03x22 - Logan Gets Cut Off

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Hey, is this a dolphin
or a porpoise?

- That's a trash bag.

- Hey, you guys! I did it!

My latest Quinnvention works!

- Uh-oh.
- What, the bra thing?

- Uh-huh!
- What bra thing?

- Well, you know how some older
cars don't have air bags, right?

- Right.
- Okay.

- Well, now a girl
can be safe in any car

whether it has air bags or not.

Watch.

Zoey, yell, "crash."

- Crash!
[beeping]

- Whoa!
- h*!

All right! That's great!

- Very nice, Quinn. A-plus.

- Or D-plus.

- Thanks! I call it
the bra bag.

How cute is that?

- It's adorable.
- Genius.

ZOEY: So cute.

[horn honking]

What's goin' on?

[horn honking]

- Uh-huh, that's right.

[honks horn]

Yeah, yeah,

you can look, but don't touch.

MICHAEL: Comin' through,
comin' through.

- Move it!

- Hey, guys!
How do ya like the new ride?

- Whose car is that?

- Mine.
- You bought this?

- Yep. Gotta love my dad's
black United Express card.

- Dude, this car had to cost
like 300,000 bucks!

- 327,000.

- For a car?

- Why? You're fifteen!

- You don't even have
a driver's license.

- But I will. And this car's
a special edition.

They may not make it next year,
and I had to have it.

- And, uh, until you can drive,

what are you gonna do with it?

- I'm gonna make out
with girls in it.

- What girl's gonna make out
with you in a car

you can't even drive?

- Me! Me! Me!
I will! I will!

- Excuse me.

- Hey!

That's the great Doheny!

- Yeah. He's a magician.

- Huh! The greatest
magician ever.

What trick is he doin'?

- They tied him up with ropes,

and now he's gonna
try and escape.

- I betcha he does it.
That dude can

escape from anything.

- Well, sure,

because it's fake.

- Fake?

- Still fake.

- How can you say this is fake?

- Because if someone was
really tied up like that,

there's no way
they could get out of it.

- Yeah, you can!

You just need skills.

Skills which I happen
to possess.

- So you're saying
if I tied you up with ropes,

you could get out of it.

- No question.

[audience applauding]

DOHENY: Thank you!

Thank you!

- Hey, you guys ready?

- For what?

- I made a video
of me and my new car.

Check it.

[engine revving]

Okay, there I am.

Ooh, check out my biceps there.

Yeah.

Now my butt's against it.

[knock at door]

Dad! Chauncey!

What are you guys doin' here?

- Excuse me, children.

Please leave this room

so that Mr. Reese

may speak with his son.

- Hey, c'mon,
this is my room, too.

Y'know, suddenly I feel
like standing in the hallway.

Come along, Zoey.

Mr. Reese.

ZOEY: You're giving me
half that money.

- What's goin' on?

- This is the bill for

my United Express credit card.

- So?

- $327,000?

- Oh. I bought a car.

- Without asking me?

- You said I could use
the credit card at PCA

whenever I wanted!

- For books! Food!

Maybe a little entertainment!

- It's a very entertaining car!

- It's going back.

- What? Dad! That's cruel!

- I'm cutting you off.

No money, no checkbook,

no credit cards.

- What? Dad! No!

Chauncey! Please talk to him!

- Let go of my lapels,

or I'll poke you in your neck.

- The credit card.

- But Dad...

- Chauncey?

- What? What? What?

No! No! Wait! No! No!

Ah!

Dad!

- Gentlemen,

take the plasma screen,

the laptop, the stereo,

and all that stuff there.

- No! No! Dad, please!

Why? Why the stereo?
I need the stereo!

I have to listen to music!

Oh, no, please! Put it down!

Dad, please! Please!

Wait a minute. No!

Dad, not the plasma screen!

No! No!

[horn honks]

- Uh! Huh!

- There.

- Nice work.

You got the stopwatch?

- Okay. Now, while you're tied
up, if you need anything:

Food, water, bathroom,

or if you start to feel

any pain, the safe word is--

- Ha! [laughing]

Told ya I got skills.

Don't feel bad now.

- And the popcorn arrives.

- Can't watch a movie
without the corn.

Hit play.
- Hitting.

- We've got to get
to Tanis IV

before the light explodes!

- Set course
to four, vector five!

MICHAEL: This is depressing.
- Shields up, shields up!

- I miss Logan's plasma screen.

- Why couldn't his dad
have taken Logan away

and left all the cool stuff?

- Hey.

- 'Sup, poor boy? [laughs]

- I hate my life.

- Yeah, you've looked better.

- What's wrong with your hair?

- Juanita didn't fluff it,

that's what's wrong with it!

- Juanita?

- The lunch lady.

I used to pay her to blow-dry
and fluff my hair every morning,

which is why it always
looked so awesome.

But now since my evil father
closed my bank account,

I can't pay her to do it
anymore!

- Yeah, life is hard.

- It is now!

- Juanita the lunch lady?

- It explains the hair
in my pudding.

- Eww.

- Sushi?

- Yeah.

- He used to pay Juanita

to blow-dry his hair?
- And fluff it.

- What 15-year-old boy
can't do his own hair?

- I know, it's like he--

shh, shh!

Oh, my God.

[laughing]

- Yeah, go ahead, laugh it up.

- What happened
to your clothes?

- I washed 'em.

I used to use

the PCA laundry service,

but now I can't afford that,

so I had to wash 'em myself.

I don't know,

I guess I did it wrong.

- Ya think?

- It's not funny!

- I'm sorry.

- There. I think
those knots ought to hold you.

- The knots I tied

didn't hold him.

- Baby, we've discussed this--

you're not good with your hands.

Now, if you can
get out of that,

I'll be seriously impressed.

- Time me.

- Go.

ALL: Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

- This is a piece of cake.

[students cheering]

- Dude, it's not that bad.

- That's easy for you to say.
You've never been rich.

You're used to being average.
I'm not!

- Hey, Logan, you wanna

play golf with us tomorrow?

- No. I can't afford ba*ls.

- Wow, I've never seen
Logan that upset.

- It's so sad.

- Yeah, poor guy.

- Oh, my god, we actually
feel bad for Logan Reese.

- Unbelievable.
- Wow.

- That's insane.

[students cheering]

- Yeah!

- You got it!

[cheering]

- I'm gonna get out!

I got it!

You just wait and see!

I'm gonna get out of this!

[cheering]

- Thank you.

- You see?

ALL: Whoa!

[cheering]

- Thanks.
Tell your friends.

- He's letting kids
throw tomatoes at him?

- For a dollar apiece.

- That's horrible.
Can I borrow a dollar?

STUDENTS: Ohh!

- I've never seen anyone
so desperate for money.

- It's 'cause he doesn't know
how to do anything

without money.

He's never had to do
anything for himself.

- Hey, c'mon,
please don't aim for the face.

STUDENTS: Whoo!

- Yeah!

- Okay, we have to help him.

- Why should we help him?

- He wouldn't help us.

- Yeah, but we're good people.

- Yeah, I am a good person.

- Hey, hey, one at a time!

C'mon!

[cheering]

- One, two, three!

[grunting]

[laughing]

I'm out and about!

[applause]

- You cheated.

- How'd I cheat?

- You just smashed the chair!

- Am I out of the ropes,

or am I out of the ropes?

- Did he cheat?

- I feel yes.

- All right, look,

if you still don't believe
I can free myself

from any ropes,
any knots you got,

then let's go again.
Any time.

- Okay. We will go again.

- You know my digits.

[laughing]

- You want I should get
a book on knots?

- No. I have a better idea.

Come with me.

- Oh, look, a rock.

- You have enough rocks!

- Ohh!

- Okay, first you're gonna

wash your whites in hot water,

then your colors in warm water.

- Colors in hot...

- Colors in warm.

- Warm, right.

- Okay, now fill this cup up

to the little mark here
with detergent.

- Which one, safe or best?

- Either, doesn't matter.

- Now what?

- Go listen to music.

I'll do your laundry.

- Right.

- Ugh!
Ugh!

- There.

- All right, now...

hair dryer in your left hand,

brush in your right.

- Got it.

- Cool.

Now just brush and blow.

I'll be back in ten.
- Okay.

- You done?

- Somethin' went wrong.

- Well, how'd you--

you don't--

just let me do it.

- Just put your fingers on the
home keys like I showed you.

- Okay. Now what?

- Now type, "The tiger chased

the bunny into its hole."

- Okay, um...

"T"..."T"...is there a "T"?

- Yes, there's a "T."

why would they make
a keyboard without a "T"?

Look, it's right there

between the "R" and the "Y."

- "R"...

- Just move.

I'll type the paper for you.

- Hurry, okay?

- You're a little late.
- Sorry.

- I thought maybe
you weren't gonna show

'cause you realized I can

escape from any knots you got.

- We'll see. Mark?

Hello, Mr. Billiam.

- It's not "Bill-ee-um".

It is "Billyum."

Two syllables. Thank you.

- Isn't he the lower school
history teacher?

- On weekdays. On weekends,

I'm troop master Kenny.

- He's the wilderness troop's

number one expert
on tying knots.

- Thank you
for recognizing that.

- So, you're pretty good

with the knot-tying, huh?

- Oh, I can tie
over 350 unique knots,

including the everlasting
German pretzel-twist.

- Still feeling confident,
Michael?

- Sit.

- Let's get it on!

[laughing]

- ♪ Seems I been
up all night ♪

♪ I can't sleep ♪

[yawning]

- Knock knock.

- Oh, hey. Whatcha got?

- Logan's laundry.

- I can't believe
I'm transporting

Logan Reese's underpants.

Ugh!

- Yeah, well if you're really

in the mood for fun,
try typing up his



- Why'd he have to buy
that stupid car

and lose all his money?

I liked him so much better

when he was rich and obnoxious.

[sighs]

- Oh, here.

- Whose wallet?

- Logan's.

He left it in his pants.

- Oh.

Well, this is weird.

He's got over 200 bucks
in here.

And his United Express
credit card.

- I thought his dad
took that away.

[groaning]

- Yes. Struggle,

though it will do you no good.

- Let us know when
you're ready to give up.

- Oh, don't you worry about me.

I'll get outta this so fast,

it'll make your mama spin.

- Enjoy.

- Okay.

- Ooh, Michael!

Have you heard the song I wrote?

I can sing it for you.

- No, please!

What did I ever do to you?

- ♪ You can sip it
in the morning ♪

♪ Sip it in the evening ♪
- No! No!

- ♪ Even at a quarter
to three ♪

♪ 'Cause I like sassafras ♪

- Stop! You sound
like an animal!

- ♪ We like sassafras tea! ♪

- No!

- Y'know, it's really wrong

to read another person's email.

- You want me to stop?

- No, read it!

- Okay. Um...

ooh, here's the last e-mail

to Logan from his father.

- What's it say?
- Hurry, read it!

- I'm clicking.

Okay, it says, um...

"Logan, I know the last few days

"without money have been
difficult for you.

"After we talked on the phone

"last night, I decided
you've learned your lesson,

"so I'm going to send your ATM

and credit cards back tomorrow."

- What?

- When did he get that email?

- Over a week ago.

- He's had his money back

for over a week?

And he's been letting me
blow-dry his stupid hair

every day?

- And letting me
do his laundry?

- Do you know how many words
I typed for the guy?

- I am gonna k*ll him!

I am gonna k*ll that boy!

- This does call for revenge.

- What are we gonna do?

We need to do
bad things to him.

- I don't feel good about this.

I've been collecting

these coins since I was five.

- You'll get
your collection back.

We promise.

- I better.
- You will.

- Just do exactly

what we told you,
and don't let--

- Hey, shh, shh!

Oh, c'mon, man. Please?

- Sorry, Chase, I can't do it.

- He said he'd get you

the money in a couple of weeks.

- I thought we were friends.

- This is business.
- What's business?

- Firewire wants to sell
his coin collection...

- And Chase's uncle wants
to buy it...

- But he's in Amsterdam
till the end of the month.

You can have the money
in two weeks.

- What's the big deal

about a box of nerd coins?

- Uh, this is the big deal.

A double eagle gold dollar...

- From 1933.

- So?

- So it's super-rare

and worth like
over 100,000--

- $150,000.

- Yeah, but I'll sell it
for 80,000

'cause my parents need
the money, like now.

- They can wait two weeks.

C'mon.

- You swear your uncle's
gonna give me a check

for 80,000 in two weeks?

- Yep, as soon as
he's back in the states.

- I'll give you 100,000

for it right now.

- What?

- You don't have any money!

- Yeah, don't listen to him.

His daddy cut him off.

- Yep...

and then he cut me back on.


for the coin collection.

I can get a cash advance,
and you can have the money

in an hour.

- You what?
- Don't be grumpy.

This is great news!

- You spend $100,000
of my money

without my permission?

- The coins are worth
at least that.

Probably a lot more.

- What do you know
about coins?

- Sir, I know a great deal

about coins and stamps and such.

- Get the car.

Logan, I will see you

in 90 minutes!

[dial tone]

- Aww, why did I do this?

Hey...hey...

I been out here all night,
and I'm starving.

Are you
gonna finish that corn dog?

- No.

- Really? Can I have it?

- No.

- [splutters]

What would you do that for?

Why? Why?

- Hey, pop.
- Give it to me.

- There's no reason
to be all mad.

- We'll see. Chauncey.

Which one?

- What's it worth?

- Well, that's difficult

to determine, exactly.

I'd say somewhere between



- You see?

What?

- This is a replica.

- It's a fake?

- Yes. Congratulations.

You're a dip-wad.

- Dad, listen, I --

- Give me your credit card.

- But, Dad!
- Now!

Let's go, Chauncey.

- Dip-wad.

- But, Dad!

I can't live without money!

I--I was born to be rich!

Please! I can't be
like other kids!

It's disgusting!
Dad...

[laughing]

- We're gonna send his dad
all the money back, right?

- 'Course we are.
- Yep.

The whole 90,000.

- It's 100,000.

- Shh!

[laughing]

- Quinn! Del Figgalo!

I give up!

[groaning]

Quinn?

Del Figs?

Troop master Kenny?

Aww! This is bad!

Help! I'm in a predicament!

- Boo.

- Oh! [panting]

Listen, Mr. Billiam,

I give. I'm done.

- You'd like me to untie you?

- Yeah. Please.

- First say,

"Troop master Kenny,

"you are the best knot-tyer

in the universe."

- Troop master Kenny,

you are the best knot-tyer

in the universe.

- Thank you.

- Now will you untie me?

- No.

- [stammering]

What? What? What, no!

I just called you the best
knot-tyer in the universe!

Troop master Kenny!

[crying]

WOMAN: ♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ And do what
you choose to do ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

- You have enough rocks!