01x03 - Webcam

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Okay, Zoey, you're up.

- Here we go, and...

- 6. Even.
- Confess.

- Okay, umm...

All right.

One time when I was ten,

I burped in church.

- Ohh!

Okay, if that
happened to me, I'd die.

Hey, Quinn, you wanna play
Confess or Stress with us?

- How do you play?
- Okay, you roll the dice...

- Yeah?
- And if you get an even

number, you have to confess
something really embarrassing.

- And if you roll
an odd number,

you have to do something
stressful.

- Like eat a poisonous bug?

- Stressful, not lethal.

- Oh, and the most
important rule:

Nothing that anyone says
or does leaves this room.

- Gotta swear.
- Swear.

- Oh, my turn!

- Wait, I'm starved.

Can we order some sushi?

- Already on the way.

- How cool is it that we have

our own sushi bar
right on campus?

- The coolest.

- Except that
the delivery guy is Logan.

- Eww. Logan?
He's such a jerk.

- A very cute jerk.

- And speak of the jerk...

- 'Sup, ladies?

- We were just talking
about you.

- Yeah, I can't blame ya.

- Where's our sushi?

- Oh, one sec.
Come on.

Let's go,
let's go, let's go!

- You know,
you could help me.

- Yeah, no thanks.

- You're working
with Logan now?

- Well, I'm working.
He seems to be watching.

- I'm training you
so you can learn

to make deliveries
on your own.

- Good. Now that we know
you're not delivering anymore,

we'll order more often.
[laughter]

- All right, all right.
I know there's been

a little tension between
me and you girls

since you guys came to PCA.

- Ya think?

- Yes, and I feel bad
about that.

Which is why I wanna
give you something.

Just a present from me to
you girls, for your lounge here.

- You're giving us
a present?

- Yeah. That so weird?

- Kinda.
Chase, was this your idea?

- Nope, I had nothin'
to do with it.

It was all him.

- Wow. This is really
nice of you, Logan.

- Hey, we're all at
the same boarding school.

I figure we might as well be
nice to each other.

Perfect.

- Well, we gotta jam.

ZOEY: Uh, Chase?
- Hm?

- Can we have our sushi?

- Oh, right. I'm always
forgetting that part.

Your sushi.
- Your money.

- Oh, hey, man,
I'm feelin' kinda sick,

so I'm gonna head
back to the dorm and lie down.

- What? I can't deliver
all this sushi by myself.

- You'll be fine.
Good night.

- Great.

All alone with


And whatever
that orange stuff is.

- 8. Nicole, confess.

- Come on,
you got to do it.

- OK.
You know I have study hall

with almost all guys, right?
- Right.

- Well...
I kinda made a chart

of which guys
have the cutest lips.

[laughter]

- You rated boys' lips?

On what criteria?

- Shape, color,
kissability.

[laughter]

Okay, okay, Zoey's turn again.

- Dice me.

- Odds.

- Now how should we
stress Zoey?

- I say Zoey
has to prank call Mr. Callahan.

- Yeah, yeah.
- That'd be so great.

- I am not prank calling
our English teacher.

- You rolled odds.

- You gotta face
the stress.

- I don't have his
phone number.

[line trilling]

MR. CALLAHAN: Hello?
- [Southern accent] Yes.

I'm callin' about the mustard
you ordered?

MR. CALLAHAN: Uh, mustard?
I didn't order any mustard.

- Uh, yes, sir, you ordered


MR. CALLAHAN: What? Who could
eat that much mustard?

- That's none of my business.

So what time would you like me
to drop off the mustard?

MR. CALLAHAN:
I-I don't even like mustard!

- Then why'd you order
so much?

MR. CALLAHAN: I didn't!
[all laughing]

- So how was work
last night?

- Brutal. Bru-tal.

- Delivering sushi's brutal?

- It is when Logan
goes home sick

and I have to make


- Whoa.
- Yeah.

Do you know how big
this campus is?

I bet you
I had to walk ten miles.

And let me tell ya,
some of the kids here at PCA?

Not normal.
- What do you mean?

[goat bleating]
- Shh.

- A goat?

- A goat that likes spicy tuna.

- [laughs]
What's goin' on, guys?

- Just doin' some homework.

[all snorting]

- What's so funny?

- Oh, nothing. Nothing.

- Yeah, uh,
we were just wondering,

which one of us do you think
has the cutest lips?

- Um, why do you ask that?

- Just wondering.
Just wondering.

- Yeah, we gotta go.
- Yeah.

- Oh, Zoey.

I need to call
Mr. Callahan at home.

Would you happen to have
his phone number?

[boys laughing]

- Okay, what was that
all about?

- I don't know.

- But we're gonna find out.

Did you tell?
- Did you?

- Tell who what?

- The guys,
about her cute lip chart?

- Shh!

- And about me prank calling
Mr. Callahan?

- No.
- Well, someone told.

- 'Cause Michael
and Logan know.

- Well, I kept
my mouth shut.

- Okay, who blabbed?
- Blabbed what?

- You know...that I still
like to eat baby food.

- It wasn't us.

- Well, people know about it,

and it's really upsetting!

Pureed peas?

- What's up, Kazu?

- You're late.

- I'm ten minutes early.

- No back-sass!

- Okay,
just put the knife down.

- Now hurry, you have
many deliveries to make.

- No problem.
I'll just take half

and when Logan gets here,
you know, he can--

- Logan's not coming.

- What?
- He called in sick.

- Again? Great.

I have to make all these
deliveries by myself?

- Hie!

- Okay.

Who's this huge order for?

Logan.

[TV playing]

- This is the funniest
show ever.

- The best.

- Nicole, you left these
in the dryer.

- Um, those aren't mine.

- I'm pretty sure
you're the only girl here

who wears
Hello Bunny underwear.

[girls giggling]

- They were on sale.

[girls giggling]

It's not funny.

- Right.
- Sorry.

- And Dana shouldn't be
leaving her skateboard here.

People put food on this table.

- Hey, Zoey, what's up
with your toenail?

- Oh, when I was seven,
I dropped a bowling ball on it.

- Hmm.

- Looks like a corn chip.

I like corn chips.

- Hey, have any of you guys
seen my skateboard?

I thought I left it here
on the--

[all gasp]

Okay.

Who left the skateboard there?

- If I were you, I'd run.

NICOLE: [screaming]

Don't touch me!

[all laughing]

- What are they
laughing about?

- I don't know.

You gonna eat those grapes?

- I was.

Why, you want 'em?
- No.

Yay.

- Hey, Nicole.

- Oh, hi, Brad.

[whispering]
He's on my cute lip chart.

What's up?

- Oh, I was just wondering...

Do you like these bunnies
on my underwear?

[boys snickering]

- Hey, Dana, you're
pretty coordinated, right?

Um, tell me,
is this the right way

to ride a skateboard?
Whoa!

- Okay,
I wanna know who told you,

and I wanna know now.
- What do you mean?

- She asked you a question.

- Hey, hey,
easy there, corn-chip toe.

- All right, that's it!

All girls
in the dorm lounge now!

[all talking at once]

- Girls! All right! Girls!

[whistles]

- How does she do that?

- Now, look,
someone in the girls' dorm

is spreading our personal
secrets all over the PCA campus.

- And we're gonna
find out who.

- How?
- Hey, I invented my own

lie detector machine
and it's over 98% accurate.

- How's it work?

- Well, I just connect
three wires

from the machine to your brain,
so that I can--

- Wait. How do you connect
the wires to our brain?

- Oh, I just have to make
a small incision

just below your left ear
so that I can--

- Incision?
- Quinn!

Nobody's taking
a lie detector test

if you have to do surgery
on our heads!

- It's one incision.

- Hey,
if Zoey's so afraid to take

a lie detector test, maybe
that's 'cause she's the one

who's been spreading
our personal secrets!

- Yeah, that's it!

- Come on!
I'm one of the victims!

Why would I spread secrets
about myself?

- To trick us!
- Nicole!

- Well...
[all shouting at once]

[mechanical whirring]

- Oh, oh, yes, yes.

This is awesome!

- I dunno, man,
I'm startin' to feel

a little guilty about this.

- Come on, man,
this is classic!

- Why didn't you take
the lie detector test?

- Because I'm not letting
that freak operate on my head!

[Logan laughing]
- It's one incision!

- Hey, aren't you
supposed to be at work

helping Chase deliver sushi?

- Nah,
I called in sick again.

Oh, this could turn into
a fist-fight!

- I know,
Zoey's about to mix it up

with that girl Vicki.
Zoom in, zoom in!

- Okay, hang on.

This is great!
You gotta love having

girls here at PCA.
- I know, man, right?

- Ha ha! This is awesome.

ZOEY: Okay,

here's what we know.

Somebody in the girls' dorm

is telling our secrets
all over campus.

- Right.
- Now, what else do we know?

- That pureed peas taste

way better
than creamed squash.

- Quinn, put down
the baby food and focus.

- Okay, why would one of
the other girls sell us out?

ZOEY: I don't know.

Wait.

When did this all start
happening?

- Um...
Oh, a few nights ago,

when we were playing
Confess or Stress.

- Yeah, the night
we ordered sushi.

- And Logan brought us
that big teddy bear.

- [whispering] Ready?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

[beeping]

[scanner squawking, beeping]

[beeping faster]

- That jerk!
- What?

- What does it say?
- You guys, let's go.

This way.

- Well?

- That bear is broadcasting

both audio and visual
transmissions

via broadband wavelengths
to a remote digital receiver.

- I knew it!
What does that mean?

- In English.

- There's a wireless webcam
in that bear.

- I knew it!

Wait, I still don't know
what that means.

- It means somebody's spying
on everything

we do and say
in the lounge.

Did you have anything
to do with it?

- Uh, come in?

- Did you put a camera
in a bear?

- I don't think so,
seeing as I don't

have a camera...
or a bear.

- Chase...

- Will you just tell me
what's goin' on here?

- That bear you and Logan
gave us?

It's got a webcam in it.
- What?

- [scoffs]
Don't act like you don't know.

- I'm not acting!

Zoey.

- Where's Logan's computer?

- Uh, over there.

What are you looking for?

- This.

Look, the girls' lounge.

- So this is why Logan's
been blowing off

work every night.
- Huh?

- He's been dumpin'
all his deliveries on me

so he can sit here
and spy on you guys.

- What a freak!

- I know! It's sick.

Oh, hey, there's Quinn.

Did she just eat a leaf?

- Stop looking!
It's wrong to spy on people!

- But that's a fake plant.

- Chase!

- Right.
You gotta get rid of that bear,

like now.

- Or not.

- Or not?

- Maybe we keep the bear

and have a little fun
with Logan.

- Ah, a little payback.

- Or a lotta payback.

Come with me.

CHASE: She's eating
a plastic plant.

- Okay, does everyone
know the plan?

ALL: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Good.
Remember, everybody be in

the girls' lounge
at 8:15 tonight.

I'll show up at around 8:20

and that's when
it all goes down.

- Wait. How do we know
for sure that

Logan'll be watching the webcam?

- Oh, don't worry about that.

We watch every night.

Like once, we saw her
dribble spaghetti sauce...

[chuckling] Down her shirt,
and then she...

[stops laughing]

But now I know it's wrong...

to spy on people.

Very, very wrong.

I'll make sure
he's watching. Okay?

- Okay, let's make sure
we have everything we need.

- Right. Quinn,
you got the cue cards?

- Got 'em right here.

- Nicole, you got
the breakaway vase

from the drama club?
- Breakaway vase, check!

- What's a breakaway vase?
- Oh, it's fake.

You can smash it over
someone's head

and it doesn't even hurt.

Check it out.

See?

- Um, Nicole...

- Right.

I'll get another one.

[cell phone ringing]

- What's up, Chase?
CHASE: Logan back yet?

- No, I don't know where--

Uh, sure, I will vote yes
on Prop 46.

Hello.
- What's up?

- Oh, nothing, nothing.
Hey!

You know what'd be fun
to do right now?

- What's that?

- Let's check out
the webcam,

you know, see what them girls
are up to.

- I vote yes
on that proposition.

- I know you do.

- Hey, sushi's here!

- Thanks, Chase.

We love the free sushi.

- Free sushi?

- How come they don't
have to pay?

- They're supposed to.

- Look, girls,
I don't know if I can keep

hooking you up
with all this free sushi.

I think my boss is starting
to get a little suspicious.

- Kazu?

- Yeah.
So listen, if anybody asks,

just say--
- Aha! I knew it!

- Kazu!
- Uh-oh!

- You've been stealing
all my sushi

and giving it to these girls!

- Um, uh,
no, that's not true!

- Yes, it is!

I'm going to tell the Dean...
[girls gasp]

And then you will be...

And then you will be...

- Be what?

- Quinn, next card!

- [whispers] Sorry.

- Expelled!
You will be expelled!

- Expelled?!

- Expelled?

- You're going to prison!
- No!

[crowd murmurs]

- Did you just see that?

- Yeah, she knocked
the dude out!

ZOEY: I'm sorry!
I panicked!

- He's out cold.

- Oh, no! Now we're all
gonna get expelled!

- This is insane!

- No!
Nobody's getting expelled.

- But he's gonna wake up
eventually

and tell the Dean
what happened!

- Yes! That's why we
have to get rid of him!

- Get rid of him?
- This is insane!

- Let's tie him up
and shove him in the closet.

- Right!
Then, late tonight,

when everyone's asleep,
we hot-wire his car,

and put Kazu in the trunk.

- And drive him to Mexico!

- Did she say Mexico?
- Si.

- But what if the Dean
finds out?

- She has a point.

- Hey!

He didn't see who hit him!

- Right!
We'll blame it all on...

On...Logan!

- Yes, Logan!

- Me?!

- Okay, we'll blame

the whole thing on Logan!

Stealing the sushi,

knockin' out Kazu, everything.

- They're gonna blame

everything on me!
- I heard!

- Okay, quick!
Let's tie up Kazu

and shove him in the closet!

- I got some duct tape!

- I gotta do something!
- Okay, okay, uh, uh...

Go get the Dean!

- Right,
I'll go tell the Dean.

I'm not gonna let Chase
and those insane girls frame me!

- You go get 'em, man!

You go get 'em, Logan!
[door closes]

[laughs]

[shower running, Dean singing]

- Dean Rivers!
- Ohh!

Logan!
What in the world

are you doing in my shower?

- Quick, put on your robe!
Come with me!

- But I'm shampooing!

- It's an emergency!

Hurry!

- I got suds in my eyes!

- There! There they are!

- Logan?
- Dean Rivers?

- What's up?
- You know what's up!

You've been stealing sushi
from Kazu,

and when he found out,
you knocked him in the head

with a vase, and they
shoved him in that closet!

DEAN RIVERS: A vacuum?

- You wanna borrow it?

- I know!
They probably already put Kazu

in the trunk of his car!

- What?

KAZU: Hello, children!

GIRLS: Kazu!

- How's it going, Kazu?

- Kazu?

- Oh, hey,
what's up, Logan?

- Oh, hello, Dean.

- What brings you here,
Kazu?

- Oh, I was
just helping Chase

with his deliveries
since Logan is sick.

But you don't look
so sick to me.

- He's not sick.

- Uhh, Kazu,
I can explain.

- So can I.
You're fired!

Ha-ha!
I feel like Donald Trump.

- But you got whacked
with a vase!

- What?
- It's true!

- All right, Mr. Reese.

I think your little joke

has gone on far enough.

- It's not a joke!
I swear!

I saw everything!
See?

I put a webcam
in this teddy bear!

[girls gasping]

- Logan, I am shocked.

- I'm dismayed.

- You mean to tell me
you put a camera

in the girls' lounge
and you've been

spying on them?

LOGAN:
Well--well, yeah, but--

- All right, mister,
it's time you and I

had a little conference call
with your parents.

Sorry to interrupt
your evening, girls.

- But, Dean Rivers--

- Quiet!

You interrupted my shampoo
for nothing!

- Okay, who wants some sushi?

[all cheering]

- How beautiful is that?

- Gorgeous.

- Pretty nice.

[knock on door]

- Somebody order
some California rolls?

ZOEY: Yep.

Hey, you wanna come watch
the sunset on the beach?

- I'm workin'.
I can't go to the beach.

- You don't have to.
- Come here.

- Wow, nice.

How are you seeing this?

WOMAN:
♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[dings]

MAN: Mmm.

QUINN: It's one incision!