01x06 - Fraternity

[bunniefuu]

- fine I thought there was a virtue it

always been cool

I swear they ring that stupid Bell in

the tower like every seven minutes bong

bong bong all those false alarms one day

there's gonna be a real Indian att*ck

and no one's gonna pay attention what's

that with your books Joe it's a

fraternity paddle Wow

cool outstanding then the Indians will

drive us from our native land and then

where will we live the ocean yes

probably just like the Germans not to be

rude ciphered look could you put a cork

in your talky hole while we get to know

Joe's paddle so does this fry it have

indoor plumbing

it's an academic fraternity it's not an

actual house you don't have to b*at

around the bush ain't no shame to living

in a trailer eternities are for tools

hey Sanford isn't that your sister she

doesn't eat in this cafeteria your ID

this is just a beer label wait a second

you're not a freshman right somebody

stop that guy Oh Todd Oh

Oh

huh

dear God look at her I know I can't wait

to be an upperclassman I must warn you

I've seen Karate Kid six times

prepare to be waxed off

looks like Tuesday lunches here look Joe

over there dancing around swinging his

paddle in the air

thingies all miss your fraternity or

something I think Cindy left her shoe

yep

get the zoo I can't believe your sister

lives way out here I've never been off

campus before

hey somebody dropped their couch wow

dude we got to grab this on the way home

it's kind of damp and it smells like dog

pee not dog it's cat and he's not well

your sister lives in her own house yeah

it's like she's an adult or something

yeah I think she wants her bottle

you left your shoe in the cafeteria

yesterday hey you guys got to steal us a

bunch of toilet paper from the dorm why

you mean girls go to the bathroom they

pee on their butts

but that's where babies come out

hey that dudes sitting on our couch what

are you looking at are you guys a

fraternity a fraternity uh yeah sure

we're a fraternity want to join

is this even a good house looks like a

dog what do we have to do well for

starters run uptown and get me some

smokes

is that frat code for streak to campus

with a grape stuck up my ass

no it means go buy me some cigarettes

with a grape up my ass whatever just get

menthol you can count on us brother

that'll be 385 do you have any money I

spent my last 12 bucks on this hat I bet

you nobody has a hat like this well

except the people that go there all I've

got is this check for my parents but I'm

supposed to use it for books if I did

everything my parents told me I would

have taken my insulin this morning screw

you too now remember we've got to be

cool about this so let me do the talking

what up Homeslice what did you call me

Home Slice it's a cool street name like

poop dog or pee diddle or Gary just give

me my smokes and here's the change 96

dollars and 15 cents you should probably

use it to buy books so what fraternity

is this fraternity oh yeah um Tri Delta

Burke tri Delta Burke Wow that's like

the coolest name ever well except for

Cooley McCool the Emperor of cool town

Wow a fraternity well Shaw's um there's

no Burke in the Greek alphabet that's

because it's a fraternity it has nothing

to do with the Greek alphabet

duh do I now I'm gonna go polish my

paddle oh he'll mature

I just mean I need to wax the wood all

right for your next assignment so what

about parties brother Bryce do you guys

have a lot of parties do a lot of girls

hang out up at this house I bet a lot of

girls hang out at this house do they uh

what do you think awesome all right your

next assignment is to clean up all this

junk on the lawn oh you mean like the

house hey if you don't want to be

delta's that's fine

now quit wasting my time I gotta go sit

over there no dude we're totally into it

I asked if they had a lot of fraternity

parties and they said what do you think

it was like what do you think meaning

yes we certainly do have more than our

share of parties implying there were a

lot of chicks it was like don't even

give it a second thought

dude it was like what do you think what

do I'll think about would if you're not

gonna pay attention to what I'm saying

how can you expect me to pay attention

uh uh have you seen Charlie one of my

ELF figurines I'm willing to pay five

dollars to whoever took him hi Todd

how come you ain't in a frat house a

fraternity oh uh I don't know I went to

rush but things just didn't work out

do you have perhaps a pamphlet on this

fraternity that I can take home and

review with my grandparents then for no

reason whatsoever this big gorilla

shader threw me in a filthy pin he fed

me birdseed from a bucket I missed all

my classes had failed several important

quizzes before the police finally found

me

you're safe now old man oh whatever you

do don't go to the Sigma firehouse this

guy schoener he's the biggest psycho on

campus he got kicked off the wrestling

team for biting a gosh nipple off

outstanding cool I'm gonna be like a

shader of our fraternity no I'm gonna be

the schoener of our fraternity no me

ah oh well it's only a figurine this

time you've gone too far

God I'm coming after you I will kick

your ass

how sorry Bienen fraternity is gonna be

great when we get our paddles it's gonna

be the second greatest thing I own

what's the first I just said that so I

don't upset cont why wow your dog seems

to poop an awful lot we don't have a dog

what

cool that was cool my smokes went down

there don't worry I'm getting for you

I got it dried out the Berk house almost

have the wrong house

I was looking for price yeah Brice is a

delta no Brice is definitely not in a

fraternity

he hates fraternities oh you think you

know Brice huh well what's his first

name

Brice and where does he live right here

fine you win this round

Brice hey he's just joking with you here

why don't you go memorize this pledge

book sure are a lot of brothers in this

house Callaghan

Callister captain Tony's pizzeria wow we

have a pirate in our fraternity doesn't

this seem a little weird to you what do

you mean well for one thing we've never

even seen this pirate guy at the house

dude they're nocturnal say I missed you

fellas in class today but don't worry I

got you covered I photocopied all my

notes

just keep this in mind when I come

through rush but if I it's not enough I

also got a strong recommendation from my

old friend mr. Lincoln oh damn it stop

hammering sure okay you like the party

don't you brother McAdams I can just

tell someday I'll be telling my

grandchildren about you and then there

was brother McAdams now he was the

original wild man huh one time he stole

the dean's horse and drove it on the

back of his motorcycle down Main Street

this was back or not three before the

cyber monkey wars but I'm going on and

on and you're trying to sleep go to

sleep my sweet little angel

you rest your head on the pillow drift

away to a magical land and dream of cake

you know that'd go faster with a roller

do you have one nope don't believe in

him I don't care how much he cleans that

fat kid has got to go

but he's building us a hot tub on the

roof you'll be enjoying this hot tub in

no time and by that I mean at no time

will you be enjoying this hot tub uh our

national called and said we can only

take one pledge this season you're

kicked out of the fraternity but you

can't hey my hands are tied it was that

pirate wasn't it he's hated me since day

one

pirates make me so mad ah

fine we don't need this house there are

plenty of other fraternities in the sea

we're out of here let's go matey Adel we

want you to stay

and here's your fraternity paddle

congratulations wow thanks Rubbermaid is

that my nickname sure there must be some

mistake how could they take down not me

I'm clearly the cooler one I should have

worn this hat more drink Katya was drink

drink drink

ha ha ha carry on

Sigma Phi that looks like a fraternity a

sweet fraternity oh my god he is

unconscious on Shana's car Shaina is

gonna be pissed

Shaner this guy shader he's a monster

he's the biggest cycle on campus but I

would like to kiss him because I'm like

a big woman hey don't make me say that

huh too late no running I should have

gotten that paddle he's clearly not a

Rubbermaid I'm a Rubbermaid hey um you

want to go to the cafeteria for dinner

I'm kind of busy I'm expecting some

important calls from other houses that

won't be pretty bad in our fighting over

me but it's 70s theme night they're

serving biscuits and groovy all right

hey Dale I heard you made the cut at the

frightened Sanford didn't looking Kiki

Kiki you want a sip of my soda pop or is

this my spit can I can't remember

it was so deep op-eds mortuary you k*ll

him we Chilam get cake that's just a

sample of the wit and humor you'll get

from brother ed Bickle price that's a

Turkey's name hello

the basements flooded they need someone

to swim down and reset the circuit

breaker but what about dinner

sorry

I got you into that fraternity you know

I made you Rubbermaid

Dell thinks he's so cool now like that

hotshot movie star with the perfect hair

what's his name

carrot top what did knob the same thing

happened to me when some guy took my

spot on the baseball team but I got him

back when I told him our first game was

against Alaska when he drove up there

from the game they'd let me back on the

squad

Nikki dinki really hey that gives me an

idea

okay pinky okay now stop giggling so I

can tell it to you hello hello Dell this

is Bryce from your stupid fraternity huh

huh oh I've got another assignment for

you

go to the Sigma Phi house and bring me

the eyebrow of Randy Shan er Shan er

yeah can Kiki let me try hey this is

also bras don't screw it up supreme

articles okay

oh mercy

the laughing part my belly's hurt

something fierce Edie whatever happened

to that guy you sent up to Alaska not

much he was mauled by a grizzly so I

married his wife but then I had it

annulled because I found out she'd been

married before hey Todd

that schoener guy isn't really so bad is

he oh he's a monster

more animal than man there's not a day

that goes by that I don't beg God to

return my nipple it's because of that

that I can't get a girlfriend oh god

what have I done

where are you going to the Sigma Phi

house to save my friend Sigma Phi oh no

don't do it he's gone man

let him go you'll make new friends maybe

me for instance

do you like Hanson buddy you gotta learn

to play hard-to-get

no running why doesn't anybody listen to

me I'm only the Dean of the school for

God's sake shut up you shut up

del Sanford could you deliver this

eyebrow to Bryce for me that's not good

Oh could you give me some glue here I'll

get you down oh that hurts

try something else I'm gonna have to go

in I wouldn't if I was you

hi where's my fat-ass going oh my god

he's in the sound effects room oh he's

out get him

Oh Hey look over there

someone who needs to be pummeled because

they're different he's going in shaders

room what are you doing I'm saving you

douchebag

cheater

Shaner you pumped it jus many times

it'll break the skin

okay where the hell does dudes go

we've been bowling by this guy long

enough

ramming speed

I'll show myself to the pit

I've decided joining a fraternity is

more trouble than it's worth

yeah but at least now I know how to

build a hot tub and I know how to get

dog crap out of the carpet see and you

wanted to spend that check from your

parents on books yeah that was pretty

stupid huh that's okay that's what we're

here for to learn on the next three

South I have this penny but I'm gonna

put it on the train tracks then I'll

sell it for two pennies then I'll just

repeat the process until I have more

money than Jesus ah Jesus

you think you're such a fat cat you're

going down

amen three self themed songs you just

heard was created by the Flaming Lips

you