an incredible
statement.

If he had looked straight into
the camera and said,

"I am a small Korean woman,"

it would have been
more believable.

And--and for the record,
you can't incoherently rant

about having
the best temperament.

That is a claim
that disproves itself.

It's like getting
a forehead tattoo that says,

"I have excellent judgment."

But--but this week, we then saw

what a "winning temperament"
actually means.

It's a temperament
that allows you to insist

that you won something
that you demonstrably lost.

Because Trump spent
the last seven days

citing his victories in what
he called "final debate polls,"

peppering his rallies
with boasts like this.

- And so we won
every single online poll.

Hundreds and hundreds
of thousands of voters.

Almost every single poll

had us winning the debate
against crooked Hillary Clinton.

Every single online poll
said we won,

which is great--
every single online poll.

- Okay, first of all,

he did not win
every single online poll.

He certainly didn't win
this actual BuzzFeed poll

about whether candy corn
is good.

And if you are wondering
who did win that,

it was BuzzFeed, you idiots.

BuzzFeed wins
every BuzzFeed poll.

Now, the clear problem
with online polls

is that you can vote anonymously
as many times as you want.

That is how when a British
government agency

held a "Name Our Ship" poll,

the people's overwhelming choice
was Boaty McBoatface.

[laughter]

It's also how, when there was
an internet vote

on where Pitbull should perform,
he ended up--

and this is true--
in an Alaska Walmart.

And yet--and yet, Trump kept
citing these nonsense polls,

as did his media boosters,
like Sean Hannity.

- If you look at
all the online polls,

The Hill, Time.com,
Slate--

I mean, the list
was really long.

Trump won the debate
in these online polls.

Everyone's gonna say, "Hannity,
they're not scientific."

I-I hear what you're saying.

- Do you, though?

I'm not sure you do.

In fact,
I'm not even sure

you hear what your own company
is saying,

because Fox News sent out
an internal memo this week

saying that such polls, quote:

"Do not meet
our editorial standards."

Which is shocking,
since I was pretty sure

Fox News' only
editorial standards were,

"All ladies
must be 8s or above,"

and, "Try not to say
the N-word."

And by Thursday--by Thursday,

the Trump campaign's insistence

that online polls
were just as good as real ones

was beginning
to drive people nuts.

- The polls that happened that
night, the night of the debate,

the snap polls,
the ones that happen online,

those all showed
Mr. Trump winning in a huge way.

- Wait, wait, what scientific
poll had Donald Trump winning?

Give me one scientific poll.
Everything else was--

Those are fan polls, man.

Those are polls that, like,
computer programmers

can mess with;
those aren't real.

- I understand that Hillary
has gotten support

from the insiders
and from the media.

Mr. Trump's
gotten the support

from grassroots
and from the people.

- Jason, uh, you've been
doing this a while.

You know those are bogus.

[laughter]

- Look.
Look how frustrated he is.

Chuck Todd's head
is about to explode.

And you know
that this pains him

because he's talking
to a fellow goatee-wearer.

And usually
they have to stick together

against a world
that makes fun

of their ridiculous
facial hair.

And while all this
was going on,

there was an even more

inexplicable narrative
developing,

because, to be fair,
Trump did score a few points

early on
against Hillary Clinton,

and he could have spent the
whole week talking about those.

But instead, he fixated
on one particular thing

she said
towards the end of the night.

- And one of the worst things
he said

was about a woman
in a beauty contest.

He called this woman
"Miss Piggy."

Then he called her
"Miss Housekeeping"

because she was Latina.

Donald, she has a name.
- Where did you find this?

- Her name is Alicia Machado.
- Where did you find this?

Where did you find it?

- Why does he care
where she found it?

Is he just flummoxed
because it doesn't come from

any of his three news sources,
namely Breitbart,

dudes hanging out
at golf club bars,

and the r*cist minotaur
who talks to him

in the one hour
that he sleeps every night?

But that Miss Universe moment

was just a small part
of a 90-minute debate.

So all Trump had to do
was not take the bait.

And yet, the next morning,
he went on "Fox & Friends"

and, without even being asked,
brought the subject up.

And watch the anchors' faces
as it sinks in

that he's actually doing this.

Trump: That person
was a Miss Universe person.

And she was the worst
we ever had--the worst.

The absolute worst.
She was impossible.

And she was
a Miss Universe contestant

and ultimately a winner

who they had a tremendously
difficult time with

as Miss Universe.

- Did not know that story.
- Wow. I didn't know either.

- What--what--
Trump: She was the winner,

and, you know, she gained
a massive amount of weight,

and it was--
it was a real problem.

- You can see them thinking,
"What are you doing?

"Why are you doing this?

"Don't you know it's wrong

"to degrade former
beauty pageant winners?

"We at Fox
recently learned that

"due to the circumstances
of Roger Ailes' departure

from this very company."

But Trump still wasn't done.

He pressed the issue
all week long,

culminating
in an online meltdown

in the early hours
of Friday morning.

man: His tweet storm
began at 3:00 a.m.

and didn't stop
until about 10:00.

He unloaded on former
Miss Universe Alicia Machado:

- That is a candidate for
president of the United States

urging America
to check out a sex tape.

Just--just do me a favor.

Look up into the sky
right now.

Higher.
No, higher still.

Do you see that,
way up there?

Way up above the clouds.

That's rock bottom.

And we are currently
way down here.

And look, not that it mat--

not that it makes it
any better--

[cheers and applause]

Not that it makes this
any better,

but Trump behaved
equally appallingly

to her face
during a 1997 CBS interview.

- Alicia has done
an incredible job.

She really has turned out
to be one of the great

Miss Universes, I will say.
- Thank you.

- And she had a little problem
during the middle where

she gained a little weight.
- I don't think so.

- Yeah,
and she's probably right.

- I don't think so.
- Okay.

- Wow.

Donald Trump really should have
been prepared for Monday night

'cause it seems he's been losing
televised debates to women

for 20 years now.

Now, amazingly--amazingly,
in that same interview,

it emerged that CBS
would be running

an unscientific viewer poll

during the Miss Universe
pageant,

and something tells me
that Donald Trump

had something to do
with the question.

- The viewers can actually
call in and vote.

Let's bring up the question;
it says,

"Should a pageant titleholder
be required to maintain

her physical appearance
during her reign?"

Why do you think this
is an important question

the viewers would care about?

- Well, it's something
that really has come up

over the last year.

- Yeah, it came up
over that past year

because you made
a media f*cking circus

out of it.

Trump treats his statements
like they're Pokémon.

They're imaginary things
that he nurtures and evolves

and eventually uses
to fight with strangers.

And thus, the two threads
of this week come together:

completely unscientific polling,

which we know Donald Trump
trusts implicitly,

and his deeply held belief

that female weight gain
is a betrayal.

So here is
the moment of truth.

What were the results
of that poll?

woman: Do you think
that Miss Universe should--

or the pageant holder
should be required

to maintain her physical
appearance during her reign?

And look at the responses.

Most of the people said no.

- Oh, how about that, Donald?

It seems you have a choice.

Either admit that
unscientific polling is bullshit

or that your views on
women's bodies are horrifying.

I await whatever decision
you make

at 3:00 a.m. tonight
on Twitter.

And in the meantime--
in the meantime,

I would like to leave you all

with the wise words
of Alicia Machado.

- Alicia, very quickly,

advice for
the new Miss Universe?

- Uh, good luck.
She'll need it.

- Who knew that one day
the advice,

"Good luck, you'll need it,"

would be equally applicable
to Miss Universe 1997

and everyone in the most
powerful nation on Earth?

And now this.

male announcer: And now...
Newscasters Quoting Movies.

- [as Sean Connery]
It's Bond. James Bond.

- You can't handle the truth.

all: [as Fat Albert]
Hey, hey, hey!

- After all,
tomorrow is another day.

- To infinity and beyond!

- Whoa, "Johnny's here,"
or whatever.

It's, "Here's Johnny."
"Here's Johnny."

- Say hello to my little friend.

- Say hello
to my little friend.

- Say hello
to my little friend.

- Say hello to my little friend.
- Right, just a little bit.

- I can't do it.

- Say hello to my little friend.
"Scarface."

- Get down. Get to the chopper.
- Get to the chopper!

- I got to get to the chopper.
- Chopper!

- I'll be back.
- I'll be back.

both: I'll be back.

- I know it was you, Fredo.
You broke my heart.

"Godfather II."

- All right, all right,
all right.

- All right, all right,
all right.

- All right, all right,
all right.

- All right,
all right, all right.

both: All right, all right,
all right.

- All right, all right,
all right.

both: All right, all right,
all right.

both: Show me the money.

- "Show me the money,"

as Cuba Gooding used to say
in the movies.

- Moving on.

Our main story tonight
concerns the police,

who, as these
Montana cops show,

frequently have to deal
with humanity at its worst.

- What's the First Amendment?
What's the First Amendment?

- Stand right
where you're at, okay?

- What's the First Amendment?

You don't even know!

Ha!

Constitution!
- All right, come on.

- Yeah, yeah.
- All right, come on.

- Constitution.
- Have a seat.

- Read it and live by it.

- Let's have a seat
in the back of the car.

Have a seat.

- Ron Paul 2012.

[laughter]

- And he's--that's perfect.

It's not like he needed to say,
"Ron Paul 2012."

That was implicit in everything
he said up to that point.

But it's certainly nice
to have it confirmed.

Now, as you know, the police
have been at the center

of a great deal
of controversy lately.

It's been impossible
to escape,

from the Black Lives Matter
movement

to Colin Kaepernick's protest

to Mary J. Blige
awkwardly singing

a Springsteen song
at Hillary Clinton.

- ♪ Is it a g*n

♪ Is it a knife

♪ Is it a wallet

♪ This is your life

♪ You can get k*lled

♪ Just for living in

♪ Your American skin

♪ Oh, oh, oh

Hillary, thank you.

- Oh, God. Oh, God.

Hillary would have won
my undying respect

if she'd just looked
Mary J. Blige

straight in the face
and said,

"I support your message,

"but that was awkward as f*ck,

and I wish
you hadn't done it."

That would have been honest.

Now, the trust between police
and the communities they serve

is clearly a cornerstone
of civilized society.

Unfortunately,
that trust has been rocked

following a series of
controversial police sh**t,

from Alton Sterling
to Philando Castile

to Tamir Rice
to so many others,

I literally cannot
mention them all.

And cumulatively,
these deaths,

taken with countless
smaller incidents

of police misconduct,

have led to a common refrain.

- Listen, I just want the
police to be held accountable.

- We just want the system of
policing to be held accountable.

- Those police need to be held
accountable the same way

that you gonna hold me
accountable if I broke the law.

- Whenever they mess up,
whenever they commit a crime,

whenever something goes wrong--

I'm talking about serious stuff
like m*rder and whatnot,

these guys
never get prosecuted.

- Now, those
are valid frustrations.

Although, as a quick sidenote,
"m*rder and whatnot"

would be an amazing
"CSI" spinoff.

That's a watchable show
right there.

So police accountability

is what we're going
to be talking about tonight.

And before we go any further,
I should say,

as the police will tell you,

they have a difficult,
dangerous, challenging job.

No reasonable person
would disagree with that.

But that's
all the more reason

for ensuring that it's done
to the highest standard.

A cake decorator
has a challenging job,

but the worst thing that happens
if he fucks up is,

you end up wishing someone
a happy a**l-versary.

And, yeah, while that's
obviously not ideal, who knows?

Maybe it's their a**l-versary
too.

The police will also argue
that what they have

is less
an institutional problem

than it is
an individual one.

- There's been some bad apples
out there, I think, that--

but I don't think that
that is indicative

of the entire
police department.

- Yeah, you got bad apples,

but you got bad apples
in every occupation.

- Just like any business,

you're gonna have
some bad apples.

- They're out to protect you,

and that's what
policing's about.

Are there bad apples?
Yeah.

- Okay, that's a weirdly
blasé attitude,

because bad apples
can erode trust fast.

Snow White
wasn't afraid of apples

before she took a bite
out of that one really bad one,

but I'm telling you,
the next time an old lady

comes at her
with a piece of fruit,

Snow is gonna
get the f*ck out of there.

And that argument,
"It's just a few bad apples,"

has some real problems.

For a start, it doesn't address
bad laws and policies

that good officers
are made to enforce,

which we've touched on
multiple times before.

Criminal justice is kind of
our show's signature bit.

It is to us what assessing

the shape of your poop
is to Dr. Oz.

Also, you can't claim
there's just a few bad apples,

when no one knows
exactly how many there are.

There are nearly 18,000
different police departments

in America,
and they are not great

about reporting
or sharing data.

In fact, even some
surprisingly basic questions

are hard to answer,
as the head of the FBI admits.

- We can't have
an informed discussion

because we don't have data.

People have data about who went
to a movie last weekend

or how many books were sold
or how many cases of the flu

walked into
an emergency room,

and I cannot tell you how many
people were shot by police

in the United States
last month, last year,

or anything
about the demographics.

- How is that possible?

We have numbers
for almost everything!

We have ratings
for how many people

watched Jeremy Piven
in "Mr. Selfridge."

The government even tracks
how many people are k*lled

by falling TVs each year,

a number surely inflated
by people who were watching

"Mr. Selfridge" and said,
"I choose death,"

and then pulled the TV down
on top of them.

In fact, the best numbers
on police misconduct

come from a researcher
named Philip Stinson,

who accumulated
over a decade's worth of data

by setting up 48 Google Alerts

in 2005.

Google Alerts!

And his stats
are truly chilling.

Out of thousands of fatal
police sh**t since 2005,

only 77 officers have been

charged with m*rder
or manslaughter.

And to date,
only 26 have been convicted.

And while the truth is,

many police sh**t
are justified,



So how can that be the number?

Well, broadly speaking,

most investigations
of police misconduct

face a few obstacles,

and the first one is big.

Misconduct is often
investigated internally

by an officer's colleagues,

which does not
inspire confidence.

Although, if you listen
to the police chief

in Bakersfield, California,
the system is just fine.

man: You're absolutely
confident that

that structure of review
is entirely impartial?

- I am. These guys
are experts in the field.

They have hundreds--
man: But they're also a part

of the department
they're investigating.

- They have hundreds of years

of law enforcement
experience combined,

and so I have the utmost
confidence in these individuals.

- Here's the thing there.

"Combined experience"
is not a thing

that automatically
makes you do a better job.

Our staff has a combined


and that doesn't mean
we won't just

throw a fuckload of raisins
on a desk

and call it entertainment.

And--and unsurprisingly,

the DOJ has consistently
found flaws

with internal investigations.

In Cleveland,
investigators admitted

they intentionally
cast an officer

in the best light possible

when investigating
the use of deadly force.

And in Miami,
investigations took so long

that at least two officers
shot and k*lled a suspect

while still under investigation
for a previous sh**ting.

And there should never be
a second one of anything

before you figure out
whether the first was justified.

Call it the "Dolphin Tale 2"
rule.

How is there a second one
of these?

I thought Harry Connick Jr.
ate the dolphin

at the end of the first one.

I don't know for sure.
I haven't seen it.

But no one has,
and that's the f*cking point.

And in Baltimore, the DOJ report
included the story

of Joe Crystal,
a detective who had reported

two fellow officers
for alleged excessive force

and was labeled a rat,

with one colleague leaving
pictures of cheese on his desk,

which is almost charming,

until you learn
how far some others went.

man: He found himself
cut off.

He says he didn't get backup
in dangerous situations.

Someone even left a dead rat
on his windshield.

- It was, like, their way
of telling me, you know,

"You don't belong here.
This is what we think of you."

- Ouch.

Leaving a dead rat
on an officer's windshield

is definitely hostile,
unless, of course,

that officer is a police cat,

in which case, it means,
"Welcome to the force, Whiskers.

We're lucky to have you.
Enjoy the rat."

But police accountability
doesn't just suffer

from an unwritten
code of silence.

That code can be enshrined
within state laws

or union contracts as well.

For instance,
one reason it can be hard

to spot problem officers
is that, in many jurisdictions,

policies allow disciplinary
records to be destroyed.

In Baton Rouge, a sustained
complaint can be stricken

from your record
after just 18 months.

And in Mesa, Arizona,
when a journalist

started demanding records,

a police chief actually made
an internal video

reminding his officers
that there was a way

for them to clean up
their past.

- I don't want anybody
to have to relive a problem

that's already
been adjudicated,

that they've already
been disciplined for,

that has already seen
the scrutiny in the public eye,

so purge your files
according to policy,

make sure that there's--

that the things
that you don't want in there

aren't in there.

- That seems wrong.

You should not be able
to erase

parts of your past
that are damning.

This is an official
police file,

not a Volkswagen
corporate history

that somehow starts
after World w*r II.

Yeah, n*zi cars.
The choice of the Nazis.

And--and deleting records

is not an officer's only option
to escape their past.

Sometimes, after an incident,

they'll simply resign

and move to another
police department.

This happens so much,
people in law enforcement

call them gypsy cops.

In South Carolina,
a TV station looked into

one officer who'd spent a total

of nine years on the job

working for
nine different departments,

three of them
in just one year,

and in one case,
he left in spectacular fashion.

man: Deputies believe
Yarbrough's driving ability

was compromised,
and they said they discovered

a half-empty bottle
of rye whiskey

and a baggie of assorted pills
in his patrol cruiser.

According
to the state records,

Yarbrough said,
"I'm not taking no drug test,

I guess I'll resign."

- Holy shit.

"I'm not taking no drug test,
I guess I'll resign,"

is a sentence
you do not want to hear

from a police officer.

It's barely appropriate

coming from a roadie
leaving Aerosmith.

And gypsy cops have been
involved in tragic incidents.

In the Tamir Rice case,
the officer

who shot the 12-year-old
had been in the process

of being fired from his
previous job before resigning.

But the Cleveland police

missed that red flag
when hiring him

because they didn't read
his personnel file,

which detailed an incident
during weapons training

where he had a dangerous loss
of composure,

leading his supervisor
to conclude,

"I do not believe
time nor training

will be able to change
or correct these deficiencies."

That is the kind
of performance review

that should keep you
from getting hired at Staples,

let alone a job where
you're given a f*cking g*n.

That cop, by the way,
was never even charged.

Like many such cases,

his never made it
past the grand jury,

which seems
inherently surprising,

until you realize
local prosecutors and cops

have to work together
all the time,

which can get
very complicated.

- As a former prosecutor,
I can tell you,

you work with the police;
you rely upon the police.

You trust the police.

The police are in your office
reviewing evidence,

examining evidence,
preparing for trial.

and then have to turn around

and prosecute them
to prosecute you?

- Exactly.
For a prosecutor

to go after a cop
they work with

is incredibly awkward.

I can't think of anything
more inherently awkward,

other than,
of course, this.

- ♪ Oh-oh-oh

Hillary, thank you.

- Oh, God!
Oh, God!

It's not getting any better.

Nothing in Hillary's life

has ever been more awkward
than that,

and think about
what a high bar that is.

And even when cases
go to trial,

officers have
a major advantage,

which is that juries
tend to have

a natural predisposition
to trust them.

- Police officers truly get
a presumption of innocence,

whereas most criminal defendants
don't come in

with any presumption
of innocence.

You're swimming upstream.

Usually a judge will toss the
case at a preliminary hearing

or a grand jury
will refuse to indict,

so you never even
get to trial.

And jurors just do not come in
with any belief whatsoever

that officers can--
can commit a crime.

They just don't.

- It's true.

Many people see a police uniform

and automatically think
"trustworthy."

Unless, of course,
it includes a sleeveless shirt

and a boom box, in which case
they think "stripper,"

and sometimes, "Wait...Jim?
From middle school?"

And under--under the law,

the police generally
have a certain amount

of leeway
regarding lethal force,

meaning that, "Fatal sh**t
can be considered legal

even if they are unnecessary
or disproportional."

There is even a shorthand
for such cases;

it's, "Lawful but awful,"

which I believe is also
the legal definition

of Woody Allen's marriage.

I think that's it. I think--
[audience groans]

Who are you angry with here?

Put the booze
back in your pocket.

And on top of all this,

officers
can bring in expert witnesses

who can present
nearly any situation

as a potential threat.

Take Dr. Bill Lewinski,
who runs something called

the Force Science Institute.

For years, he has testified
on behalf of police officers.

Here he is providing a rationale
for why it may be okay

to sh**t someone
that has a knife.

- Knives can actually be
more dangerous than a g*n.

They don't have to be
reloaded.

They can be used
at close distance.

And we know that a s*ab
from a knife

or a s*ab or a cut
can be extremely quick.

- Hey, come on.

That is not the motion you make
when you are stabbing someone.

That is the motion you make

when you are a teenage magician
finishing a trick.

Is this your card?

But--but there is no doubt.

There is no doubt
a knife is a dangerous w*apon.

But what if someone
doesn't have a knife?

Dr. Lewinski,
could force still be necessary

when someone is unarmed?

- First of all,
it's significant to know

that unarmed does not mean
they're not dangerous.

In fact, the fist may have been
the very first w*apon

that human beings used
against each other.

In fact, I've measured strikes
on human beings by other humans,

and the strikes can occur

at a speed of four, five,
or six strikes in a second.

And some of them...
really hard.

- What is he talking about?

The only time a fist
is a match for a w*apon

is during a game of
"Rock, Paper, Scissors."

And even then,
it can be defeated by paper,

for reasons which make
no sense to me whatsoever.

But that's not the point.

Look, look,
defendants are allowed

to call expert witnesses,
of course.

What is weird is, Lewinski has
appeared before grand juries,

which is where prosecutors
are supposed to present

their best, unchallenged case
for an officer's indictment.

So why would they let
Lewinski in there?

They're essentially sh**ting
their own case in the foot,

which is presumably justified,

because feet were
the second w*apon ever invented.

And listen, we've focused
heavily on trials here,

but in a perfect world,

there would be
enough accountability

throughout policing that
the blunt instrument of a trial

would very rarely be necessary.

So how can we fix all this?

Well, for a start, now,
body cameras have increased

transparency and trust
in many places.

In Rialto, California, after
just one year of using them,

the number of complaints filed
against officers fell by 88%,

and the use of force
dropped by around 60%.

And when Baltimore's trial run

of a body camera program ended,

their police commissioner
begged for their return.

- Police officers want cameras.

I think this is just a moment
where everybody wants cameras.

I was speaking to some folks
just before we came in here,

and apparently we had
a couple police officers

who were turning in
their body-worn cameras,

and they were asking, you know,

"When can I--
when can we get these back?"

- Right, and these cops
aren't M. Night Shyamalan.

If they plead with you
to let them have a camera again,

you should give it to them.

Give it to them.

And body cameras
are obviously just one solution.

Other cities have tried
requiring officers

to file separate reports

every time
there's a use of force,

or they've used
early intervention systems

to try and spot
problem officers,

or they've brought in
outside prosecutors

to handle controversial cases.

The problem is, police unions

fiercely fight
any attempted reforms.

Just listen to James Stewart,

head of the biggest police union
in Newark,

where the DOJ found
that 3/4 of police stops

had no legal justification.

To listen to him,

if anything, the police
are being too scrutinized.

- I don't know where
the problem started,

but there is
an animosity

or a lack of trust,
you know?

As soon as there's any
sort of physical force

exerted by a police officer,

everybody's got
their cell phones out.

You know, they want to catch us
doing something wrong.

When you got the cop
out there in the street

facing all this
negative opposition,

day in and day out,

does there
come a point when

the police officer's
gonna say,

"Hey, you know what?

Maybe he doesn't
have to go to jail."

You know, "Maybe I'll take
the path of least resistance.

"Maybe I'll put the blinders on
as I'm driving by the corner

where the ten guys
are hanging out."

- Okay, there is
a lot to unpack there.

First, throwing a tantrum

and threatening
not to do your job

because you've faced
public criticism

is pretty childish.

You think Steven Seagal
gave up on his movie career

just because
people said mean things?

Of course not.
Just this year,

he starred in "End of a g*n,"
"The Perfect w*apon,"

"The Asian Connection,"
"Code of Honor,"

and "sn*per: Special Ops."
Why?

'Cause he's a f*cking
professional, that's why.

And he commits to his job.

But more importantly,
when you say you might ignore

ten people hanging out
on a corner,

yeah, maybe do that!

Because that's not typically
a crime.

In some cases,
ten people on a corner

is just a f*cking yard sale.

Still, for many people,
Stewart's argument that,

you know,
for police to be effective,

they need to be given
broad leeway to use force,

is very appealing.

It's especially appealing
for those of us who,

for whatever reason,
are fairly confident that

that force won't be applied
to them.

But it is worth looking at

the actual cost
of that tradeoff,

because a lack of trust
in police accountability

leads to a lack of trust
in police.

And we now
have reached the point

where there are schools

who host classes
like this one

to teach kids how to safely
interact with law enforcement.

- I want you to repeat
after me.

I want you to say, "Officer."
all: Officer.

- "Am I free to go?"
all: Am I free to go?

woman: One more time.
"Officer."

all: Officer.

woman: "Am I free to go?"

all: Am I free to go?

woman: The hope is,
with this simple advice,

teens can protect
their rights

and maybe their lives.

- That is
so f*cking depressing,

especially
when you realize that

that's probably the only class

where nobody
will raise their hand and say,

"When are we ever
going to use this?"

And when you see
something like that,

it makes it hard to buy in
when someone

dismisses police
misconduct issues like this.

- They're out to protect you,

and that's what
policing's about.

Are there bad apples?
Yeah.

- Yeah, but here's
the thing about that.

The phrase isn't,
"It's just a few bad apples,

don't worry about it."

The phrase is, "A few bad apples
spoil the barrel."

And we currently have a system
which is set up

to ignore bad apples,
destroy bad apples' records,

persecute good apples
for speaking up,

and shuffle dangerous,
emotionally unstable apples

around to the point
that children have to attend

f*cking apple classes.

You cannot look
at our current situation

and claim that anybody
likes them apples.

And now this.

announcer: And now
Newscasters Quoting Movies:

All-Chris-Matthews Edition.

- What we have here
is a failure to communicate.

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not
gonna take it anymore.

Of all the gin joints
in all the towns

in all the world,
she walks into mine.

Houston,
we have a problem.

I wish I-I knew
how to quit you.

Go ahead, make my day.

Lieutenant Dan...

My name is Inigo Montoya.

You k*lled my father.

Prepare to die.
- Oh, yes. Yes.

- Robert De Niro played him
when he--

You talking to me?
You talking to me?

Robert De Niro--
you talking to me?

You talking to me?
You talking to me?

I don't think
they can handle the truth.

Remember the movie?
We don't need no badges.

Like in the movie. We don't need
no stinking badges.

William Wallace
in the movie, you know,

"Something we've never had,
a country of our own."

That whole idea,
if we have our own country.

I don't know
if the accent was right,

but you know--
- Well, it wasn't.

[cheers and applause]

- And finally tonight,

a quick update about
Wells Fargo, the bank that,

until recently, was laughing
all the way to itself.

Now, last week,
we covered the revelation

that their employees
had created millions

of fake accounts
in customers' names.

And this week,
we got more details

on why it may have gone on
for quite so long.

man:
There are allegations tonight

that Wells Fargo retaliated
against a number of employees

who called an ethics hotline.

Many workers say they called
that line because

they felt pressured
to open phony accounts

to meet unreasonable
sales quotas.

- It's true; Wells Fargo
is accused of retaliating

against whistleblowers
who called their ethics line.

Although it was probably
a dead giveaway

that the number for that line

was:


[laughter]

And their bad week
didn't stop there.

Wells Fargo's CEO,
John Stumpf,

had to appear again
in front of lawmakers,

still with a brace
on his hand,

which I legally cannot say
was from a wrist sprain

that he suffered while jamming
stolen money up his own ass.

So that--that's why
I wouldn't say that.

Stumpf forfeited $41 million

of his pay this week,

but he is still
somehow holding on to his job,

which is especially galling,

considering
it also emerged this week

that Wells Fargo
paid $24 million

to settle
an entirely different case.

woman:
The Department of Justice

has charged Wells Fargo
with illegally repossessing


of the military.

- Wow.

That is no way to treat
members of the military.

"Thank you for your service,

"and while we're at it,
your Honda Civic.

Cheers.
Thank you very much."

And this pattern of behavior
is a little hard to take

coming from a bank
who, just ten years ago,

were producing
actual ethics videos

for their employees to watch,
like this one.

- Okay, this is
an uncomfortable subject.

But let's face it,

we're in the business
of trust and money.

And while we pride ourselves
on our high level of honesty,

even we are not immune
from the occasional bad apple.

I'm talking about
internal fraud.

The consequences are swift,
certain, and severe.

Jobs are lost,
family and friends embarrassed.

And finally,
there's the possibility

of going to jail
and the obligation to repay

every penny
of the missing money.

Ethics rules aren't meant
to be stretched.

If they are, ouch,

well, they inevitably
come back to bite you.

- Cool.

Wells Fargo
is almost begging employees

not to take that man
seriously,

because nothing says
a commitment to ethics

like a mixed metaphor
being delivered

through bad prop comedy
by a man in a shirt

the exact color of mustard.

We actually
tracked that guy down,

which, it turned out,
wasn't difficult to do because--

and you are not
going to believe this--

he's one of the writers
on our show now.

[laughter and applause]

It's true. It's true.

Ten years ago, he used to do
internal company videos.

And while he's left
all that behind,

guess what, Wells Fargo.

He's agreed to do
one more video,

this time, just for you.

- Okay, this is
an uncomfortable subject,

but remember me, Wells Fargo?

I'm your fraud guy.

You know, from the video that,
judging by your behavior,

none of you assholes watched.

Oh, and as I'm sure
you've already noticed,

I did steal this suit
from wardrobe.

Go ahead, criticize me
for taking something

that didn't belong to me.
I dare you.

I f*cking dare you.

Anyway there were some things
I didn't mention in that video

because I just presumed
they went without saying.

So, to be clear,

don't set crazy sales goals

that encourage your staff
to open fake accounts.

Don't punish whistleblowers
by firing them.

And don't illegally
repossess soldiers' cars

when they're on active duty.

Come on, Wells Fargo.

These are basic lessons
for being a human being.

Get your shit together.

And I'll tell you why.

It turns out ethics violations

aren't actually
like a rubber band.

Oh, they're more like a dildo
attached to a boomerang.

Because they will come back,
and they will f*ck you.

[cheers and applause]

- That's our show.
Thanks so much for watching.

See you next week.
Good night.

[cheers and applause]

- Boop.

[bright tone]