05x08 - Broken Armed and Dangerous

[bunniefuu]

[ music ]

- Don't go outside.

- That's right, Mary.

The National Society of Names has just released

this year's list of the most popular baby names.

Casey and Abigail top the charts.

- And for the third year in a row,

the least popular baby name is Hornface.

Hornface.

- Makes sense. - Mmm-hmm.

In our number two story tonight,

the Playground Pooper has struck again.

[ laughing ]

- The Swellview Police suddenly have more duties than usual

because someone or something

has been using Swellview playgrounds

every night as a toilet.

[ laughing ]

Police have piles of evidence,

but have yet to arrest the prankster

despite being flush with clues.

- Has the news always been this funny?

- We've got a bad situation here, people.

- We know.

The Playground Pooper has struck again.

[ laughing ]

- No way! Really?!

- Uhhh no, actually it's a little bit of a different--

- Shh shh! I wanna hear this.

- Ow!

- Police have no idea who is doing the dumping--

an angry teen, a large baby,

Mary... No one knows.

- It's a real poo-done-it.

- It's probably Jasper. - What?

- I was just going to say that!

- What? It's not me!

- I don't know, Jasper.

It just smells like something you'd do.

- Oh h* h* that's a really funny--

That's a really funny-- Hey that's a really funny--

Alright, joke's over.

- I'm not joking, I seriously think it's you.

- Okay guys, can we focus on what happened to me please?

- Ohhh! They're talking about what happened to you.

- In non-funny news, witnesses say that Kid Danger,

while teaming up with Captain Man

to fight super criminal Dr. Karaté,

broke his arm this evening.

- You broke your arm?!

- That's what I've been trying to tell you guys!

Dr. Karaté karate chopped my arm.

- I bet you wish you still had your super power.

- Yeah.

- Because if you still had super-fast-reflexes,

you could have just... moved out of the way.

- Alright, I got it!

- You guys-- this is really bad.

- It's just a broken arm.

We'll cut it off, it'll grow right back.

- What?! No! - That's not how arms work.

- Oh right, that's a starfish.

- Listen! What's bad

is that if everyone in Swellview

knows that Kid Danger broke his arm tonight.

Then Henry Hart suddenly shows up tomorrow morning

with a broken arm...

then any idiot can put two and two together

and figure out that Henry is Kid Danger.

- I don't know...

I don't think anyone's going to put anyth--

- I just put two and two together!

- Oh really? - Yes.

People should look out for a boy

about Kid Danger's height,

about Kid Danger's age,

who has a newly broken arm,

because that boy would be...

- Keep going, Mary...

- The Playground Pooper?

- Ohh, so close.

No, Mary. That boy would be Kid Danger.

- Ahhh! - See?!

- Okay, we have a really big problem on our hands.

- I agree. How are we going to get Jasper

to stop pooping in playgrounds?

- It's not me!

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick.

- Ahhh!

- Now we blow bubbles...

and fight crime. Feels good.

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

- Aw, my boot! - Ha!

[ machine beeping ]

- Does that thing detect muscles too, Schwoz?

'Cuz I'm look at Henry's arm and I'm not seeing any.

- Nice. Just broke my arm.

Perfect time to start making fun of me.

- It was a joke, relax!

What, did you break your funny bone too?

- Actually, he did!

Look, the break is in his humerus bone.

- Oh yeah, right there...

- Hey, what the heck, dude! - See that?

- Where my finger's poking? - Stop it!

You are literally touching the most broken part...

- Right there. - Stop, can you stop!

- Okay, easyyy...

- What are we doing? What's the plan?

- The plan is you blow a bubble

and fix your arm trouble.

See? I can do rhymes too.

- Psh! Big deal, you did a rhyme.

I do them all the...

every day.

- Hey, whoa! - Nice cast, Schwoz.

This problem is... ...solved.

- Ow! This problem is not solved.

- Why not?

- Because dude, if people see that I broke my arm

they'll know I'm Kid Danger.

So how am I gonna hide this cast until my arm heals?

- Easy. We break Henry's other arm.

So he'll have two broken arms.

And that way nobody will think he's Kid Danger.

This problem is... solved.

- You're not breaking my arm dude.

- Okay then Schwoz will do it.

- What? No.

- I have a different plan. - Ow.

- Hey, I found the case of fake arms.

- Where was it?

- Right by that big jar of real legs.

- Why do you have a jar of real legs?

- A guy owed me bucks. He paid me in legs.

- And this is the biggest sweater I could find.

It was just in a drawer.

Not near any body parts. Thank god.

- Okay. We give Henry one of these fake arms

and then we hide his cast with a sweater

from when Ray really loved horses.

- Oh yeah, I used to race them.

They always beat me though.

- Okay, I've got a lot of arm options for you

but we have to find just the right one.

Soooo... fake arm fashion show!

- Wooo! - Ha ha!

[ music plays ]

- Hey. - Oh yeah.

- Seems good.

- Man I really thought that would take longer.

- Me too.

But you know sometimes, the first arm just feels right.

- First arm's always right. - That is what they say.

- So, once again this problem is...solved.

- Uhhh, once again, the problem is not solved.

I mean dude, this sweater and fake arm might work

for like a day, but it's not gonna fool people for long.

I mean, look at this thing.

- Try tucking it into your pocket.

- Or hook your thumb through your belt loop.

That's what I do whenever I wanna look cool and tough.

- Oh yeah! - Just try this Henry.

- Yeah, do this. - You look cool, man.

- Yeah, you look cool too. Wassup?

- Yeah, I'm not doing that.

- Your loss.

- Or... tomorrow morning at school

we stage a fake accident where Henry can pretend

to break his fake arm in front of everyone.

- Yes! Then I'll have an excuse for my broken arm

and people won't think I'm Kid Danger.

- Exactly. We do something simple,

like Jasper accidentally closes your fake arm

into his locker. Done. - Problem actually solved.

- Perfect! - I like it.

- Yawn.

- Uh, what?

- Oh, I said, "yawn".

Because that plan puts me to sleep.

- I'm sorry?

- I mean... It's boring!

It'll work. Probably great.

But where's the funny?

- I'm not trying to be funny.

- Uhhh-- Mission accomplished.

I got a better, funnier idea.

- Let's hear it.

- Still got that trebuchet?

[ both laughing ]

We're doin' the trebuchet.

- What's a trebuchet? Where is he going?

Jasper will you please stop playing with my fake arm?!

- We'll handle it.

You don't have to worry about anything.

- That makes me worry about everything.

- Me too.

- All you gotta do is meet me and Schwoz

at school tomorrow morning

and we'll trebu-show you a fake accident

that's way funnier than Charlotte's.

- Alright, whatever, I'm tired, I'm going home.

- Yea. I'm out like Jasper's belly button.

- Way out.

- Henry, don't let your parents

see your cast when you get home!

- I won't.

- Because then they'll know that you're Kid Danger.

- I realize that.

- Then we'd have to wipe their memories again.

- I said I real-- wait, again?!

- I dunno...

- Hey, Jasper. Catch.

- What's this for? - In case you pass a playground

on your way home.

- I'm not the Playground Pooper.

- Yea, okay dude.

- But I'm keeping this

'cuz I think we're out at home!

- Hi, Swellview Hospital? No, I'm fine.

I just want to know if any teenage boys

have shown up there tonight with broken arms.

Ha ha, no I'm not looking for Kid Danger.

I am... a real doctor.

Arms are my specialty. And I'm...

looking for work.

Hello? Hello?

Ugh, that guy hung up on me in the middle of my lie.

That is so rude!

- Sorry, honey.

I got my own problems with this pickle jar.

- Hey, I'm home.

[ yawns ]

Henry-wayyy, I am tired...

So uh, I'm gonna hit the sack.

- Wait, Henry! - Hmm?

- Do you know anyone about your age,

about your height, who has a broken arm?

- What? I mean, uh--

I don't know why you're asking me that--

I was just-- I mean you can't--

This is a new sweater and it belongs to me.

- What is wrong with you? - Nothing! Okay.

I'm just--I'm tired! Alright.

Remember me stretching? Alright, I'm going to bed.

- It's five o'clock.

- Already? Whew!

I am plum-tuckered.

Goodnight everybody.

- Wait, honey... - Whaaaat?

- Can you open this pickle jar for me?

- Why can't dad do it?

- He tried. A lot.

But Piper called him a weakling.

So he's in the kitchen lifting weights

to prove he's strong.

- Well, maybe that'll make him stronger

so he can finally open the pickle jar.

Again, plum-tuckered. Goodnight.

- Henryyyy...

mamma hungry for pickles.

- Okay...I guess I'm opening the pickle jar...

with my hands...

- How else would you open a jar?

- No other way. Gotta use my hands.

Let's get this done. Lemme just real quick...

- Why are you doing it that? - This is what people do.

This is how they open it now. - Why don't you just now...

- What are you trying to do? - I'm totally fine...

- Will you stop fooling around. - Use both hands...

- Just open pickle jar. - The knees do the trick.

- You know how hands work? - You are worse than your dad.

- Use the pits. - What?

- Oh my god, it's the Playground Pooper!

- What?! - Really?!

- What did you do?! - I guess I dropped it.

Sorry. Technically it is open though.

And also, I'm really tired-- I'm going to bed.

- Hey Henry, come give me a spot.

- Uhh, Dad, I'm really tired.

So I'm gonna-- I'm gonna go to bed.

- Henry, give your father a spot.

- He asked you for a spot.

You gotta give him a spot.

- I guess I'm giving him a spot.

- You probably won't need to,

but if I can't lift this bar up, just help me a little bit.

- Got it.

- Okay, gonna do ten.

- Great.

- Piper, watch me! - Yeah, I'm watching...

- [ exhaling ] - Okay...

- G-g-g-g-g-g-g...

- Yeah you got it. You got it.

You got it. - Please help me...

- Okay... - G-g-g-g-g-g-g-

Please use both hands.

- Don't tell me how to spot, Dad!

-G-g-g-g-g-g- g-g-g-g-g-g-g...

ONE! Nine more to go!

- What?! No no no no no no no no!

- G-g-g-g-g-g... - [ grunting ]

- Listen up! Boys line up.

Girls sail on through.

- You're good...

Hm, you're good...

you're good...wait!

How's your arm? Broken? No?

Fine, get outta here.

You're good... - Piper? What are you doing?

- Checking boys for broken arms.

- Oh, uh...

- I know you're good. Get outta here.

Also, maybe change that sweatshirt sometime, Cowboy.

- Oh my god. - What are they doing?

- Tis ready! - For sooth!

- Good morrow, fair youth!

- Good morrow to yo-- I can't do this dude,

what's going on?

- Okay, here's the plan:

you go stand by the stairs.

We fling a basketball at you.

It hits you in your fake arm

and you pretend like it's broken.

[ laughs ]

It'll be a lot funnier than Charlotte's idea.

- Okay, but what if the basketball doesn't hit me--

- Aaaaaand break.

We are members of the Swellview Flinging Society!

- For sooth!

We doth fling many things, with our trebuchet!

- Wait! Oh, it's you.

- What are you doing?

- Checkin' for broken arms to find Kid Danger.

You can go ahead.

- You want to check my arm?

- I'm looking for Kid Danger

not the Playground Pooper.

- Hey hey hey hey hey! You guys, check it out.

- Hey pooper. - What's poopenin'?

- I know who the Playground Pooper is!

- So do we. - Yeah, it's you.

- No it's not! I go in toilets.

I've been potty trained for four years.

- Wait... - Just look at this...

This is the Playground Pooper

walking through some carnations

and I'm allergic to carnations.

So it can't be me! - Those look like roses.

- What?!

- Yeah, those are North American Sugar roses, bro.

I know my flowers.

- He does. He went to flower camp.

- Yeah dude, it was sick.

- No!

- Here ye, here ye!

The flinging is about to commenceth!

Everyone should stand

where they are supposed to stand.

- I gotta go.

- Everyone! Be-eth most careful.

For when yon basketball be shot,

it traveleth so fast,

it mayeth break someone's arm.

[ applause ]

- Hold it right there, fancy pants!

Not you, L'Orange!

What the heck is goin' on here?!

- We be the Swellview Flinging Society.

- We are flingers. We fling.

- Well go do your flinging somewhere else!

These kids should be in classrooms

pretending to listen to their teachers.

- Look, you wanna fling a basketball at a wall?

- 'Course I do, get outta my way.

- Allow me to explaineth--

- Relax, Leonardo.

I've used a trebuchet in a school before.

- Okayeth, but let me aim-- - Fire in the hall!

- Ahhh!

I was never here!

- Okay, no, no, no!

Ahhh!

Charlotte just pulled off my real arm!

The next time you see me I'll probably have a cast.

- This arm is fake! This is a fake arm.

- What? - It's a fake arm.

- Why are you wearing a fake arm?

What are you hiding?! - Hey, Piper.

- Take this off! What is wrong with you?

[ gasps ]

- You've got a broken arm!

- Oh my god, Henry Hart is Kid Danger!

- So much better than my plan.

- My brother is Kid Danger.

But my brother is gross.

So Kid Danger is gross?!

But I love Kid Danger! So I love my brother?!

Ahhhhh!

- Why were you hiding your broken arm?

We have a right to know!

- Listen everybody! Listen!

Stop poking me! I'm not--

I'm not Kid Danger! Okay?!

Stop poking me! Stop poking me, Melvin!

Okay, I have the arm!

I get to speak now!

- Shhhh!

- Thank you.

Now as I was saying...

I am not Kid Danger--

- Prove it! - I will prove it Melvin...

as soon as I...

think of something.

- Come with me to the janitor's closet!

- I will be back with answers...

Until then...

Melvin has the arm.

What is it Jasper?!

- Alright, take a look at this footage

of the Playground Pooper again.

- Dude we're just messing with you.

We know you're not the Playground Pooper.

- I know I'm not.

But what if you are? - But I'm not!

- But what if you are...

- But I'm not. - But what if you are...

- But I'm not. - But what if you are...

- What are you talking about?!

- Just watch this footage.

- Yeah we've all seen the footage.

- You got a big problem on your hands.

- I know that, thank you.

- Guys, listen!

What if Henry was the Playground Pooper?

- That's impossible, it's you.

- No it's not!

- Heya! - Ahhh!

- How'd you get in there?!

- Wasn't easy.

I have an idea that will solve all of Henry's problems.

- So do I! - Clog it, Pooper.

Whaddaya got, Schwoz?

- We set off a memory wave

and everyone within a three block radius

has no memory of any of it.

Or anything else in their lives.

- I mean maybe. - It is simple.

- Yeah but what's funny about it?

Like...when am I going "haha"?

- Guys! I have a solution and it's really funny.

Okay there's been a lot of speculation today

that Henry is Kid Danger.

- He is! - He's not!

But he does have something he wants to announce.

- I don't know if I can-- - Henry Hart everyone!

- Thank you. I...

Oh. Right.

My sister's podium.

Glad that's here.

- And a microphone.

Thank you, L'Orange.

And a sign language interpreter.

Great.

Okay, I know that there's a lot of speculation

that, due to my broken arm, I am Kid Danger.

- Ahhh!

- But the fact of the matter is

I'm NOT Kid Danger

because...

I am, well...

I am the Playground Pooper.

- So you're Kid Danger AND the Playground Pooper?!

- What?! No no no no no no no...

No. I'm just...

the Playground Pooper.

- Okay this is funny.

- Prove it! Prove it!

Prove it, prove it! Prove it...

- As you can see

in this security camera footage of me...

doin' what I love...

It's time stamped. Which proves

that at the exact same time that Kid Danger--

WHOEVER HE IS--

was getting his arm broken by Doctor Karaté...

I was on the playground--

- Poopin'?

- Yes Melvin, thank you. I was poopin'.

- Ohh... - That's disgusting.

- So obviously... I uh...

I'm not Kid Danger, okay?

Please respect my privacy as I seek help

during this difficult time, thank you.

- Wait!

How did you break your arm then?

- Oooh. - Ahhhh.

- Yes. How did I break my arm?

After I... did my thang...

I slipped.

- On poop?! - Yes, Melvin.

On poop.

- Henry's the Playground Pooper

and he slipped on his own poop and broke his arm!

[ laughter ]

- No one likes you, Melvin. No one likes you.

- No further questions.